Why Avoidants show their true self ONLY after 1 year

Summary

In this insightful video, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith explores the dynamics of relationships with individuals exhibiting avoidant attachment styles. He explains that the first year of dating can be deceptive, driven by temporary neurotransmitters rather than genuine connection. Smith outlines four key strategies to foster trust, address fear of engulfment, and build a secure attachment base, which can transform avoidant behaviors and lead to enduring relationships. His course, 'How to Love an Avoidant Man,' offers a roadmap for couples seeking to deepen their bond beyond the dopamine-driven honeymoon phase.

Takeaways

• 🔍 The first year of a relationship with an avoidant partner is often based on temporary feelings and games, rather than a genuine connection.
• 🧠 Avoidant individuals may not know how to engage authentically due to their attachment style, which is characterized by a lack of oxytocin bonding and an over-reliance on dopamine.
• 💔 The 'dopamine cliff' refers to the drop in the feel-good hormone after about five months, leading to potential relationship dissatisfaction.
• 🔗 Building trust is crucial in the first year with an avoidant partner, involving consistency, reliability, acceptance, and mutual fulfillment.
• 🚫 Avoidant partners often fear engulfment and losing their independence, so it's important to respect and value their need for personal space.
• 🤝 Testing the waters is a natural part of the first year for avoidant individuals, who may push boundaries to gauge reactions and ensure trust.
• 🛡 Establishing a secure attachment base can help rewire an avoidant person's attachment style over time, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
• 💡 Adam Lane Smith, the attachment specialist, emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing the specific needs and fears of avoidant partners.
• 🔗 The video offers a course called 'How to Love an Avoidant Man' to provide a roadmap for building a strong relationship with an avoidant partner.
• 🔗 The use of the discount code 'YouTube 25' is offered for a 25% discount on the course, encouraging viewers to take proactive steps in their relationship.

Q & A

What is the main issue with relationships involving someone with an avoidant attachment style?

The main issue is that avoidant individuals often present a false image and may not show their true selves until around the one-year mark, due to the influence of temporary neurotransmitters and the lack of genuine oxytocin bonding.

Who is Adam Lane Smith and what is his area of expertise?

Adam Lane Smith is an attachment specialist who has worked with couples for years, first as a licensed marriage and family therapist and now as a coach specializing in attachment theory.

What is the term used to describe the initial excitement in a new relationship that is based on novelty?

The term used is 'novelty dopamine', which tends to last for the first five months of a relationship.

What happens after the 'novelty dopamine' phase ends in a relationship with an avoidant person?

After the novelty dopamine phase, which typically ends around the five-month mark, avoidant individuals may struggle to form a deeper bond due to a lack of oxytocin bonding.

Why do avoidant people struggle to form an oxytocin bond?

Avoidant people struggle to form an oxytocin bond because their oxytocin receptors may be blocked by cortisol, and in some cases, have shifted to accept vasopressin instead, resulting in a reduced ability to bond.

What is the 'dopamine cliff' and how does it relate to relationships with avoidant individuals?

The 'dopamine cliff' refers to the point when the novelty dopamine begins to fall off, typically around five months into a relationship. For avoidant individuals, this can lead to a lack of genuine connection and potential relationship breakdown.

What are the four key things that couples can do in the first year to help an avoidant person bond properly?

The four key things are: 1) Establishing clear trust, 2) Testing the waters and understanding the first year as a testing ground, 3) Addressing the avoidant person's fear of engulfment, and 4) Building a secure attachment base in the relationship.

How can trust be established with an avoidant partner according to the script?

Trust can be established by demonstrating consistency, reliability, acceptance of the avoidant person's needs, and mutually fulfilling the relationship's expectations.

What does the term 'testing the waters' mean in the context of a relationship with an avoidant person?

In the context of a relationship with an avoidant person, 'testing the waters' refers to the initial stages where the avoidant individual may push boundaries, create distance, or withdraw to gauge the partner's reactions and build trust.

Why is addressing the fear of engulfment important for avoidant individuals in a relationship?

Addressing the fear of engulfment is important because avoidant individuals cherish their independence and are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship. Helping them feel secure in their individuality fosters a healthier bond.

How can a secure attachment base be built in a relationship with an avoidant person?

A secure attachment base can be built by fostering open communication, understanding the avoidant person's fears and needs, and creating a consistent and reliable relationship dynamic that can rewire their attachment style over time.

What is the special offer mentioned by Adam Lane Smith for those looking to build a strong relationship with an avoidantly attached partner?

The special offer is a 25% discount on his video course 'How to Love An Avoidant Man' using the code 'YouTube 25', which provides a roadmap to foster a strong relationship with an avoidantly attached partner.

Outlines

00:00

🔒 Understanding the First Year with an Avoidant Partner

Adam Lane Smith, an attachment specialist, explains that individuals with an avoidant attachment style may appear inauthentic during the first year of a relationship due to the influence of temporary neurotransmitters and dopamine, which creates a false sense of connection. This period is marked by 'novelty dopamine,' which typically lasts about five months before fading, leading to the 'dopamine cliff.' Avoidant individuals often lack oxytocin bonding, which is crucial for emotional connection. Smith emphasizes the importance of building trust, addressing fear of engulfment, and fostering secure attachment to help avoidant partners transition from a dopamine-driven to an oxytocin-bonded relationship.

05:01

🛡 Establishing Trust with Avoidant Partners

The second paragraph delves into the necessity of establishing trust with avoidant partners. Trust is a gradual process for avoidant individuals who are cautious about vulnerability. Smith outlines four levels of trust: consistency and self-policing, clear goals, acceptance without rejection, and mutual fulfillment. By demonstrating these levels of trust, partners can create a safe environment for avoidant individuals to open up emotionally. The paragraph also highlights the importance of being patient and supportive while also challenging the avoidant partner in a reasonable manner, which is crucial for building a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

10:01

🚦 Navigating the Testing Phases in Relationships with Avoidant Individuals

In the third paragraph, Smith discusses the initial stages of a relationship with an avoidant partner as a testing phase where they may push boundaries, create distance, or withdraw to gauge reactions. He advises patience and support while maintaining reasonable conversations. The paragraph emphasizes addressing the avoidant partner's fear of engulfment by respecting their need for independence and establishing clear boundaries. It also stresses the importance of building a secure attachment base, which can rewire the avoidant person's attachment style over time, leading to a more comfortable and authentic connection.

15:02

💖 Fostering Emotional Intimacy and Long-Term Bonding

The final paragraph focuses on fostering emotional intimacy and long-term bonding with avoidant partners. Smith explains that avoidant individuals can become devoted and loving once they feel secure and bonded. He suggests using clear communication to understand and address each other's needs. The paragraph concludes with a special offer for a video course called 'How to Love an Avoidant Man,' which provides a roadmap for building a strong relationship with an avoidant partner. Smith also recommends watching a video on emotional intimacy to further enhance understanding and connection.

Keywords

💡Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant attachment style refers to a pattern of attachment characterized by a person's discomfort with closeness and intimacy. In the video, Adam Lane Smith explains that individuals with this style may present a false image in the first year of a relationship due to their fear of vulnerability and emotional closeness, which is a significant theme in understanding the dynamics of their romantic relationships.

💡Novelty Dopamine

Novelty dopamine is the excitement and pleasure derived from new experiences or relationships. The script describes how this chemical can dominate the first few months of a relationship with an avoidant person, creating a 'false connection' that fades over time, leading to what Smith calls the 'dopamine cliff', which is critical in understanding the temporary nature of early relationship phases.

💡Oxytocin Bonding

Oxytocin bonding is the process by which emotional connections are formed and maintained through the release of the hormone oxytocin. In the context of the video, Smith points out that avoidant individuals often lack proper oxytocin bonding, which is a defining feature of their attachment style and a key factor in the failure to transition from dopamine-driven to oxytocin-driven relationships.

💡Cortisol

Cortisol is a hormone associated with stress and has a significant role in the video's discussion of avoidant attachment. Smith explains that avoidant individuals have higher cortisol levels due to low oxytocin, which makes them less resilient and more prone to stress. This is an important concept in understanding their reactions to relationship pressures and stressors.

💡Trust

Trust is a foundational aspect of any relationship, and in the video, it is emphasized as a crucial element for building a secure bond with an avoidant partner. Smith outlines four levels of trust that need to be established in the first year of a relationship to foster a sense of safety and openness in the avoidant individual.

💡Fear of Engulfment

Fear of engulfment is the apprehension of losing one's independence or identity in a relationship. The script discusses how avoidant individuals are particularly sensitive to this fear, stemming from their need for autonomy and their past experiences. Addressing this fear is essential in helping them feel secure and comfortable in a relationship.

💡Testing the Waters

Testing the waters refers to the exploratory behaviors that avoidant individuals may exhibit to gauge the reactions and trustworthiness of their partners. Smith describes this as an unconscious process where avoidant people push boundaries to see if their partners remain patient and supportive, which is vital for building trust and understanding in the relationship.

💡Secure Attachment Base

A secure attachment base is a stable and consistent relationship dynamic that can help rewire an avoidant person's attachment style over time. In the video, Smith explains that fostering such a base can lead to a transformation in the avoidant individual's brain chemistry and emotional responses, allowing them to feel more comfortable with emotional intimacy.

💡Independence

Independence is highly valued by avoidant individuals, as discussed in the script. They fear losing their sense of self in a relationship. Smith advises that understanding and respecting their need for independence is crucial for helping them feel secure and preventing them from feeling overwhelmed or trapped in the relationship.

💡Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the deep emotional connection and understanding between two individuals in a relationship. The video emphasizes the importance of cultivating emotional intimacy with avoidant partners, as it is often misunderstood or overlooked. Smith suggests that defining and articulating what emotional intimacy means can help couples create a more fulfilling and lasting bond.

Highlights

Avoidant attachment style individuals may not reveal their true feelings until about a year into a relationship.

The first year of a relationship with an avoidant person is often based on temporary neurotransmitters and false feelings.

Adam Lane Smith, an attachment specialist, has over 10 years of experience working with avoidant individuals.

Novelty dopamine, which provides excitement in new relationships, typically lasts for the first five months.

After the 'dopamine cliff', oxytocin bonding should take over, but avoidant individuals often lack this bonding.

Avoidant people may not be aware of the oxytocin bonding process due to blocked receptors by cortisol.

Establishing clear trust is crucial in the first year of a relationship with an avoidant person.

Avoidant individuals require time to observe consistency, reliability, and acceptance before risking intimacy.

Four levels of trust are identified to help avoidant people feel secure and open up in a relationship.

The first year serves as a testing ground for avoidant people to gauge reactions to their behavior.

Addressing the fear of engulfment is essential for avoidant individuals who value independence.

Building a secure attachment base can rewire an avoidant person's attachment style and brain chemistry.

Avoidant people may respond with love, devotion, and loyalty once they feel securely bonded.

The 'How to Love an Avoidant Man' video course offers a roadmap for fostering a secure relationship with an avoidant partner.

Using the code 'YouTube 25' provides a 25% discount on the course.

Emotional intimacy is a significant challenge for avoidant partners and their loved ones.

A video on 'What is Emotional Intimacy' is recommended for further understanding and communication about this topic.

Transcripts

you might not know your partner's true

self I mean their secret heart if you're

dating somebody with avoidant attachment

style you probably won't know what

they're really thinking until around the

oneyear mark everything up to that point

is based on temporary neurotransmitters

false feelings and games that you might

both be playing I'm Adam Lane Smith the

attachment specialist I've worked with

couples for Years first as a licensed

marriage and family therapist now as a

coach specializing in attachment Theory

I am the attachment specialist and today

I'm here to show you how avoidant people

actually live in their relationships for

those who are new to this channel I've

been working with avoidant individuals

specifically for well over 10 years

again as part of my therapy and coaching

careers I've heard their secrets and

I've helped them repair their ability to

bond and I've analyzed indepth the

repeated patterns that I keep seeing

again and again in every avoidant person

that I work with in this video today I'm

going to show you why an avoidant

person's first year of any relationship

is based on false connection and why

most relationships break up at one year

and what both of you can do if you want

to build a strong enduring relationship

pattern together I'm also going to give

you a special offer for a resource

that's going to build a great

relationship with someone who's

avoidantly attached and get you to that

50-year Mark where you're both smiling

laughing together and sharing a

Wonderful Life as a couple if you want

to reach that point watch till the end

of this video you're going to have that

special offer so let's start first with

the why of why the first year is so fake

so why do avoidant people present a

False Image in that first year of a

relationship I'll be honest with you

it's not because they're trying to lie

to you most avoidantly attached people

are actually very honest it's actually

that they don't know how to engage with

you in any other way that's more honest

than the false front that they're

presenting let's talk about novelty

dopamine novelty dopamine is that

experience you have when you're around a

new partner having new experiences

looking at new body parts doing new

activities and having a fun New

Experience novelty dopamine tends to

last the first five months after five

months it begins to fall off I call this

the dopamine Cliff it can go away at

four months five months 6 months but

definitely by seven months you're gone

okay some couples can extend that

dopamine a little bit with fun

activities getting someone else involved

toys lingerie we have a whole theme park

of delights for people desperately

trying to bring back the novelty

dopamine in their relationship but

dopamine isn't the answer it's a lack of

something called oxytocin bonding that

is supposed to be happening most most

avoidantly attached people are not

properly oxytocin bonded in fact that's

one of the defining features of avoidant

attachment style for anyone who's

watched the number of avoidantly

attached videos here on this channel

you'll understand what I mean when I say

their oxytocin receptors are being

blocked by C cortisol and their oxytocin

receptors in many cases have shifted to

accept vasopressin instead so even if

they do get a little bit of oxytocin

they're getting a dwindling amount a

small amount compared to what they could

be getting and they avoid the activities

they're going to release dopamine or

release oxytocin anyway they're really

dependent on dopamine their cortisol

goes up because they have low Gaba

because of the low oxytocin so they're

not resilient at all they get cortisol

at the drop of a hat and then they have

to flood with dopamine to try to bring

that back down which is why they're

dependent on the do dopamine they also

think that other people feel the same

way they do so they don't understand

that other people are getting oxytocin

bonding they think relationships are an

exchange of dopamine so for the first

seven months you're trying to give each

other dopamine and hoping to extend the

dopamine and hoping to have a fun time

temporarily until it falls apart this is

why most avoidant people are fairly fake

in that first year again not because

they're lying but because it's a game of

giving each other dopamine until you

can't anymore more at one year your

dopamine novelty is gone it's very hard

to even extend it Beyond one year

oxytocin should have taken over well in

advance and your bonding should be going

up through the roof this is why most

people are aiming for moving in together

getting married getting engaged having

children doing deeper commitment level

things at one year but avoidant people

don't and they don't understand why

other people are doing that cuz they're

less happy than

ever okay this is why most couples end

up breaking piing up at one year this is

that huge gigantic oneyear wall of I'm

having diminished returns my life is not

happy I am not happy nobody's happy

you're demanding more and more from me I

don't get it this is why avoidantly

attach people at one year say how could

you want to stay in this and get married

I've never been more

miserable that's the one year wall but

for the couples who make it P that wall

they do four key things differently in

their first year together that helps

that avoidant person Bond properly now

these changes are so significant that

when avoidant coaching clients come to

me seeking help to overcome their

attachment issues they cite this

relationship Dynamic these four things

as the one key piece that has made them

finally question their old patterns and

they say these four approaches are how

they knew their partner was the love of

their life that they could not lose so

here are the four approaches the four

key things you must do differently in

your first year together if you want to

keep your avoidant partner with you and

hi avoidant people I know you're here

watching this too these are the four key

things you need to be setting up and

making sure that your partner is capable

of so that you can both move forward

into a bonded relationship okay let's go

into step number one first thing you

have to do is establish clear trust now

trust is a slow burn okay especially

avoidant people avoidant people are wary

of getting hurt they build trust

gradually they take time to feel safe

enough to be vulnerable and to open up

emotionally all those are words by the

way that make them throw up they

wouldn't describe it as I need to feel

safe to become vulnerable and open up

emotionally they would probably rather

have their fingernails ripped off but

that's ultimately what's happening we

need to create a place where they feel

that it makes sense that they're not

going to get blindsided by somebody

because the person's trustworthy then

the person can open up and show who they

are and then they can open up and bond

properly with the other individual and

give them trust there needs to be a

clear framework one year fully allows a

person to observe your consistency

reliability and your ability to accept

others before risking that intimacy okay

most avoidant people here on this

channel hi guys the most of you came in

you've been watching me secretly and

silently lurking in the shadows totally

cool for about six months it takes six

months for most avoidant people to hear

about me watch me and then decide to

leave a comment DM me on one of my

platforms send me an email even just

acknowledge that they're watching

because for that first 6 months they're

wondering how I'm going to backtrack how

I'm going to run Rob them how I'm going

to jump through the screen and start

stealing money out of their wallet

they're trying to figure out what it is

that's making me different and if I'm

just a sham and I get that and I

understand that so by all means keep

circling you're totally cool I'm not

going to grab you don't worry but this

is this is the process you guys it takes

consistency reliability acceptance of

others reason logic speaking a person's

language okay there's four levels of

trust and I teach this inside my

coaching practice but really quick what

you need to know is number one a person

must be consistent and they have to be

self-policing with a clear code of

conduct that they make explicit to the

other person okay the avoidant person

has to see that there's a Code of

Conduct happening they know what it is

that person not only is consistent with

it during times of stress but then self-

polices themselves if they ever deviate

from it okay absolutely mandatory number

two goals you have to have a clear

specific goal that the avoid person

knows and can respect that you continue

to show focus on during times of stress

and if you ever deviate from it you

self-correct yourself back to it these

two things make you worthy of trust

because they don't have to watch you

like a hawk and then believe that you're

going to shank them in the ribs the

first moment you get they know that

you're going to De not deviate too much

you're going to go back to your goals

and your values and they don't have to

be the one keeping you self- policed in

line okay very important number three

acceptance can you accept the avoidant

person and their needs and their

challenges and whatever they have and

also not overwhelm them demand them

judge them a lot of avoidant people are

actually afraid of rejection and they

get hurt by it quite a bit it's

disappointing it's hurtful and it's

scary can you accept them without

rejection without rejecting them well

still holding them accountable and can

you take full ownership of your own

problems the things you're doing if you

can do that you're reliable at level

three and that opens the possibility of

level four mutually fulfilling yes will

you make it clear to them what you're

looking for in a relationship but will

you also listen to them about what's

clear and what they need in relationship

and then do it that's level four these

are the four levels of trust you have to

establish all of this as quickly as

possible and then maintain it and keep

looking at it through that entire year

if you can do that with an avoid in

person by the end of that year that

avoidant person will be eating out of

the palm of your hand so to speak if

they go from scared cat to loving

connected companion because they have

you have earned and established and

proven their trust in you over and over

and over and that's something they don't

they don't find in this world so build

that trust absolutely mandatory must be

in the first year as quickly as possible

within the first month if you can and

then allow them to Circle you and watch

you for 11 months at one year they know

who you are and you've built that solid

trust that's where oxytocin Bonnie and

everything comes in because their stress

level is low enough to finally trust you

okay number two second thing you have to

do is test the waters the initial stages

of a relationship might feel like a test

for avoidant people they might

unconsciously push boundaries with you

create distance or withdraw to gauge

reaction if you remain patient and

supportive while still calling them out

having conversations and being

reasonable if they have a need they pull

away if they get worried they pull away

if you go through stress you manage it

properly this is a massive testing

period the first year should be avoiding

people actually get this right the first

year is a massive testing ground to see

who's going to

break they get this very right so

understand that the first year is a

testing ground I understand that the

first six months is a testing ground for

avoiding people and then the first

Contact they have with me and then the

next couple of emails this is why they

email me at six months and then they go

away for a month to see if I'm going to

chase them then I don't so they email me

again then we have a few emails then

they go away then they come back then we

have a couple more emails then they sign

up for my coaching or they sign up for

my mentorship group maybe they buy a

course maybe they buy a book whatever it

might be and they see how I react and

they see what I'm going to do and then

they come into the first call with me

and they're nervous that I'm going to

grab them there and somehow some ruin

their life at that moment and then as we

start to build a relationship they ease

into it understand that everything is a

testing phase with them you have tests

to pass and it's not are you a good

person it's are you worthy of trust go

back to that first trusting method but

the whole first year is a testing ground

understand that and test them too

challenge them smartly logically calmly

and reasonably challenge them on the

things that they do ask them questions

about it very very important the the

third thing you have to do is address

Their Fear of

engulfment

okay avoiding people cherish their

independence shock I know they they're

afraid of losing themselves in a

relationship they're afraid of being

swallowed alive they're afraid of being

enslaved into the

relationship okay many of them had

Parents growing up maybe an anxious mom

who forced them to soothe her needs for

them to stay safe they had to soothe mom

so mom wouldn't fly off the handle and

do something stupid that was what their

brain said so a lot of them grew up

soothing

mom understand that they don't want to

be engulfed by your needs they want to

connect but they're afraid of being

Shackled they're afraid that if they

come in close to you you're going to

grab them slap a collar on them chain

them to the wall and say this is where

you live

now now after a

year they might feel more comfortable

expressing their individuality they

interests knowing that you value their

sense of self if you spend that first

year building those boundaries and

saying look how much time apart do you

need how much time on your own do you

need okay let's build that in let's

build that into our weekly schedule

where you are guaranteed time to

yourself okay important to have this and

then what do you expect from each other

really because avoiding people will

overg give thinking that they have to

maintain your mood for you all the time

again that's how they police other

people and make other people be good

sane reasonable other people are not

self- policing with their values and

their goals right so they make other

people act better by decreasing other

people's stress but then it's exhausting

talk about what you expect talk about

what you don't

expect help them understand they will

not be engulfed by your emotions this is

mandatory okay no one wants to be

engulfed by emotions

maybe massively codependent anxiously

attached people but then only for a

short time even they burn out on it so

understood avoidant people cherish that

Independence okay after that year of

building this and helping them structure

it and then frankly they should be

asking you and being clear about it it's

important you can foster that

Independence and that security for them

after that one

year this again will help them bond with

oxytocin vasopressin Gaba serotonin

they're going to say I've never felt

this way before I didn't even know a

human could feel this way

I didn't even know I could have a

connection with somebody like this

they're going to be blown away by what

you're offering them the fourth thing

you have to do is build a secure

attachment base in your relationship

over time a secure and consistent

relationship Dynamic can begin to rewire

the avoidant person's attachment style

their brain chemistry their hormones

Everything Changes through their entire

brain and body it's incredible the

transformation that happens when an

avoidant person is actually linked up

with a securely attached person they

might start will usually start to feel

much more comfortable depending on you

expressing your true self and allowing

them to express their true self in the

relationship and to be received remember

avoidantly attached people are afraid of

rejection not because they think they're

inherently unlovable but they think

other people are incapable of accepting

Foster secure attachment with all the

things we've talked about here so far by

having clear conversations with them

saying hey I've observed this you you

seem to be doing this tell me about that

let's talk about that is that a problem

that needs to be fixed do you need

something how can we fix this together

don't be a doormat to them this is not

at all what I would ever encourage

anybody do not be a

doormat build real Mutual

fulfillment avoidant people usually

respond with shock and pleas pleas

pleased

surprise and then

love and then real love and then

devotion and

loyalty because they've never felt this

before and they're grateful most people

get this very wrong they think that

avoidant people are ungrateful and

selfish and entitled and in fact

avoidant people have never really felt

bonded or like anyone has really cared

for them when they actually feel it they

become some of the most devoted loving

fulfilling caring people on the planet

okay they will guard you against threats

and risks they will defend you with

their

life but first you have to help them

feel bonded

or they feel like they have nothing in

this

relationship now to be clear some

avoidant people might program with this

really really quick because they've been

looking for it they've been hoping for

it maybe they've had a little bit of a

taste of it and they're ready to make a

move forward maybe they're just a little

bit of avoidant other avoidant people

are going to take a little bit

longer okay they might surprise you

early or they might hold out on that

vulnerability for quite some time really

a huge piece of that though is do you

help help them feel secure if you you

help them feel exceptionally secure they

usually pop open like

that so if you need some help you

generating these effective results okay

I do have a course that could be helpful

I have something called How to Love An

avoidant man it's a video course

designed to walk you through all the

things we talked about here in this

video in depth you can watch it yourself

and apply it you can watch it together

and work on it together it also teaches

you their specific specific risk focused

language that's going to be most helpful

in understanding exactly what they're

saying to you and help you them

understand what you're trying to say to

them now the first year of a

relationship you guys is crucial to set

up the rest of your life together if

your partner is putting up a false front

not as a manipulation tactic but because

they don't know how else to connect with

you the first year will lead only to

heartbreak but if you can set up that

first year properly and form an

authentic connection with them you can

build a bond that lasts a lifetime so

make sure that you're fostering the

right trust and intimacy with them the

sort that they've never known before

with anybody so they understand you are

the right one for them and you don't

lose this wonderful shot at real

happiness together and please remember

that how to love and avoidant man video

course that's available it gives you the

proven road map to Foster that

relationship together in fact if you use

offer YouTube 25 that code that will

give you 25% off the course you can

click the link Down Below in the show

notes YouTube 25 it'll give you you 25%

off the ticket price that's my special

offer to you to help you protect your

relationship I'm Adam Lane Smith the

attachment specialist it has been an

honor working with you here today thank

you for giving me your time and one

major problem that I have seen with

avoidant partners and their loved ones

is that few people can ever explain what

emotional intimacy even is or why it's

important so I built a video to help you

do that I recommend you check out one of

my most popular videos of all time on

this channel called what is emotion

intimacy it can help you answer that

question to your partner and help you

articulate together what you're going to

create I'll see you in that video