Brené Brown: Listening to shame: TED Talk: Inspiring: Informative: Ideas
Summary
TLDRIn this TEDx Houston talk, the speaker candidly discusses the transformative power of vulnerability, challenging the misconception that it equates to weakness. After sharing her personal journey and the backlash from a TED Talk, she explores the link between vulnerability, courage, and creativity, emphasizing their importance for innovation and change. She also addresses the critical role of empathy in overcoming shame, a pervasive issue in society, and calls for embracing vulnerability to foster connection and growth.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ The speaker experienced a profound vulnerability hangover after a TEDx Houston talk, highlighting the personal impact of sharing deeply personal stories.
- 🏠 The initial reaction to the talk was to retreat from public life, reflecting the discomfort that can come from such exposure.
- 🔍 The speaker's friend's reaction to the talk was positive, suggesting that vulnerability can resonate with others, even if it's uncomfortable for the person sharing.
- 💡 The realization that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength, and a critical component of wholehearted living, was a key insight from the talk.
- 🚫 There is a common misconception that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, which the speaker aims to debunk.
- 💭 Vulnerability is defined as emotional risk and exposure to uncertainty, and the speaker believes it to be a measure of courage.
- 🌟 The speaker's research indicates that vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change, challenging the audience to embrace it.
- 🤔 The speaker was initially reluctant to discuss shame due to its negative connotations, but later recognized its importance in understanding vulnerability.
- 🔄 The speaker learned about courage, creativity, and innovation not from studying vulnerability directly, but from studying shame.
- 👥 Shame is a significant barrier to important conversations, such as those about race and privilege, and must be addressed to foster progress.
- 🤝 Empathy is presented as the antidote to shame, suggesting that connection and understanding can help overcome feelings of unworthiness and failure.
Q & A
What was the speaker's initial reaction to giving a TEDx Houston talk?
-The speaker experienced a vulnerability hangover after the talk, leading to a three-day self-isolation and feeling unwell.
How did the speaker's friend describe the TEDx talk?
-The friend described the talk as different from the speaker's usual style but still great, and mentioned that it was live-streamed.
What was the speaker's concern about the TEDx talk being posted on YouTube?
-The speaker was worried that the talk, which revealed personal vulnerabilities, would be seen by more people than the original audience, leading to embarrassment.
What did the speaker learn about vulnerability after the TEDx talk?
-The speaker learned that vulnerability is not a weakness but a measure of courage, and it is essential for wholehearted living.
Why did the speaker initially avoid discussing shame in her talks?
-The speaker avoided discussing shame because it was a difficult topic that no one wanted to talk about, and she had spent six years studying it before focusing on vulnerability.
What is the relationship between vulnerability and innovation according to the speaker?
-The speaker believes that vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change, as it involves taking emotional risks and embracing uncertainty.
What is the main difference between shame and guilt as described in the script?
-Shame is a focus on self, where one feels 'I am bad,' while guilt focuses on behavior, where one acknowledges 'I did something bad.'
How does the speaker describe the impact of shame on society?
-The speaker describes shame as an epidemic in culture, affecting how people parent, work, and interact with each other, and it is highly correlated with negative outcomes like addiction and depression.
What is the antidote to shame according to the speaker?
-The speaker states that empathy is the antidote to shame, as it can help people connect and understand each other's struggles.
How does the speaker suggest we should approach the arena of life?
-The speaker suggests that we should dare greatly and be in the arena, embracing vulnerability and not waiting until we are perfect or bulletproof.
What is the additional information provided at the end of the script about water scarcity?
-The script ends with statistics about water usage and scarcity, highlighting the need for conservation and the potential for increased costs and geopolitical implications due to water stress.
Outlines
🎤 The Vulnerability Hangover
The speaker opens up about their experience following a TEDx Houston talk, where they candidly discussed vulnerability. They felt a deep sense of exposure and stayed home for days, avoiding social interactions. Upon returning to social life, they were confronted with the reality that their talk would be shared widely online. The speaker reflects on the personal impact of their vulnerability, sharing anecdotes about past actions and the fear of public exposure. They delve into the realization that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather an essential component of wholehearted living, challenging the audience's perceptions and their own.
🌟 Vulnerability as a Catalyst for Creativity
The speaker discusses the aftermath of their TED talk, which led to numerous speaking invitations. They highlight the reluctance of some organizations to discuss vulnerability and shame, yet argue that these topics are crucial for innovation, creativity, and change. The speaker emphasizes that vulnerability is the birthplace of new ideas and adaptability, and that it's essential to embrace it rather than avoid it. They share personal anecdotes and experiences that led them to understand the importance of discussing shame, which they initially wanted to avoid due to its negative connotations.
🤝 Shame: The Silent Barrier to Connection
The speaker explores the concept of shame, its impact on individuals, and its role in society. They discuss the difficulty of addressing shame due to its paralyzing effect on people, especially in conversations about race and privilege. The speaker uses the story of a TED Fellow to illustrate the importance of perseverance and the acceptance of failure as a part of growth. They emphasize the need to confront shame and to understand its manifestations in our lives, as it is a significant barrier to genuine human connection and growth.
🚫 The Gendered Nature of Shame
This paragraph delves into how shame is experienced differently by men and women due to societal expectations and gender roles. The speaker provides examples of the pressures women face to 'do it all' and the expectations placed on men to appear strong and in control. They discuss the damaging effects of shame on mental health and relationships, and the importance of empathy as an antidote to shame. The speaker calls for a better understanding of shame's impact on individuals and society, advocating for open conversations and vulnerability as a means to overcome it.
💧 The Global Water Crisis
The final paragraph shifts focus to the global water crisis, highlighting the staggering amounts of water used in everyday products and the impending water scarcity due to population growth and increased living standards. The speaker outlines the current state of the world's freshwater supply, the disparities in water distribution, and the potential for conflict and economic impact due to water stress. They emphasize the need for conservation, technological innovation, and a collective response to this growing issue.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Vulnerability
💡Courage
💡Shame
💡Innovation
💡Creativity
💡Change
💡Breakdown
💡Emotional Risk
💡Connection
💡Water Scarcity
Highlights
The speaker experienced a 'vulnerability hangover' after their TEDx Houston talk, highlighting the personal impact of sharing vulnerability.
Vulnerability is not weakness, but rather a measure of courage, challenging the common misconception.
Vulnerability is essential for wholehearted living, as revealed through the speaker's research.
The speaker humorously recounts their fear of vulnerability being shared on YouTube, showing the personal struggle with exposure.
The speaker discusses the importance of vulnerability in innovation, creativity, and change.
Shame is a significant topic that must be addressed, as it is closely linked with vulnerability.
The speaker shares a personal anecdote about being recognized as the 'vulnerability Ted', illustrating the impact of their TED talk.
Shame is described as the 'swampland of the soul', emphasizing its negative impact on individuals.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of empathy as an antidote to shame, highlighting its role in overcoming shame.
Shame is organized by gender, affecting men and women differently, as discussed in the speaker's research.
The speaker connects shame with societal expectations and pressures, particularly in the context of gender roles.
The speaker shares a powerful quote from Theodore Roosevelt, emphasizing the importance of daring greatly despite potential failure.
The speaker discusses the role of shame in preventing people from engaging in meaningful conversations, such as those about race and privilege.
The speaker highlights the connection between shame and various negative outcomes, such as addiction and depression.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding shame in order to improve societal interactions and relationships.
The speaker concludes by urging the audience to embrace vulnerability and dare greatly, as a means to connect more deeply with others.
The speaker discusses the global water crisis, highlighting the need for conservation and sustainable water management.
Transcripts
I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my
TEDx Houston talk I woke up the morning
after I gave that talk with the worst
vulnerability hangover of my life and I
actually didn't leave my house for about
three days the first time I left was to
meet a friend for lunch
and when I walked in she was already at
the table and I sat down she said God
you look like hell I said thanks umm I
feel really I am I'm not functioning and
she said what's going on and I said I
just told 500 people that I became a
researcher to avoid vulnerability and
that when being vulnerable emerged from
my data as absolutely essential to
wholehearted living I told these 500
people that I had a breakdown I had a
slide that said breakdown at what point
did I think that was a good idea and she
said I saw your talk live-streamed it
was it was not really you it was a
little different than what you usually
do but it was great and I said this
can't happen YouTube they're putting
this thing on YouTube and we're going to
be talking about 600-700 people
and she said well I think it's too late
and I said let me ask you something and
she said yeah and I said remember when
we were in college and really wild and
kind of dumb
she said yeah and I said remember when
we leave a really bad message on our
ex-boyfriends answering machine then
we'd have to break into his dorm room
and then erase the tape and she goes no
so of course the only thing I could make
up to say at that point was yeah me
neither
I thought that that yeah I don't yeah me
neither and I'm thinking to myself Renee
what are you doing what are you doing
why did you bring this up have you lost
your mind
your sisters would be perfect for this
so look back up and she said are you
really going to try to break in and
steal the video before they put it on
youtube and I said I'm just thinking
about it a little bit she said you're
like the worst vulnerability role model
ever and then I looked at her and I said
something that at the time felt a little
dramatic but ended up being more
prophetic than dramatic I said if 500
turns into a thousand hour mm my life is
over
I had no contingency plan for four
million and my life did end when that
happen and maybe the hardest part about
my life ending is that I learn something
hard about myself and that was that as
much as I would be frustrated about not
being able to get my work out to the
world there was a part of me that was
working very hard to engineer staying
small staying right under the radar but
I want to talk about what I've learned
there's two things that I've learned in
the last year the first is vulnerability
is not weakness and that myth is
profoundly dangerous let me ask you
honestly and I'll give you this this
warning I'm trained as a therapist so I
can outwait you uncomfortably and so if
you could just raise your hand that
would be awesome how many of you
honestly when you're thinking about
doing something vulnerable or saying
something vulnerable
thank God vulnerabilities weakness this
is weakness how many of you think of
vulnerability and weakness synonymously
the majority of people now let me ask
you this question this past week at Ted
how many of you when you solve ulnar
ability up here thought it was pure
courage vulnerability is not weakness i
define vulnerability as emotional risk
exposure uncertainty it fuels our daily
lives and I've come to the belief this
is my 12th year doing this research that
vulnerability is our most accurate
measurement of courage to be vulnerable
to let ourselves be seen to be honest
one of the weird things has happened is
after the TED explosion I got a lot of
offers to speak all over the country and
everyone from schools and parent
meetings to fortune 500 companies
and so many of the calls went like this
hey dr. Brown we loved your TED talk
we'd like you to come in and speak we'd
appreciate it if you wouldn't mention
vulnerability or shame okay what would
you like for me to talk about there's
three big answers this is mostly to be
honest with you from the business sector
innovation creativity and change so let
me go on the record and say a
vulnerability is the birthplace of
innovation creativity and change to
create is to make something that has
never existed before there's nothing
more vulnerable than that adaptability
to change is all about vulnerability the
second thing in addition to really
finally understanding the relationship
between vulnerability and courage the
second thing I learned is this we have
to talk about shame and I'm going to be
really honest with you when I became
like a vulnerability researcher and that
became the focus because of the TED talk
and I'm not kidding that I'll give you
an example about three months ago I was
in a sporting goods store buying goggles
and shin guards and all the things that
parents buy at the sporting goods store
about from a hundred feet away this is
what I hear vulnerability Ted
vulnerability Ted
yeah I'm a fifth generation Texan our
family motto is lock and load
I am NOT a natural vulnerability
researcher um so I'm like just keep
walking she's on my six
I mean I hear vulnerability dad I Tyrell
I go hi she's right here and she said
you're the shame researcher who had the
breakdown at this point parents are like
pulling their children close but look
away um I'm so worn out at this point in
my life I look at her and I actually say
it was a frickin spiritual awakening and
she looks back and does this I know she
said we watched her TED talk in my book
club
then we read your book and we renamed
ourselves the breakdown babes and she
said our tagline is we're falling apart
and it feels fantastic
you can only imagine what it's like for
me in a faculty meeting huh
so when I became vulnerability Ted like
an action figure like ninja Barbie but
on vulnerability Ted I thought I'm gonna
leave that shame stuff behind because I
spent six years studying shame before I
really started writing and talking about
vulnerability and I thought thank God
because shame is this horrible topic no
one wants to talk about it it's the best
way to shut people down on an airplane
what do you do I study shame oh and I
see you yeah but in surviving this last
year I was reminded of a cardinal rule
not a research rule but a moral
imperative from my upbringing you got a
dance with the one who brung you and I
did not learn about vulnerability and
courage and creativity and innovation
from studying vulnerability I learned
about these things from studying shame
and so I want to walk you in to shame
you me and a list called shame the
swampland of the soul and we're going to
walk in and the purpose is not to walk
in and you know construct a home and
live there it is to put on some galoshes
and walk through and find our way around
here's why we heard the most compelling
call ever to have a conversation in this
country and I think globally around race
right yes we heard that yes
cannot have that conversation without
shame because you cannot talk about race
without talking about privilege and when
people start talking about privilege
they get paralyzed by shame we heard a
brilliant simple solution to not killing
people in surgery which is have a
checklist you can't fix that problem
without addressing shame because when
they teach those folks how to suture
they also teach them how to stitch their
self-worth to being all-powerful and
all-powerful folks don't need checklist
I had to write down the name of this Ted
fellow so I didn't mess it up here
Michigan Engle wale I hope I did right
by you
I saw the TED Fellows my first day here
and he got up and he explained how he
was driven to create some technology to
help test for anemia because people were
dying unnecessarily and he said I saw
this need so you know what I did I made
it and everybody just burst into
applause and they were like yes and he
said and it didn't work and then I made
it
32 more times and then it worked you
know what the big secret about Ted is I
can't wait to tell people this I guess
I'm doing it right now
this is like the failure conference
no it is you know why this place is
amazing because very few people here are
afraid to fail and no one that gets on
the stage so far that I've seen has not
failed I have failed miserably many
times I don't think the world
understands that because of shame
there's a great quote that saved me this
past year by Theodore Roosevelt and a
lot of people refer to it as a man the
arena quote and it goes like this it is
not the critic who counts it is not the
man who sits and points out how the doer
of Deeds could have done things better
and how he falls and stumbles the credit
goes to the man in the arena whose face
is marred with dust and blood and sweat
but when he's in the arena at best he
wins and at worst he loses but when he
fails when he loses he does so daring
greatly and that's what this conference
to me is about that's what life is about
about daring greatly about being in the
arena when you walk up to that arena and
you put your hand on the door and you
think I'm going in and I'm gonna try
this shame is the gremlin who says uh-uh
you're not good enough you never
finished that MBA your wife left you I
know your dad really wasn't in Luxemburg
he was in sing-sing I know you there's
things that happen to you growing up I
know you don't think that you're pretty
enough or smart enough or talented never
powerful enough I know your dad never
paid attention even when you made CFO
shame is that thing and then if we can
quiet it down and walk in and say I'm
going to do this we look up and the
critic that we see pointing and laughing
99% of the time is who us shame drives
two big tapes never good enough and if
you can talk it out of that one who do
you think you are
the thing to understand about shame is
it's not guilt shame is a focus on self
guilt doesn't focus on behavior shame is
I am bad guilt as I did something bad
how many of you if you did something
that was hurtful to me we'd be willing
to say I'm sorry I made a mistake how
many of you would be willing to say that
guilt I'm sorry I made a mistake shame
I'm sorry I am a mistake there is a huge
difference between shame and guilt and
here's what you need to know shame is
highly highly correlated with addiction
depression violence aggression bullying
suicide eating disorders and here's what
you even need to know more guilt
inversely correlated with those things
the ability to hold something we've done
or failed to do up against who we want
to be is incredibly adaptive it's
uncomfortable but it's adaptive the
other thing you need to know about shame
is it's absolutely organized by gender
if shame washes over me and washes over
Chris it's going to feel the same
everyone sitting in here knows the warm
wash of shame we're pretty sure that the
only people who don't experience shame
are people who have no capacity for
connection or empathy which means yes I
have a little shame no I'm a sociopath
so I would opt for yes you have a little
shame shame feels the same for men and
women but it's organized by gender for
women the best example I can give you is
Anjali
the commercial I can put the wash on the
line pack the lunches hand out the
kisses and be work at five to nine I can
bring home the bacon fry it up in the
pan and never let you forget you're a
man for women shame is do it all do it
perfectly and never let them see you
sweat I don't know how much perfume that
commercial sold but I guarantee you it
moved a lot of antidepressants and
anti-anxiety meds
shame for women is this web of
unattainable conflicting competing
expectations about who were supposed to
be and it's a straitjacket for men
shame is not a bunch of competing
conflicting expectations shame is one do
not be perceived as what weak
I did not interview men for the first
four years of my study and it wasn't
until a man looked at me one day after a
book signing said I loved what she had
to say about shame I'm curious why you
didn't mention men and I said I don't
study men and he said that's convenient
and I said why and he said because you
say to reach out tell our story be
vulnerable but you see those books you
just signed for my wife and my three
daughters I said yeah they'd rather me
die on top of my white horse than watch
me fall down when we reach out and be
vulnerable we get the [ __ ] beat out of
us and don't tell me it's from are the
guys and the coaches and the dads
because the women in my life are hard on
me than anyone else so I started
interviewing men and asking questions
and what I learned is this you show me a
woman who can actually sit with a man
and real vulnerability and fear I'll
show you a woman who's done incredible
work you show me a man who can sit with
a woman who's just had it she can't do
it all anymore and his first response is
not I unloaded the dishwasher but he
really listens because that's all we
need I'll show you a guy who's done a
lot of work shame is an epidemic in our
culture and to get out from underneath
it to find our way back to each other we
have to understand how it affects us and
how it affects the way our parenting the
way we're working the way we
looking at each other very quickly some
research by mahalik at Boston College
he asked what do women need to do to
conform to female norms the top answers
in this country nice then modest and use
all available resources for appearance
when he asked about men what a men in
this country need to do to conform with
male norms the answers were always show
emotional control work his first pursue
status and violence if we're going to
find our way back to each other we have
to understand and know empathy because
empathy is the antidote to shame if you
put shame in a petri dish it needs three
things to grow exponentially secrecy
silence and judgment if you put the same
amount of shame in a petri dish and
douse it with empathy it can't survive
the two most powerful words when we're
in struggle me too and so I'll leave you
with this thought if we're going to find
our way back to each other
vulnerability is going to be that path
and I know it's seductive to stand
outside the arena because I think I did
it my whole life
and thank to myself I'm going to go in
there and kick some ass when I'm
bulletproof and when I'm perfect and
that is seductive but the truth is that
never happens and even if you got as
perfect as you could in his bulletproof
as you could possibly muster when you
got in there that's not what we want to
see we want you to go in we want to be
with you and across from you and we just
want for ourselves and for the people we
care about and the people we work with
- dear greatly so thank y'all very much
I really appreciated
it takes 10 gallons of water to produce
one slice of bread 35 gallons to make
one cup of coffee 635 gallons to make
one hamburger with global population
expected to increase by 30% by 2050 and
more developing nations transitioning to
higher standards of living regional
water shortages and peak water issues
will become more widespread only two and
a half percent of the world's water
supply is fresh in less than 1% a fresh
water is accessible surface water mr. s
looked up in snow covers glaciers and
underground aquifers while North America
has 15% of the world's fresh water
supply and 8% of the population China is
the inverse with 7% of the world's fresh
water supply and 21 percent of the
world's population according to some
estimates a billion people today live
without access to clean drinking water
global consumption of water is expected
to increase by 40% over the next 20
years and according to some estimates
more than half of the world's population
could be living under conditions of
water stress by 2025 this water stress
could further exacerbate regional water
issues and border disputes
this is already happening in the Middle
East agriculture consumes 70% of the
world's fresh water supply and as water
constraints rise so will the food costs
there is no substitute for water and the
supply of water is essentially fixed we
will have to increasingly rely on higher
cost water desalination technologies
water reuse and conservation while the
world is not going to run out of water
as these technologies help unlock more
water supply at higher cost water
becoming a more costly and regionally
more scarce resource will have massive
economic ecological and geopolitical
implications think about it
we do
関連動画をさらに表示
Listening to shame | Brené Brown | TED
Brene Brown Leaves the Audience SPEECHLESS | One Of the Best Speech EVER
The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TEDxHouston
The art of asking | Amanda Palmer
Escaping Porn Addiction | Eli Nash | TEDxFortWayne
ENGLISH SPEECH | EMMA WATSON: Gender Equality (English Subtitles)
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)