The psychological trick behind getting people to say yes 2022

The Futur

16 Jun 202204:26

Summary

TLDRThe transcript discusses strategies for effective communication and negotiation, emphasizing the importance of not chasing after potential clients or jobs. It suggests 'retreating' to test genuine interest, as people tend to pursue those who are less eager. The script references 'The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto' and Jonathan Stark's advice on asking 'why' questions to engage the other party and make them sell themselves. It also cautions against using 'why' questions if not phrased correctly, as they can make people defensive. The speaker, Greg Gunn, promotes his podcast as a platform for further insights and personal stories.

Takeaways

🔍 Test interest by stepping back: Assess if someone genuinely wants to work with you by taking a step back to see if they follow.
🏃‍♂️ Avoid chasing: Chasing after opportunities can make you seem desperate and less attractive to potential partners.
🌪️ Retreat and follow: Practice 'retreat and follow' to let the other party show their interest by moving towards you.
🤔 Ask 'why' questions: Use 'why' questions to gauge the other party's commitment and urgency for the project.
💡 Test engagement: Kill engagement at least three times to ensure the other party is genuinely interested and not just reacting.
💼 Consider cost and value: When discussing why to work with you, highlight your value proposition and how it aligns with their needs.
📚 Learn from experts: Refer to experts like Blair, Jonathan Stark, and Chris Voss for strategies on engagement and persuasion.
🗣️ Use calibrated questions: Instead of 'why' questions, use calibrated or 'what' questions to avoid defensiveness and encourage open dialogue.
🔄 Be neutral and objective: Focus on open-ended questions that allow for a neutral and objective discussion of the project's implications.
🎧 Explore additional content: Greg Gunn invites listeners to engage with additional content on the podcast for more insights and stories.

Q & A

What is the main idea behind 'testing' someone's interest in working with you?
-The main idea is to assess whether the person is genuinely interested in collaborating with you without having to aggressively pursue them. This approach helps maintain a higher ground in the conversation and ensures that both parties are mutually invested.
Why is it suggested not to waste time with someone who isn't interested in working with you?
-It's advised to avoid wasting time because if someone isn't interested, no amount of persuasion or skill will make them change their mind. It's more efficient to focus on those who are genuinely interested and value your skills.
What does the concept of 'retreat and follow' mean in the context of the script?
-The concept of 'retreat and follow' refers to the strategy of taking a step back to see if the other party is interested in engaging with you. If they are, they will naturally 'follow' or show more interest, which is a sign of genuine engagement.
How does the 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto relate to the idea of not chasing after someone?
-The 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto suggests that when you chase after someone, they tend to 'run away', similar to how prey reacts in nature. Instead, it promotes the idea of 'retreating' to see if the other party is genuinely interested in engaging with you.
What are the three 'why' questions suggested by Jonathan Stark to gauge engagement?
-Jonathan Stark suggests asking 'why this', 'why now', and 'why me' to determine if the other party is genuinely interested and committed to the project. These questions help them to sell themselves on the necessity and urgency of the project.
Why might asking 'why' questions be effective in a negotiation?
-Asking 'why' questions can be effective because it forces the other party to justify their needs and decisions, revealing their true motivations and the urgency of the situation. This can lead to a better understanding of their perspective and needs.
What is the alternative to 'why' questions if you're still developing your communication skills?
-If you're still developing your communication skills, it's recommended to use 'what' questions instead of 'why' questions. 'What' questions are open-ended and less likely to make the other party defensive, allowing for a more neutral and objective conversation.
How can 'what' questions be used to gauge interest in a project?
-'What' questions such as 'What happens if you don't move forward with this project?' or 'What are the consequences of waiting?' can help you understand the other party's perspective on the project's importance without putting them on the defensive.
What is the significance of Greg Gunn's introduction at the end of the script?
-Greg Gunn's introduction serves as a call to action, inviting listeners to engage with additional content on the podcast. It highlights the value of the podcast as a platform for intimate conversations and personal stories, suggesting that it complements the content provided on YouTube.
Why is it important to listen to the podcast if you enjoy the YouTube content?
-Listening to the podcast is important if you enjoy the YouTube content because it offers a deeper dive into topics with intimate conversations and personal stories. It provides an additional layer of engagement and allows you to consume content while multitasking.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 The Art of Non-Pursuit in Business Relationships

The paragraph discusses the strategy of not aggressively pursuing potential clients or job opportunities. It suggests taking a step back to gauge genuine interest from the other party. The concept is rooted in the idea that people are more inclined to engage when they are not feeling pressured. The speaker references Blair's perspective from 'The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto,' which likens this approach to natural instincts where prey tends to flee when pursued. The 'retreat and follow' technique is highlighted as a way to test interest and engagement. The speaker also introduces Jonathan Stark's method of asking 'why' questions to ensure the other party's commitment, which can reveal their true motivations and needs. However, the paragraph also cautions that if not phrased correctly, these questions could make the other party defensive. As an alternative, the speaker suggests using 'what' questions to maintain a neutral and objective tone, which is beneficial for those still honing their communication skills.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Retreat

In the context of the video, 'retreat' refers to the strategy of taking a step back in a conversation or negotiation to gauge the other party's interest. It's a way to test if someone is genuinely interested in working with you without appearing too eager or desperate. The script mentions retreating as a technique from 'The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto', suggesting that by not pursuing too aggressively, one can retain the higher ground and let the other party show their interest.

💡Engagement

Engagement in this video script pertains to the level of interest or involvement a person shows in a conversation or a potential collaboration. The speaker advises to 'kill engagement' by testing the other party's commitment, which is a way to ensure that both parties are equally invested in the interaction. This is exemplified by the speaker's suggestion to ask 'why' questions to make the other party confirm their need and interest.

💡Ninjutsu skills

The term 'Ninjutsu skills' is used metaphorically in the script to describe advanced or special skills in communication or persuasion. It suggests that even with exceptional skills, if the other party is not interested in working with you, it's futile to continue pursuing them. This highlights the importance of mutual interest over individual capabilities in successful collaborations.

💡Pursue

To 'pursue' in the video script means to actively chase after someone or something, such as a job opportunity. The speaker argues against this approach, suggesting that it can make the pursued party feel uncomfortable or pressured. Instead, the advice is to let the other party show their interest by their actions, which aligns with the concept of 'retreat'.

💡Why questions

The 'why questions' are a specific type of inquiry recommended by Jonathan Stark to assess a client's true motivation and need. Asking 'why' questions such as 'why now', 'why me', and 'why this' helps in understanding the urgency and necessity from the client's perspective. This technique is used to make the client sell themselves on the need for your services, as illustrated in the script.

💡What questions

In contrast to 'why questions', 'what questions' are suggested by Chris Foster as a more neutral and less confrontational approach to understanding a client's needs. These open-ended questions allow the client to express their situation without feeling defensive. The script uses 'what' questions as an alternative when the speaker is advising on client communication skills.

💡Calibrated questions

Calibrated questions, as mentioned in the script in relation to Chris Foster's book 'Never Split the Difference', are a method of asking questions that are carefully designed to elicit specific responses without causing defensiveness. These questions are strategic and help in navigating negotiations or conversations more effectively.

💡Desperate

The term 'desperate' in the video script is used to describe a feeling that can arise when one party is perceived as overly eager or chasing after another. This can lead to the other party feeling uncomfortable and potentially running away from the interaction. The speaker advises against appearing desperate to maintain a balanced and professional relationship.

💡Higher ground

In the context of the video, 'higher ground' refers to a position of strength or control in a conversation or negotiation. The speaker suggests that by not pursuing too aggressively and practicing the 'retreat' technique, one can retain the higher ground and maintain a position of power and respect.

💡The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto

This is a document or set of principles mentioned in the script that advocates for a non-aggressive approach to business and communication. It's used as a source of the 'retreat and follow' strategy, emphasizing the importance of not chasing after clients or opportunities too hard, but rather allowing them to show their interest.

💡Personal stories

The script ends with a pitch for 'The Future Podcast', where personal stories are highlighted as a key content element. These stories are meant to provide intimate and relatable content for the listeners, differentiating the podcast from the video format and offering a more personal connection with the audience.

Highlights

The importance of stepping back to test a person's interest in working with you.

The concept of not wasting time on those who are not interested in collaboration.

Maintaining the higher ground in conversation by not pursuing.

The retreat and follow strategy from the 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto.

How people naturally move towards you if they are interested when you take a step back.

The human tendency to pursue rather than be pursued in relationships.

The strategy of killing engagement at least three times to ensure genuine interest.

Jonathan Stark's formula of asking three 'why' questions to gauge engagement.

The effectiveness of asking 'why now' and 'why me' to understand urgency and choice.

The idea that asking 'why' questions can make people defensive if not phrased correctly.

Recommendation to use 'what' questions instead of 'why' for more neutral responses.

The benefit of asking open-ended questions to facilitate objective dialogue.

Recap of the key strategies for testing interest and maintaining conversational control.

Introduction to Greg Gunn, the producer of The Future Podcast.

Invitation to listen to The Future Podcast for more in-depth conversations.

The versatility of podcasts for multitasking and convenience.