Relationships, Creating Boundaries and Unlocking Peace/Joy In Your Life

Summary

In this episode of 'Wellmade', host Cat Kamalani addresses listeners' questions about relationships, boundaries, and happiness. She shares her journey to contentment, emphasizing the importance of self-work, therapy, and reading. Cat discusses the value of setting boundaries, even if it means being perceived as the 'bad guy', and the significance of surrounding oneself with people who add value to one's life. She also talks about the challenges of cutting toxic relationships, the importance of being present and grateful for daily tasks, and offers advice on dealing with negative people and rejection. Cat's candid insights aim to inspire listeners to find balance and happiness in their own lives.

Takeaways

• 😀 **Value in Relationships**: Cat emphasizes that the people in her life add value and are not merely tolerated.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 **Redefinition of Family**: She differentiates between relatives and family, where family is defined by support and unconditional love.
• 🚫 **Setting Boundaries**: Cat discusses the importance of setting boundaries and being prepared to be perceived as the 'bad guy' for one's own well-being.
• ✂️ **Cutting Toxic Ties**: She shares her experiences of cutting people out of her life who were detrimental to her happiness.
• 💡 **Pursuit of Happiness**: Cat talks about the journey to happiness, which involves self-work, therapy, and reading, rather than external achievements.
• 🙅‍♀️ **Rejecting Victimhood**: She rejects the idea of being a 'punching bag' and encourages setting boundaries with those who treat others poorly.
• 🌟 **Gratitude and Happiness**: Cat shares her strategy of finding happiness by starting with gratitude for daily tasks and experiences.
• 🤔 **Self-Reflection**: She advises listeners to reflect on whether they take things too personally and to work on personal growth.
• 🔋 **Energy Dynamics**: Cat distinguishes between 'energy givers' and 'energy takers', advocating for surrounding oneself with the former.
• 💔 **Handling Rejection**: She shares her perspective on rejection, suggesting that it's about letting go of others' opinions and focusing on what's meant for you.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the podcast 'Wellmade'?

The podcast 'Wellmade' delves into topics such as wellness, food, money, relationships, motherhood, and achieving one's wildest dreams, aiming to inspire and guide listeners towards happiness and fulfillment.

How does Cat Kamalani attribute her increased happiness?

Cat Kamalani attributes her increased happiness to self-work, therapy, and reading books that help her understand what brings her happiness and what serves her well in life.

What does Cat mean by 'tolerate family' and how does she define 'family'?

Cat clarifies that she doesn't 'tolerate' people or family; instead, she surrounds herself with those who add value to her life. She distinguishes between 'family' and 'relatives,' where family are those who unconditionally support and care for her well-being, regardless of shared DNA.

How does Cat Kamalani approach setting boundaries in relationships?

Cat Kamalani believes in setting boundaries as a way to protect her well-being. She suggests that setting boundaries might require one to be the 'bad guy' in someone else's narrative, and it can involve self-boundaries or direct communication with others when necessary.

Why does Cat feel it's important to cut certain people out of her life?

Cat emphasizes cutting people out of her life when they no longer serve her or cause consistent discomfort. She believes this decision leads to a happier and healthier life, despite the potential pain of losing those connections.

What mental shift did Cat experience that significantly contributed to her happiness?

Cat experienced a mental shift by cutting out the thought process of conditional happiness, such as 'if I get this, then I'll be happy.' She learned to find happiness and joy in her current life and circumstances.

How does Cat handle friends who are energy drainers?

Cat advises giving space to friends who are energy drainers and not allowing oneself to be a punching bag. She believes in setting boundaries and not tolerating unkind behavior, even from those going through hard times.

What is Cat's advice for not being offended by friends?

Cat suggests examining whether friends might be gaslighting or if one is taking things too personally. She encourages self-reflection and confidence in one's self-worth to not be easily offended.

How does Cat differentiate between an energy taker and someone going through a hard time?

Cat differentiates by looking at the person's consistent behavior and attitude. Energy takers are those who are self-centered, negative, and unmindful of others, whereas someone going through a hard time might just need support and understanding.

What is the key tip Cat gives for building and maintaining relationships?

Cat's key tip is to focus on making others feel good by showing genuine interest in their lives. She emphasizes the importance of having balanced, reciprocal conversations rather than one-sided interviews.

How does Cat deal with rejection from friends, family, or others?

Cat deals with rejection by not placing value on other people's opinions about her and by understanding that what's meant to be will happen. She believes in letting go of expectations and focusing on personal peace and happiness.