Avoidants Will Secretly Obsess Over You If You Do THIS

Summary

In this video, Tida reveals how she transformed her relationship dynamics with her avoidant ex by following a three-step process. First, she energetically detached and prioritized herself, stepping away from the emotional cycle of chasing. Second, she focused on personal growth, rebuilding her life, and embracing self-improvement. Finally, she cultivated secure detachment, learning to let go of the need for validation. This approach helped her regain confidence and attract her ex back while teaching the importance of mutual respect and emotional independence in relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Detaching from an avoidant ex by prioritizing yourself is the first key to regaining control over the relationship dynamic.
• 😀 The sunk cost fallacy traps people into endlessly investing in a relationship with someone who isn't reciprocating, which makes it harder to detach.
• 😀 When you energetically detach and focus on yourself, your ex may start to come back, often like a rubber band snapping back.
• 😀 Avoidant individuals may develop a 'phantom ex' phase, where they long for a past partner once they become unavailable.
• 😀 To rebuild your life after a breakup, you need to focus on personal growth and self-improvement, not trying to fix the relationship.
• 😀 Self-improvement should be personal and not geared toward winning back your ex; doing so makes you more attractive and grounded.
• 😀 Secure detachment means respecting freedom in relationships and not clinging to someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
• 😀 When you stop obsessing over an avoidant person, you may trigger their desire for connection because they sense your independence.
• 😀 Cultivating a secure attachment response involves being confident in your own value and not being rattled by an ex pulling away.
• 😀 The more you release resistance and let go, the more energy flows in relationships, allowing for healthier dynamics.
• 😀 Letting go of an avoidant partner may initially feel like a risk, but it's often the most powerful step toward healing and potential reconnection.

Q & A

What is the main idea behind Tida's success with her avoidant exes?

Tida's success stems from focusing on herself, detaching emotionally from her avoidant exes, and prioritizing personal growth. This shift in energy caused her avoidant exes to become obsessed with her after she stopped pursuing them.

What does 'energetically detach' mean in the context of Tida's strategy?

'Energetically detaching' means stopping the emotional investment in the avoidant ex and shifting focus entirely to one's own well-being and personal development, which creates a space where the avoidant ex may start to feel a pull toward you.

How does the sunk cost fallacy play a role in relationships with avoidants?

The sunk cost fallacy causes individuals to invest more emotional energy into the relationship, believing that if they give up, all their efforts would be wasted. This makes it harder to detach and focus on themselves, which is crucial for change.

What was the key moment when Tida realized she needed to prioritize herself?

Tida reached a breaking point after multiple failed attempts at no-contact. She decided to focus on herself, realizing that she had been stuck in a cycle and needed to change her approach to the relationship.

Why is letting go considered a risky move in relationships with avoidants?

Letting go is seen as risky because it can lead to the fear of losing the person forever. However, in many cases, this detachment actually causes the avoidant to re-engage due to the absence of pressure or anxiety from the other person.

What are the three main steps that Tida followed to get her avoidant exes back?

The three steps are: 1) Energetically detach and prioritize yourself, 2) Rebuild your life and embrace personal transformation, 3) Cultivate secure detachment and practice complete release.

How does focusing on personal transformation help in a relationship with an avoidant?

Focusing on personal transformation helps by creating an environment where the individual becomes more emotionally stable, independent, and confident. This reduces the need for validation from the avoidant and makes them more attracted to the person’s secure energy.

What does 'secure detachment' mean and why is it important?

Secure detachment means maintaining emotional boundaries without clinging to the relationship. It is important because it shows that the person is confident in their own worth and does not need the other person’s presence to feel complete, which is more attractive to avoidants.

How can someone stop obsessing over fixing a relationship with an avoidant?

To stop obsessing, one must focus on self-improvement and shift away from the idea that the relationship is solely their responsibility. By embracing personal growth and accepting the relationship as it is, they can break the cycle of blame and regret.

What role does 'energy' play in relationships with avoidants according to Tida?

Energy, in Tida's view, refers to the emotional vibe or state that a person projects. Avoidants seem to be drawn to people who exude confidence and emotional independence. When someone is secure, avoidants may be magnetically attracted, while anxiety or clinginess tends to push them away.