Mindset For Overcoming Adversity With Crisis Negotiator Kirk Kinnell

Summary

In this insightful conversation, professional negotiator Lousin Mehrabi interviews Kirk Kinnell, an expert in crisis negotiations with over 30 years of experience. They delve into the intricacies of negotiation, from hostage situations to corporate deals, emphasizing the importance of emotional and mental toughness. Kinnell shares his personal journey through adversity, including dealing with the loss of children and allegations of corruption, highlighting how negotiation skills can be applied to overcome life's challenges. The discussion underscores the value of understanding, empathy, and authenticity in building sustainable relationships and achieving fair outcomes in all forms of negotiation.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Kirk Kinnell, a former Head of Hostage Negotiation and Armed Policing in Scotland, shares his 30-year experience in crisis negotiations.
• 🤝 Kirk and Lousin Mehrabi collaborate as negotiation trainers for ADN Group, an international negotiation agency based in Paris.
• 💡 The importance of emotional and mental toughness in difficult negotiations is highlighted, as well as applying these skills to everyday life.
• 🎧 Listening skills are crucial for effective negotiation, with Kirk emphasizing the need to listen in '5D' - what's being said, how, what's not being said, and understanding the underlying thoughts and beliefs.
• 🔍 Kirk explains the seven layers of listening: facts, emotions, values, beliefs, motivators, currency, and worth, with values having four components: function, social, psychological, and cost.
• 🌐 The concept of 'leverage' in negotiation is discussed, where understanding the other party's perspective and needs can shift the balance of power.
• 💪 Kirk's personal experiences with adversity, including the loss of four children and allegations of corruption, demonstrate the application of negotiation skills in life's challenges.
• 📈 The conversation underscores the power of shared objectives in negotiations, leading to fair and mutually beneficial outcomes.
• 🌍 Kirk's company, Negotiated Resolutions, offers advisory and negotiation training worldwide, focusing on providing practical solutions for various challenges.
• 🤗 The value of authenticity and fairness in negotiations is emphasized, with the goal of establishing sustainable relationships rather than temporary victories.
• 📚 The episode encourages listeners to view negotiation skills as universally applicable, from corporate deals to personal life and even in facing life's adversities.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the Life Negotiations show?

The main theme of the Life Negotiations show is to share information on various types of negotiations such as hostage negotiation, suicide negotiations, corporate negotiations, and negotiations with children, featuring professional negotiators as guests.

Who is Kirk Kinnell and what is his background?

Kirk Kinnell is a former Head of Hostage Negotiation and Armed Policing in Scotland with over 30 years of experience in crisis negotiations. He has been involved in more than 200 crisis negotiations worldwide and is currently a negotiation trainer for ADN Group and the founder of Negotiated Resolutions.

What are some of the key skills that Kirk Kinnell learned from his experience in hostage negotiations?

Kirk Kinnell learned skills such as active listening, understanding emotions, values, beliefs, motivators, and the concept of 'currency' in negotiations. He emphasizes the importance of connecting with people and understanding their perspectives to influence and negotiate effectively.

How does Kirk Kinnell apply his negotiation skills in the corporate world?

Kirk Kinnell applies his negotiation skills in the corporate world by teaching listening skills, understanding motivators, and finding common shared objectives. He believes in focusing on fairness and sustainability in negotiations rather than a win-lose approach.

What is the significance of understanding the 'currency' in negotiations?

Understanding 'currency' in negotiations refers to recognizing what drives and motivates the other party. It includes knowing their values, beliefs, and what they perceive as valuable, which can be used as leverage to reach a mutually beneficial agreement.

How does Kirk Kinnell approach situations where the other party appears to have more power in the negotiation?

Kirk Kinnell approaches such situations by focusing on building rapport, stabilizing the situation, and making the other party feel heard and understood. He believes in shifting the balance of power to a shared middle ground where both parties can work towards a fair solution.

What are the seven layers of listening that Kirk Kinnell mentions?

The seven layers of listening mentioned by Kirk Kinnell are facts, emotions, values, beliefs, motivators, currency, and worth. These layers help in understanding the whole picture of what the other party is communicating.

How does Kirk Kinnell define 'worth' in the context of negotiations?

In the context of negotiations, 'worth' is defined by Kirk Kinnell as having four components: cost, function, social aspects, and psychological aspects. It's about deriving more benefit than perceived spend, considering not just the monetary value but also the usefulness, social perception, and emotional impact of an agreement.

What is the role of empathy in negotiations according to Kirk Kinnell?

According to Kirk Kinnell, empathy plays a crucial role in negotiations as it allows one to connect with the other party on a deeper level. By understanding and reflecting on the other party's emotions, values, and beliefs, a negotiator can establish a strong rapport and influence the outcome of the negotiation positively.

How does Kirk Kinnell view the concept of conflict in negotiations?

Kirk Kinnell views conflict as an opportunity rather than a negative aspect of negotiations. He believes that conflict is where hidden value lies and that negotiators are trained to look for this hidden value, which can lead to a balanced and fair dispute resolution.

What are some personal adversities that Kirk Kinnell has faced and how did he use his negotiation skills to overcome them?

Kirk Kinnell has faced personal adversities such as being falsely accused of corruption, which led to reputational damage, and the tragic loss of four children. He used his negotiation skills to build resilience by focusing on accepting things he couldn't control, controlling what he could, and finding meaning in the events to define how he moved forward.