Authentic Relationships Through Gaming | Episode 014 Video Game Addiction

Summary

The speaker passionately discusses the authenticity and strength of online friendships formed through gaming, using their personal experience with a gaming friend as an example. They emphasize that the internet 'blinds' people to superficial judgments based on race, wealth, or appearance, allowing for more genuine connections. Despite the potential for gaming to negatively impact real-life relationships, the speaker highlights the positive aspects, including the enduring nature of these online bonds that persist through life's various stages.

Takeaways

• 🎮 Online relationships can be authentic and significant.
• 👥 The internet allows people to connect without biases related to race, wealth, or appearance.
• 👫 Gaming relationships often persist through different life stages, unlike some real-world friendships.
• 🤝 Online friendships are based on actions and behavior rather than superficial qualities.
• 🌍 Internet friendships can be more enduring due to lack of geographical limitations.
• 🗣️ Online interactions often lead to deeper connections since judgments are based on personal qualities and actions.
• 🏫 Real-world judgments can be influenced by affiliations, appearances, and social status.
• 📅 Gaming friends may witness significant life events, providing a sense of continuity and support.
• 🔄 Gaming relationships can be a constant in a person's life despite major changes in real-world circumstances.
• 💡 Recognizing the value of gaming relationships is important for understanding their role in one's life.

Q & A

What does the speaker find fascinating about relationships formed online?

The speaker finds the authenticity and the way gamers connect to other people through the internet fascinating, especially in the context of online gaming.

How did the speaker's relationship with an online friend from Starcraft evolve over time?

The speaker started playing Starcraft with this person at the age of 15 and over the next 10 years, they continued gaming together without ever meeting in person. The relationship was significant enough for the speaker to invite this friend to their wedding.

What does the speaker believe is one of the unique aspects of online friendships?

The speaker believes that online friendships are unique because the internet 'blinds' people to superficial judgments based on race, wealth, attractiveness, etc., allowing relationships to form based on personality and shared interests.

According to the speaker, how does the authenticity of online friendships compare to real-world friendships?

The speaker suggests that online friendships can be more authentic because they are not influenced by superficial judgments that are common in the real world.

What example does the speaker give to illustrate how the real world can be judgmental?

The speaker uses the example of wearing a fleece with the Harvard logo, which leads to being treated with respect not deserved based on the affiliation with the institution, rather than personal merit.

How does the speaker describe the strength of relationships formed online compared to those in real life?

The speaker describes online relationships as potentially stronger due to factors like geography not being a barrier, and the relationships being based on genuine interactions rather than superficial attributes.

What role did the speaker's online gaming friends play in their life transitions, such as moving to different cities or starting college?

The speaker's online gaming friends remained a constant presence throughout their life transitions, unlike real-life friends who were often left behind when the speaker moved to a new place.

Why did the speaker invite an online friend to their wedding, despite never having met them in person?

The speaker invited the online friend because this person had been a part of significant moments in the speaker's life, providing support and companionship throughout various stages, making the relationship feel very real and important.

What is the speaker's opinion on the permanence of online friendships compared to friendships formed in real life?

The speaker believes that online friendships can be more permanent because they are not subject to the geographical constraints that often disrupt real-life friendships.

What does the speaker suggest is the first step in understanding the impact of gaming on relationships?

The speaker suggests that the first step is to acknowledge that the relationships formed through gaming are real, authentic, and can be a significant part of one's life.

How does the speaker address the potential negative impacts of gaming on real-world relationships?

The speaker acknowledges that gaming can negatively impact real-world relationships by potentially preventing the formation of new friendships due to the strong and satisfying connections already established online.

Outlines

00:00

🌐 The Authenticity of Online Friendships

The speaker begins by expressing their fascination with relationships, particularly those formed online through gaming. They share a personal story of playing Starcraft with a friend they never met in person but who became an important part of their life, even being invited to their wedding. The speaker highlights how the internet can strip away superficial judgments based on race, wealth, or attractiveness, leading to more authentic connections. They contrast this with the real world, where people are often judged on shallow criteria. The speaker emphasizes that online relationships can be more enduring than those formed in person, as they are not bound by geographical constraints. This paragraph explores the idea that online friendships are judged on a more authentic level, based on actions and interactions rather than superficial attributes.

05:01

🎮 The Strength and Enduring Nature of Online Gaming Relationships

Continuing from the previous paragraph, the speaker delves deeper into the strength and longevity of relationships formed through online gaming. They recount how their online friends have been a constant presence throughout various stages of their life, from high school to medical school and beyond. Unlike in-person friendships, which can be disrupted by geographical changes, online friendships can persist regardless of where one lives. The speaker shares how these online relationships have been a source of support and connection, even during significant life events like dating and marriage. They argue that gaming offers a unique space where people can form deep, authentic connections without the biases and judgments that often characterize real-world interactions. The speaker concludes by acknowledging the positive aspects of gaming relationships and the need to understand their role in one's life before addressing potential negative impacts.

Keywords

💡relationships

In the context of the video, 'relationships' refers to the connections and bonds formed between individuals, particularly through online gaming. The speaker emphasizes the authenticity and depth of these relationships, noting that they can be as meaningful as those formed in person. For example, the speaker mentions a long-term friendship that began with playing Starcraft and continued through various other games, even leading to an invitation to their wedding.

💡online gaming

Online gaming is the platform through which the speaker and others form relationships. It serves as a medium that allows people to connect and interact despite geographical barriers. The speaker highlights that these connections can be genuine and long-lasting, as demonstrated by their own experiences with friends they met through gaming.

💡authenticity

Authenticity in this video refers to the genuineness and sincerity of the relationships formed online. The speaker argues that online friendships can be more authentic because they are not influenced by superficial factors such as race, wealth, or physical appearance. The authenticity is further emphasized by the speaker's personal story of maintaining a close friendship through gaming over many years.

💡judgmental

The term 'judgmental' is used to describe the real-world tendency to form opinions about people based on superficial criteria. The speaker contrasts this with online interactions, where judgments are less likely to be based on race, wealth, or appearance. The video suggests that online relationships can be more equitable because they are not influenced by these biases.

💡geography

Geography is mentioned in the context of how physical location can affect the longevity of friendships. The speaker notes that as they moved from place to place, their real-life friendships often faded, while their online friendships persisted. This highlights the advantage of online relationships in transcending geographical limitations.

💡Starcraft

Starcraft is a video game that serves as the initial point of connection for the speaker and their long-term friend. It is used as an example to illustrate how online gaming can lead to meaningful relationships. The speaker's story of playing Starcraft with this friend over a decade, even inviting them to their wedding, underscores the significance of this game in their friendship.

💡racism

Racism is mentioned as a negative aspect of real-world interactions that is less prevalent in online relationships. The speaker suggests that the anonymity of the internet can reduce the impact of racial bias, allowing people to be judged more on their character and actions rather than their ethnicity.

💡gender

Gender is highlighted as an exception to the general blindness of the internet, where it can sometimes create 'bizarre and toxic mechanics.' The speaker acknowledges that gender can still be a factor in online interactions, potentially leading to negative dynamics, but does not delve deeply into specifics.

💡real world

The 'real world' is contrasted with the online world in terms of how people are perceived and judged. The speaker points out that the real world can be more judgmental and unfair, often based on superficial factors, whereas online relationships can be more focused on personal qualities and actions.

💡coping mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are briefly mentioned as one of the positive aspects of gaming, suggesting that it can provide a way for people to deal with stress or challenges in their lives. The speaker implies that gaming can offer more than just entertainment, serving as a support system for some individuals.

💡permanent

The term 'permanent' is used to describe the lasting nature of online friendships. The speaker reflects on how their online relationships have endured through various life stages and geographical changes, suggesting that these connections can be enduring and significant.

Highlights

The lecturer finds relationships, especially those formed online through gaming, to be fascinating.

Online relationships can be authentic, as exemplified by the lecturer's long-term gaming friendship that was invited to a wedding.

The internet blinds people to superficial judgments based on race, wealth, or attractiveness.

In the real world, people are often judged by shallow criteria like clothing or appearance.

Online friendships are based on personality and actions rather than physical or social attributes.

Online relationships can be stronger due to factors like geography, as they aren't limited by physical location.

The lecturer's online friends have been a constant presence throughout various life changes and locations.

Online gaming friends have been there through significant life events, such as the start of a relationship.

Gaming friendships can be a source of support and connection that persists over time.

The authenticity of online relationships is highlighted by the lecturer's decision to invite an online friend to a wedding.

Gaming offers positive aspects such as forming authentic connections free from societal judgments.

The permanence of online relationships is emphasized, as they are not bound by geographical constraints.

The importance of acknowledging the positive functions gaming serves in forming relationships is discussed.

The potential negative impact of gaming on real-world relationships is hinted at but not the main focus of this part of the lecture.

The lecture emphasizes the need to understand the role gaming plays in one's life to gain control over it.

The authenticity of online friendships is contrasted with the superficial judgments of the real world.

The lecturer's personal anecdotes serve to illustrate the depth and authenticity of online relationships formed through gaming.

Transcripts

now we get to actually my favorite part

of lecture series which is relationships

I think relationships are absolutely

fascinating and I think the

relationships that we form online and

how gamers connect to other people

through the internet is just an

absolutely fascinating topic so just to

give you guys a little bit of

information

I started playing Starcraft with this

guy when I was 15 years old and then

like over the next 10 years of our life

we were like gaming together never met

the dude and then when I ended up

getting married I actually invited him

to my wedding which all of my like like

my bosses and professors and stuff when

I tell them that they're stuntin but I

think you guys will understand what I

mean because like the relationships that

we form through online gaming can

actually be really authentic and I'd

really like to start there

talking a little bit about the

authenticity of online friendship so one

of the things that's really interesting

about when you meet someone online is

that the internet really blinds people

to all the kinds of things that we tend

to judge people for so when you talk to

someone on the internet you don't know

if they're black or they're white or

they're Indian or Hispanic or Asian or

any of that well maybe you do depending

on their name or their voice or the

accent but generally speaking the

Internet is blind you don't know if that

person is rich or they're poor you don't

know if they're they're attractive or

unattractive you really don't know

anything about them and if you think

about the real world the real world is

incredibly judgmental and if I walk into

a room and you know I have this fleece

which has like the Harvard logo on it I

get treated differently people give me

respect that I'm not I don't actually

deserve just because of the institution

that I'm affiliated with that says

nothing about me I mean like even the so

for example my sister-in-law I gave her

one of these fleeces for like just to

wear because I had a next one and so she

walks around and she kind of you know

wears this fleece and people think she's

affiliated with Harvard Medical School

which she's not but so people just judge

other people based on all kinds of kind

of shallow criteria right yeah if you're

if you're a pretty girl or a good

looking guy you're more likely to get

better service at a restaurant and so

the real world can actually be

incredibly racist and shallow and unfair

whereas when you meet someone online

they're gonna go tell you to go

yourself because of who you are not

because of the color of your skin right

they're gonna they tell you that they

want to your mom because of who you

are and it's not blinded by race or

ethnicity or gender or anything like

that

actually genders you know an interesting

exception because a lot of times gender

does create a lot of really bizarre and

sometimes toxic mechanics online so I'll

steer a little bit clear of that so the

interesting thing about relationships

over the Internet is people sort of see

you for who you are

they judge their friendship of you based

on what you say in how you act and how

you play the game and so in a sense

you're judged on a more authentic level

than based on the color of your skin or

how attractive you are or what kind of

car you drive because none of that

matters on the Internet

so the Internet is amazingly you know

kind of like they say justice is blind

the Internet is blind and people tend to

get valued for who they are instead of

some attribute of their birth or their

parents and so I think that's really

powerful and I think that's one of the

things that I like the most about

relationships that form on the Internet

is they feel more authentic to me the

other interesting thing about

relationships that are formed on the

internet is that they tend to be in a

lot of stresses sense and a lot of

senses stronger than the relationships

that you form in real life and that has

something to do with that has everything

to do with just simple things like

geography so I'll give you guys an

example you know when I was in high

school I had a particular set of friends

and I'm sure you guys are whether you're

in high school or college or working or

whatever you have your group of friends

right and then if you think about it

like when I left my small town in East

Texas and went to the University of

Texas at Austin I sort of left my

friends behind some of my friends came

with me and then I made a new group of

friends I sort of stayed in touch with

some people from high school but I had

this kind of news

friends and I thought that those guys

were gonna be like the best friends from

my life I joined a fraternity it was

awesome I had a fantastic time and then

after I finished college I actually

moved to Boston where I ended up as a

research assistant and so I sort of left

all my friends from Texas behind and

then went up to Boston and made a new

set of friends and then I ended up

leaving but that job in going to medical

school and so I made a new set of

friends in medical school and then I

left medical school and went to

residency and made a new set of friends

when I was training to become a

psychiatrist and so when at the end of

the road when I'm making friends with

people who are also gonna be

psychiatrists I've gotten so far away

from the people that I hung out with in

high school that that those

relationships have basically ended the

interesting thing is that the friends

that I made online through gaming were

the friends that I took with me at each

step of the way

so even after I left high school I still

was playing Starcraft with the same

group of people and then we started

playing Wow together and then we started

playing F of 14 and then we started

playing dota and lawl and other MOBAs

and like now we play some overwatch but

those same sets a set of people are the

people that I've been hanging out with

on Friday nights for the last decade of

my life and so those are the people that

I actually feel the closest to and

that's why it's so crazy when you think

a little bit about inviting this guy to

my wedding who I've never met before

it's because he was there when I started

dating my wife like I said I distinctly

remember you know we've been playing

games for like six years together now

and you know I disappear for a month or

two and then I log on one day and he's

like dude where the have you been

like you haven't been online for two

months and I was like hey man I met a

girl and so like you know he gave me

about it and then he was kind of

there before my relationship started he

was there when my relationship started I

remember talking to to him about my wife

and like sort of you know thinking that

it wasn't gonna last and it wouldn't

work out because I was junior and she

was a freshman and all this kind of

stuff but and so he was kind of there as

is I decided to move to Boston and then

she decided to move to New York and then

when she moved in with me so he was kind

of there at the start of my relationship

before my relationship and as my

relationship had grown and progressed

he was kind of aware of the whole thing

and so he was actually a really true and

authentic friend of mine and so I think

that we have to start off by

understanding that gaming isn't all bad

that gaming actually offers us a lot of

things that are really positive and

really powerful in our life not just in

terms of coping mechanisms but that it's

amazing that there's this part of the

world where you can go and not be judged

for how rich or poor you are not be

judged for the color of your skin and

that you can form authentic connections

with people that will stay with you no

matter where you go in the world and so

I think that's really powerful and the

first thing that we have to understand

about relationships and gaming is that

there are very real relationships that

are formed through gaming yet those

relationships can be authentic and

important and actually be a big part of

your life and so I think it's just

important for us to stop and acknowledge

that for a second and you know I think

later on we'll get a little bit into how

gaming negatively impacts your

relationships and whether gaming sort of

keeps you from forming friendships in

the real world because you have this set

of really authentic friends that you

spend every weekend with and that can be

part of the problem but I think we have

to first understand that gaming offers

us something and unless we know what

functions it serves for us we're never

going to get control over it and so the

way that we start with relationships is

simply by acknowledging that the

relationships we form through gaming are

blind and actually not based on and are

permanent