Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Live With Your Significant Other Before Marriage

Summary

The speaker argues against cohabitation before marriage, citing evidence that it may lead to higher divorce rates. They discuss the stability of anti-social behavior, the implications of early sexual activity, and the psychological impact of non-commitment. They emphasize the importance of commitment, community support, and the transformative power of marriage as a container for personal growth. The necessity of faith in the unknown future of a relationship and the transformative potential of enduring vows are also highlighted.

Takeaways

• 📊 Cohabitation before marriage is associated with higher likelihood of divorce, contradicting the common belief that it is beneficial for couples to 'test drive' their relationship.
• 🧐 The correlation between cohabitation and divorce might be due to the fact that people who are more likely to divorce are also more likely to live together before marriage, indicating a potential pre-existing pattern.
• 🔍 The speaker suggests that the goal of learning about a partner and how to act in marriage is not effectively achieved through cohabitation, as it does not necessarily lead to a better or lasting marriage.
• 💔 Having a larger number of sexual partners before marriage is also linked to a higher probability of divorce, which the speaker finds intriguing.
• 👨‍⚕️ The speaker's research background in criminal behavior and anti-social tendencies includes the observation that early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior.
• 🤔 The speaker speculates that early sexual behavior and multiple partners might be linked to a pattern of exploiting others, which could be unsustainable in a marriage.
• 💬 Men often use the argument that a 'piece of paper' is not necessary to indicate commitment, which the speaker criticizes as shallow and indicative of a lack of understanding of the significance of marriage vows and community support.
• 🤝 Marriage requires a commitment in front of a community and a higher authority, which can provide stability during difficult times, something that is not simulated by cohabitation.
• 👪 Cohabitation without marriage can lead to ambiguity about future plans, including having children, which can cause anxiety and uncertainty in a relationship.
• 🔥 Marriage is described as a container for transformation, requiring heat and pressure to change individuals for the better, a process that cohabitation does not facilitate.
• 🚫 Cohabitation is not a true simulation of marriage, and without the commitment of marriage, individuals may not experience the necessary desperation to change and grow in the relationship.
• 🕊️ Commitment in marriage is an act of faith, stepping into the unknown future with the hope and belief that the relationship will endure and grow stronger despite the lack of evidence for its success.

Q & A

Why does the speaker advise against cohabitation before marriage?

The speaker advises against cohabitation before marriage because there is evidence suggesting it may lead to a higher likelihood of divorce, and it does not effectively simulate the commitment and challenges of marriage.

What is the speaker's view on the analogy of testing a relationship like a car test drive?

The speaker rejects this analogy, emphasizing that people are not objects like cars and that such a comparison oversimplifies the complexities of human relationships.

What evidence does the speaker provide regarding the correlation between cohabitation and divorce rates?

The speaker states that people who live together before marriage are statistically more likely to get divorced, which contradicts the common belief that cohabitation might reduce the risk of divorce.

How does the speaker connect cohabitation with anti-social behavior?

The speaker draws a parallel between early sexual behavior and multiple partners, which are markers for anti-social behavior, and the likelihood of divorce, suggesting that a pattern of exploiting others might be a factor.

What does the speaker believe is the significance of making a vow in a marriage ceremony?

The speaker believes that making a vow in a marriage ceremony is significant because it represents a public commitment to the relationship, in front of a community and a higher authority, which can provide support during difficult times.

Why does the speaker argue that living together before marriage might not help in learning how to be married effectively?

The speaker argues that living together does not simulate the heat and pressure of marriage, which is necessary for personal transformation and growth within the relationship.

What is the speaker's perspective on the idea that a marriage is just a 'piece of paper'?

The speaker criticizes this idea, stating that it reflects a shallow understanding of marriage and its significance as a vow and a public commitment.

According to the speaker, what message does cohabitation send about the couple's commitment to each other?

The speaker suggests that cohabitation implies a provisional arrangement and a lack of permanent commitment, which can lead to instability and uncertainty in the relationship.

How does the speaker describe the necessity of faith in a marriage?

The speaker describes faith in marriage as an act of stepping into the unknown, making a commitment without full evidence of its success, and believing in the potential for growth and transformation within the relationship.

What does the speaker believe is the alternative to commitment in a relationship?

The speaker believes that the alternative to commitment is aimlessness, hopelessness, and confusion, suggesting that commitment provides a sense of purpose and direction in life.

How does the speaker view the process of transformation within a marriage?

The speaker views the process of transformation within a marriage as requiring heat and pressure, which can only be achieved through the desperation of being bound together and the commitment to work through conflicts.