How to give Powerful Feedback when Coaching
Summary
TLDRThe video script focuses on the importance of providing constructive feedback for personal and professional growth. It introduces the concept of 'two by two feedback,' a method that involves first asking the coachee what they did well, followed by the coach's observation of their performance. This builds trust and confidence. The process continues with the coachee reflecting on what they would do differently and the coach offering a single suggestion for improvement. The script emphasizes the need for a coaching contract to establish trust and the distinction between feedback and advice. It concludes by stressing the manager's role in providing honest, supportive feedback, managing their own discomfort, and leaving the conversation with a positive note or direction for the coachee's development.
Takeaways
- 📝 **Two Types of Feedback**: The script discusses the difference between conditioned feedback for survival learning and positive, constructive feedback for neocortex learning, which aids in growth and thriving.
- 🌟 **Positive Learning**: Emphasizes the importance of providing feedback that is processed by the neocortex to promote improvement and growth in individuals.
- 🤝 **Coaching Contract**: Highlights the necessity of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to ensure they understand the purpose and process of feedback.
- 👀 **Observation and Active Listening**: Stresses the need for active observation and engagement during feedback sessions, using impact questions and active listening techniques.
- 🔢 **Two by Two Feedback Model**: Introduces a simple yet effective feedback tool where the coachee is first asked about their performance, then the coach provides observations, followed by the coachee's self-reflection and finally, the coach's suggestion for improvement.
- 👍 **Building Confidence and Trust**: Explains that the first two steps of the feedback process are crucial for establishing confidence and trust, which are essential for the recipient to be receptive to growth feedback.
- 🤔 **Self-Reflection**: Encourages coachees to self-assess and identify areas for improvement, fostering a culture of continuous learning and self-improvement.
- 💡 **Constructive Advice**: Coaches should provide one clear suggestion for improvement after the coachee has self-reflected, keeping the feedback focused and actionable.
- 🔨 **Discipline and Consistency**: Underlines the importance of being disciplined and consistent in giving feedback to build a habit of self-assessment and improvement among team members.
- 🤗 **Manager's Role in Feedback**: Acknowledges the discomfort managers may feel when giving feedback but emphasizes the professional responsibility to support the development and performance of their team.
- 🚫 **Separating Feedback and Advice**: Clarifies the distinction between feedback, which is the sharing of observations and data, and advice, which involves offering solutions or judgments.
- 🎁 **Leaving a Gift**: Suggests that managers should end coaching conversations by offering a piece of themselves, be it an observation, advice, or direction, to reinforce the relationship and support the coachee's growth.
Q & A
What are the two types of feedback discussed in the transcript?
-The two types of feedback discussed are conditioned feedback of consequences, which is related to the survival brain, and positive, constructive feedback, which is processed by the neocortex and aids in growth and thriving.
How does the survival brain learn according to the transcript?
-The survival brain learns through the conditioned feedback of consequences, which is a form of survival learning. For example, a child learns not to touch a flame after experiencing pain.
What is the purpose of positive and constructive feedback?
-Positive and constructive feedback is given to help individuals improve, thrive, and grow. It is processed by the neocortex, which is the part of the brain associated with higher-level learning.
What is the 'two by two feedback' technique?
-The 'two by two feedback' technique is a simple and effective method that involves asking the coachee what they did well, offering an observation of what the coach thinks the coachee did well, asking the coachee what they would do differently next time, and finally, providing one suggestion for improvement.
Why is it important to establish a coaching contract with direct reports?
-A coaching contract is important to establish trust, clarify expectations, and ensure that direct reports understand the purpose of feedback, which is to aid their growth and development.
How does the transcript suggest building confidence and trust during feedback sessions?
-Confidence and trust are built by engaging the coachee in a dialogue about what they did well, offering observations, and then discussing areas for improvement. This approach ensures that the coachee is actively involved and feels respected.
What is the role of self-reflection in the feedback process?
-Self-reflection is crucial as it allows the coachee to analyze their performance, identify areas for improvement, and plan for future actions. It is a part of the 'two by two feedback' process where the coachee is asked what they would do differently next time.
Why is it important to distinguish between feedback and advice?
-Distinguishing between feedback and advice is important because feedback is about sharing observations and facts, while advice involves offering solutions or judgments. Keeping these separate ensures that the feedback is clear and focused on the coachee's performance.
How can a manager manage their own discomfort when giving constructive feedback?
-A manager can manage their discomfort by having a clear coaching contract in place, pre-facing the feedback with an explanation of their intentions, and focusing on the goal of improving the coachee's performance and success.
What is the significance of leaving a 'gift' at the end of a coaching conversation?
-Leaving a 'gift', which could be an observation, advice, or direction, provides value to the coachee and shows that the manager is invested in their development. It also helps to balance the coaching with guidance, making the manager's role more effective.
Why is it essential for managers to be honest and provide truthful feedback to their team members?
-Managers need to be honest because they are often the only source of truthful feedback that team members can rely on. This feedback is critical for personal and professional development, performance improvement, and the realization of the individual's full potential.
How does the 'two by two feedback' technique contribute to the development of skills?
-The 'two by two feedback' technique contributes to skill development by encouraging self-assessment and providing a structured approach to receiving and acting on feedback. It promotes a culture of continuous improvement and self-growth.
Outlines
📈 Positive Feedback for Growth
The first paragraph focuses on the distinction between two types of feedback: conditioned feedback for survival learning and positive, constructive feedback for neocortex learning, which aids in growth and improvement. It emphasizes the importance of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to ensure they understand the purpose and process of feedback. The key technique introduced is the 'two by two feedback' method, which involves observing performance, asking the coachee about their strengths, offering observations, and suggesting areas for improvement. This method is designed to build confidence and trust, encouraging self-reflection and skill development.
🤝 Building Trust Through Constructive Feedback
The second paragraph delves into the nuances of providing feedback, particularly constructive feedback, and its impact on trust and management. It stresses the need for a coaching contract that outlines how feedback will be given and the manager's commitment to the individual's development. The distinction between feedback as information and advice or judgment is clarified. The paragraph acknowledges the discomfort managers may feel when providing feedback but emphasizes the importance of honesty and the manager's role in supporting their team's success. It concludes with the advice to leave a 'gift' at the end of coaching conversations—a piece of personal insight, advice, or direction—that reinforces the manager's support and guidance.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Feedback
💡Emotional Intelligence
💡Survival Brain
💡Neocortex Learning
💡Two by Two Feedback
💡Coaching Contract
💡
💡Observation
💡Active Listening
💡Self-Reflection
💡Trust
💡Performance Improvement
💡Discomfort
Highlights
Differentiating two types of feedback: survival learning through conditioned responses and neocortex learning for growth and thriving.
The importance of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to clarify the purpose and process of feedback.
Introducing the 'two by two feedback' method as a key tool for effective managerial feedback.
The dual focus on emotional intelligence and understanding the effects of adrenaline and cortisol on learning.
The crucial role of positive and constructive feedback in engaging the neocortex, fostering improvement and growth.
Using observation to provide feedback based on real performances like pitches or presentations.
The process of 'two by two feedback', starting with asking what was done well to reinforce positive actions.
Encouraging self-reflection by asking coachees what they would do differently next time.
Building trust and confidence through consistent and disciplined feedback practices.
The transformative effect of disciplined feedback habits on self-assessment and reflection among team members.
Necessity for managers to differentiate between giving feedback (observation and facts) and giving advice (solutions or judgments).
Managing the discomfort of providing constructive feedback that might feel judgmental or uncomfortable.
Highlighting the managerial responsibility to provide honest, respectful feedback for the benefit of the employee’s development.
The strategic placement of advice or strong direction after a session of coaching and feedback for maximum impact.
Leaving a 'piece of oneself' at the end of coaching interactions to provide security and additional value to feedback sessions.
Transcripts
what we're going to talk about today is
the
first of all the difference between the
two types of feedback
and how we learn how we learn positively
and how we provide feedback for growth
the second aspect is around observation
and how we establish a coaching contract
with our direct reports to establish
ourselves
as their givers of feedback so they
understand why we're doing it and what
we will do with them
and we will look finally at the key
technique
that we will use the key tool which is
two by two feedback
so as a reminder and this goes all the
way back to our first time together
when we talked around emotional
intelligence and we talked about the
effects
of adrenaline and cortisol
and if you remember we talked about two
different types of
learning limbic learning or the survival
brain
and then neocortex learning the thriving
part
of the brain so how do we learn
as human beings well we get presented
with
feedback now the survival brain learns
through the conditioned feedback of
consequences exactly the same as
as a child if a child puts their hand
near a flame
they get the immediate consequence of
some pain
and they learn through conditioning not
to do that in the future it's purely
survival
learning what we're interested in
is the powerful effect of positive
and constructive feedback how we give
people feedback
that they can accept as being processed
by their neocortex
and therefore this aids them to improve
and to thrive and to grow
this is the type of feedback that we're
really interested in giving our direct
reports
so our prime tool for doing this is two
by two feedback a
really simple device that we can use
but incredibly effective and just to
remind you what those steps are
so the first thing that we would do
having observed our
coachee in in performance whether it's
in a
pitch or a presentation we would
observe and we would give them this two
by two feedback
and the first step is to ask the coachee
what they did well what did you do well
and
remembering our coaching techniques
around
impact questions and active listening we
need to make sure
that they actually engage properly with
our question
and not get embarrassed or not try and
distract
or while i don't think there was
anything i did particularly well no what
did you do well
and be insistent upon the on the
question
and then we will offer them an
observation
this is what i think you did really well
now these two steps build the
build confidence trust between us we
want somebody
living in their neocortex to receive
the constructive uh feedback that we
have for them the growth feedback
so the step three is we ask them
what would you do differently next time
we're asking them to give themselves a
piece of advice
on reflection this is what i could have
done differently
next time around this is what i'll try
would be great answers to those
questions and then we will finish up
okay here's one thing that i would
suggest you think about
and try differently next time very
simple
very powerful way to give people
feedback particularly
if they get used to this being
a discipline that we follow as part of
the contract that we have for them
and what you'll find is the more
disciplined you are in your habits
the more that they will do this for
themselves they'll come out of a pitch
they'll sit you with you in the back of
the uber and the first thing they'll do
is they'll start this process
well i can tell you already the one
thing i think i did well but i tell you
what i do differently next time
and they're already into that space a
very high level of trust
very high level of self-reflection and
then we can give them that powerful
feedback
and that is the feedback that builds
skills
so a few thoughts just before we close
in terms of our ability to give powerful
constructive
positive feedback the first is
we have to have a coaching contract
established
we have to earn the right we have to set
the discipline this is part of how we
build trust with people
this is how i will manage you this is
why i'm going to do it this is what i'm
going to do
and have people know so that we don't
ever lack the courage
to take the step of giving somebody
feedback
and feedback should be simply what we
have observed
we've got to be very careful to
distinguish between
feedback which is the passing of
observation and information and data and
facts
from advice which is offering up a
solution
offering up a piece of advice maybe even
offering up a judgment
keep those two things very very separate
so feedback is simply
information that they can take on board
i think that giving feedback to people
particularly
constructive feedback i think this is
the toughest thing
that we have to do as a people manager
and i don't underestimate the discomfort
that it can create for us
that real stressful moment when we know
we've got to have a conversation with
somebody we're going to have to give
them some feedback that might
hurt their feelings that might feel very
judgmental to them
that might feel almost like the end of
the world to them
and yet we have to pay them the respect
we are their manager this is a
professional
interested in their own development
interested in raising their performance
interested in fully realizing their
potential
and we are their manager we're probably
the only person
that they can really rely on to tell
them the truth
we have to manage our own discomfort as
a manager
we do not have the luxury of avoiding
the potential discomfort that will come
from sitting with someone and giving
them the feedback
but if your coaching contract is in
place if you can
preface this with i'm going to give you
some tough feedback here
and i hope you know that the reason that
i am doing this
is because i'm solely interested in your
improvement and
your performance and i give you this
feedback in 100 percent
support of you being successful
now this is also where we can then
switch
because as a manager you may well have
some very strong advice in fact you may
well have
very strong direction to give people
and this is the place to do it when
you've coached
when you've given the feedback and at
the end
leave them with a gift i think it's
very difficult for people if their
experience of their manager
is that all their manager does is coach
them
this actually does not leave people
feeling safe
so uh the way i express this is at the
end of any
coaching conversation at the end of any
interaction
leave a little piece of yourself so that
they do know
what you've been thinking and you can
offer this as an observation
you can offer it as advice or you can
offer it as a very strong non-negotiable
direction
and this is why we've always got to have
ourselves under self-regulation
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