Lessons on Self Confidence from a Teenager | Reece Doppenberg | TEDxYouth@Langley
Summary
TLDRIn this inspiring speech, a 17-year-old speaker shares their journey of developing self-confidence despite a challenging upbringing marked by family strife and loss. They outline five key steps to building self-confidence: finding oneself, not caring about others' opinions, understanding that one's story doesn't define them, surrounding oneself with encouragement, and self-assessing one's attitude. The speaker emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself, speaking positivity, and maintaining humility to truly embrace self-confidence, which can unlock opportunities, happiness, and success.
Takeaways
- 😀 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-confidence, even for teenagers who often struggle with it.
- 👨👧👦 The speaker shares a personal story of family strife and overcoming adversity, using it as a backdrop to discuss self-confidence.
- 🧠 The speaker's stepdad's battle with inoperable brain cancer and eventual passing serves as a poignant example of personal challenges.
- 🎭 The realization at the age of 14 led to a pivotal moment in developing self-confidence, separate from seeking validation from others.
- 🔍 The first step to self-confidence is self-discovery, understanding one's likes, dislikes, passions, and talents.
- 🎤 The speaker discovered their talent through participating in a school musical, which boosted their confidence.
- 🚫 Establishing personal boundaries and staying true to oneself is crucial for building self-confidence.
- 👥 It's essential not to care about others' opinions to a degree that it hampers one's self-confidence.
- 🎨 The speaker criticizes beauty magazines for promoting unrealistic standards, advising that one's story does not define them.
- 🌟 Surrounding oneself with positive influences and encouragement is vital for nurturing self-confidence.
- 🤔 Self-assessment of one's attitude and the impact of negative thoughts, including unforgiveness, is necessary for personal growth.
- 💪 Believing in oneself and one's capabilities is a fundamental aspect of self-confidence.
- 🌱 The speaker encourages humility, noting that self-confidence should not be based on others' opinions but on self-assurance.
- 🚀 The final takeaway is that self-confidence can unlock opportunities, happiness, and success, and it's a quality worth striving for.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the speaker's talk?
-The main topic of the speaker's talk is the development of self-confidence, particularly during teenage years and amidst personal challenges.
What obstacles did the speaker face during their childhood?
-The speaker faced a tumultuous home environment with frequent parental fights, divorce, and remarriage. They also had to deal with issues related to drugs and other problems within their family.
How did the speaker's stepdad's health condition impact their life?
-The speaker's stepdad was diagnosed with stage four inoperable brain cancer, which led to his death 10 years after his wedding to the speaker's mother. This event was a significant part of the speaker's life story and influenced their journey towards self-confidence.
What was the speaker's realization at the age of 14?
-At the age of 14, the speaker had an epiphany about the obstacles they had created for themselves and recognized the need to change, which was a turning point in their journey towards self-confidence.
What are the five steps the speaker took to develop self-confidence?
-The five steps the speaker took to develop self-confidence are: 1) Finding oneself, 2) Not caring what other people think, 3) Knowing that one's story doesn't define them, 4) Surrounding oneself with encouragement, and 5) Being humble.
Why is it important to find oneself according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, finding oneself is important because it is a critical aspect in developing any sort of confidence. Knowing who you truly are allows you to play place confidence in yourself.
What does the speaker suggest about the influence of beauty and fitness magazines?
-The speaker suggests that beauty and fitness magazines often use unrealistic images and promote a false standard of beauty, which can negatively affect self-confidence by making people feel worse about themselves.
How does the speaker define beauty in the context of self-confidence?
-The speaker defines beauty as going beyond physical appearance, stating that it encompasses more than just looks and should not be judged solely on superficial aspects.
What role do the people around us play in our self-confidence according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, the people around us play a significant role in our self-confidence. They can either create an environment where we feel good about ourselves or contribute to our insecurities.
Why is it important to self-assess one's attitude according to the speaker?
-It is important to self-assess one's attitude because one's attitude can be a significant obstacle to self-confidence. The speaker emphasizes that we are the captains of our own ship and determine the direction our life takes.
What is the speaker's final advice on achieving self-confidence?
-The speaker's final advice is to continually strive to be humble, as self-confidence that is rooted in other people's opinions and beliefs is less genuine and can lead to insecurity.
Outlines
😔 Overcoming Adversity to Build Self-Confidence
The speaker, a 17-year-old, shares their personal story of growing up in a troubled family, witnessing their parents' divorce, and dealing with the death of their stepfather to stage four brain cancer. Despite these challenges, they discuss their journey to develop self-confidence as a teenager. They emphasize the importance of finding oneself, understanding personal likes and dislikes, passions, and talents. The speaker's experience in a school musical, where they landed a lead role, served as a turning point in building their confidence. They also stress the need for self-respect and setting personal boundaries, using a humorous anecdote about sneaking out to a party and getting caught to illustrate the importance of staying true to oneself.
🤔 The Illusion of Public Opinion and Self-Confidence
This paragraph delves into the concept of not caring about others' opinions as a critical step towards self-confidence. The speaker uses the metaphor of a race to illustrate the futility of being swayed by the comments of onlookers. They challenge the audience to consider how often we perceive others' thoughts about us rather than focusing on our own goals. The speaker also addresses the misleading nature of beauty magazines, which promote unrealistic standards and are more akin to product catalogs than sources of empowerment. They argue that societal beauty standards are shallow and unattainable, and that true beauty extends far beyond physical appearance. The speaker encourages the audience to surround themselves with positive influences and to assess their relationships for their impact on self-confidence.
💪 Cultivating Self-Belief and Humility for Genuine Confidence
The final paragraph focuses on the importance of self-belief and the power of one's attitude in shaping one's life. The speaker encourages the audience to assess their own attitudes and to let go of negative thoughts and unforgiveness that may be holding them back. They stress the importance of believing in oneself and the ability to achieve whatever one sets their mind to. The speaker also emphasizes the need to create an environment where friends can feel confident and to speak positivity into others' lives. They conclude by discussing the importance of humility, warning against the pitfalls of pride and the insecurities that come with seeking validation from others. The speaker shares their belief that self-confidence can lead to more opportunities, happiness, and success, and they invite the audience to take the steps they've outlined to make self-confidence a reality.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-confidence
💡Insecurities
💡Obstacles
💡Strife
💡Epiphany
💡Talents
💡Self-respect
💡Unrealistic standards
💡Encouragement
💡Attitude
💡Humble
Highlights
The speaker, a 17-year-old, discusses the development of self-confidence despite being a teenager and the obstacles faced.
The speaker was born into a Canadian home with two adopted brothers and experienced a lot of strife in their early childhood years.
The speaker's parents divorced when they were 4 years old, and both remarried, but the family strife continued.
The speaker's stepdad was diagnosed with stage four inoperable brain cancer and passed away 10 years after their wedding.
The speaker shares their story not for pity but to illustrate how they developed self-confidence amidst life's challenges.
The speaker was insecure during middle school and obsessed with popularity and likeability.
At 14, the speaker had an epiphany about the obstacles they created and how to change them.
The speaker outlines five steps they took to develop self-confidence.
The first step to confidence is finding oneself and understanding personal likes, dislikes, passions, and talents.
The speaker found their talents through participating in a school musical, which boosted their confidence.
Staying true to oneself and establishing personal boundaries is crucial for self-confidence.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of not caring about what others think, with a balanced approach.
The speaker points out that societal beauty standards are unrealistic and unattainable.
Surrounding oneself with encouragement and positive influences is key to building self-confidence.
Self-assessment of one's attitude is necessary to overcome personal obstacles and regrets.
Believing in oneself and one's abilities is essential for achieving goals and success.
The speaker encourages creating an environment where friends can feel confident and supported.
Humbleness is highlighted as an important aspect of maintaining self-confidence.
Self-confidence can open up opportunities, happiness, and success more than any other personality aspect.
The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of self-confidence in overcoming societal pressures and personal insecurities.
Transcripts
[Applause]
so I'm 17 years old and what I want to
talk to you guys about today is the idea
of self-confidence and now you might be
thinking wait hold on a second teenagers
aren't supposed to have that and you're
right many of us don't even adults but
what I want to share with you today is
how I develop self-confidence in the
midst of being a teenager and the
obstacles I overcame but first I want to
share with you my story I was born into
a Canadian home with two adopted
brothers and both my parents in my early
childhood years there's a lot of strife
in my home and between my parents they
often fought against each other and
ended up getting divorced when I was 4
years
old uh both my parents got remarried
after this time but as my older brothers
and my baby sister and myself grew up
there's still a lot of strife in our
house my brothers often fought with my
mother there's a lot of issues between
drugs drug dealing and other problems
with throughout their school I became a
very closed off individual with a lot of
insecurities 10 years after my mom and
stepdad's wedding my stepdad was
diagnosed with st stage four inoperable
brain cancer he had two tumors the size
of fists in his head and the radiation
treatment suggested by the doctors posed
a major risk of further brain damage my
stepdad Greg ended up passing away this
last January 6 months after his
diagnosis so why do I share with you my
story and what has it got to do with
self-confidence well know that I don't
tell you my story as a means of a pity
party I don't need that it's simply my
story what I want to share with you is
how I developed self-confidence in the
midst of my life and through my
turmoil it was in Middle School when I
was the most insecure of myself and just
my image consumed me I was obsessed with
my popularity and likeability I was
determined to build up my confidence off
of what other people thought of me the
irony in it was was that it was
completely false but when I was 14 I had
an epiphany of the obstacle I had
created in front of me and how I could
change it and that's what I want to
share with you today the five steps I
took to develop
self-confidence so what does it look
like to be confident well
first find
yourself and this looks differently for
a lot of different people but it's a
critical aspect in developing any sort
of confidence for yourself after all how
can you play place confidence in you if
you don't know who you truly are so
spend time alone and thought figure out
what it is that you like and dislike
like what is it that you're passionate
about what do you want to do and
discover your talents and yes you have
talents don't say that you don't you
simply need to find them if you haven't
done that already and this looks
differently for different people for
myself I found my talents in the midst
of our school's musical it was The
Wizard of Oz I was super hesitant of
trying out for it at first but I ended
up auditioning and landed one of the
lead roles as Tin Man then I went and
sang and danced on a stage and he was
super manly but the thing that it did
was it planted a seat of confidence in
me that showed me that I was good at
something and that I could do
something you need to find yourself as
well because you need to stay true to
yourself figure out what it is that you
will accept as right and wrong and
establish the barriers around you of
what you will do and what you won't do I
remember sneaking out to a party when I
was younger and uh this is one of those
parties that you don't really want your
parents to find out hi Mom and
because there's a ton of drugs and
alcohol there that I really could have
gotten involved with and I didn't
possess the self-confidence that I
needed to establish the barriers around
me of what I would and wouldn't do and
now I never got involved with anything
there well I actually got busted for it
at like 11:00 at night walking down the
street with my mom pulling over in a
minivan and laying down on the horn in
front of me and a big group of people
and it was super embarrassing but the
point is that you need to stay true to
yourself so
above all this though develop a
self-respect for you and don't be so
harsh on yourself of the expectations
that you lie out in front of you so what
next
well don't care what other people think
of you this is by far one of the hardest
aspects to actually fulfill and now note
that this this isn't apathy this isn't
the same as not having any regards for
anyone's thoughts I'm also not saying
that you should go out in public with
without any clothes on cuz you really
don't care what people think of you but
because there's always a balance and a
certain quality as to how much we think
or care about what other people think of
us but there is a balance so imagine if
you're running a race around a track
would you stop in the middle of that
track and in the middle of the race
because of what some person said about
you on the sidelines no because they're
not running your
race the funny thing is we often think
more about what other people are
thinking of us or what we perceive
others to think of us than what other
people are actually thinking of
us you need to know as well that your
story doesn't Define you my story
doesn't Define me my past is my past but
it does not determine my
future have you guys ever heard of
these so-called Beauty magazines like l
or uh men's fitness Women's World
women's fitness cosmopolitan
the funny thing about these magazines is
that they're much less Beauty magazines
and a lot more like product
catalogs so if you take a look at this
picture this is an L magazine where the
top is the regular magazine and the
bottom is the same Magazine with all the
ads taken out of it this is another
picture with a Cosmopolitan
magazine and what these magazines do is
they intentionally get you to feel worse
about yourself so that you will buy
their products and it's how they make
their money
the damaging aspect of this is that
these magazines are chocked full of
images with unrealistic body sizes their
models are deled with professional
makeup and all their pictures are
photoshopped there's even been some
magazines to have been admitting to
using computer generated
images now why would that be a standard
we would want to compare ourselves
to um can I be real with you guys for a
sec can I just like talk real you're
beautiful
and I mean that I don't mean that in the
cheesy motivational speaker way where
I'm up here and like oh you're beautiful
you need to feel better about yourself
but you are beautiful whether you feel
it or not and the truth is that you're
not beautiful in the eyes of
society and barely anyone is because
Society standards are unrealistic and
often
unattainable see Society judges Beauty
on the shallowest aspect of what beauty
encompasses where it almost solely
focuses on on good looks which in itself
is so
unvaluable because if you think about it
looks and appearances are fading
features for all us humans as we age and
you need to know that your beauty goes
beyond the roundness of your face or the
clearness of your skin or your body size
or the muscles that you have it simply
makes up the shallowest aspect of your
beauty so what next well surround
yourself with encouragement
you need to know that everything you
surround yourself with is a possible
influence to you
everything so assess your friends your
co-workers your boyfriend your
girlfriend your spouse are the people
around you creating an environment where
you can feel confident and good about
yourself do the people around you speak
positivity into your life and should you
be associating yourself with those
people no matter how you answered any of
those difficult questions know this
that whoever you surround yourself with
is who you will
become and you know I had to ask these
same questions when I was developing
self-confidence these same difficult
questions about the friends that I had
and it's difficult but there is power in
the tongue to speak life or to speak
death but it's your choice of what you
listen
to so the next thing self assess your
attitude you will always always be your
greatest
obstacle you always will you are the
captain of your ship and you determine
which direction your life is
headed and I think back of who I was and
what I did and the opportunities that I
threw out the window while I was
insecure and the obstacles that I
willingly placed in front of me and I
had to assess my attitude and the
regrets that I had and had to pull off
the chains that I had hanging around my
neck so evalu evaluate yourself
what negative thoughts do you have of
yourself and especially of others see
this comes in many different ways but
often it can come in the form of
unforgiveness and the funny thing about
unforgiveness is
this your unforgiveness will burden you
more than it burdens the person who
you're not willing to
forgive so what chains do you have
attached around your ankles that you're
not willing to let go
of you also need to believe in yourself
wait hold on let me say it again you
need to believe in
yourself you have the power to do
whatever it is that you set your mind to
and it is only you who can determine the
path that your life will
take and finally ask yourself this
question are you creating an environment
where your friends can feel confident
and good about themselves are you
speaking positivity and life into other
people's lives after all encouragement
breeds
encouragement again there is power in
the tongue to speak life or to speak
death what do you choose to
speak and the last point is be
humble and this is a step which is to
not be forgotten it's also the step
which is extremely difficult to maintain
something that I struggle with all the
time where I have to continually strive
to humble
myself but what it really comes down to
is
this self-confidence that is rooted in
other people's opinions and beliefs
is much less
self-confidence and more
insecurity and you're right back to
where you started and believe me I know
Pride always comes before a
fall so what's the point why why try and
follow these five steps well what I
found is that self-confidence is the
single most impactful quality that can
open up more
opportunities more happiness and more
successes
than any other personality aspect in
life and the way that I found
self-confidence for myself was by
finding myself I stopped caring what
other people thought of me I surrounded
myself with encouragement self assessed
my attitude and continually strive to be
humble but if there's anything that I
want you to take away from this today
it's
this the crippling pressures that we
face in our society on a daily basis
leave us in a state of stress and
unacceptance where we can no longer
appreciate see or believe the capability
in
ourselves there's no magic button to
confidence and even I can't guarantee
that the steps that I've described here
can undoubtedly bring you
self-confidence but they can sure help
if you choose to utilize
them now imagine this you're ready
you're prepared you are skilled and you
have endurance your greatest fears are
behind you and your challeng es ahead
are
ambitious there's one thing that's
different you are no longer your
greatest obstacle but rather your
greatest
asset now go make that a
reality thank you
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