How to Deal with Toxic People? || Acharya Prashant (2019)
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful dialogue, the speaker addresses the challenge of dealing with toxic individuals in our daily lives. They emphasize the importance of recognizing one's true nature and the liberation from unnecessary roles and responsibilities. The conversation delves into the root of toxicity, suggesting that it's not an inherent trait but a result of environmental factors and personal choices. The speaker encourages the audience to confront toxic behavior assertively yet peacefully, and to prioritize their own well-being, understanding that change is a personal choice and not everyone will heed advice. The message is clear: one should not feel obligated to tolerate toxicity, and wisdom is more valuable than mere social niceties.
Takeaways
- 🌟 Recognize the presence of toxic people in your life and understand that their behavior can negatively impact your mental well-being.
- 🔍 Reflect on why these individuals are still in your life and consider if it's due to an inability to avoid them or a sense of obligation.
- 💡 Challenge the idea that family or social cohesion is more important than personal liberation and mental health.
- 🤔 Consider the role you play in supporting toxicity, either actively by displaying toxic behavior or passively by tolerating it.
- 🌱 Understand that liberation and self-awareness are more important than societal roles and identities.
- 🚫 Reject the compulsion to interact with toxic individuals and recognize that there is no inherent obligation to do so.
- 🤝 Acknowledge that addressing toxic behavior can be a form of support, helping the person to change if they are willing to listen.
- 🛡️ Protect your mental health by setting boundaries and removing yourself from environments or relationships that are detrimental to your well-being.
- 💪 Emphasize the importance of personal growth and wisdom over societal values that may be valueless or misleading.
- 🗣️ Communicate honestly and without violence when addressing toxic behavior, aiming to inform rather than to accuse.
- 🌈 Remember that personal well-being is in your hands, and you have the power to change your environment and relationships for the better.
Q & A
How can one deal with toxic people in daily life?
-Dealing with toxic people requires setting boundaries, avoiding unnecessary interactions, and focusing on one's own mental well-being. It's important to understand that not all toxic behaviors can be changed, and sometimes, the best approach is to limit exposure to such individuals.
Why do toxic people seem to gravitate towards some individuals?
-Toxic people may gravitate towards individuals who are perceived as accommodating or tolerating their behavior. This could be due to a lack of boundaries or a tendency to take on unnecessary responsibilities and roles.
What is the role of family in contributing to the presence of toxic individuals in one's life?
-Family relationships can sometimes be a source of toxicity due to societal expectations and a sense of obligation. However, it's crucial to remember that one's well-being is paramount, and it's not necessary to maintain relationships that are detrimental to one's mental health.
How can one avoid reacting to toxic behavior?
-Avoiding reactions to toxic behavior involves developing emotional resilience and practicing self-awareness. It's about choosing not to engage with the negativity and focusing on personal growth and well-being.
What does the speaker mean by 'liberation' in the context of dealing with toxic people?
-The speaker refers to 'liberation' as the existential purpose of an individual, which is to be free from the constraints of societal roles and expectations. This liberation is more important than maintaining relationships that are not beneficial to one's mental and emotional health.
Why is it important to challenge the principles that support toxicity?
-Challenging the principles that support toxicity is important because it helps individuals break free from societal norms and expectations that may be contributing to a toxic environment. It encourages a reevaluation of what truly matters in life, such as personal well-being and wisdom.
How can one's true nature help in dealing with toxic situations?
-Understanding one's true nature can provide clarity and strength in dealing with toxic situations. It helps individuals realize that they are not obligated to tolerate toxic behavior and that they have the power to change their circumstances.
What is the significance of 'height of consciousness' in the context of the conversation?
-The 'height of consciousness' refers to the level of awareness and understanding one can achieve. It is suggested that this is what truly remains with an individual, even after death, and is more important than any external relationships or roles.
Why is it suggested that we are not just victims but also supporters of toxicity?
-We are considered supporters of toxicity because our reactions or tolerance of toxic behavior can inadvertently encourage it. By actively or passively supporting such behavior, we contribute to the perpetuation of toxicity in our environment.
How can confronting a toxic person be done effectively?
-Confronting a toxic person should be done with honesty, without violence, and with the intention of improving the situation. It involves calmly and assertively expressing how their behavior is affecting others, with the hope that they will reflect and make changes.
What is the speaker's view on the importance of wisdom compared to societal values?
-The speaker emphasizes that wisdom is more valuable than societal values that are often superficial or misguided. Wisdom is something that should be cultivated intentionally, as it contributes to a deeper understanding of life and helps in navigating complex situations.
Outlines
😤 Dealing with Toxicity in Daily Life
The speaker begins by addressing the challenge of managing toxic individuals in daily life, who can introduce negativity and upset. They question why such people are allowed to remain in one's life and emphasize the importance of liberation over familial or societal obligations. The speaker argues that we are born alone and should focus on personal growth and consciousness rather than being bound by relationships that may be detrimental to our well-being.
🤔 Understanding the Roots of Toxicity
This paragraph delves into the concept of feeling obligated or compelled to tolerate toxic behavior, which stems from a lack of self-awareness and understanding of one's true nature. The speaker suggests that we often take on unnecessary roles and responsibilities due to societal expectations, which can lead to supporting toxic environments. They encourage individuals to recognize their active or passive support of toxicity and to challenge the principles that promote cohesion over personal well-being, advocating for a shift in values towards wisdom and self-respect.
🛡️ Setting Boundaries with Toxic Individuals
The final paragraph emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries with toxic people for the sake of one's mental health. The speaker advises against feeling obligated to maintain relationships that are harmful, stating that there is no responsibility to endure environments that negatively impact one's well-being. They suggest a direct, non-violent approach to addressing toxic behavior, offering honest feedback with the hope that the person may change. However, they also acknowledge that if the person does not wish to improve, it is not within one's power to force change, and the focus should be on one's own well-being and liberation.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Toxic People
💡Negativity
💡Reactivity
💡Obligation
💡Liberation
💡Existential Purpose
💡Mental Well-being
💡Compulsiveness
💡Wisdom
💡Victimhood
Highlights
Dealing with toxic people in daily life and their impact on mental well-being.
The challenge of managing reactions to toxic behavior and maintaining positivity.
The concept that one might unintentionally attract toxic individuals.
The importance of understanding why toxic people remain in one's life.
The idea that we are born alone and die alone, emphasizing individual liberation over familial ties.
The notion that family is not the ultimate purpose of life, and liberation is more significant.
The impact of toxic behavior on personal growth and the importance of avoiding it.
The role of obligation and compulsion in maintaining relationships with toxic individuals.
The idea that every second lost to toxicity is a second stolen from personal progress.
The recognition that toxicity can breed in an environment and is not solely a characteristic of an individual.
The active and passive support of toxicity through behavior and tolerance.
The importance of challenging and re-evaluating societal values and principles.
The value of wisdom over societally imposed roles and identities.
The concept of calling out toxic behavior as a form of help, not anger or retribution.
The understanding that people improve by their own consent and cannot be forced to change.
The empowerment to prioritize one's mental health and well-being over maintaining toxic relationships.
The final advice on the significance of self-liberation and the pursuit of personal consciousness over societal expectations.
Transcripts
Namaste sir I'm shy my question is how
to deal with the toxic people in our
daily life and sometimes their behavior
adds negativity and upset in my life and
how to deal uh such situation and how to
stay positive when we when I'm dealing
with such
personalities you are shell you said
yeah shy Shel how did you first of all
manage to accommodate so many toxic
people in your daily life like attracts
like my question to you is how did you
first of all have so many toxic people
gravitate to you how did that happen
it's a
miracle uh uh not so many sir one of two
papers they are
always even those two people how are
they managing to stick around
why are they still in your sensory or
mental domain why do you see them why do
you think of
them because uh because I can't avoid
that avoid them but now that's exactly
what toxicity is that's exactly what
toxicity is something that cannot be
avoided yes that's everybody's apology
and explanation just as you say you
cannot avoid toxic people
similarly the toxic people say they
cannot avoid being
toxic that's everybody's apology now
what do you do tell
me uh in in my problem is I'm always
reacting them so you always it's I'm
always reacting when they are
manipulating when they are
juding sometimes I'm not able okay I
used to think that I will be silent but
in some situation I can't so I will no
no we we need to stick to my question
why are these people there in your life
at
all like of course there are my family
members so uh why do they need to be
necessarily there in your
life who told you that the
family is bigger than everything
else you're not born to be a family
woman you are born to be liberated
Liberation is bigger than everything
your gender your identities your roles
your
relationships all of these are
subservient to your existential purpose
you do not
exist to be a family
member you are born alone you will die
alone what is this thing about family
the only thing that will remain with you
is the height of
Consciousness you could
reach in fact the ones who have known
have told
us that if you could reach Great Heights
and even transcend the
heights those Heights remain so much
with you that even your death does not
matter you become
immortal will the family remain with you
always they are already bothering you so
much H yeah not everyone but some um
some some people but uh because uh just
two day back they are judging
manipulating and I can't control so I
said some I reacted but that affected
me um you you're not you you you are
you're not being fully willing to
consider my question if there are such
people
what compulsion do you have to have
interactions with them please tell
me and it is these
compulsions that fuel the
toxicity if toxicity knows that it would
be thrown out of the
window it would change its ways but it
does not mend itself because it knows it
would be accommodated
why do you accommodate it so much and by
accommodating
it are you doing yourself any good are
you doing the other person any good that
person will continue to remain toxic you
will continue to suffer you will
continue to feel like a
victim he will continue to be
himself who is gaining
nobody is gaining right you know what is
the fundamental problem this feeling of
obligation this feeling of
compulsiveness this feeling that you are
indebted that there is a great
responsibility to Bear all
nonsense and all of this arises from an
ignorance of one's true
nature since we do not know who we
really are therefore we take on all
kinds of needless roles responsibilities
and
identities every second loss to
Mischief is a second that you
owed to your own inner
progress every second lost to
toxicity is a
moment stolen away from its right
utilization do you see what kind of loss
that
is also
remember we are talking of just one side
of the
story if we manage to
bring those two so-called toxic people
to this conversation they will have
their own tale to tell
toxicity is not something necessarily
present in a
person it breeds in an environment not
really in a
person and if it is there in an
environment there are many people
responsible for
it stop being one of those who are
responsible for that
toxicity you can support toxicity
actively
by displaying toxic Behavior or you can
support toxicity
passively by tolerating toxic
Behavior active or passive support is
support is it
not and there is fun in portraying
oneself as the victim of toxicity we are
not just victims of toxicity we are
supporters of
toxicity please
understand all these Concepts that have
been implanted in our
minds that cohesion is of prime
importance that
staying together is of prime
importance that
being
uh a good mannered and dty girl a woman
is of prime
importance these are junk
principles the real principles of Life
have have never been taught to
us what really matters in life is not
your good
ediate but your deep
wisdom but wisdom is something we never
respected never quite uh cultivated with
intent
instead we value a lot of uh other
things and those other
things they are actually
valueless we have just been taught to
Value
them stop giving values to things that
have
none call a spade a
spade and it's not about uh
being
vindictive it's not about
retribution in some sense it is also
about helping that other toxic
person somebody has to call him out and
that need not be
done with a lot of anger that has to be
done as an exercise is in
factfulness why not tell it to the other
person that he or she is displaying sick
behavior that that person's behavior is
adversely
affecting the mental well-being of a lot
of other people at least one other
person and you do that honestly and you
do that without any
violence if the other
person is his own well Wisher he will
listen to
you that must be your intention and if
he does not
listen then you cannot uh fo yourself on
someone people
improve by their own consent
if you tell the right things to a person
and he does not want to
improve you cannot force him
to right that's not in your hands but
your own well-being is definitely in
your
hands I repeat there is no obligation no
responsibility to stay put in an
environment or with
people who adversely impact your mental
health
anything else no sir thank you sir thank
you so much
[Music]
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