Getting To Yes! William Ury - Part 2
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores effective negotiation strategies, emphasizing the importance of brainstorming to generate options, using independent standards to resolve conflicts, and separating people issues from the problem at hand. It illustrates how to handle emotional and perceptual challenges, advocating for active listening and empathetic acknowledgment. The script also highlights the significance of knowing one's BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) to navigate the decision between walking away or signing an agreement.
Takeaways
- 📝 Importance of Brainstorming: The script emphasizes the value of brainstorming to generate a wide array of options without initial judgment or commitment.
- 🔑 Seniority and Job Guarantees: Maintaining seniority and ensuring job guarantees are identified as crucial issues to keep on the negotiation table.
- 🗣️ Voice in Training: The necessity for workers to have a say in their training processes is highlighted as a significant point of negotiation.
- 🤝 Flexibility in Bargaining: The dialogue suggests the importance of flexibility, not committing early to proposals, to maintain bargaining power.
- 🤔 Evaluating Options: After brainstorming, it's essential to evaluate options based on their potential to meet the underlying interests of both parties.
- 🏆 Use of Independent Standards: The script underlines the power of using independent standards to resolve conflicts and persuade both parties of the fairness of an agreement.
- 💰 Negotiating Fees: An example of fee negotiation illustrates how sharing rationale behind figures can lead to a mutually agreeable outcome.
- 🤝 Separating People from Problem: Successful negotiators separate emotional or personal issues from the substantive issues to handle them effectively.
- 👂 Active Listening: The script stresses the importance of active listening in understanding the other party's perspective and emotions.
- 🤝 Balancing Work and Personal Life: Addressing work-life balance concerns requires empathy and a willingness to explore options that respect personal needs without compromising professional responsibilities.
- 🤔 BATNA Importance: Knowing one's Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) is crucial in determining whether to continue negotiations or walk away.
Q & A
What are the three most promising options discussed in the meeting for negotiation with management?
-The three most promising options discussed are: maintaining seniority, job guarantees, and having a voice in the training process.
Why is it important to keep seniority on the table during negotiations?
-Seniority is important because it ensures that longer-serving employees are protected and their experience is valued, which is a key point that cannot be ratified without agreement.
What is the significance of having a voice in the training according to the transcript?
-Having a voice in the training is crucial as it allows employees to be comfortable and have a say in their professional development, which directly impacts their job satisfaction and performance.
Why is it suggested not to reveal all options at the beginning of negotiations?
-Revealing all options at the beginning can limit flexibility and bargaining power. It's better to keep some options in reserve to respond to the other party's proposals and maintain the upper hand in negotiations.
What is the role of brainstorming in the negotiation process as described in the script?
-Brainstorming is a critical activity in negotiations that helps generate a wide range of options. It follows specific rules such as no criticism and no commitment, allowing participants to freely invent ideas that can potentially meet underlying interests.
How can the concept of 'embedding options' enhance a negotiator's power?
-Embedding options enhances a negotiator's power by providing multiple avenues for resolution. The more options available, the better equipped the negotiator is to craft a solution that meets the interests of both parties effectively.
What is the purpose of using independent standards in resolving conflicting interests in negotiations?
-Independent standards serve as objective measures that can help both parties assess the fairness of a proposal. They can be used to persuade the other side or protect one's own interests by referencing market value, precedent, or industry practice.
How can independent standards help in narrowing the differences between negotiating parties?
-Independent standards provide a common ground for both parties to assess the legitimacy and fairness of their positions. By referencing these standards, negotiators can find a middle ground that satisfies both sides without compromising on their core interests.
What is the importance of separating the people from the problem in negotiations?
-Separating the people from the problem allows negotiators to address the substantive issues without being hindered by emotional or personal factors. This approach facilitates a more objective and productive discussion, focusing on finding a mutually beneficial solution.
Why is active listening a crucial part of communication during negotiations?
-Active listening is essential because it ensures that all parties understand each other's perspectives and feelings. It helps in building trust, showing respect, and creating an environment conducive to open dialogue and problem-solving.
What does the acronym BATNA stand for and why is it important in negotiations?
-BATNA stands for 'Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.' It's important because it represents the fallback option if negotiations fail. Knowing one's BATNA helps in evaluating whether to proceed with a deal or walk away, thus influencing negotiation strategy and confidence.
Outlines
🤝 Union Negotiation Strategies
This paragraph discusses a union negotiation scenario where the focus is on identifying promising options for discussion with management. The union aims to maintain seniority and job guarantees while seeking a voice in training. The importance of brainstorming without commitment is emphasized, as is the need to evaluate options after brainstorming. The paragraph highlights the power of having multiple options to negotiate from and the use of independent standards to resolve conflicts of interest.
📊 Utilizing Standards in Negotiation
The second paragraph illustrates the use of independent standards in negotiations to resolve conflicts and persuade parties. It provides an example of a consultant negotiating fees with a client, where both parties use standards such as market value and industry practice to justify their positions. The dialogue shows how standards can serve as both a persuasive tool and a protective measure, helping to narrow differences and find a mutually acceptable solution.
🧐 Dealing with People Issues in Negotiation
This paragraph delves into the human element of negotiations, discussing the challenges of managing emotions, perceptions, and communication. It emphasizes the importance of separating people issues from the substantive issues of the negotiation. Techniques such as active listening, acknowledging emotions, and understanding differing perspectives are highlighted as essential for dealing with people problems effectively, turning confrontations into collaborative problem-solving.
🤔 Navigating Emotional Negotiations
The fourth paragraph presents a scenario where an employee is asking for a raise, highlighting the importance of separating personal relationships from professional negotiations. The employee emphasizes the value of their work and the desire for fair treatment, while the manager acknowledges the relationship but focuses on the business aspects of the negotiation. The dialogue demonstrates the challenge of balancing emotional connections with the need for objective decision-making.
👩💼 Balancing Work and Personal Life in Negotiations
In this paragraph, a professional discusses the struggle to balance work demands with personal life, specifically the need to care for a child. The manager acknowledges the employee's concerns and the importance of motherhood, while also considering the company's needs and the perceptions of other employees. The conversation explores the dilemma of maintaining fairness among staff while addressing individual needs, highlighting the complexity of negotiating work-life balance.
🤷♂️ The Dilemma of Walking Away or Signing an Agreement
The final paragraph addresses the common negotiation dilemma of deciding whether to walk away without an agreement or to sign an agreement that may be regretted later. The solution presented is thorough preparation, including knowing one's best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). Having a clear BATNA provides a benchmark to measure the success of the negotiation, guiding the decision to either accept or decline a proposed agreement.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Negotiation
💡Brainstorming
💡Interests
💡Options
💡Standards
💡BATNA
💡Emotions
💡Perception
💡Communication
💡Flexibility
💡Commitment
Highlights
The importance of brainstorming in generating negotiation options without criticism or commitment.
The concept of keeping 'seniority' as a key negotiation point to maintain its value in discussions.
Job guarantees as a promising negotiation idea, highlighting the need for security in employment.
The necessity for a 'voice in the training' to ensure comfort and participation in professional development.
The strategic use of asterisks to denote important points without revealing one's hand too early in negotiations.
The ground rule of 'no commitment' in brainstorming to encourage open idea generation.
The exploration of co-design as a negotiation option, allowing for collaboration and mutual benefit.
The potential for older employees to train younger ones in technologies where they have expertise.
The idea of in-house training for certain technologies as a cost-effective solution.
The use of independent standards in negotiations to provide a fair and objective basis for agreement.
How to use market value and industry practice as independent standards to persuade and protect interests.
The power of standards to help both parties persuade their constituents in a negotiation.
The importance of separating the people from the problem in negotiations to address emotions and perceptions effectively.
Active listening as a key communication technique in understanding and addressing the other party's emotions and viewpoints.
The dilemma of walking away or signing an agreement in negotiations and the role of BATNA in making this decision.
The strategy of being 'soft on the person, hard on the problem' to maintain relationships while negotiating tough issues.
The concept of disentangling personal relationships from business negotiations to ensure fairness and objectivity.
The use of empathy and understanding in negotiations to address emotional concerns while maintaining a focus on the problem at hand.
The role of BATNA in preparing for negotiations and providing a clear alternative in case the negotiation is not successful.
Transcripts
let's try an asterisk three that we
might bring back into the joint meeting
with management what are the three most
promising options here on the list what
would you say you've got to keep
seniority on the table
okay so seniority you want to obviously
we couldn't get ratified without it okay
also job guarantees of some kind job
guarantees that's a that's a very
promising idea okay but I think we need
a voice in the training I don't think
there's any question without a voice in
the training why we aren't comfortable
okay voice in the training okay but I
don't I don't think we want them to know
do we didn't give asterisks close do we
well let me ask you this how see
bargaining yet it can wait you're taking
our flexibility with oh you're not
making Lisa's proposals well these are
these are just options you're willing to
talk about is there any option here that
you're not willing to talk about I think
that the concern is it yeah well we if
we offer up an idea they're gonna climb
onto it great if we proposed it right
you need to know that the first time
they glam onto one of those and say boy
we'll buy that we're walking out you've
told us these are just things we're
going to talking sure I'm gonna be on to
them long before you walk remember the
ground rule is no commitment I'll see to
it that that ground rules maintained
once the union team focused on the task
of inventing options they were able to
come up with quite a few it is a very
important activity to brainstorm the
rules of brainstorming are quite clear
you set aside a time no criticism no
commitment just invent ideas however
short the time you have is a good idea
to have some segments of time in which
people are asked to explore let their
mind wander and think of things that
might meet the underlying interest so
let's continue there are some
interesting options put up here how
would you improve on these how could
they better be developed to meet your
interests where do you see some overlap
Frank if you're are serious in looking
at our option on co.design I have the
feeling that we can work some
than out on your first item management
discussion with improved early
retirement I'm simply saying that
without any commitment to it but it
seems to me there's something we could
do there because we could provide an
opportunity then for our older people to
be involved and in some areas we could
have the older employees train the
younger employees in those technologies
where they're expert and then in the
newer technologies why we'll look to
some other source of training we may
actually be able to do that training
in-house and then for those technologies
which we're going to require more we can
send that to the Community College and
we might be able to pay for that also I
like that idea cuz a lot of people have
told me they want training in areas
where we don't presently offer any
training these options down because it
sounds like you're really getting
somewhere now we've got a lot of
possibilities why don't we start to
flesh some of these out embedding
options enhances their negotiators power
if I have a lot of options on the table
I am better able to work out a solution
that meets your interests in mind I'm in
a stronger position for more options I
have often options will simply solve the
problem you will have a good solution
that meets the interests of both parties
not all options are created equal
you have to evaluate them and evaluation
as you saw it comes after the
brainstorming session we do not evaluate
during the middle of rain storming in
some cases their conflicting interests
that cannot be solved by inventing
options there we need other methods in
the next segment we look at the power of
independent standards as a way of moving
toward agreement segment three standards
sometimes interest conflict and you
can't find a creative option that
satisfies both sides often when that
happens the parties end up in a contest
of will where one side or the other has
to back down that kind of contest is
costly it rewards stubbornness and
deception and nobody likes to back down
and so they don't and the process takes
forever
a better way to resolve conflicting
interests in most situations is to use
independent standards for example but
I'm negotiating with a client it's much
more effective for me to explain that
the fee I want is what I've been paid by
a dozen other clients and just to say
well that's how much I want it's hard to
back down to the other side it's much
easier to go along with an independent
standard such as market value precedent
or industry practice standards can be
used as both a sword to persuade the
other side and as a shield to protect
yourself as a sword standards allow you
to explain to the other side why your
proposal would be fair for them as well
as for you as a shield standards allow
you to explain why their proposal
doesn't doesn't feel fair to you
wouldn't be appropriate according to
some objective standards or precedents
standards aren't created equal you can
look for the standards that are the most
relevant the most appropriate to the
situation you're talking about and some
standards will seem more persuasive and
others let's watch in this next
negotiation how the standards can be
used on both sides to narrow the
difference and the differences between
the parties in this situation I am
coaching a consultant and their client
in a negotiation about the consultants
fees Tom we've been holding down fees
now for four years you know we've been
working with you every time you run into
a difficulty the time is coming we need
to pay back this year we need a 13%
increase that's how rageous it's too
much
we were thinking 4% of walking in here
maybe it's time we need to talk to the
competition it's already tense and the
reason is all they've put out on the
table is a position a number they
haven't even begun to explain where that
number might have come from what's the
rationale the legitimacy that lies
behind it Chuck maybe it would help if
you explain where that 13 percent came
from
all right Tom if you raised your fees to
us by 13% they would equal the average
fee we get from our clients across the
country and Tom what about you where did
that 4% figure come from you seem pretty
strong on that you know we've just gone
through a long negotiating process with
unions and the whole nine yards on
salaries and we've come with
across-the-board 4% increase I might say
our internal increases look like 10 to
11 percent for management look at that
and soon if they get out with single
rationale from one side or the other
they can begin to discuss well it's that
the most appropriate standard for this
situation and then they can begin to
have a dialogue let's keep going he's 4%
for your managers as well
no no upper level management weight and
a half or something yeah how about your
lawyers what do you pay your lawyers
well we paying by the hour 225 an hour
but 13% is - hi Chuck
this is st. Louis well you're right it
is st. Louis but Tom even even in st.
Louis I mean you'd have to raise your
rates to us by or I'm sorry your fees to
us by at least nine percent if you were
going to pay us the average we get for
clients in st. Louis well what does nine
percent mean in terms of your hourly
salaries across the board um average it
out well first of all kind of break out
expenses me I'm done in the past but
take expenses out and if you combine
that the highest hourly rate and the
lowest hourly rate and we've got a team
working with you various assignments
would be about a hundred and twenty-five
dollars an hour and you said that's the
lowest hourly rate of anyone in your st.
Louis office that's correct
average who do you have to sell this fee
to my board would it help if you could
say that that's the lowest hourly rate
any client is getting in the st. Louis
area
yeah I think it's important for us all
to feel that we are
being given the best rate in town I mean
after all we've got to be one of your
largest clients certainly here that's a
lot less than what you're paying your
lawyers to yes it is
lawyers offer specialized services well
maybe I can look at that it sounds as if
I could sell it if you can provide me
with something I can take to the board
to convince them that indeed this is the
lowest I can I can go back to the office
and verify that but I'm confident that
that would be equal to the lowest
average rate paid by any st. Louis
client and I can provide you with a memo
that would be you Dearborn yeah what
about you chuck
you said that'd be a 9% increase could
you live with something like that well
it's not as much as I had hope for
you're gonna have to talk to your other
partners presumably right however I
think it's probably going to be the
largest increase of any client in our
office and if that's right
it ought to satisfy my partners so here
by looking at the rationales the
standards that lie behind the positions
the ideas the options that the parties
have been discussing you not only get
some new options on the table you narrow
the gap between their differences and
note in the solution that they've come
up with so far they haven't even had to
agree on any single standard one side is
going to portray it to their
constituency as the lowest hourly rate
available to any client in the
geographic area while the other portrays
it to his partners as the highest
increase anyone has come into the office
and gotten from their clients so both
should be happy both should be able to
live with it that's the difference think
where they started
13% 4% bear numbers on the table by
looking to standards rationales
legitimacy and talking about which
standards are more appropriate they
found an option that can both live with
as you've just seen one of the most
powerful uses of independent standards
is to help the other side persuade their
constituents and of course they may help
you persuade your
as well when interests conflict and you
can't find a creative option that
satisfies both sides be prepared to use
independent standards to persuade both
parties that an agreement is one that
treats them fairly interests options and
standards are a great way to deal with
the substantive issues in negotiation
but negotiators are people first dealing
with the people issues in negotiation is
the subject of our next segment
segment for people constantly in a
negotiation you're trying to focus on
the problem you're trying to look at the
interests or the options or the
standards and the people get in the way
their emotions their egos their
different ways of seeing things their
communication patterns constantly you're
focusing on the problem that people get
in the way people make two assumptions
either they assume that look I've got to
be soft on the people I need this
relationship and that means being soft
on the problem giving in making
concessions or they make the opposite
assumption I've got to be hard on the
problem I need to get this I need to get
this from my organization or for myself
if that means being hard on the people
well that's that's real life well in the
world of business we're not holding
hands what we find successful
negotiators doing is rejecting both
those assumptions what they do is they
separate the people from the problem
almost like drawing a line in their
heads between the person and the problem
in order then to simultaneously be soft
on the people hard on the problem in
fact the harder you need to be on the
problem the softer you need to be on the
person if the person is not going to get
in the way of dealing with the problem
first part about emotions I think is to
be aware of your own be sensitive to
where they are feel them and then be
sensitive to the emotions of the other
party try to acknowledge them see if you
can't understand how they're feeling
we've sometimes think we're taught as
children it's naughty to be angry it's
nothing wrong with feeling anger it's
like feeling hot or feeling cold it's a
feeling how you deal with anger or
something else people have a tendency to
believe that it when they disagree about
something in negotiation one side has to
be right or the other side and somebody
has to be wrong usually that's not true
if people feel strongly about an issue
it's much more likely that they have
facts you don't have that they see the
situation in a different way which is
perhaps partially valid perhaps even as
valid it's the way that you see it
before you get into a heated argument
back and forth about who's right it's
better to say how do they see is there
some piece of what they see that if I
knew would make a difference to me so
what I've heard
their emotion problems as people
problems there are problems of
perception the fact that people see
things differently right and the third
category is communication problems most
people think of communication is my
telling you we think of the
communication industry broadcasting of
great communicators or people who talk
and tell people things I would say if
communication is the problem half of the
problem is listening in fact the more
important half is listening because
unless I hear you unless I understand
where your head is we're to thinking and
feeling I'm shooting it in the dark I
don't know what so listen active
listening listening acknowledging your
feelings acknowledging the other side's
feelings putting yourself in the other
side shoes
none of them involve making a concession
to the other side we deal with the key
point is to deal with people problems
with people techniques and then deal
with the problem on its merits in the
next negotiation john nathan is being
asked for a raise by a talented young
associate of his john wants to avoid the
raise in fact he wants to avoid
discussing the problem by threatening
the relationship by indicating the
relationship is at stake he is
deliberately although maybe not
consciously mixing up the relationship
for the substance and tim asking for the
raise is fairly good and saying that the
amount of the raise should not depend on
the quality of the relationship let's
watch
i've been here for 18 months i've been
working really hard I came to this firm
because I value your advice and what
you've taught me so much and I think
that now I'm looking around I'm seeing
other people in the firm coming in
hiring laterally at higher salaries than
I'm getting I'm wondering perhaps you
know is a reason for this reason I'm not
being paid Copley to other people in my
position you're saying you know that
we're flying still a little low to the
ground we're trying to take this thing
up to the 40,000 feet we think they'll
be flying out of Europe doing a lot to
help us get there but you and I you know
we haven't been we haven't talked money
much we knew coming in that we didn't
have a lot of money to spend except on
the projects and other stuff that we're
doing that are making us feel like we're
contributing to some making a difference
out there money brought up between us at
this
it seems inappropriate somehow I am
uncomfortable about it
in what way I'm sorry it's there you
know I began to say I'm proud of you and
I did feel corny about it I mean I do
feel like your uncle or your dad and I
brought you along I think I think you'd
say that you've learned quite a bit for
me absolutely if I in any way implied
that the relationship was not important
to me or was not the most valuable thing
I am sorry about that it is I've learned
so much from you and it's line that no
matter where I work or whatever I do
what I learned from you is gonna be so
important to me but I think we need to
separate that but somehow our working
relationship and the work I do for this
firm need to go to it separately and my
salary requests are really for what I
think I can contribute to the work of
this firm okay so you just want to talk
money basically yes money in terms of
what I can do for the company what I can
do I talk - people all day long you've
heard me talk money
half of the business is talking money
that's the part of business you know
that I like least the part of it is I
like most of what we do together
fine we're gonna become merchants
basically for the next ten minutes and
have a conversation about dollars and
says that what you're asking me to do I
don't know if I would use the word
merchants in the sense of that angle
basically it's a hey you could be a
fishmonger I could be a housewife I I
even hack I don't like the word haggle
that much either I think what I would
like to do is to say yes I am very
committed to this company I would like
to see on a work-based relationship
something that is comparable salary wise
and I don't want to bring in our
relationship the reasons I came to this
firm what I've learned from you is
combine is trying to keep them separate
okay how much do you want well I look at
the other people you've brought in
recently who are in my position who are
how laterally hired who are about
$40,000 in that reason I think it's fair
for the work I do they're being paid
$32,000 Mountain 32:5 mm-hmm and you're
asking for a sieve and a half a vanilla
raiser now right I need to hear one
thing clear if you are we can all tomato
mode here are you saying pay
the $40,000 give me the seven half
thousand dollar raise today or I'm gone
I'm out of here I'm up the next step on
the ladder is not where we are
absolutely not John I would never leave
you today I would never walk out on you
that is something that I just would not
do and purely because we value our
friendship so much I would never do
anything like that to you all I want is
to be treated fairly all I ask is that I
be treated for my work the same way
anyone else in your firm is treated Tim
was good there it's amazing every time
John would bring something up he'd
reaffirm to John how much the
relationship meant and then say but how
much I'm paid is just a question of
what's fair in the office I don't want
to feel ripped off it's almost like when
someone says trust me that's right you
should answer of course I trust you and
common business practice would suggest
that I run this by my lawyer now let's
watch a negotiation between a
professional and a manager the
professional is concerned about her
schedule she doesn't think that she has
enough time at home with her child her
perception plays a role the manager has
a very different view of the fairness of
the professional schedule let's watch
Irma I I'm having trouble doing this job
and taking care of my child I came home
last night after being on the road for
seven days and my daughter didn't even
know who I was she wouldn't have
anything to do with me and I I'm at my
wit's end this is so crazy I feel like
you have scheduled me week after week on
the road I feel like I've done my fair
share
I do work really well and I'm really
going crazy this is really difficult I
can't keep it up with the quality of my
work as well as being mother which I
never get a chance to do because you
always have me on the road it's been
really difficult I think you can
understand this Irma your mother you
understand what it's like it's been
really really difficult for me can you
help me well I certainly understand as a
mother what what you must be feeling if
I came home and my child didn't
recognize
me I'd be very upset and I would like to
help you I want to help the company too
so there may be some conflicting
interests there let's talk more
well isn't motherhood the most important
thing in the world I mean child's
welfare I think that's very important
and this is a very critical time in your
daughter's life and that's a priority
question and I think that's one of the
questions you and I need to talk about
where are your priorities right now well
I want to be a good mother and I want to
be a good employee of this company I
want to keep my work at the level that
it's at and I feel if you put me on the
road as much as you do I can't be good
at anything other than my job okay so
you're feeling like there's not enough
balance in your life right now well
Francine one of the reasons we put you
on the road is you're one of our best
employees and we've got a lot of demand
right now and more than that we're
hearing and I'm hearing from other folks
how come Francine isn't on the road as
much as we are and I said well let me
tell you I thought that was ridiculous
too so I pulled together the data and I
looked at it I said you know actually
you are doing about 80 percent of what
other people are doing and that's been
because I've been trying to the extent
that I could to minimize the amount of
time you have on the road 80 percent
about 80 percent yeah so they're right
in other words they feel like you're
getting a break that they're not getting
so when I'm standing in my shoes trying
to understand what it means to be a
mother I'm also hearing this voice of 24
people over here saying hey is this fair
and I'm frankly facing the dilemma of
saying Francine maybe you should do more
and you're now coming in saying you got
to give me less yeah you got to give me
less okay
I have several responsibilities one is
to keep you and those other 24 people
happy productive but I also have to make
this company work and I have to make
sure our clients are happy this is our
busiest season there's no way at this
point I can reduce the workload I think
we can talk well yeah I know that's
especially after what happened to you
last night
I'm sure this is not good news I can't
reduce it right now but maybe we could
talk about some options long-term that
could give you some relief in the future
so you're willing to work with me on
this I'm willing to talk about it and to
see what's possible because I don't want
to lose you if there's a way to keep you
treat others fairly and keep our revenue
stream where it needs to be I'm willing
to work with you bill what did you think
of hermas performance there what do you
see
I thought urban did a beautiful job of
separating the people from the problem
being soft on the person while we
remaining hard on the problem keeping
the company's interests in mind though
she certainly able to be firm and
friendly at the same time it really
makes a difference when you can do that
it's not just the words it's the tone
it's the spirit it's the intent that lie
behind the words well all of these
techniques are more than just you know
words or formulas that you memorize they
don't work as formulas you really have
to mean it and that's why you know
that's why dealing with people is hard
you have to make this part of you and
really make it work but if you can it'll
make a big difference in every
negotiation there are people problems
when these loom large when they become
important you want to get the first
basic point disentangle the people
issues from the substantive ones of
price terms conditions whatever you have
just take them apart deal with the
substance on its merits but don't try
and buy the relationship don't give in
on the substance in order to improve
their personal relationship deal with
the substance disentangle it and then
turn to the people problems deal with
the people problems using people
techniques acknowledge your emotions and
theirs without blaming one side of the
other listen actively put yourself in
their shoes and understand how they see
it those are the techniques that allow
you to make them feel respected and well
treated above all turn a face to face
confrontation into side by side
problem-solving so you're both sitting
on the same side of the table facing the
problem you're attacking the problem
jointly not the people
segment five alternatives in every
negotiation there's a dilemma shall I
make risk the mistake of walking away
without agreement or risk the mistake of
signing an agreement I wish I had to
sign regretting it every negotiator
feels uncertain is this deal good enough
should I walk should I knock if I walk I
let me get to the door look out and
discover it's awful if I stay at the
table I may sign an agreement when there
was a better deal around the corner the
answer to this dilemma the solution
again is preparation before you sit down
at the table know what you will do if
you walk away what is your best
self-help alternative we call this your
Batna your best alternative to a
negotiated agreement and I want to have
that in my pocket I want to know just
what I'm going to do that is the measure
of the success of any negotiation unless
it's better than that I ought to walk
away
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