These psychological habits will make you seem more attractive

Summary

This video script offers five psychological habits to enhance attractiveness: 1) Cultivate positivity and kindness to increase perceived attractiveness. 2) Develop emotional regulation to appear more mature and stable, which is attractive for long-term relationships. 3) Engage in a rich social and leisure life to demonstrate independence and interesting hobbies. 4) Practice mature communication using the DEAR method to express needs respectfully. 5) Foster self-love and respect to signal high self-worth and the ability to maintain healthy boundaries.

Takeaways

• 😀 Positivity Boosts Attractiveness: Being optimistic, kind, and warm can significantly increase how attractive you appear to others. Positive behaviors signal that you are a good person to be around.
• 🧘‍♂️ Emotional Regulation is Key: Individuals who can manage their emotions effectively are seen as more attractive. Emotion regulation helps maintain healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy conflicts.
• 👥 Social and Leisure Life Matters: Having a rich social life and engaging in hobbies makes you more attractive. It shows independence, safety, and a full life that others find appealing.
• 🗣️ Mature Communication Increases Attractiveness: Effective communication skills, such as expressing needs and handling conflicts maturely, are crucial for being perceived as a desirable partner.
• ❤️ Self-Love and Self-Respect: People with higher self-esteem and self-confidence are seen as more attractive. Self-respect signals to others that you know your value.
• 😌 Mindfulness Helps with Emotion Regulation: Mindfulness and meditation are effective tools for managing emotions, which in turn, enhances attractiveness.
• 😊 Kindness and Altruism are Attractive: People who engage in kind and altruistic behavior are rated as more attractive because they seem like good companions.
• 🔄 Replace Negativity with Positivity: To become a more positive person, consciously replace negative thoughts or comments with positive ones, especially in challenging situations.
• 📚 Engage in Social Hobbies: Participating in social activities or hobbies not only makes you more interesting but also increases the chances of meeting potential partners.
• 🤝 Use the DEAR Communication Technique: A useful communication tool is DEAR (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce) for expressing thoughts and needs clearly and effectively.

Q & A

What is the halo effect mentioned in the script?

The halo effect refers to the phenomenon where people who possess socially idealized traits are also perceived as more physically attractive. This is because non-physical aspects of attractiveness can enhance a person's perception of someone's physical attractiveness.

How does being a positive person increase one's attractiveness?

Being positive, optimistic, kind, and warm can significantly increase one's perceived attractiveness. Studies have shown that personality traits like these can alter how people rate the physical attractiveness of others.

What is the quick fire tip for becoming a more positive person?

The quick fire tip is to replace any negative thoughts or comments with positive ones. For example, instead of complaining about a delay, comment on something positive like the ambiance of the place.

Why is emotional regulation important for attractiveness?

Emotional regulation is important because it signals maturity and the ability to handle stress and conflicts in a healthy way. People who are good at regulating their emotions are seen as more attractive and likable, and they tend to have healthier relationships.

How can the Aura app help with emotional regulation?

The Aura app, which is a mindfulness and sleep app, can help with emotional regulation by providing meditation, stories, and breath work exercises. It allows users to tailor activities to their specific needs, helping them to manage stress and practice mindfulness.

What is the significance of having a full social and leisure life in terms of attractiveness?

Having a full social and leisure life makes a person seem more attractive because it indicates that they have strong social ties and are interesting with a rich personal life. This can also increase the chances of meeting potential partners.

What is the quick fire tip for enhancing one's social and leisure life?

The quick fire tip is to brainstorm one way to get more involved in an activity or hobby that you enjoy and then dive right into it, preferably with other people.

How does mature communication contribute to attractiveness?

Mature communication skills make a person seem more attractive because they demonstrate the ability to express needs effectively and handle conflicts in a healthy manner. This is appealing to potential partners.

What is the DEER acronym and how can it help with communication?

The DEER acronym stands for Describe the situation, Express what you feel and think, Assert what you need, and Reinforce the request. It is a strategy from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help people communicate their feelings and needs effectively.

Why is self-love and self-respect important for attractiveness?

Self-love and self-respect are important because they signal to others that a person has high self-esteem and self-confidence. This can make them seem more physically and socially attractive, as it indicates they are capable of setting boundaries and maintaining a healthy relationship.

What is the suggested method to foster self-love and self-respect?

The suggested method is to ask oneself what a self-loving, self-respecting person would do in various situations. This can help in making decisions that align with self-respect and self-love.

Outlines

00:00

😊 Boosting Your Attractiveness Through Personality

The speaker addresses people who feel unattractive and reassures them that while physical traits may not always be controllable, there are psychological habits that can make one seem more attractive. The video focuses on how non-physical traits can elevate perceived attractiveness and introduces the concept of the halo effect. This effect suggests that personality traits like kindness and optimism can positively influence how physically attractive a person appears. The speaker introduces five personality-driven ways to enhance attractiveness, emphasizing that self-improvement is optional but worthwhile.

05:01

😁 The Power of Positivity and Kindness

Being a positive, kind, and warm person can greatly enhance how attractive others perceive you to be. The speaker explains how research shows that personality traits can significantly influence perceived attractiveness, with people rating those who display positivity, kindness, and warmth as more appealing. Smiling, participating in altruistic behaviors, and exuding optimism are all key factors that contribute to this effect. The speaker provides a practical tip to become more positive: whenever you feel the urge to say something negative, replace it with something positive instead, making interactions more enjoyable.

10:02

🧘‍♂️ Emotional Regulation and Attraction

Emotional regulation plays a critical role in how attractive a person appears to others. Immaturity in handling emotions, such as excessive texting or lashing out in anger, makes one less attractive as a partner. The speaker highlights a 2005 study that links high emotional regulation with greater attractiveness and healthier relationships. To improve emotional regulation, practicing mindfulness is key. The speaker introduces Aura, a mindfulness and meditation app, as a tool to help with emotional management, reducing stress, and fostering healthier relationships.

🤝 Building a Full Social and Leisure Life

A rich social and leisure life enhances attractiveness, as people with strong social ties and personal hobbies are seen as more interesting and safer partners. The speaker emphasizes that having a full life outside of romantic relationships not only makes a person more appealing but also boosts opportunities for meeting potential partners. Engaging in hobbies, especially social ones, enriches life, encourages growth, and provides more conversation topics. The speaker suggests identifying a hobby you enjoy and diving into it, especially in group settings, for double benefits—personal fulfillment and increased attractiveness.

🗣 The Importance of Mature Communication

Effective communication is key to appearing more attractive. People who shut down, stonewall, or communicate in hurtful ways are less appealing, except to those with unresolved psychological issues. The speaker introduces the DBT technique 'DEAR'—Describe, Express, Assert, and Reinforce—as a communication framework that can help resolve conflicts constructively. An example is given of using DEAR in a friendship situation to express concerns and assert needs without being hurtful. This technique is praised for its ability to promote healthy conversations and foster stronger, more attractive relationships.

❤️ Fostering Self-Love and Self-Respect

Self-love and self-respect are essential for perceived attractiveness. People with high self-esteem are seen as more physically and socially appealing because they project their own sense of worth. The speaker acknowledges that self-love can be difficult, especially for those who experienced childhood trauma, but offers a practical tip: make daily decisions as a self-respecting person would. By imagining what a confident, self-loving person would do in various situations, individuals can gradually become more self-respecting. Cultivating self-love not only boosts attractiveness but also promotes healthy boundaries and relationship skills.

🎯 Recap: Five Psychological Habits to Increase Attractiveness

The speaker summarizes five key habits that can make a person more attractive: being positive, regulating emotions, maintaining a rich social life, communicating maturely, and fostering self-love. They offer quick tips for each habit, such as replacing negative statements with positive ones, meditating to manage emotions, joining a hobby for personal growth, using the 'DEAR' method for communication, and making decisions like a self-respecting person. These habits, rooted in personality development, can enhance both physical and social attractiveness. The speaker thanks Aura for sponsoring the video and encourages viewers to try it.

Keywords

💡Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness refers to how someone is judged based on their physical appearance. In the video, it is acknowledged that people often focus on their appearance when thinking about attractiveness, but the speaker emphasizes that non-physical traits can also enhance perceived physical attractiveness through a halo effect.

💡General Attractiveness

General attractiveness is how drawn someone is to you based on your personality and behaviors rather than just your physical appearance. The video stresses that non-physical attributes, such as kindness or emotional stability, can significantly impact how attractive others find you, sometimes even more than appearance.

💡Positivity

Positivity refers to the tendency to be optimistic, kind, and warm. The video explains that these traits make a person more attractive because they signal that being around them will improve others' lives. The speaker encourages replacing negative thoughts or comments with positive ones to foster this trait.

💡Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation is the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy way. In the video, this is presented as crucial to being an attractive partner. People who handle emotions well are seen as mature and capable, making them more desirable in relationships. The speaker suggests mindfulness and meditation as methods to improve emotion regulation.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present and aware of your emotions without reacting impulsively. The speaker ties mindfulness to better emotion regulation, which in turn enhances one's attractiveness. By being mindful, a person can process their emotions before reacting, contributing to healthier relationships.

💡Social Ties

Social ties refer to a person’s relationships with friends, family, and social groups. The video emphasizes that strong social connections make people more attractive because they provide a sense of security. A person who has a rich social life is seen as more balanced, independent, and less likely to require all of their partner’s attention.

💡Hobbies

Hobbies are activities a person engages in for enjoyment. In the video, having hobbies is described as a way to make oneself more attractive because it shows that you have a full and interesting life. Engaging in social hobbies also increases the likelihood of meeting potential partners.

💡Mature Communication

Mature communication is the ability to express one's feelings, needs, and boundaries in a healthy and constructive manner. The video stresses that people who can communicate their needs effectively, without lashing out or shutting down, are seen as more attractive because they can navigate conflict and maintain healthy relationships.

💡Self-Love

Self-love is the act of valuing and caring for oneself. In the video, self-love is presented as essential to attractiveness, as people who love and respect themselves tend to project confidence and set boundaries. This makes them more attractive to others because it signals self-worth and resilience.

💡Halo Effect

The halo effect is a cognitive bias where the perception of one positive trait (like kindness) leads to the assumption of other positive traits (like physical attractiveness). In the video, the speaker notes that non-physical traits can enhance a person’s overall attractiveness due to this effect.

Highlights

Psychological habits can make someone more attractive, focusing on personality traits that enhance perceived attractiveness.

The halo effect works both ways: positive personality traits can enhance perceptions of physical attractiveness.

Being a positive, optimistic, and warm person increases perceived attractiveness.

Smiling and showing kindness during first impressions make people more likable and attractive.

Emotion regulation is a key factor in being perceived as a more attractive partner, as it demonstrates maturity and stability.

Mindfulness practices, like meditation, can improve emotional regulation, which enhances relationship satisfaction.

Having a rich social life and hobbies makes someone more attractive by showing independence and creating interesting topics of conversation.

Being socially active increases the chance of meeting potential partners and shows you’re well-connected and safe to be around.

Mature communication skills, such as the DBT technique 'DEAR' (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce), can make someone more attractive in relationships.

People with self-love and self-respect are perceived as more physically and socially attractive.

Higher self-esteem signals to others that you know your value, making you more attractive.

Practicing daily self-respecting behaviors, like making healthy choices, boosts self-esteem and perceived attractiveness.

Setting boundaries and being assertive are signs of self-respect, which contributes to attractiveness in a relationship.

Trauma survivors may struggle with self-love but can cultivate it through healthy relationships and mindful self-care.

Daily practices like asking 'What would a self-respecting person do?' can foster self-love and respect over time.

Transcripts

I often get comments from people who

feel helpless in finding a partner feel

like they're not attractive enough to

find someone and while I can't really

help you much with the things that can't

be controlled about you there are some

changes you can make to your daily

psychological habits that are

scientifically shown to make you more

attractive seeming to other people

there's on one hand physical

attractiveness how somebody assesses

your physical attractiveness to be but

there is also General attractiveness how

drawn they are to you and non-physical

aspects of being attracted to someone

often can inflate a person's perception

of your physical attractiveness as well

it's a type of halo effect that I don't

really hear talked about a lot we tend

to assume that attractive people hold

socially idealized traits but it's the

other way around too people with

socially idealized traits also tend to

be rated as more attractive so in this

video I'm going to share five different

ways that you can seem more attractive

to People by working purely on your

personality caveat here I don't think

that you need to change in order to find

your person but if you're open to

self-improvement why not give some of

these a try let's get

[Music]

started number one a really easy way to

increase your attractiveness in other

people's eyes is to be a very positive

person be optimistic kind and warm

several studies have looked at the

influence of Personality information on

a person's perceived physical

attractiveness so basically researchers

have given participants photographs of

an opposite sex person alongside

information about their personality and

having that personality information

significantly changed their ratings of

that person's attractiveness so traits

like positivity optimism kindness and

warmth increased a person's perceived

attractiveness people who smile during

first impressions are also rated as more

likable and attractive people who take

part in general and altruistic Behavior

who showcase themselves being kind and

giving are also considered more

attractive all of this because when you

give off the impression that you're a

kind positive person you're essentially

signaling to the people around you that

you're a good person to be around you're

going to make their life more beautiful

rather than more unpleasant and who

doesn't want more of that so a quick

fire tip if you want to become a more

positive person every time you feel the

urge to say something negative say

something positive instead let's say

that you're on a date at the restaurant

and you've been waiting for the waitress

for half an hour you could in that

moment say where is this waitress it's

been 30 minutes she's so lazy when you

feel the urge to say that instead switch

it to something positive you can say you

know I love the Ambiance in this

restaurant or if you're talking to

someone and they start gossiping instead

of feeling the urge to respond to the

gossip switch to saying something nice

whether it be about the person in

question or about the person you're

talking to or somebody else around you

number two being emotionally regulated

will also make you seem more attractive

I used to be clueless when it came to

emotion regulation as a young adult I

may not have had issues with people

perceiving me as physically attractive

but I don't think I really came off as

an attractive partner to have simply

because I didn't know what to do with my

emotions we don't really want to be

around someone who sends a million texts

when we're busy or who lashes out when

they're angry or who cannot handle even

the smallest of frustrations on their

own it's a sign of immaturity and people

generally aren't looking to babysit

their partner a study from 2005

demonstrated that individuals high in

Emotion regulation were rated as more

attractive and likable also people who

are better at regulating their emotions

tend to have healthier and more stable

relationships emotion regulation helps

maintain close relationships helps avoid

unhealthy conflicts work through healthy

ones respond constructively to stress

all of which tends to increase

relationship satisfaction so if you want

to be a more attractive partner get your

emotions in order how do you do this OB

obviously I could go into dozens of

emotion regulation skills right now but

the very first thing that I think is

also the most important to know is that

when you're feeling a powerful emotion

you have to slow down and practice

mindfulness and this is where I'd like

to thank the sponsor of today's video

Aura like I said the very first step in

being able to regulate your emotions is

to sit with them to sit with your

emotional experience and I used to be

very bad at the sitting with it part

when I was younger I didn't really know

how to self soothe activities like

mindfulness and meditation are a really

good way to press pause when you're

feeling a powerful emotion and take

stock of what's going on before you

respond Studies have found that

mindfulness enhances emotion regulation

which is why therapies like DBT and act

which heavily emphasize emotion

regulation also heavily prioritize

mindfulness an aura is a mindfulness and

sleep app that's used by over 7 million

people it won the best of Apple award

it's an allinone place for meditation

stories mindfulness breath work

spirituality kind of like Spotify but

for the mind and soul and what I love

about Aura is that you can tailor it to

your specific needs based on your goals

and then it gives you recommendations on

certain activities you can try out and

it's not just Audio Only either lately

I've been using Aura mainly as a way to

just slow down because my main goal at

this point in my life is I just need to

manage my stress I need to take

everything a lot more mindfully and

slowly so taking just 5 to 10 minutes

out of my Daye to meditate has been

really helpful it's something so simple

yet so powerful so if you're looking for

a way to boost your emot regulation or

just take care of yourself and practice

a meditation give AA a try get started

completely free using my link below and

the first 500 people to use my link will

also get 25% off their Aura membership

thank you so much to Aura number three

another way to seem more attractive to

people is to have a full social and

Leisure Life people with stronger social

ties are perceived as more attractive

partners because we all want a partner

who makes us feel safe and part of

feeling safe means having these social

connections that we can follow fall back

on when stuff goes south and also that

the person we're going to be with isn't

going to make us ostracized by

association thereby lessening our own

Survival also putting aside just the

social aspect people who have Rich

personal lives who take part in a lot of

hobbies on their own are considered more

interesting they have something to talk

about they have something to share that

they did that day they enrich our lives

they're always growing and

self-improving and it pushes us to do

the same we don't have to worry that

they're always going to require all of

our time and attention because they're

busy with their own stuff they can

handle themselves so one really

important way to become more attractive

is to get out there and participate in

some Hobbies preferably with other

people plus by doing so especially

participating in Social Hobbies you're

going to be increasing your chances of

meeting potential Partners so it's a

double whammy so a quick fire tip for

this one is brainstorm what is one way

that you can get more involved in

something you enjoy and Dive Right In

maybe it's joining a book club or a

sailing class or a hockey team whatever

it is as long as you enjoy it and you

are participating in it ideally with

other people you are going to see the

benefits of that number four people who

can communicate maturely seem more

attractive a person who tends to shut

down and Stonewall when they're upset

who struggles to express their needs or

who expresses their needs in a way

that's hurtful is unlikely to be

perceived as an attractive partner

except by people who have their own

psychological complexes that they're

trying to recreate this is why it's

really important to know how to

communicate well now again I could give

you dozens of healthy communication

strategies here a lot of them are in the

connection course but there is one that

I think can be really helpful in any

situation that I'll share with you now

the acronym is called deer it's from DBT

dialectical behavioral therapy and it

stands for describe the situation

Express what you feel and think assert

what you need and reinforce what you

need so let's run through this with an

example let's say that lately you've

been feeling like a friendship of yours

is really one-sided starting with d

describe the situation hey I noticed

that you've been texting me a lot when

you need some support and last week when

I told you that I needed some support

you stopped messaging me it's very cut

and dry very objective just stating the

facts you're not really speculating on

anything you're not sharing your

feelings yet but next you will and E

Express how you feel about it this makes

me feel undervalued in our friendship it

makes me feel a little bit used a assert

your request so in the near future I

think I need to take a little bit of a

break from helping you out with what

you're going through because I'm

honestly going through my own stuff and

I think maybe leaning on a therapist

would be more helpful and our

reinforcing statements this is where you

explain to people what they have to gain

if they can respect your request and or

what they have to lose if they're not

able to so you could say something like

I really think that if you have multiple

Avenues of support in your life you will

feel more like you're getting your needs

met and I will too or you could say you

know in the future if this keeps

happening I'm not sure that I'm going to

keep wanting to be a part of this

friendship it's very rudimentary you

know just top of my head this is what I

came up with but I think you get the

idea if you have a situation where

you've been thinking about how to

communicate healthfully with someone I

would love it if you could actually map

out your own dear acronym in the

comments if you feel comfortable sharing

I'd love to see what you guys come up

with and lastly something that will make

you seem more attractive to other people

is having self-love and self-respect

people who are higher in self-esteem are

perceived as both more physically and

socially attractive as are people higher

in self-confidence this is because when

somebody respects and loves themselves

it kind of signals to other people what

their value is I know that people who

struggle with self-love often have

immense value to share with others and

I've certainly struggled with self- Lov

from the past myself but unfortunately

because of these you know basic heris

these quick assumptions that we make

about people when somebody treats

themselves like they are not worthy

other people tend to believe them also

when somebody is self-respecting they're

capable of conser liveness and Boundary

setting which signals to other people

that they have the skills required to

keep a relationship healthy and also to

survive in the world as a couple now

it's kind of a catch22 because in many

ways I think everybody needs to know

what it's like to feel loved before they

can truly love themselves that's why

people with childhood trauma for

instance who weren't given that love

when they were really young May struggle

to love themselves until they find that

person in adulthood who treats them well

because they miss that pivotal

developmental milestone we learned learn

how to love ourselves and how to sooth

ourselves by somebody else offering that

to us but there are some things that you

can do to start seeing your worth so one

really quick fired tip every day when

you're making decisions ask yourself

what would a self-respecting self-loving

person do if you have somebody in mind

maybe even like visualize them like

identify a person who you think is

really self-respecting and self-loving

so would they cook themselves a healthy

meal or order something that's

nutritionally pretty minimal would they

let their family walk all over them

would they answer that disrespectful

objectifying text would they stay up all

night watching Netflix or would they

listen to as sleep meditation instead by

practicing this day in and day out you

can start to inject that person who you

think is more self-respecting and more

self-loving than you and over time you

become that person in conclusion here

are five psychological habits that will

make you more attractive to other people

be a positive person a really easy way

to practice this is every time you feel

the to say something negative replace it

with something positive instead number

two have emotion regulation a really

simple way to do this is to start

meditating every time you feel a

powerful emotion and to sit with your

feelings and just press pause number

three having a full social and Leisure

Life simple way to do this is to start

to throw yourself into a new hobby

number four be able to communicate

maturely one way that you can do that is

by using the acronym deer describe the

situation Express Yourself assert your

request and reinforce and number five

Foster a sense of self-love and

self-respect you can do this by every

single day when you're making decisions

asking yourself what would a self-loving

self-respecting person do thank you

again to Aura for sponsoring a portion

of today's video don't forget to check

them out using the link below and I'll

see you soon

[Music]