How To Have Elite Level Confidence
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses the common concern of caring too much about others' opinions, which can lead to anxiety and a mediocre life. It encourages viewers to find their passion, envision their ideal life, and build an inner circle of trusted individuals whose opinions they value. The script further advises viewers to embrace their core values and seek self-acceptance to reduce the impact of external judgments. It offers strategies like leaving the 'validation casino' and using the 'best friend trick' for self-improvement without succumbing to complacency, ultimately aiming for a life true to oneself.
Takeaways
- 😌 Caring about others' opinions is a natural instinct, but it should not dictate your life choices.
- 🚫 Over-concern with others' views can lead to an anxious and mediocre life, often resulting in undesirable outcomes.
- 🔥 Finding your passion and committing to it can help you overcome the fear of being judged by others.
- 🌞 It's important to envision your ideal life to stay focused on what truly matters to you, despite others' judgments.
- 🦀 Understanding 'crabs in a bucket syndrome' helps to realize that negative judgments may stem from others' insecurities.
- 👥 Creating an inner circle of trusted individuals can help you filter out the noise of irrelevant opinions.
- 🌟 Committing to your core values over the opinions of others is crucial for personal growth and authenticity.
- 📌 Having a clear vision of your future can provide the motivation to disregard negative judgments from others.
- 🚫 Leaving the 'validation casino', such as social media, can reduce the dependency on external validation.
- 💭 Recognizing that most people are preoccupied with their own lives and thoughts can lessen the impact of their opinions on you.
- 🤗 Self-acceptance is key to not being affected by others' judgments and is essential for personal growth and improvement.
Q & A
Why is it natural for people to care about what others think?
-It's a natural instinct because not caring at all could lead to becoming a social outcast, and it feels justified for social cohesion.
What are the potential negative outcomes of caring too much about others' opinions?
-It can lead to an anxious, mediocre life, with a high likelihood of obesity, divorce, and financial instability.
What does the 'crabs in a bucket syndrome' represent in the context of this script?
-It represents the phenomenon where individuals pull others down to prevent them from succeeding or being different, which can hinder personal growth.
What does the script suggest as a way to stop caring about others' opinions?
-It suggests finding your passion or 'fire', creating an inner circle of trusted individuals, and committing to your core values.
How does the script relate to the common regret of people on their deathbeds?
-The script mentions that the number one regret is not living a life true to oneself, which is often hindered by caring too much about others' expectations.
What exercise is suggested to deal with people who discourage you from pursuing your dreams?
-Visualize your ideal day and create a clear vision of your ideal life to help deal with people's judgments and stay focused on your goals.
Why is it important to decide on your core values according to the script?
-Deciding on core values helps you commit to caring about them more than the opinions of others, which can lead to personal authenticity and growth.
What is the 'validation Casino' metaphor referring to in the script?
-It refers to the addictive cycle of seeking external validation, such as through social media likes and comments, which can be detrimental to self-esteem.
How does the script suggest dealing with the fear of being judged?
-By understanding that anyone can say what they want, and not giving others the power to make you happy or unhappy based on their opinions.
What is the role of self-acceptance in not caring about others' opinions as per the script?
-Self-acceptance is crucial as it prevents others from triggering shame in you and allows you to feel secure in your own identity, regardless of others' judgments.
How can one maintain motivation to improve while being self-accepting?
-By understanding that self-acceptance is about acknowledging where you are currently, not about being complacent; it provides a solid foundation for growth and improvement.
Outlines
🤔 Overcoming the Fear of Judgment
The first paragraph discusses the natural human instinct to care about others' opinions and the potential negative consequences of excessive concern, such as leading an anxious and mediocre life. It emphasizes the importance of not letting others' approval dictate one's life, referencing the common regret of people on their deathbeds wishing they had lived true to themselves. The speaker introduces strategies to stop caring about others' opinions, like finding one's passion and creating a clear vision of one's ideal life, as a way to deal with judgment and move towards personal growth.
🔒 Building an Inner Circle and Core Values
The second paragraph delves into the concept of creating an inner circle of trusted individuals whose opinions matter, while also recognizing the limitations this can impose on personal growth. It suggests that the ultimate step is self-empowerment through defining and committing to one's core values, which can override the need for external validation. Examples are provided, such as embracing honesty and growth as personal values, and the importance of self-acceptance in not letting others' judgments affect one's self-worth.
🚫 Leaving the Validation Casino
The final paragraph focuses on strategies to care less about others' judgments, such as leaving the 'validation casino' by deleting social media, which can be a source of addiction and false validation. It highlights the importance of self-acceptance and the realization that most people are too preoccupied with themselves to think negatively about others. The paragraph concludes with the idea that self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth and improvement, and it dispels the myth that self-acceptance leads to complacency.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Social Outcast
💡Anxious Mediocrity
💡Core Values
💡Validation
💡Inner Circle
💡Self-Acceptance
💡Caring What Others Think
💡Crabs in a Bucket Syndrome
💡Authenticity
💡External Validation
💡Personal Growth
Highlights
Caring about others' opinions is a natural instinct, but overdoing it can lead to an anxious and mediocre life.
The average person's life is often marked by obesity, divorce, and financial instability due to seeking safety in conformity.
Living for others' approval can cause a loss of natural confidence, energy, and joy for life.
Tony Robbins suggests reframing the goal to not let others' opinions stop you from living true to yourself.
The number one regret of dying people is not having the courage to live a life true to themselves.
Finding your passion can help you care less about others' opinions as your obsession outweighs the fear of being an outsider.
Family and friends may discourage you from pursuing your dreams, but it's essential to visualize your ideal day to stay motivated.
The 'crabs in a bucket' syndrome illustrates how negative judgments can hold you back from achieving your goals.
Creating an inner circle of trusted individuals can help you focus on valuable opinions and reduce anxiety about others' judgments.
Committing to core values like growth, contribution, and honesty can empower you to live authentically, regardless of others' opinions.
Honesty as a personal value can lead to unexpected positive reactions, as demonstrated by Andrew Stino's response to Mr. Beast's cookies.
Leaving the 'validation casino' by avoiding social media can reduce the need for external validation and help you focus on your goals.
Sad Guru's advice emphasizes that you should not let others' opinions control your happiness or unhappiness.
Andrew Tate's mindset shows that emotional control over others is lost when you let their opinions affect you.
Most people spend more time thinking about themselves than about you, making their opinions less significant than you might think.
Self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth, as you cannot change for the better without first accepting where you are.
Using the 'best friend trick' can help you accept your imperfections by considering the advice you would give to a friend in the same situation.
Self-acceptance does not mean complacency; it is the starting point for lasting and meaningful improvement.
Charisma University is a program that can help improve charisma and confidence, leading to better social and career outcomes.
Transcripts
it's not your fault that you care what
other people think it's a natural
instinct almost everyone has and it
feels Justified because if you truly
don't care at all what people think you
risk becoming a social outcast would you
please still be my friend no get away
from me okay the problem is if you care
too much about what other people think
it will lead you to an anxious mediocre
life the average person is obese likely
to be divorced and has less than 1K in
the bank it feels safe to do what
everyone else is doing but it's actually
a terrible decision there's also an
internal cost when you live for other
people's approval you lose touch with
your own natural confidence energy and
joy for life now this video is not about
becoming a narcissist and not caring at
all about other people so let's let Tony
Robbins reframe our goal I don't know
they ever stop caring completely people
say they don't care I think what they
really mean is I don't let it stop me
the number one regret of people who are
dying is I wish I'd had the courage to
live a life true to myself not the life
others expected of me so let's spend the
rest of this video going through how you
can do just that one way to stop caring
what other people think is to find your
fire you cannot care about everything at
a 10 out of 10 so if you want to stop
caring what people think find something
you care about more your obsession
outweighs the insecurity of being an
outsider exactly the first thing to
realize if you have people in your life
telling you not to pursue your dreams is
that you are not alone your father did
he live long enough to enjoy your
success yeah he kind of you know he he
really was disappointed by the by me
moving to Los Angeles he he really
wanted me to go to university you were
bullied for skateboarding like that
didn't exist absolutely Yeah by whom
like I imagine by anyone in my age
people at the age of 15 just can't
comprehend having drive and wanting to
work so you're just like this little
Outcast you're like ostracized from
society and you're weirdo loser every
step of the way if you have family or
friends telling you not to live life the
way you want to here's an exercise you
may find helpful visualize your ideal
day when do you wake up where do you
wake up what happens during your day
create a Clear Vision of your ideal life
it's easy to deal with people judging
your actions today if you know those
actions are moving you closer to a
future you're excited about and always
remember someone's negative judgment
might just be crabs in a bucket syndrome
you put a bunch of crabs in a barrel
every crab that tries to climb out of
the barrel there's another crab that's
going to grab that crab and pull him
back in eventually no crabs can get out
the barrel because they're all pulling
each other back down the second trick to
stop worrying about what everyone thinks
about you is to create an inner circle
only care about the opinions of a select
few chosen people you love and trust
this is how people like Bill bur feel
confident saying things they know some
people won't like if people bring it up
I just say you know not everybody's
going to like me yeah I I I don't know
what to tell you I don't need everybody
like I just need enough people I still
have that need to be liked so now I'm
like going up to my wife like you know I
haven't yelled in a while have you
noticed yeah am I a swell guy do you
like me so I still have that crushing
need to be liked this strategy sounds
good especially if you have a tight
group of people you respect but this
Inner Circle strategy can trap you into
that group's expectations and limit the
ways you'll allow yourself to grow it's
a great first step but not the end goal
the next level is to only give this
power to yourself and to do that you
need to decide your core values and
commit to caring about them more than
the opinions of other people this can
include things like growth contribution
fun Freedom or honesty this next clip is
an example of what it looks like to
commit to honesty instead of trying to
look perfect well scar you
everything everything not being in
control not knowing uh anticipation like
waiting for something to go
wrong I'm an addict to an alcoholic so I
have my ups and downs the ironic thing
is because it's so rare to meet someone
who isn't trying to fit in or impress
you when you do commit to your core
values it often makes people like you
just look at the reaction Andrew stino's
honesty gets in this next clip for
context Schultz is asking him what he
thinks of Mr BEAST's cookies what do you
think that look great
yeah they're
great my teeth fall out St on my my boy
feable bro you all don't don't say some
dumb like that those cookies are trash
as one quick note you don't have to be
that harsh to commit to honesty as a
personal value if you like this idea of
having core values it helps to sit down
and actually write what yours are then
read them several times every day like a
mantra I value growth honesty kindness
and fun more than fitting in remember
other people will come and go from your
life the only person you have to live
with every day is yourself so those are
three things you can care about more
than the opinions of other people your
future Vision Your Inner Circle and your
core values now let's talk about some
strategies to Simply care less about
what other people think without needing
to replace it with something else one
way to worry less about the Judgment of
others is to leave the validation Casino
I decided to delete my Instagram because
I just felt like I was so addicted to
this kind of false version of my life
that it was just taking over I would be
on set working I'd come and sit in my
chair and just scroll scroll scroll
scroll scroll and it was it was becoming
a problem I was just obsessed with it
and I was obsessed to find out what
people were saying and how people what
they thought about me every time you try
to get external validation you train
your brain to care what other people
think contrast that with sod gr's advice
on how to overcome the fear of being
judged and notice if anything surprising
stands out to you anybody can say what
they want anybody can do what they want
this like this only because I have not
given this privilege to anybody that
somebody can make me happy somebody can
make me unhappy somebody can make me
miserable right now you are a
consequence of other people's opinions
he doesn't let other people make him
feel unhappy or happy that's something
most people don't realize if you rely on
other people to feel good about yourself
you give them the power to make you feel
bad about yourself in making this video
I couldn't help but think of Andrew Tate
one of the most disliked people on the
planet I was curious how he remains
unaffected by the millions of of people
who hate him online his mindset is
surprisingly similar to sad Guru cuz
when you can emotionally affect somebody
you control them they can't emotionally
affect me they can't make me happy with
a video they can't make me sad with a a
video now again the goal is not to
completely stop caring about other
people you don't want to only care about
yourself and end up hurting other people
or treating them badly the goal is
simply to feel free enough to live the
life you want and pursue your dreams
while still being a kind empathetic
person after you leave the validation
Casino you'll realize something here's
the truth for most people most of the
time I feel bad for you I don't think
about you at all obsessing over someone
else's opinion of you feels silly when
you realize that most of the time
they're just thinking about themselves
and even if they are thinking negative
thoughts about you if you zoom out
you'll realize their opinions don't
matter anyway a friendly reminder that
in three generations everyone who knew
us will be dead including the people
whose opinions stopped you from doing
what you wanted all along this is not
meant to depress you but to inspire you
to live the life you want to live
there's a specific question I set as a
phone reminder that's helpful for
remembering this what will matter when
I'm 90 seeing this pop up on your phone
every day will help you realize what
truly matters to you the last way to
stop caring what people think is
self-acceptance a big reason you're
scared that other people are thinking
negative thoughts about you is because
you're afraid there's some truth to what
they're thinking like someone can say
something ridiculous about you and if
you know it's ridiculous it doesn't mean
anything but if it's got a hint of truth
you're like ooh often the reason you
care so much about what other people
think is because there are things about
yourself you're ashamed of so for
example you worry they'll think you're
weird because you think you're weird and
the Cure is to accept that you are weird
if you aren't ashamed of something you
won't care if people tease you about it
for example watch how munas reacts to
being teased for playing World of
Warcraft but now with expansion pack
they're going to have raids that only
require like 10 people oh good so it
make things a lot easier they're going
to streamline this is that change
Obama's been talking about oh it's such
a good game I love it other people
cannot make you feel shamed they can
only trigger you to make yourself feel
shame that shame comes from a misguided
sense that you're supposed to be perfect
you aren't perfect no one is there's no
embarrassment in struggle if you accept
yourself fully no one can ever make you
feel bad about yourself so now the
question is how can you accept yourself
in those moments when you don't feel
okay with your weirdness or your
imperfections you use the best friend
trick ask yourself what advice would you
give to your best friend in this
situation because you likely have more
grace and empathy for them than you do
for for yourself now some people are
afraid of self-acceptance because they
think it'll steal their motivation to
improve how can you be self-accepting
without becoming complacent because I
spent most of my life hating myself at
best tolerating myself for moments but
there was a lot of self-loathing driving
performance and I for a long time viewed
any type of self-acceptance as
complacency ironically this is the
opposite of true self-acceptance is
extremely important if your goal is to
grow and change because you cannot get
where you want to go until you admit
where you are I don't think you can
truly change for the better in a lasting
meaningful way unless it is driven by
self-acceptance I agree with that the
people who we see struggle the most with
improving their Charisma are the ones
who refuse to admit to themselves that
they aren't already charismatic their
friends don't respect them their dating
lives are bad they aren't getting the
jobs they want but they always blame it
on something external they can't grow
because they can't admit to themselves
that they need to grow so if you want to
grow and improve yourself start by
accepting where you are acceptance does
not mean I love where I am and I want to
stay here forever it means it's okay
that this is where you are today from
that place there's no limit to how much
you can improve if you specifically want
to improve your charisma and confidence
you might like our video program
Charisma University past members have
written us that after going through CU
they've seen social outcomes like more
friends and a better dating life and
career advancements like raises
promotions and new job offers even more
importantly you'll have more
self-confidence and higher self-esteem
if you want to learn more click the link
on screen or in the description below
either way I hope today's video has
helped give you the courage to stop
caring so much what other people think
and to more fully embrace your weird
Perfectly Imperfect true self
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