The New Relationship Energy: Embracing Change in Open Relationships
Summary
TLDRIn this episode of OpenL 101, John and Jackie discuss 'New Relationship Energy' (NRE), a phenomenon where excitement and connection are felt when meeting someone new. They explore how this can affect both partners in an open relationship, with one experiencing NRE and the other potentially feeling insecure or jealous. The hosts offer insights on recognizing NRE, managing insecurities, and fostering communication to navigate through these emotions, emphasizing the importance of understanding and embracing the temporary nature of NRE for a healthy and growing relationship.
Takeaways
- 😀 The video discusses 'New Relationship Energy' (NRE), a term used to describe the excitement and emotional connection that can occur when meeting someone new.
- 👫 NRE can affect both individuals in a relationship, including the one experiencing the new connection and their partner.
- 🤔 The video emphasizes that it's normal to feel a range of emotions, including insecurity or jealousy, when a partner experiences NRE with someone else.
- 🌟 The hosts, John and Jackie, highlight the importance of recognizing and embracing 'compersion', the joy one feels for their partner's happiness.
- 💡 They provide insights on how to handle NRE, suggesting that it's a temporary phase and not indicative of the long-term state of a relationship.
- 🗣️ Communication is key when dealing with NRE; discussing feelings openly can help navigate through the emotions that arise.
- 🔁 The video suggests that NRE is a natural part of any new connection and should not be feared but understood and managed.
- 💞 John shares his personal experience of feeling excited for Jackie when she experiences NRE, showcasing a healthy approach to such situations.
- 🚫 The video discourages negative behaviors like trying to control the situation or expressing jealousy, which can harm the relationship.
- 🌱 It's suggested that dealing with NRE can lead to personal growth and a stronger relationship, as it forces individuals to confront and overcome insecurities.
Q & A
What is the term used to describe the excitement in a new relationship?
-The term used to describe the excitement in a new relationship is 'New Relationship Energy' or NRE.
How can new relationship energy make someone or their partner feel?
-New relationship energy can make someone feel excited and connected, while it might make their partner feel uncomfortable or insecure.
What is the significance of the term 'compersion' mentioned in the script?
-Compersion is the feeling of joy one experiences when one's partner finds happiness with someone else, which is often contrasted with jealousy in open relationships.
Why is it important for a partner to have good self-esteem in an open relationship?
-Good self-esteem is important for a partner in an open relationship to feel secure and be happy for their partner's happiness with others, which can help prevent feelings of jealousy or insecurity.
What is the 'honeymoon phase' in the context of new relationships?
-The 'honeymoon phase' refers to the initial period in a new relationship where everything seems fun and exciting because the couple is not yet dealing with the day-to-day challenges of a long-term relationship.
How does new relationship energy differ from the dynamics of a long-term relationship?
-New relationship energy is characterized by the excitement of getting to know someone new and the novelty of shared experiences, whereas long-term relationships involve dealing with routine and daily life challenges.
What can a partner do if they feel uncomfortable with their partner's new relationship energy?
-A partner can communicate their feelings openly with their partner, seek to understand the nature of new relationship energy, and work together to navigate through any insecurities or discomfort.
Why is it beneficial to have a name for the feelings that arise from new relationship energy?
-Having a name for the feelings that arise from new relationship energy, such as 'compersion' or 'jealousy,' can help individuals understand and articulate their emotions, making it easier to address and resolve them.
What is the role of communication in dealing with new relationship energy in an open relationship?
-Communication is crucial in dealing with new relationship energy as it allows partners to express their feelings, discuss their concerns, and work collaboratively to maintain a healthy and secure relationship.
How can a person experiencing new relationship energy support their partner who might be feeling insecure?
-A person experiencing new relationship energy can support their partner by being open about their feelings, reassuring their partner of the strength of their bond, and actively working to address any insecurities or fears their partner may have.
Outlines
🔗 Navigating New Relationship Energy (NRE) in Open Relationships
John and Jackie from openl101.com introduce the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE), a phenomenon where excitement and emotional connection occur when meeting someone new. They discuss how this can sometimes cause discomfort for partners and emphasize the importance of understanding and managing these feelings. They encourage viewers to sign up for their email list and follow their social media channels for more content. The conversation also touches on the idea of compersion, the joy one feels for a partner's happiness, and acknowledges that NRE can be both exciting and challenging in the context of open relationships.
🌟 Understanding the Dynamics of New Relationship Energy
The hosts delve deeper into the definition and dynamics of NRE, explaining that it involves the excitement of getting to know someone new without the baggage of existing relationship issues. They contrast this with the 'honeymoon phase' in new relationships, where the focus is on fun and exploration rather than everyday responsibilities. The discussion highlights the temporary nature of NRE and the importance of recognizing it as a fleeting phase that doesn't necessarily threaten the stability of long-term relationships. They also address the insecurities that can arise from NRE and the value of focusing on the positive aspects of one's primary relationship.
🤔 Addressing Insecurities and Emotions Stemming from NRE
John and Jackie discuss the emotional responses that can accompany NRE, such as jealousy, fear, and competition. They emphasize that these feelings are a reaction to the new relationship energy experienced by one's partner and are not the same as NRE itself. They suggest that recognizing and naming these emotions can be helpful in managing them. The conversation also touches on the idea that these feelings can be a byproduct of monogamous upbringing and societal norms, and that open relationships can provide an opportunity to confront and retrain these thought patterns towards a more positive outlook.
💬 The Power of Communication in Navigating NRE
The hosts stress the importance of communication in dealing with the emotions and challenges that arise from NRE. They share personal experiences and suggest that discussing these feelings openly with one's partner can lead to a better understanding and a stronger relationship. They also highlight the need for honesty and vulnerability in these conversations, encouraging couples to support each other through the process. The conversation serves as a reminder that open relationships require a higher level of communication and self-awareness to navigate the complexities of NRE and associated emotions effectively.
🌈 Embracing Growth Opportunities in Open Relationships
In the final paragraph, John and Jackie wrap up the discussion by emphasizing the potential for growth and positive change in open relationships. They encourage viewers to subscribe to their email list and social media channels for more insights and resources. The hosts reiterate that while NRE can bring up challenging emotions, it also presents an opportunity for individuals and couples to learn, grow, and strengthen their relationships through open communication and mutual support.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡New Relationship Energy (NRE)
💡Compersion
💡Insecurity
💡Jealousy
💡Communication
💡Open Relationship
💡Self-esteem
💡Fear of Loss
💡Emotional Security
💡Honeymoon Phase
Highlights
Discussing the emotional reactions when meeting a new person in an open relationship context.
Introducing the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE) and its impact on individuals and their partners.
Explaining that NRE can affect anyone regardless of their experience level in the open relationship lifestyle.
Emphasizing that it's normal to feel caught off guard by NRE and that it's a topic worth discussing.
Describing the excitement and connection that can occur in the early stages of a new relationship.
Highlighting the importance of communication and understanding when a partner is experiencing NRE.
Exploring the concept of compersion, the joy one feels for their partner's happiness.
Discussing the potential for insecurity and jealousy when a partner forms a new connection.
Addressing the need for self-esteem and security in handling a partner's new connections healthily.
Sharing personal experiences and how they've navigated the emotions associated with NRE.
Providing advice on how to handle one's own insecurities when a partner is experiencing NRE.
Exploring the 'honeymoon phase' of new relationships and how it contrasts with established partnerships.
Discussing the temporary nature of NRE and its eventual transition to a more routine dynamic.
Encouraging focus on the positive aspects of the long-term relationship despite the presence of NRE.
Providing tips for partners to manage their feelings of discomfort when NRE is present.
Stressing the importance of recognizing and naming emotions to better understand and navigate them.
Encouraging open dialogue and honesty between partners to work through the challenges posed by NRE.
Concluding with the idea that NRE can be an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding within a relationship.
Transcripts
you know that feeling you get when you
meet someone new and you have these
really like great emotions you're kind
of connecting and then your partner
might feel a little bit uncomfortable
about that we're going to talk about
that and how to get through those
feelings hey guys it's John and Jackie
of openl 101.com Welcome to our show in
this episode we're going to talk a
little bit about that new energy that
happens when you meet someone and you're
kind of excited about getting together
and how it can make you or your partner
feel in that in in that moment and uh
but first I want to make sure you go to
open Lev 101.com sign up to our email
list so we can notify you of this video
and other videos like it when they're
coming out and also check out our social
media channels at uh Instagram and
Facebook open L
101 all right yes what do you think
Jackie oh boy you know kind of the uh
the the shortened version of new
relationship energy is called NRE in our
Circle and it doesn't make any
difference if you're new to the
lifestyle you've been in the lifestyle
or you consider yourself a pro you can
still get caught off guard by this by
this thing and it's absolutely normal
and that's what we want to kind of talk
about today is when you come up against
this and uh how you can handle it with
your partner how you can handle it
yourself what it means means um you know
how we can kind of look at it and and
get through it through it sometimes and
and how exciting it can be for the
person that's experiencing it and then
some tips and tidbits for the for the
partner that's watching this happen well
in my case it's exciting and for many
men and women both it's exciting for me
to see you experiencing that with
someone else so it doesn't always have
to
be there isn't always a negative feeling
attached to it from the partner so if if
Jackie were to meet someone she's
experiencing this new relationship
energy and she's excited about talking
to this guy from my point of view that's
exciting for me to see her excited and
we've talked about it in in past uh
episodes compersion that's the feeling
that you get when you have joy for your
you know happiness for your partner's
happiness and most times that's how I
end up feeling it's I wouldn't say
that's the most common way though for
people to feel and that comes after
years and years of being in the
lifestyle yeah I was going to say that
wasn't that's
not that's the way that you feel about
me and my outside
relationships is years and years of
honing in on that yes you know it's
possible for everybody to achieve
that and it's possible it could happen
initially I mean and Could Happen
initially but you know I think for a lot
of us it's kind of an EB and flow and a
two steps forward one step back kind
of process to get to where we are
because a lot of times it has to do with
the security that we feel about
ourselves and in order for us to be
happy for our partner when they're
talking to somebody else
you definitely have to have a good
self-esteem I think in order to feel
that way when your partner is
experiencing Joy with someone else
there's no doubt about it I think for
people that maybe don't have maybe they
have a little bit of you know low
self-esteem or um they maybe have some
qualities about themselves they question
sometimes am I good enough and and that
may be a situation where they're seeing
their partner connecting with someone
else and then those faults that they
feel within themselves rear their ugly
heads and they start thinking oh my God
you know they're going to end up falling
for this person what do I do and you get
panicked and then I don't know you know
in a situ I can see it in a situation
where like you're at dinner with with
with a with a group of you know maybe
multiple other couples
and I would start talking to someone
else and you could see the connection
happening and I'm not saying this never
happened with Jack and I
but and then you start feeling your
insecurities
start coming alive and and and so what
do you do as a partner you know you
touch me you try and jump in reject in
the conversation give me this stink eye
you know all of those things I've seen
happen before with other couples in
their relationship when someone's
uncomfortable you want to get control of
the situation again and that I think can
be it can put people in an uncomfortable
position it can make people at the table
feel uncomfortable the partners can feel
uncomfortable uh it's kind of a hard
thing to back out of at that point you
know and we see it happen with our
friends of ours that are in monogamous
relationships as well we do you know one
of the things that I want to point out
with new relationship
energy
is the definition of it really you know
before we get too much farther into what
talking about is you think about anytime
that you've met somebody new and they
know nothing about you right you know
nothing about them so there is this vast
array of topics that you can exchange
you get to tell them all the stuff about
you they get to tell you all the stuff
about them if you're in a relationship
the difference
in stepping not stepping outside of the
relationship that you're in and like you
know for John and I if John meets
somebody different and he gets to talk
to them you know there's all of these
new things that he gets to tell them
about himself and then he gets to hear
all of those things from that person the
other thing to remember is because this
is just kind of a detached relationship
from his daytoday
things there gets to be this kind of um
honey moon phase right so nobody's
talking about bills nobody's talking
about the kids nobody's talking about
the house payment nobody's talking about
the car that broke down nobody's having
to deal with a laundry nobody you know
there's not those day in day out things
that you have that you're going to have
in your primary
relationship so there gets to be just
this
pocket where it's it's fun right you
think about when you very first started
dating somebody everything was just fun
because you weren't ever dealing with
anything hard it was just easy fun stuff
you're going to dinner you're you're
intrigued by each other and then that
builds into you know a more sexual
relationship and so then that becomes
kind of fun and you're trying new things
with that person and they move different
and and maybe you are getting to try
your things out uh that's different but
just like with
anything you know that new relationship
energy at some point is not going to be
new it's it's going to become more
routine and some of that facade maybe
that you have in that new relationship
starts to fade away and now maybe you're
not getting all dressed up when you get
together with each other and maybe you
are starting to share some of the day in
to day out stuff
and what's important to understand about
new relationship energy is it is a
it's a shortlived episode in that
relationship so while it may be
disconcerning the first time you
experience it as the partner
watching the other partner in the midst
of that is the first thing is to
understand that it's it's not a forever
kind of thing you know at some point
some of that energy is going to taper
off and it's going to be a more
day-to-day
Pace but the other thing is is to really
try to focus a lot
on the positive energy that you and your
partner have of all of the things that
you do together that you're able to do
together and maintain even after years
and years and years together and the
benefit and security of that you know
sometimes we can get threatened by by
something new because we think you know
it's new or improved or better or it's
it's pulling our partner's attention
away and we short sell the fact that we
have this sense of security with our
partner that can be
invaluable if we if we get too caught up
in what that is the the new relationship
energy being something more than what it
is do you Jackie do you experience new
relationship
energy
still you when John gets a Rel like if
John was to find somebody to play with
yeah you know I think it's one of those
things it's
experience you know maybe the first time
I came up against it I was like what is
you know I didn't even know that that's
what it was and that's I guess that's
why we're kind of having this
conversation because if you don't even
know that that's something that's going
to happen or that's something that could
be experienced it's going to throw for a
loop and you know and I guarantee you if
you are in a relationship where you're
going to be more open and you are going
to invite others in there is the
possibility that that can you know that
that can happen is you can find somebody
that you find really intriguing or your
partner may find somebody that's really
intriguing and experiencing that new
relationship energy if you don't know
what it is or you don't have a name for
it or you don't know how to articulate
it you may think it's something
different is going on like what I don't
know what you mean well I think for most
of us that are raised in kind of this
monogamous platform there's a an
undertone of competition yeah like
there's always the threat that
somebody's going to take your partner
away so I think even though if you want
an open relationship you're still
battling some of those teachings of
monogamy and so it's not going to be
surprising to have some of those thought
patterns kick again you start to talk to
somebody and you get real buddy buddy
and you start talking a lot and you
start texting and you start doing the
things and while you may be happy for
your partner in that there still may be
an undertone of oh he's going to like
this person more or now it's a threat or
maybe I'm going to lose my partner so I
think it's important to keep the the two
separate the the new relationship energy
I thought your question to Jackie was
about if she feels the excitement of new
relationship energy if she's talking to
somebody no I'm asking so the the energy
that comes from feelings of fear
insecurity I wouldn't call that new
relationship energy I would call that
fear and jealousy so as a as a a
byproduct of the partner having new
relationship energy the new relationship
energy to me seems like a positive thing
that's between two people that are
learning how to experience you know they
just met and they're just sharing things
with each other maybe there's a
chemistry there okay if the partner is
feeling uncomfortable they're not
experiencing new relationship energy
they're experiencing fear or jealousy or
insecurities or things like that exactly
that's a different thing I think yeah
but they they go together if you're
experiencing new relationship energy
with somebody yes I probably am not
going to be experiencing that if it's
the first time that I'm being introduced
to
that of course right and that's and so
that's we're talking about is is I don't
think the partner experiencing
experiences new relationship energy she
is but he or she is but in a negative
way so they're because they y'all are
together you're you are experiencing
this new person from the outside point
of view but it's a negative yeah they're
not saying that I'm exper what we're
saying is what it's called is new
relationship energy what you're
experiencing with a new person I
understand that part what the partner
feels something different yes but it's a
but the the emotion that we're feeling
is a result of the new relationship
energy that is being Express I get that
100% yes so that's what we're talking
about and but being able to put a name
to it can help because otherwise we can
feel like maybe we're floundering around
in unchartered Waters and we don't have
any Shoreline at all because we don't
even know what we're looking for we
don't even know how to help ourselves
cuz we don't even know what is happening
so the name I would call it would be
either compersion if you're if if I were
happy for you I would call it jealousy
if I didn't really like you talking to
the guy I would call it fear if I was
feeling really insecure because the guy
has is more successful than I am is
better looking than I am and those kind
of things so I would begin to have some
fear if you kissed him and I saw you
were enjoying it I would
feel uh maybe
this fear of loss because he kisses
better than me or something like that so
those are the the labels I would put on
what I'm
feeling yes based on what you're going
through and that's that's where
I I I guess where I'm getting confused
and I'm listening to you is because I
feel like the the definition because
those feelings that we're having you
know the things like jealousy or fear or
competition or all of those things
become
surfaced as a
result of what we're watching yeah
happen and and so what we're trying to
do is help those people that have those
feelings surface MH to maybe know like
why that's happening and that it's a
temporary thing and how uh maybe some
ways that we can combat that and if we
understand it it may help us get a
better hold on what we're experiencing
ing M yeah and uh be able to work our
our way through
it and sometimes you know like in the
times that I've dealt with it it's it's
a matter of experience you know the
first time it happened I didn't know
what was happening you know I didn't I
didn't even know
um what new relationship energy was even
though I've experienced it in dating it
I never even labeled it as that you know
I'm just dating somebody but I never
dated I never
dated while I was married yeah you know
so until you met me until I met you so
dating when you're married is you know
is a different Dynamic and it can be
really beautiful but it's you have to
it's a different relationship model than
how I was raised in monogamy so some of
the stuff that I'm coming up
against while it may not be different
like I I may still deal with jealousy or
competition or all of those in my
monogamous relationship in the open
relationship those
things are
confronted you know we put those out in
the open and we're basically asking
ourselves to deal with those issues to
deal with those insecurities to deal
with those jealousies we're challenging
ourselves to actually heal and retrain
ourselves to have a much more positive
outlook in ourselves and a much more
positive outlook in the relationship
that we're in with our partner and maybe
how a change in
definition can um be of benefit to us so
that's one of the reasons
why we are discussing this yeah and
showing people that there is a there's a
way in and out of this so what's the way
in and
out well one is to one is to know what
it is that you're up against you know to
understand the probability of this
happening if you meet somebody new there
is going to be a level of excitement
while you get to know them while your
partner gets to know them it doesn't
automatically mean all of these things
that sometimes we can think that it
means that you know
in you know that uh it's going to be a
problem with the relationship or our
partner is going to run off with this
person you know it's it's more about
being able to have those discussions if
we think it's happening and that's where
I say like putting it out on the table
and that can be a hard thing to do
because we're kind of train not to talk
about that stuff we just have those
feelings in silence and this is a way to
talk about them not in an accusatory
manner but to talk about them in a way
that I'm having these feelings can you
help me walk through these feelings
because I do want to have compersion for
you and I do want to be happy about this
yet I'm still coming up against old
thought patterns or I'm I'm still in
fear or I'm realizing that there's some
things that maybe I'm not as confident
about as I thought I was and how can we
work together as a team to make sure
that um we're both walking out of this
and through it in a way that's positive
because I would know you know it's kind
of like if you put the shoe on the other
foot and if I found somebody that I
clicked with and was talking to I would
want you to be confident enough in our
relationship to be happy for me so it's
like if you are coming up against that
and you're not happy then you know help
me walk through this or what did you do
to help you or how do you know what are
some things that are needed in the
relation ship to make sure everybody can
walk through that it's important though
to
know that when you open up your
relationship there is the possibility
that this is going to happen and it
doesn't have to be the end of the world
it can be the beginning of a new chapter
you can learn how to have these
discussions with your partner you can
learn what it is you can articulate what
it is you it can be a safe Zone and um
can really be an opportunity for growth
for both you and your partner and the
relationship as a whole it's it's
interesting to me how so many times when
we're talking about these things that
cause whether they're positive things or
things that can be construed as negative
the answer the beginning of the answer
is always communication you have to be
able to talk to your partner about
whatever it is you're feeling and going
through and your partner needs to be
there and be able to receive it in a
loving way and listen and not you know
immediately become defensive and
confrontational about it and then you
know listen in a loving way and be uh
really
nurturing and you guys are going to be
able to get through it together yeah and
you got to be honest that communication
is about honesty as well yeah well great
topic thanks for sharing that with us
today we're glad you guys joined us uh
once again please sign up for our email
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