6 Negative Stories You Tell Yourself And How To Change Them

Summary

In this insightful video, Dr. Tracy Marks delves into the concept of emotional programming, exploring how early life experiences shape our thoughts and behaviors in adulthood. She discusses six common negative stories individuals often tell themselves, stemming from emotional imprints like abandonment, dependence, unworthiness, disconnection, mistrust, and failure. Dr. Marks provides strategies to deconstruct and reframe these distorted narratives, emphasizing the importance of recognizing patterns, challenging cognitive distortions, practicing vulnerability, and engaging in self-soothing activities to break free from emotional programming and cultivate a healthier mindset.

Takeaways

• 😀 Our early life experiences shape our thoughts and emotional patterns (schemas) in adulthood.
• 😔 Negative experiences can create a 'hole' in our emotional cup, leading to distorted self-beliefs.
• 🚫 Six common negative self-stories: abandonment, dependency, unworthiness, disconnection, mistrust, and failure.
• 🔍 Deconstructing these stories involves identifying their origins, challenging unrealistic expectations, and practicing vulnerability.
• 🧠 Our negative self-talk often stems from internalizing others' voices and projecting past hurts onto present situations.
• 🌳 Building self-esteem, emotional resilience, and self-soothing skills can counteract negative programming.
• ✍️ Journaling helps recognize thought patterns and separate emotions from reality (emotional reasoning).
• 💬 Improving communication and allowing vulnerability can foster deeper connections and combat loneliness.
• 🌈 Positive emotions and coping statements can interrupt negative rumination cycles.
• 🔑 The key is awareness: recognizing negative schemas is the first step towards reshaping them.

Q & A

What is emotional programming, and how does it develop?

Emotional programming refers to the imprint of positive and negative experiences from early life that carries over into adulthood. It develops from interactions with parents, siblings, and others, shaping the way we think and interact in the present day.

What are the six types of negative emotional programming stories discussed in the video?

The six types of negative emotional programming stories discussed are: 1) Abandonment Story, 2) Dependent Story, 3) Unworthy Story, 4) Disconnection Story, 5) Mistrust Story, and 6) Failure Story.

How does the Abandonment Story manifest itself, and what are some ways to deconstruct it?

The Abandonment Story involves beliefs like 'people don't really care about me' or 'I'm destined to end up alone.' To deconstruct it, one can examine unrealistic relationship expectations, practice vulnerability, and work on developing trust in relationships.

What is the Dependent Story, and how can one challenge it?

The Dependent Story involves thoughts like 'I can't cope with being alone' or 'I need someone to take care of me.' To challenge it, one can gradually take on more responsibilities, challenge themselves outside their comfort zone, and learn to enjoy solitude more.

How does the Unworthy Story develop, and what are some ways to deconstruct it?

The Unworthy Story can develop from feeling like one could never measure up to high standards or constant criticism. To deconstruct it, one can identify whose voices they hear when they say negative things about themselves and recognize that those voices represent others' issues, not their own.

What is the Disconnection Story, and how can one feel more connected to others?

The Disconnection Story involves thoughts like 'No one understands me' or 'I rarely feel close to people.' To feel more connected, one can take small steps to open up, improve the quality of conversations, and avoid exaggerating differences between oneself and others.

How does the Mistrust Story manifest itself, and what are some ways to deconstruct it?

The Mistrust Story involves beliefs like 'Most people will use or hurt you' or 'You need to stay on guard.' To deconstruct it, one can acknowledge instances of trustworthiness, avoid projecting past experiences onto present situations, and challenge pessimistic thinking patterns.

What is the Failure Story, and how can one challenge it?

The Failure Story involves thoughts like 'There's no point in trying because I'm just gonna fail' or 'I never seem to get things right.' To challenge it, one can consider what they would say to a friend in a similar situation, identify whose voice they hear when they think negatively, and work on building self-esteem.

What is emotional reasoning, and how does it contribute to negative emotional programming stories?

Emotional reasoning is a thinking pattern where one's emotions are interpreted as reflecting reality, even when they may be triggered by past experiences or unrelated thoughts. This can contribute to negative emotional programming stories by causing misinterpretations of current situations based on those emotions.

What are some suggested coping strategies or techniques mentioned in the video for breaking past negative emotional programming?

Some suggested coping strategies mentioned include journaling, engaging in self-soothing activities, using positive coping statements like 'My past doesn't define me,' and practicing grounding techniques (to be covered in a future video).