How to Spot a Cult | Sarah Edmondson | TED

Summary

The speaker shares her personal journey of being drawn into a cult, Nxivm, under the guise of personal development, highlighting the manipulative tactics of love-bombing and indoctrination. She emphasizes the importance of being aware of cult-like dynamics that prey on human desires for connection and purpose, and offers insights on identifying red flags to navigate such situations safely.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Importance of community and connection - The speaker emphasizes the value of being part of a community and the desire to build and join communities that align with one's beliefs.
• 🎭 Lifelong learning and exploration - The speaker's background as a lifelong learner and seeker highlights the human tendency to explore and grow through various experiences and activities.
• 🚨 Warning signs of cults - The narrative serves as a cautionary tale, illustrating how seemingly positive and altruistic groups can have a darker, more manipulative side.
• 🌐 Cults in disguise - The speaker points out that cults often disguise themselves as normal, appealing activities such as yoga classes, leadership courses, or business opportunities.
• 💡 Cult literacy - The need for awareness and education about cults and their tactics is crucial in order to recognize and avoid their influence.
• 🔍 Research and critical thinking - The importance of doing one's own research and not taking things at face value is stressed, as is the need for critical thinking when joining any group or program.
• 💔 Impact of cult involvement - The personal story shared underscores the emotional and psychological toll of being involved in a cult and the process of healing and recovery.
• 🛑 Taking action against cults - The speaker's decision to leave the cult and actively work to raise awareness and protect others from similar experiences is highlighted.
• 🌈 Seeking safely - The speaker encourages the audience to seek new experiences and communities, but to do so with caution and awareness of potential cultic influence.
• 💬 Openness to questions and critique - The presence of a healthy amount of commitment and the allowance for questioning and critique are signs of a safe and non-cult-like group.
• 🌱 Personal growth without external tools - The message concludes with the idea that personal growth and self-discovery can happen without relying on external programs, communities, or tools.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial perception of Nxivm?

The speaker initially perceived Nxivm as a personal and professional development program with an altruistic mission to change the world, one person at a time.

How did the speaker describe their role within Nxivm?

The speaker described themselves as one of the company's star recruiters, having risen up the ranks and being part of a community of like-minded humanitarians.

What were some of the tactics used by Nxivm to manipulate and control members?

Nxivm used tactics such as love-bombing, coercion, obligation, gaslighting, and control to manipulate and control members.

What event led to the speaker's realization that Nxivm was a cult?

The speaker's realization came when she was invited to a secret Nxivm offshoot and discovered that the symbol branded on her body was Keith Raniere's initials, not the four elements as she had been told.

What actions did the speaker take after recognizing Nxivm's true nature?

After recognizing Nxivm's true nature, the speaker went to the authorities with a group of fellow ex-members, blew the whistle, and then went to the press when the authorities did not take immediate action.

What was the outcome of the legal proceedings against Nxivm's founder?

Nxivm's founder, Keith Raniere, was ultimately sentenced to 120 years in prison after a dramatic arrest in Mexico and a six-week trial.

How does the speaker describe the concept of 'coercive control'?

Coercive control is described as a form of manipulation where someone is made to feel like they have a choice, but in reality, they are being controlled through various tactics, such as love-bombing or fear, to ensure compliance.

What advice does the speaker give to avoid falling into a similar situation?

The speaker advises people to be aware of red flags, do their research, question the groups they join, and remember that no one has all the answers – it's important to determine if a group or program is healthy for them.

What are some 'green flags' that the speaker suggests looking for in a group to determine its healthiness?

Green flags include a welcoming of questions, the ability to leave without repercussions, and a healthy amount of commitment that doesn't demand an all-consuming change of one's lifestyle.

How does the speaker emphasize the importance of self-awareness and personal growth?

The speaker emphasizes that individuals are on a path of self-discovery and knowledge, and that they are already whole. She encourages seeking wisely and using various programs and communities as tools, not as the entirety of one's life.

What is the speaker's ultimate message to the audience?

The speaker's ultimate message is to seek wisely and to be discerning when joining communities or programs, ensuring they contribute positively to one's life and do not lead to harmful situations or cult-like dynamics.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Allure of Community and Cult Awareness

The speaker begins by expressing their lifelong attraction to community and the building of communities. They share their experience as a joiner in various activities and being raised by parents who emphasized the importance of improving the world. The speaker also mentions their organizational skills and their involvement in a cult for 12 years, which they aim to warn others about. They discuss their initial involvement with Nxivm, a group that appeared to be focused on personal and professional development but was actually a high-control group or cult. The speaker describes the slow process of coercion, obligation, and manipulation that they experienced within the group, which eventually led to their realization of the cult's true nature.

05:01

📰 Breaking Free and Raising Awareness

The speaker recounts their journey after realizing the cult's true nature, including the initial disbelief and the eventual decision to leave. They share their efforts to alert others about the cult, which were initially met with resistance from authorities and the press. The speaker's persistence led to significant media coverage, culminating in the arrest and conviction of the cult's founder. They emphasize the importance of recognizing the signs of cultic behavior and the need for 'cult literacy' to protect oneself from such groups.

10:03

🚨 Identifying Cults and Their Tactics

The speaker delves into the tactics used by cults to attract and retain members. They explain how cults often disguise themselves as positive, appealing experiences and prey on human desires for connection and purpose. The speaker outlines several red flags, such as the assumption of neediness, high costs, and the use of loaded language. They also discuss the concept of 'love-bombing' and the use of dogma or doctrine to create an 'us-versus-them' mentality. The speaker encourages the audience to be vigilant and to recognize the signs of cultic influence.

15:03

🛡️ Cult Literacy and Safe Seeking

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of cult literacy and the ability to discern healthy communities from harmful ones. They provide advice on how to identify safe groups, such as those that welcome questions and allow for departure without repercussions. The speaker also stresses the need for research and critical thinking when considering joining any group or program. They share their personal journey of healing and their mission to educate others on seeking safely, encouraging the audience to be wise in their pursuits and to remember that they are already whole.

Keywords

💡Community

The term 'community' refers to a group of people who share common interests, values, or goals. In the context of the video, it is central to the speaker's personal journey, as she was drawn to building and being part of communities she believed in. It underscores her initial attraction to Nxivm, which was presented as a community of like-minded humanitarians focused on self-improvement and making a positive impact on the world.

💡Cult

A 'cult' is a group or movement that has a devotion to a person, idea, or object and whose members often live outside the norms of society, sometimes under the leadership of a charismatic figure. In the video, the speaker reveals that what she initially thought was a positive community was actually a cult, highlighting the deceptive nature of such groups and their potential for harm.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. In the video, the speaker mentions gaslighting as one of the tactics used by the cult to maintain control over its members, causing them to doubt their own understanding of reality and experiences.

💡High-control group

A 'high-control group' is an organization that exercises a significant degree of control over its members' thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, often using manipulation and coercion. The term is used in the video to describe the nature of Nxivm, indicating that it was not just a toxic workplace but an organization with a structured system of control that aimed to dominate every aspect of its members' lives.

💡Love-bombing

Love-bombing is a manipulation tactic where a group or individual showers a person with excessive attention and affection to gain their trust and control. In the video, the speaker identifies love-bombing as one of the methods used by the cult to make her and others feel special and valued, thereby drawing them into the group and making them more susceptible to its influence.

💡Empowerment

Empowerment refers to the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and making decisions. In the video, the speaker was initially sold an image of empowerment by the cult, promising her self-improvement and personal growth, which later turned out to be a facade for more sinister intentions.

💡Branding

In the context of the video, 'branding' takes on a sinister meaning as it refers to the act of marking or identifying someone as property, which is what the cult's leader did by burning his initials into the bodies of women. This act symbolizes the extreme level of control and ownership the cult sought to exert over its members.

💡Whistleblower

A 'whistleblower' is a person who exposes wrongdoing or illegal activities, often within an organization. In the video, the speaker becomes a whistleblower by going to the authorities and the press to reveal the crimes and abuses happening within Nxivm, despite initial lack of action from officials.

💡Cult literacy

Cult literacy refers to the knowledge and understanding of the characteristics, tactics, and warning signs of cults, which enables individuals to recognize and avoid potentially harmful groups. The speaker emphasizes the importance of cult literacy to help people navigate the increasingly complex landscape of groups and organizations, and to seek safely without falling prey to cultic influence.

💡Red flags

Red flags are warning signs or indicators that something may be wrong or harmful. In the context of the video, the speaker discusses various red flags associated with cults, such as assuming neediness, high costs, loaded language, rumors of cult status, and claims to have definitive answers to life's mysteries.

💡Seeking

Seeking refers to the act of looking for or desiring to learn more, often about oneself or the world. In the video, the speaker's initial seeking led her to join Nxivm, but she later emphasizes the importance of seeking wisely and critically evaluating any group or community that promises answers or solutions.

Highlights

The speaker's lifelong passion for community building and learning led them to join various groups, including a cult.

Raised by hippie parents, the speaker was taught the importance of making the world better and to always be prepared with snacks for sing-alongs.

The speaker's experience in a cult for 12 years, which they now use to protect others from similar situations.

The cult, Nxivm, was initially presented as a personal and professional development program with an altruistic mission.

The speaker's rise within the cult, becoming a star recruiter and feeling a sense of community and belonging.

The gradual realization of the cult's sinister nature through coercion, obligation, gaslighting, and control.

The moment of awakening for the speaker when they discovered the true meaning behind the branding they underwent as part of a secret Nxivm offshoot.

The speaker's decision to leave the cult and their efforts to alert others and authorities about the cult's harmful activities.

The eventual downfall of Nxivm's founder, resulting in a 120-year prison sentence after a public exposure and trial.

The concept of 'bounded choice' and how it relates to the coercive control within cults, contrasting with the common misinterpretation of 'drinking the Kool-Aid'.

The speaker's journey of recovery and their mission to educate others on cult literacy to help them seek safely.

Cults often disguise themselves as something appealing and normal, like a yoga class or a business opportunity.

The use of 'love-bombing' as a manipulation strategy by cults to make newcomers feel wanted and part of something greater.

The importance of recognizing red flags and signs of cultic abuse to protect oneself from falling into such traps.

The green flags of a safe group include the welcoming of questions, the possibility to leave without repercussions, and a healthy level of commitment.

The recommendation to research any group or program before joining to avoid falling into a cultic situation.

The speaker's emphasis on the importance of self-awareness and discernment when seeking personal growth and community.

Transcripts

I have always been drawn to community --

being in community, building communities that I believe in.

I've been a lifelong learner, seeker, total joiner.

Brownies, drama club, summer camp.

I was raised by fantastic hippie parents

who taught me the importance of making the world better.

Also, bring snacks.

Be ready for sing-alongs.

I'm incredibly organized, I'm a big connector.

I've been told I have big cruise director energy.

(Laughter)

No clipboard today.

I was also in a cult for 12 years.

And I’m here today to protect you all

from the same shit show that I went through.

(Laughs)

(Applause)

Yeah. You want this.

(Cheers and applause)

My talk is rooted in awareness.

I want to help you to navigate all the culty groups out there

so that you can seek safely.

So, in 2005,

I was an aspiring actress slash waitress,

when I was invited to Nxivm.

A personal and professional development program

with a seemingly altruistic mission to change the world,

one person at a time.

Big red flag.

And I truly found an incredible community of like-minded humanitarians,

and a place where I could help people set and achieve goals

and bust through their limiting beliefs.

It was wonderful.

But it was also a facade for something sinister,

something that would take over my life slowly, over a decade,

with a slow build of coercion, obligation, gaslighting and control.

It wasn't just a highly toxic workplace.

This was a high-control group,

AKA a cult.

But I couldn't see it.

There were so many great things about the community

clouding my judgment.

I rose up the ranks,

became one of the company's star recruiters.

It was incredible.

I thought that I had found the best club ever.

My people, the chosen family.

But more importantly,

a place where I had community and belonging.

Those were things I was looking for ever since I was a little girl.

I had actually wandered onto the path of self-reflection and transformation

without any tools for navigating or protecting myself.

But I was in deep.

(Laughs)

My actual friends and family saw less and less of me,

as I’d spent more money on time and trainings,

and my worldview got more narrow.

My language became coded, I sounded like a Nxivm robot.

I was on the top of this grifty iceberg, a Nxivm pyramid,

and it truly haunts me to this day,

how many people I brought in, my friends and family,

who in turn brought in their friends and family through leveraged trust?

Till I had grown an organization so big, I could open the first center in Canada,

which was something I used to be incredibly proud of.

Some of those people are still loyal to the cult to this day.

It all came to a head when I was invited to a secret Nxivm offshoot ...

A badass boot camp for women only,

sold to me as empowerment,

when it was actually enslavement.

Just a way for Keith Raniere, the company's founder,

to brand women.

As if he owned them.

Yeah.

He also blackmailed many of them into sex.

I managed to dodge that bullet.

Thankfully, it was the branding that woke me up.

I mean, one minute, you're selling a goals program,

and the next, you're sweaty and naked on a table,

being branded in a secret sorority.

And it wasn't the moment of the branding itself.

No, not when I was sliced open without anesthetic.

But later, when I found out

that the symbol on my body was not the four elements, as I'd been told,

but actually Keith Raniere's initials in a cryptic monogram.

Yeah, I had his initials on my body.

He literally thought he could own me.

He was wrong,

and I was out.

But -- yes, thank you.

(Cheers and applause)

Wait, what happened to me was just the beginning.

And when we found out what else was going on behind closed doors --

crimes ranging from blackmail, forced labor,

child pornography, sex trafficking ...

I was mortified.

So I went to the authorities with a band of fellow shocked ex-members,

and we blew the proverbial whistle.

But they didn't do anything.

Fell on deaf ears,

because they didn't know what they were looking at.

So we went to the press.

Look, Mom and Dad,

I’m on the front page of The New York Times.

It's not exactly what I was imagining my life would be

when I started out as an actress,

but here we are.

After that, the rest is cult history.

A dramatic arrest in Mexico.

A six-week trial, a four-hour deliberation,

and ultimately, a 120-year prison sentence for Nxivm's founder.

(Applause)

Yes, thank you. Thank you.

(Applause)

Big win.

And just for the record, by all cult expert assessments,

Keith Raniere is now known

as one of the most dangerous cult leaders of all time,

on par with Jim Jones,

whose rise to power culminated in the death of 900 people,

300 of which were children,

for drinking poisoned Flavor-Aid,

which is where "drink the Kool-Aid" comes from, by the way.

And FYI, if they hadn't have drank it, they would have been shot.

It wasn't a choice, we don't use that phrase properly.

It's called a bounded choice. Coercive control.

Needless to say, Keith Raniere was not the noble, humanitarian,

ethical genius I thought I was vouching for all those years.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Nobody signs up for trauma and tragedy on purpose.

In fact, a wise man once said, "Nobody joins a cult on purpose."

They join something good.

I was on my path, I was a seeker, and I got burned.

Literally.

Blackmailed, branded, humiliated.

And I got out.

But I couldn't just leave.

I had to be as loud about why I was leaving as when I was recruiting.

And I've been out for six years almost to the day, actually.

Happy uncult-aversary to me. (Applause) Thank you.

(Applause)

And you could say my story is out there. (Laughs)

In raw, gritty, personal detail.

Thank you, HBO.

I have been to hell and back in high definition.

And I could definitely glean some nuggets for you about resiliency and trauma,

turning lemons into lemonade.

But today, I'm here for a different reason.

I want to share with you cult literacy.

New thing for all of us.

I want to share some lessons learned so that you can seek safely.

I want to show you how cults prey on your humanity

and leave no one immune.

Good plan? OK.

So first you have to know that these things are everywhere.

Cults are everywhere, and they don't look like what you think anymore.

We’re not talking about shaved heads and drinking goats’ blood

in some Stanley Kubrick horror movie, “Eyes Wide Shut.”

Masks and robes? No.

Cults thrive by disguising themselves as something wonderful

that appeals to your total, normal humanity,

your desire for connection, meaning and purpose.

All of those things are really beautiful.

It might look like a hot yoga class where everyone is so friendly afterwards.

"Thank you so much for coming. Can I get you a kombucha?"

(Laughter)

A course on leadership and communication.

A retreat on wellness and spirituality.

An incredible business opportunity to sell a life-changing product

from the comfort of your own home.

Hashtag financialfreedom. Hashtag bossbabe.

(Laughter)

You know who I'm talking about.

(Laughter)

Or a Sunday coffee hour

where the congregation or the sorority sisters,

or Montessori moms,

are all so quick to welcome you and shower you with praise.

"Oh well, bless your heart.

Oh my God, I love your hair.

Welcome to the family."

(Laughter)

I'm not condemning any one of these things, trust me.

I just want you to see the precursors.

I want you to be able to tell the difference

between a healthy human thing

and something with a malignant endgame.

Which brings me to the second thing I want you to know.

Cults prey on your humanity in a way that is predictable and textbook.

Do people keep telling you how special you are?

Yeah, well, the "special" part is probably true.

But if that's combined with a lot of eye-gazing and effusive smiles ...

(Laughter)

That might not be love, but love-bombing:

a manipulation strategy that’s designed to reel you in,

something that's been used by so many people,

from sex traffickers to David Koresh,

the infamous and ultimately doomed leader of the Branch Davidians

that led to the Waco tragedy,

to Keith Raniere,

to your next-door neighbor selling essential oils

the back of her trunk.

All that love is designed

to make you feel like you're part of something.

The best yoga, the best fraternity,

the best TEDx.

Am I right? Best TEDx?

This is the best TEDx, just be honest.

(Laughter and applause)

Thank you, yes, Dave.

(Applause)

But ...

All of that love is designed to make you feel

like you are part of something.

That's it.

Are you part of a course

or a group that's telling you that they've got the answers

to life's questions?

Or even better yet,

the answers and the solutions to the world's problems?

Careful. That's dogma or doctrine.

And those courses you're buying could just be classic indoctrination.

You feel righteous about a group being the right way or the only way?

That's basic "us-versus-them" mentality that's baked right in,

that's a very convenient way for culty bad guys to isolate you from other people

and the outside world.

All of these tactics, offering answers and solutions

and community and love and all these good things,

it's just what binds you to the group slowly, over time.

Just like the frog in the pot of water. You know this cliché, right?

Throw the frog in a pot of boiling water, it jumps out,

it knows what's going on.

But if you put it in cold water and turn the heat up slowly,

it stays in, it doesn't notice.

Just like you don't notice, because it feels so good to be loved

and be part of something.

Or maybe you're just trying to get your money's worth.

Or, like me, prove your friends and family wrong.

"I'm not in a cult."

And if and when that you notice ...

that it's not what you signed up for in the beginning,

it's too late, you're just a frog.

You're bought in and you've been boiled.

So how do you know the difference between love versus love-bombing?

The helpful tools versus the tools of coercive control?

And something altruistic

versus smoke and mirrors to hide something shady?

How do you do that human thing called seeking,

when cults are insidious

and any group can become culty?

That's right. Any group.

OK, first, you can write this down.

You're not immune to cultic influence. Nobody is.

And I know some of you are thinking, "That will never happen to me."

If you think you're not susceptible,

you're more susceptible than you know.

You might see some red flags and think you're just going to a carnival.

Nxivm fooled some really brilliant people.

Captains of industry, business leaders.

It's because this stuff isn't so obvious.

It's just dynamics.

It's called an abuse of power.

Ever had a boss ask you to work late and weekends,

asking you to prove your commitment to the company,

and you felt like you couldn't say no?

Or a significant other text you constantly and love-bomb you,

make you feel special,

only for them to ghost you and have you question your own worth?

Or been a part of a demanding social group?

And you knew that if you missed even one night,

you might be on the outs for a while.

It could be anything from a group of college friends to a book club.

And remember, it doesn't matter how rational and skeptical you are,

you're all susceptible.

Fair enough, you might not have been interested in Nxivm, in my cult,

I get it.

But with the right place at the right time

and the right trusted person inviting you,

you may say yes to something else.

Everybody's got their something, their hook.

Remember, it doesn't look like what you see on your streaming platforms.

It could be as fun and friendly as ...

"Want to check out a spin class?"

A makeup party with wine and cheese.

"Hey, let's go phone-bank for our favorite candidate."

"Have you ever tried cold plunging?"

I see you, Portland.

(Laughter)

That's why it's so important to know the signs and red flags of cultic abuse,

especially in this day and age.

We've all had to become hip

in regards to internet safety, catfishing and hacking.

How about we learn some cult literacy?

So I'm going to teach you a couple of red flags.

Not all of them, but a couple, so you can spot the signs.

And remember, not any one of these things in and of itself is the problem,

it's the whole package.

So please know ...

The first thing is:

there's an assumption of your neediness.

You're a broken bird, you're unwhole,

and they have all the tools to make you whole again.

That's very convenient.

Secondly, it's expensive.

And please know that it might cost you more than money.

It could cost you in time and relationships.

Also, loaded language.

If they're using pretentious terms to sound holier and smarter ...

Run. (Laughs)

Be aware if there's rumors that they're a cult already,

or if there's lawsuits or bad press.

Where there's smoke, there's usually fire.

And finally, if they're claiming to have

the definitive answers to life's mysteries --

big red flag.

Oh, my green flags are up already.

It's important to also see green flags that can signal this is a safe group,

like questions are welcomed,

you can ask things without being gaslit.

Also, you can leave without being excommunicated,

shunned or trash-talked.

Finally, there's a healthy amount of commitment.

Not an all-consuming change of your entire lifestyle.

Hello, CrossFit!

(Laughter)

Now, one more thing.

It doesn't pop up in Google, with articles from legit publications,

if you type in "is blank a cult."

(Laughter)

You'd be surprised how many people miss that one.

I personally never Googled Nxivm.

I mean, it was 2005, but I never did.

And look where that got me,

so do your research, people.

But here I am now.

I had it removed.

(Cheers and applause)

Yes.

(Applause)

Free of all that.

Yay, plastic surgery. (Laughs)

I'm healing.

And part of that healing is ...

I'm just trying to clean up the mess that I helped make

as the golden goose for Nxivm.

And I'm also trying to,

just as loudly as I vouched for Keith years before,

I'm loudly trying to educate my fellow joiners out there

about seeking safely.

So, ultimately, the best advice I have for you,

to avoid a culty nightmare,

is just remember that all of these programs

and communities and tools and answers

and all this stuff,

it's just a tool, not an answer.

Nobody has all the answers.

And I'm not here to point fingers and say,

"you're in a cult" and "that's a cult,"

or throw that word around loosely.

You don't even have to use the word "cult."

I just want you all to be able to determine

if whatever you're part of or thinking about joining

is healthy for you.

That's it.

Because of course, it's great to have new ideas

to put into your tool belt of life.

That's likely why you're here today.

Just don't make the tools your life.

Maybe you don't need a guru.

Maybe you don't need a fancy retreat or an essential-oil starter kit

to be a better you.

You're on a path of self-discovery and knowledge,

but you're already whole, right now.

So this is my idea for you -- (Voice breaking)

and I hope you remember it on your journey.

Because to seek is so human,

and to seek wisely is a very smart idea.

I want only the best for all of you,

so safe travels.

Thank you.

(Cheers and applause)