If He's Sending Mixed Signals, Text Him THIS
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses the perplexing situation where a person feels intensely connected and showered with attention when physically with someone, yet experiences neglect and lack of communication when apart. The speaker outlines common mistakes people make in response to such behavior, emphasizing the difference between receiving attention and genuine romantic intention. They provide two specific text messages to help viewers navigate and potentially improve these relationships, advocating for clear communication and setting standards to avoid being stuck in a cycle of inconsistent connection.
Takeaways
- 🔥 The difference between attention and intention: Attention is temporary and based on convenience, while intention involves a long-term vision for a romantic relationship.
- 🚫 Recognizing red flags: Going 'hot and cold' indicates a lack of interest in making romantic progress and is a sign of prioritizing other aspects of life over the relationship.
- 🤔 Avoid mirroring behavior: Mimicking the inconsistent behavior of a partner can reinforce a cycle of inattention and may attract the wrong type of person.
- 💬 Importance of direct communication: Communicating feelings and expectations can help educate a partner on why their behavior is problematic and what is desired.
- 📉 Risk of playing 'cool': Trying to appear uninterested or 'cool' can attract the wrong partners and deter those who are genuinely interested in a deep relationship.
- 📝 Crafting the right message: When responding to a partner who has been distant, use a matter-of-fact tone that expresses surprise and a lack of closeness due to their behavior.
- 🤝 Emphasizing empathy: Acknowledge the partner's busy life while also expressing the importance of consistency and connection in a relationship.
- 💡 Valuing consistency: Explicitly state the value of consistent communication and connection, which is often lacking in a hot and cold dynamic.
- 💪 Being prepared for the outcome: Before sending a message that sets boundaries, ensure you are ready to accept any outcome, including the loss of the relationship.
- 🛑 Deciding your role: Determine whether you want to be a casual part of someone's life or the person who sets standards that are worth living up to.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the video script?
-The main issue discussed is the emotional inconsistency someone might experience in a relationship, where they feel a strong connection when together but are neglected when apart, leading to a 'hot and cold' dynamic.
What is the difference between 'attention' and 'intention' as mentioned in the script?
-Attention refers to someone giving focus or interest in the moment, seeking a romantic experience without necessarily planning for the future. Intention, on the other hand, involves a deeper commitment and a vision for building a romantic relationship with progress and continuity.
Why is the 'hot and cold' behavior considered a red flag in relationships?
-It's a red flag because it indicates that the person is interested in the romantic experience but not in making progress in the relationship, suggesting they may prioritize other aspects of their life over the romantic connection.
What is the second mistake people often make in response to the 'hot and cold' behavior?
-The second mistake is mirroring the person's behavior by also going cold, which can either play into the hands of someone who enjoys the game of attraction and withdrawal or attract the wrong type of person who is energized by such a dynamic.
What is the recommended approach to dealing with someone who exhibits 'hot and cold' behavior?
-The recommended approach is to withdraw attention but with direct communication about the dissatisfaction with their behavior, using the opportunity to educate them on why the withdrawal is happening.
Why is it important to communicate feelings in such a situation instead of playing 'cool'?
-Communicating feelings is important because it reveals vulnerability, integrity, and character, which can attract the right kind of person who is looking for a genuine and deep relationship. Playing 'cool' can attract the wrong individuals and make the person invisible to those who desire a meaningful connection.
What should be the response if someone who has been distant suddenly expresses a desire to see you?
-The response should express surprise and a sense of distance, acknowledging the lack of recent closeness and suggesting an assumption that both parties are not on the same page regarding the relationship.
How should one respond if the distant person provides excuses for their behavior?
-One should acknowledge the excuses with empathy but also communicate their own values, such as consistency, and express the feeling of disconnect when apart, without pointing fingers or blaming.
What is the purpose of the text messages provided in the script?
-The purpose of the text messages is to serve as a tool for clear communication, expressing feelings and expectations, and to potentially educate the other person on the need for consistency and commitment in the relationship.
What is the 'Momentum Texts' program mentioned at the end of the script?
-The 'Momentum Texts' program is a resource designed to help individuals move their dating situations forward, providing strategies to avoid getting stuck in casual phases of dating or endless texting without progress.
Outlines
🔥 Hot and Cold Relationship Patterns
The first paragraph discusses the confusing experience of being in a relationship where one feels intensely connected and desired when together, but neglected and ignored when apart. The speaker identifies this as a 'crazy making scenario' and points out the difference between receiving attention and having genuine intentions for a romantic relationship. They highlight the red flag of inconsistent behavior and suggest that it indicates a lack of interest in progressing the romantic relationship. The paragraph ends with a call to action for viewers to like, subscribe, and enable notifications for more insights.
🚫 Avoiding Common Mistakes in On-Again, Off-Again Relationships
In the second paragraph, the speaker addresses common mistakes people make when dealing with someone who exhibits hot and cold behavior. They caution against mirroring the inconsistent behavior and explain the dangers of doing so, such as attracting the wrong type of partner or perpetuating a cycle of unproductive romantic engagement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting boundaries, rather than playing into the other person's inconsistent attention-seeking behavior.
📲 Crafting Effective Communication to Address Inconsistency
The third paragraph provides a strategy for communicating dissatisfaction with the inconsistency in a relationship. The speaker suggests a method of responding to someone who has been distant but then reaches out, which involves expressing surprise at their interest and stating a lack of feeling close due to the lack of communication. The paragraph outlines a script for a text message that conveys empathy while also setting clear expectations for consistency and connection. The speaker stresses the importance of being prepared for the possibility of losing the person if they do not meet the stated standards.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Attention
💡Intention
💡Red Flag
💡Mirroring Behavior
💡Investment
💡Consistency
💡Communication
💡Vulnerability
💡Player
💡Dynamic
💡Standards
Highlights
The importance of distinguishing between attention and intention in romantic relationships.
Attention is about experiencing romantic tension, while intention is about building a relationship.
Hot and cold behavior can be a red flag indicating a lack of interest in romantic progress.
Excuses for going cold often reveal someone's true priorities.
Mirroring a person's cold behavior can be a mistake and may attract the wrong type of romantic partner.
The dangers of playing 'cool' in relationships and how it can attract the wrong partners.
How to break the cycle of hot and cold behavior with direct communication.
The strategy of withdrawing attention while educating the other person about the behavior.
The importance of being ready to lose a person before communicating your standards.
How to respond when someone reaches out after being cold, with an example text message.
The significance of stating your values and standards in a relationship.
The potential for setting high standards to attract the right kind of partner.
The risk of appearing weak after setting boundaries and how to maintain integrity.
The decision to be a significant person in someone's life or just a casual acquaintance.
An offer of a program called 'Momentum Texts' to help move dating situations forward.
The humorous moment where the speaker removes a link due to the perceived low value of the program.
The final message on the importance of setting and maintaining standards in relationships.
Transcripts
are you in a situation with someone
where when you are with them it feels
amazing you feel connected to this
person you feel like they shower you
with a tension they are there they're
excited they can't get enough of you
and then when you're apart you feel like
you don't exist you don't get their
attention they barely communicate with
you it gets very very cold
it creates a kind of
crazy making scenario where you feel
like you're living in two completely
different worlds the one where this
person is extremely into you and then
this complete other reality where it
doesn't seem like this person is
thinking about you at all in this video
I'm gonna walk you through some classic
mistakes to avoid in this scenario and
I'm going to give you two very specific
text messages to get you out of it now
before I do make sure you like this
video subscribe to this Channel and hit
the notification Bell literally right
now hit the like button if by the end of
the video you've decided I don't like it
you can always unlike it but for now
like it let's talk for a moment about a
classic mistake that people make in this
scenario and they use it as
justification to keep going with this
person now the problem is there's a big
difference between attention and
intention attention is when someone is
just giving us attention and looking for
a tension when they want to experience
something romantically intention is when
I have a vision for myself romantically
when I actually see myself creating
something building something and when
someone goes hot and cold in this way
what they're showing you is they're all
about attention but not intention when
they disappear that's a massive red flag
and the reason it's a red flag is
because it says I'm interested in having
a romantic experience with you but I'm
not interested in making romantic
progress with you
think about it when someone goes cold
what do they say are the excuses I'm
busy with work I'm busy with friends I'm
busy with family I'm busy with my
hobbies but what that tells you is they
are busy with their priorities they are
busy with things that they want to move
the ball forward on things they want to
progress I want to progress my business
which is why it's getting my time I want
to progress my friendships which is why
they're getting time I want to progress
my skill in this hobby which is why it's
getting my time so buying that logic you
have to then say the reason you're not
hearing from them is because their
romantic life with you is not something
they're trying to progress
it's just something they want to
experience in moments that are
convenient to them the second mistake
people make is mirroring that person's
behavior in a situation like this now a
lot of people do this feeling like
they're following things I've said over
the years so for example many people
have heard me if you followed me for a
long time you know that I've said many
times invest in who invests in you don't
invest in someone based on how much you
like them invest in someone based on how
much they invest in you so then what
happens is someone says well he was
great when we were together but now he's
gone cold so I'm going to stop investing
because he's not investing in me so they
mirror that behavior and they go cold
too the problem is it actually ends up
giving that person exactly what they
might want especially if they're a
player type if they're an avoidant then
they get exactly what they want in that
scenario oh well I can call them up when
I want to see them have an amazing time
have all that passion because you reward
that investment right oh he wants to see
me now reward that investment by seeing
him but when I'm not with her she
doesn't bother me this is perfect right
so the danger is you actually end up
playing into their hands in that way or
something equally bad happens which is
you going cold
ends up attracting exactly the kind of
guy you want to avoid the player who or
the avoidant who gets turned on gets
attracted to you suddenly going cold and
withdrawing the person that gets excited
by you withdrawing is the person who's
energized by The Game and of course the
problem with that is if you set up that
Dynamic that game doesn't stop the
moment you turn around to meet them
they're not interested when you turn
away and withdraw again they come for
you so now you get stuck in that cycle
so how do you break that cycle how do
you apply what I've always said which is
invest in who invests in you within the
context of the situation of the person
who's going hot and cold we have to be
willing to withdraw our attention but
with direct communication
about what we don't like in their
behavior so what we're doing is taking
the opportunity not just to withdraw but
to educate them on why we're withdrawing
now it doesn't make sense to do this if
someone isn't reaching out to you for a
date right because there's nothing to
withdraw from in order to educate them
on why you're withdrawing they have to
be making an ask now the ask may be I
really want to see you this weekend or
it might be I miss you how is I miss you
and ask well it's an ask for attention
right I'm asking for you to give me
validation back and tell me you miss me
when someone makes an Ask that's your
moment to communicate how you're feeling
and the Reason by the way that people
don't communicate how they're feeling is
because they want to play this kind of
cool girl or in a man's case cool guy
the danger of playing cool girl is that
it attracts the wrong guys it also
doesn't model the kind of behavior that
would reveal the right guys it doesn't
give the right guys something to see and
go oh this is exactly what I've been
looking for this is exactly the
vulnerability and the integrity and the
character that I've been looking for you
become invisible
to the kinds of people who want the
relationship that deep down you crave so
here's what we're gonna do
this person after a week or two weeks of
being cold and distant
suddenly pops up again and sends you a
message they may say I've been thinking
about you I would love to see you
here's what you send back if I'm being
honest I'm a little surprised you want
us to go on another date I haven't felt
like we've been that close recently as
I've not heard from you very much I
guess I just assumed we weren't in the
same place as each other
what I like about this text is that it's
not you're not expressing all of this
upset and all of this sadness about
where it's gotten to there's something a
bit matter of fact about it like I'm
surprised to hear from you because I
haven't felt that close to you it's
almost past tense already you know I I
guess I just assumed we weren't in the
same place there's a matter of factness
about that it's not I've been sitting
here ruminating over the fact that we're
not in the same place it's just based on
your actions I already put you into a
not that important category now we can
quite easily figure out what someone
might send in response to that the
instinct is to be a little defensive and
to say oh I'm sorry I've been really
busy recently I have a lot going on
right now you know it's been a really
busy time let's say he throws out some
excuses like that now is your
opportunity to educate him on what your
standards are I totally get it I have a
lot going on too so I know what it's
like but something I really value is
consistency you and I have such a good
time together but I don't feel like
we're very connected when we're apart
here's why this works firstly it's
showing empathy and understanding right
you're applying a compassionate lens to
the fact that he has a lot going on but
you're also saying I get it because I'm
also busy it's not like I have nothing
going on and you have loads going on and
that's why I don't feel like there's
enough communication it's that I'm
willing to make time for communication
in spite of the fact that I have a lot
going on you then go on to say but
something I really value is consistency
so now you're very explicitly stating
something you value and you're pointing
out the fact that he's been anything but
consistent and that is why you feel
distant and that's why you can't just
jump into being flirtatious and
arranging a date you then say you and I
have such a good time together that's
the warmth that's the moment where you
get to say hey I am acknowledging that
it's awesome
when it's great between us but I don't
feel like we're very connected when
we're apart
and I use the word we're I don't feel
like we're very connected there because
you're not pointing the finger you're
saying I just don't feel like we're very
connected when we're apart so there's
still a we in this you're inviting him
to step up and be better but you're not
doing it in a way where you're pointing
fingers I'll say this at this juncture
in order to send this text with any
integrity and with any potency you need
to be ready to lose this person before
you send it otherwise what however well
you do at sending these messages I've
crafted your response after that will
soften
and show weakness and show that this
standard isn't real it's just a tactic
and before you know it you will have
undone any respect and attraction that
is created by this bold communication
ultimately
you have to decide which category of
person you want to be in in this
person's life do you want to be another
person they live in their wake or do you
want to be the person that says this is
what I need
and if I don't get that I'm not going to
invest my time and energy in you now
that may not convert the wrong guy into
the right guy but it does have the
potential to stop the right guy in his
tracks when he sees an uncommon standard
that is worth living up to did you enjoy
the message that I gave in this video
did it feel helpful do you want 67 more
just like that that can help you
actually move your situation with
someone forward instead of getting stuck
in the phase you're in well if you do I
have a program called the momentum texts
now before you click off the video
because I know you're about to you you
know you've enjoyed the video and you're
like next it's seven dollars
is and if you're sick and tired of
getting stuck in this casual phase of
dating or getting stuck on the apps and
endless texting that never results in
real dates or dates that never evolve
into an actual relationship if you're so
tired of it you could throw a shoe
then go over to momentum texts.com it's
right here there's the link I care about
it so much I'm shoeless
go check it out momentum texts.com it's
got something for everybody and it's
seven dollars that's mental
seven dollars you know how long this
program took me to create seven dollars
you know what no
no you can't have it Jameson take the
link off the screen
enough
it's too much
I tell you what if I find out
a single one of these people has gone to
momentum text.com
I'll throw a shirt at you
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