How to BE TACTICAL with the Narcissist
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Rebecca Z, a renowned negotiation and high conflict communication expert, shares tactics to effectively deal with narcissists. She advises understanding their manipulative tactics like gaslighting, keeping records of interactions, and using 'we' statements to deflect blame. Rebecca emphasizes setting boundaries, the gray rock technique to appear unresponsive, and employing tactical empathy to navigate challenging interactions. She also stresses the importance of staying calm and seeking support, offering free resources to help viewers negotiate their best life.
Takeaways
- 📚 Understand Narcissist Tactics: Recognize manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological tricks to dismantle their power.
- 🗒️ Document Interactions: Keep records of interactions to counteract gaslighting and maintain reality.
- 🙏 Use 'Thank You for the Gift' Reframing: Stay grounded by acknowledging annoying behaviors without getting defensive.
- 💬 Employ 'We' Statements: Use inclusive language to diffuse blame and find solutions.
- 🔍 Disarm with Facts: Stay focused on the facts and avoid getting drawn into emotional arguments.
- 🚫 Set Clear Boundaries: Be specific about acceptable behaviors and stand firm on your limits.
- 💡 Gray Rock Technique: Become unresponsive and uninteresting to deflect attempts to trigger you.
- 🤝 Tactical Empathy: Show understanding of the narcissist's perspective without agreeing, to move forward constructively.
- 🧘♂️ Stay Calm and Centered: Maintain composure and use body language to convey confidence.
- 🤔 Get Curious Instead of Angry: Respond to provocations with curiosity to disarm the narcissist's tactics.
- 👥 Seek Support: Engage with supportive communities and consider professional help when needed.
Q & A
What is the main focus of Rebecca Z's channel?
-Rebecca Z's channel focuses on providing strategies and tips for dealing with narcissists in various high conflict situations, including negotiations, court, mediation, and family interactions.
What does Rebecca Z suggest as the first step in dealing with a narcissist?
-The first step suggested by Rebecca Z is to understand the tactics used by narcissists, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological tricks, to control and undermine you.
How can one record interactions with a narcissist to avoid gaslighting?
-Rebecca Z recommends keeping a record of interactions in the form of notes, emails, or texts to maintain evidence and avoid falling into the narcissist's trap of gaslighting.
What is the significance of using 'we' statements when dealing with a narcissist?
-Using 'we' statements helps to avoid direct blame and can facilitate finding a solution by focusing on the issue rather than the person, which is a more effective approach when dealing with a narcissist.
What is the purpose of the 'phrases for disarming narcissists' tool mentioned by Rebecca Z?
-The 'phrases for disarming narcissists' tool is designed to help individuals stay focused on the facts and get back to the issue at hand when dealing with a narcissist.
Why is setting clear boundaries important when dealing with a narcissist?
-Setting clear boundaries is important because it specifies the behaviors that are tolerated and those that are not, helping to maintain control and prevent the narcissist from manipulating the situation.
What is the 'gray rock technique' and how does it help in dealing with a narcissist?
-The 'gray rock technique' involves becoming uninteresting and unresponsive, giving short and neutral responses to avoid triggering the narcissist and to maintain control over the interaction.
How can tactical empathy be used to navigate interactions with a narcissist?
-Tactical empathy involves understanding the narcissist's perspective without agreeing with them, and using this understanding to redirect their need for control or admiration towards a constructive outcome.
What does Rebecca Z advise for maintaining composure when dealing with a narcissist?
-Rebecca Z advises staying calm and centered, using strong body language, and taking deep breaths to avoid showing any signs of being rattled, which could give the narcissist an advantage.
Why is seeking support important when dealing with a narcissist?
-Seeking support is important because it provides a network of understanding and assistance, which can be empowering and help individuals navigate challenging interactions with a narcissist more effectively.
What is the promotional offer for MasterClass mentioned in the script?
-The promotional offer for MasterClass is an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com using the promo code provided, allowing access to a wide range of classes for personal and professional growth.
Outlines
🛡️ Dealing with Narcissists: Tactical Strategies
This paragraph introduces a video aimed at providing viewers with strategies to deal with narcissists in various high-stakes situations such as negotiations, court, mediation, or family interactions. The speaker, Rebecca Z, a recognized expert in negotiations and high-conflict communications, encourages viewers to subscribe for more tips. The main theme revolves around understanding and countering narcissistic tactics like manipulation and gaslighting. Rebecca emphasizes the importance of keeping records of interactions, using 'we' statements to deflect blame, and employing phrases that disarm narcissists. She also discusses setting boundaries and the 'gray rock' technique to become uninteresting and unresponsive, thus minimizing the narcissist's power to provoke.
🧡 Tactical Empathy and Staying Calm with Narcissists
The second paragraph delves into employing tactical empathy to understand the narcissist's perspective without necessarily agreeing with them. It suggests redirecting the narcissist's need for control and allowing them to take the lead in certain situations to reach a resolution. The speaker also stresses the importance of maintaining composure and using strong, confident body language when in the presence of a narcissist. Techniques for staying calm, such as screaming into a pillow or crying in the shower, are recommended to manage emotions. The paragraph concludes with advice on seeking support from a community, therapy, or sharing experiences with others to gain empowerment.
🏠 Addressing Indoor Air Pollution with Air Doctor
The final paragraph shifts focus to a different topic, discussing the issue of indoor air pollution, which is reported to be more harmful than outdoor air according to the EPA. It mentions the health impacts, including the contribution to millions of premature deaths annually. The speaker introduces Air Doctor, a product that filters out 99.9% of harmful contaminants and allergens, and has been featured in major media outlets. The paragraph promotes the product's effectiveness in improving indoor air quality, especially for those with respiratory issues like asthma. It includes a special offer with a discount, a money-back guarantee, and a warranty for podcast customers.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Narcissist
💡Tactical
💡Gaslighting
💡Deflection
💡Boundaries
💡Gray Rock Technique
💡Tactical Empathy
💡Disarming
💡Support
💡MasterClass
💡Air Doctor
Highlights
Introduction to the video on tactical strategies for dealing with narcissists.
The importance of understanding narcissist tactics such as manipulation and gaslighting.
Using record-keeping to counteract gaslighting by keeping notes, emails, and texts.
Reframing annoying or triggering behaviors as 'gifts' to stay grounded in reality.
Addressing deflection by using 'we' statements to find solutions rather than blaming.
Free resource for disarming narcissists with phrases to stay focused on facts.
Setting clear boundaries with specific behaviors you will and won't tolerate.
Using the 'gray rock technique' to become uninteresting and unresponsive to narcissistic triggers.
Employing tactical empathy to understand the narcissist's perspective without agreeing with them.
Redirecting the narcissist's need for control by suggesting they take the lead.
Maintaining calm and centered demeanor to avoid being emotionally manipulated.
Using curiosity instead of anger to disarm the narcissist's attempts to upset you.
Seeking support from a community or therapy to share experiences and gain empowerment.
The narrator's belief in the strength and capability of the viewers to overcome challenges with narcissists.
Promotion of MasterClass as a platform for learning from experts in various fields.
Introduction of Air Doctor as a solution for improving indoor air quality and health.
Special offers and discounts for Air Doctor and MasterClass for the audience.
Transcripts
how to be tactical with a narcissist
welcome back to my channel are you ready
to beat the narcissist are you ready to
win are you ready to crush that
narcissist in negotiations in court or
mediation maybe it's communicating maybe
it's just strategizing maybe it's just
in your family but you want to win you
want to be like tactical this is the
video for you
[Applause]
hi I am so glad you're here I'm Rebecca
Z globally recognized negotiations and
high conflict Communications expert
attorney and the author of the
best-selling book slay the bully how to
negotiate with a narcissist and when
before we dive in make sure you hit that
subscribe button turn on that
notification so you can never miss any
of my tips and strategies for navigating
high conflict situations I am so excited
about this topic because this is
powerful this is fire how to be tactical
with the narcissist and Empower you with
strategies to take control and navigate
these difficult situations and these
challenging interactions with confidence
and Clarity instead of them putting you
on the defensive all the time it's time
for you to be on the offensive you have
the power to reclaim you have the power
to reclaim your life and your peace of
mind it's all about having the right
tactics and having the right mindset so
let's get get started so first of all
you need to understand narcissist
tactics it's crucial to understand the
narcissist tactics narcissists often use
manipulation gaslighting and other
psychological tricks to control and
undermine you so by recognizing these
tactics you can start to dismantle their
power over you they're really the
easiest people to understand in the
world they're difficult but they're easy
so once you understand them then it's
like super easy to gain control over
them they're actually way more free of
you than you are of them so the common
tactic is gaslighting this is the
narcissist trying to make you doubt your
reality if they deny something all you
have to do is keep a record of your
interaction so this can be in the form
of notes emails text so I have a really
special link for you go to Doc the.com
doc.com and having evidence of of what
you do of everything they do is really
helpful so I always have this reframe so
every time they do something that's like
super annoying or triggering you just
say oh thank you for the gift thank you
for the gift so you just write it down
write it down write it down then you can
just stay grounded in reality and not
fall into their trap so another tactic
is lame shifting where they deflect
everything I always say projection and
deflection lying and denying right and
they try to deflect their faults onto
you and so if they try to blame you for
their mistakes you can use statements
like I understand that you're upset and
you can use things like we can find a
solution use like we statements often
really help instead of you this you that
you this you that use we statements
because if you if you say that um that
really can be helpful another really
great tool is my phrases for disarming
narcissist totally free go to disarm
the.com and that'll help them get back
to the issue at hand stay to the facts I
always say just the facts next thing is
setting boundaries set clear firm
boundaries is really really so important
when you're dealing with a narcissist it
means being very specific about what
behaviors you're going to tolerate and
what behaviors you're not going to
tolerate if they're constantly
interrupting you just say I need you to
let me finish before I can respond and
if they keep interrupting just say okay
you might say this approach is not
working for me and just say you know we
we can continue this conversation at
another time you know and just stay calm
don't allow them to trigger you because
as soon as they trigger you you know
then you're going to be in it they go
fishing and then they reel you in and
then you're down in that mud you're down
in that mud with them don't allow that
to happen you just need to like not
allow that to happen so just like SOS so
stop take a breath observe observe their
behavior like as if you're observing a
two-year-old having a tantrum on the
floor I say put an invisible shield down
around you and then State what you're
going to say SOS all right stop top
observe State and the next thing is the
gray rock technique the gray rock
technique you're just become like a gray
rock you're just uninteresting
unresponsive you're just short very
short responses so when they try to like
trigger you you might just say things
like oh I that's interesting as very
little as possible well thanks for the
feedback like very neutral neutral
things to say one of the things I like
to say is I agree with you like I agree
with you that that's your opinion I
agree with you that we're not going to
get to a resolution to here another one
is employing tactical empathy means
understanding The Narcissist perspective
and knowledge and it doesn't mean you're
agreeing with them but you know you're
just like they crave admirations talk
about how you can move forward with this
plan like so you can like oh okay so
like you're just like so great at this
like oh maybe you should be the one to
take the lead on this because you're so
good at this you have the skills and and
nobody else does I call it fluffer favor
vomit later if they want to dominate
conversation you can also redirect their
need for control saying you know you
have a really unique perspective on this
maybe you can help us brainstorm a
solution another thing is like you sort
of see how something can come to a
resolution like sort of let them sort of
take the lead on things sometimes
another one is just how to stay calm and
centered always stay calm and centered I
would say scream in your pillow cry in
the shower but you've got to stay calm
and centered when you are with them
never let them see you sweat you come in
use that strong body language you use
your power body language before you go
in you've got to be super focused when
you walk in super composed very strong
and take deep breaths because if they
see that you are like rattled in any way
then they'll they'll know you can get
curious instead of angry like oh that's
interesting oh you know what makes you
think that oh that's interesting and so
get curious instead of angry right or oh
thank you for the feedback thanks for
the feedback disarm their attempts to
upset you so again disarm the Nar
phrases for disarming narcissist seek
support seek support don't hesitate to
get support again go to my free private
Facebook group narcissist negotiators
seek support from family or friends
again therapy if you need it so sharing
your experiences with others can be
really really helpful and empowering so
make sure you drop a comment below share
your your experiences here remember you
are so much more strong and capable Than
You Think You Are you really are the
fact that you're here the fact that
you're showing up the fact you're
watching these things these videos that
shows that your soul is speaking to you
and you know that you are so much
greater and so much stronger than you
think that you are my programs has
literally helped thousands of people
whenn all over the world which it proves
that no matter where you are now it's
just the place to begin right it's just
your jumping off point you can do this
make sure that you like this video you
share it you subscribe here hit that
Bell the next video that I want you to
watch is use these phrases in tactics to
hurt a Nur narcissist forever remember
today is a great day to start
negotiating your best life and I will
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