how to write a *detailed* example in ielts writing task 2

Summary

This video script offers a valuable tip for transforming abstract examples into detailed ones in writing. It emphasizes the importance of identifying abstract keywords in the text and making them specific through real-life examples. The speaker illustrates this with examples from IELTS essay questions, demonstrating how asking 'what' and 'how' questions can enrich the content with concrete details. The script also introduces the 'example-led paragraph' technique for a more focused and unified paragraph, crucial for achieving higher scores in writing assessments.

Takeaways

• 📝 The video aims to help those struggling with writing concrete, detailed examples by transforming abstract ideas into specific ones.
• 🔑 The key tip is to identify abstract keywords in the sentences already written and then make them more specific with real-life examples.
• 🎯 An example from 'IELTS 14 General Training' is used to illustrate the process of detailing the experience offered by offline stores compared to online shopping.
• 🗣️ Social experiences in offline stores are highlighted as a reason why they won't be replaced by online shopping, using coffee shops like Starbucks as a detailed example.
• ❓ The method of asking 'what' and 'how' questions is suggested to derive the necessary details for an example.
• 🛍️ A comparison is made between the social interaction at Starbucks and the impersonal nature of ordering coffee beans on Amazon to emphasize the point.
• 💡 The importance of having a single main topic in each paragraph for a higher score on writing tests is emphasized.
• 🚑 Another example from 'IELTS 17' discusses the drawbacks of relying on alternative medicines in emergency situations, using the abstract concept of 'tumor' for detail.
• 🛠️ The script suggests that rehabilitation programs teaching valuable skills to prisoners can help prevent re-offending, with coding as a specific example.
• 👨‍🍳 It's highlighted that the specific skill taught in rehabilitation doesn't have to be coding; any skill can be used as long as it's detailed.
• 🚀 The video introduces the 'example-led paragraph' technique, where an example is used directly to support a topic sentence without an explanation, as demonstrated with the topic of risk-taking.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the video?

The main purpose of the video is to teach viewers how to transform abstract examples into detailed and concrete ones when writing.

What is the simple tip shared in the video for writing detailed examples?

The simple tip is to identify abstract keywords in the sentences you've already written and then make those keywords more specific using real-life examples.

What does the video suggest as a method to make abstract ideas more specific in writing?

The video suggests asking 'what' questions to make abstract ideas more specific and to come up with concrete details.

Can you provide an example of how to use the tip from the video to write about offline stores offering social experiences?

The video uses Starbucks as an example, explaining that people meet friends, talk about their lives, and enjoy their drinks there, which are experiences not available online.

How does the video suggest comparing offline stores to online stores in an example?

The video suggests using details like buying coffee beans on Amazon and the impersonal nature of the transaction to contrast with the social interaction at Starbucks.

What is the importance of having only one main topic in every paragraph according to the video?

Having only one main topic in every paragraph is important for achieving a high score on the writing test, as it ensures unity and focus in the writing.

What is an 'example-led paragraph' as mentioned in the video?

An 'example-led paragraph' is a technique where an example is used directly to support the topic sentence without an initial explanation, as taught by IELTS Simon.

How does the video suggest dealing with a lack of knowledge about specific programs or initiatives when writing examples?

The video suggests that it's not necessary to know specific programs like the Chen Zuckerberg Initiative; instead, one can use their own knowledge and life experience to make the abstract parts of their writing more specific.

What is the video's stance on the use of explanations before providing an example in a paragraph?

The video suggests that explanations before providing an example are not 100% necessary, and one can directly use an example to support the topic sentence.

How does the video address the concern of some people who find it hard to think of examples?

The video reassures viewers that as long as they have life experiences, they can come up with examples by using 'what' or 'how' questions to identify details.

What is the final advice given in the video regarding writing detailed examples?

The final advice is to remember that the goal of writing an example is to back up what has been previously written with details, and to use 'what' or 'how' questions to help come up with those details.

Outlines

00:00

📝 Writing Detailed Examples

The first paragraph introduces a common issue in writing where abstract examples are repeated without adding detail. The video aims to provide a simple tip for transforming these abstract examples into detailed ones using real-life scenarios. It uses the example of the impact of online shopping on physical stores, suggesting that offline stores offer social experiences, like meeting friends at Starbucks, which online cannot replicate. The key is to identify abstract keywords and make them specific through 'what' questions, leading to a detailed and unified paragraph.

05:04

🤔 The Challenge of Writing Examples

This paragraph discusses the difficulty of writing detailed examples and how to overcome it by using the 'what' and 'how' questions to identify abstract parts of an argument and make them concrete. It presents the topic of alternative medicines and their limitations in emergency situations as a case study. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of life experience in creating relevant examples, such as the Chen Zuckerberg Initiative's coding program in prisons, to illustrate rehabilitation efforts that can prevent ex-prisoners from reoffending.

10:04

🚀 Example-Led Paragraphs

The final paragraph introduces the concept of an 'example-led paragraph', a technique where an example is used directly to support a topic sentence without an explanation. It demonstrates this method using the advantages of taking risks, with examples of quitting a job or ending a relationship that may cause short-term pain but lead to long-term gain. The paragraph concludes by encouraging the use of detailed examples to unify the paragraph around a single topic, which is crucial for achieving high scores in writing assessments.

Keywords

💡Abstract Example

An abstract example is a general or non-specific illustration used to explain a concept without concrete details. In the video, the speaker emphasizes transforming abstract examples into detailed ones by identifying abstract keywords and making them specific with real-life scenarios. For instance, the term 'offline stores' is made concrete by discussing the social experiences at coffee shops like Starbucks.

💡Concrete Example

A concrete example provides specific details that illustrate a point clearly and effectively. The video's main theme revolves around converting abstract thoughts into tangible examples. The script uses the example of people meeting at Starbucks to socialize while enjoying coffee, which concretely illustrates the unique experiences offline stores offer compared to online shopping.

💡IELTS

IELTS, or the International English Language Testing System, is a globally recognized test for non-native English speakers to demonstrate their English language proficiency. The video uses IELTS essay questions as contexts to demonstrate how to write detailed examples within an essay, showing the practical application of the discussed writing technique in an academic setting.

💡Topic Sentence

A topic sentence is the opening statement of a paragraph that presents the main idea or argument. In the script, the speaker uses topic sentences to introduce the main points, such as the social experiences offered by offline stores or the drawbacks of alternative medicines, before expanding on them with detailed examples.

💡Socialization

Socialization refers to the process of interacting with others and participating in a society. The video script mentions social experiences as a key advantage of offline stores, using the example of Starbucks to show how people engage in social activities while shopping, which contrasts with the solitary nature of online shopping.

💡Non-conventional Medical Treatments

Non-conventional medical treatments, also known as alternative medicines, encompass various health practices not typically taught in medical schools or used in hospitals. The script discusses the potential risks of relying on such treatments in emergency situations, emphasizing the importance of conventional treatments that can provide immediate relief.

💡Rehabilitation Programs

Rehabilitation programs are initiatives aimed at helping individuals, such as ex-prisoners, reintegrate into society by acquiring skills and employment. The video script suggests that teaching valuable skills through such programs can prevent ex-prisoners from committing crimes post-release, exemplified by a hypothetical coding program in prisons.

💡Risk-Taking

Risk-taking involves making decisions or taking actions that involve uncertainty or potential loss. The video discusses the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, particularly in the context of personal and professional life. It uses the example of adults who might face short-term financial struggles after quitting a job they dislike but are financially reliant on.

💡Example-Led Paragraph

An example-led paragraph is a writing technique where a specific example is used to directly support the topic sentence without a preceding explanation. The script introduces this method from IELTS Simon, demonstrating how to write a paragraph that begins with a detailed example to illustrate the main point, such as the potential downsides of making a risky career change.

💡Writing Test

A writing test assesses an individual's ability to communicate effectively in writing, often a component of standardized tests like IELTS. The video script emphasizes the importance of having a single main topic in each paragraph for scoring well on writing tests, using detailed examples to support the main idea and maintain unity within the paragraph.

💡Culinary Skills

Culinary skills refer to the abilities and techniques involved in food preparation and cooking. In the script, the speaker suggests using examples of teaching culinary skills in prisons as a way to provide inmates with valuable skills for employment after release, an alternative to the coding example, to demonstrate the versatility of the writing technique discussed.

Highlights

The video provides a simple tip for transforming abstract examples into detailed ones without creating new content.

Identify abstract keywords in your written sentences and make them specific with real-life examples.

Offline stores offer social experiences that online stores cannot, such as socializing in places like Starbucks.

Use 'what' questions to make abstract ideas more concrete and detailed in examples.

Details such as meeting friends, talking about life, and enjoying drinks at Starbucks exemplify the social aspect of offline stores.

Comparing offline and online stores with detailed examples, such as buying coffee beans on Amazon, helps illustrate the lack of social interaction.

The importance of having only one main topic in each paragraph for a higher score on writing tests.

Writing detailed examples by asking 'what' or 'how' questions based on abstract parts of the explanation.

The video demonstrates using detailed examples to support the negative impact of alternative medicines in emergency situations.

Non-conventional treatments may delay necessary actions like immediate surgery for tumors, leading to missed opportunities for cure.

The example of the Chen Zuckerberg Initiative teaching coding skills in prisons to help ex-prisoners find jobs.

Using one's own knowledge and life experience to create relatable examples, such as teaching culinary skills in prisons.

The format of starting with a topic sentence, providing explanations, and then supporting with an example can be simplified.

The technique of writing an example-led paragraph by directly using an example to support the topic sentence, skipping the explanation.

Examples like quitting a job you hate or ending an unhealthy relationship illustrate the short-term hurt of making a risky move.

The advantage of taking risks is exemplified by adults who stop relying on their parents' financial support to pursue their dreams.

The video concludes by emphasizing the goal of using details to back up previously written content and maintaining paragraph unity.

Transcripts

Hello, friends. If you have trouble  writing concrete, detailed examples, 

this video is definitely for you. When writing an example, you may find  

yourself just repeating what you’ve just written  instead of using details to support your idea. 

In today's video, I'm gonna share with you  guys one simple tip for transforming your  

abstract example into a detailed one. So, the tip I am talking about is that

in your example, you don’t create anything new. You simply identify the abstract keywords  

in the sentences you’ve already written, and then make those abstract keywords more  

specific using real-life examples. Let’s look at this question  

in ielts 14 general training. By the way, general training task  

2 questions may appear in academic tests. The growth of online shopping will one day  

lead to all shops in towns and cities  closing. Do you agree or disagree? 

So, my opinion is that I disagree that all  offline stores will close their doors one day. 

And my first reason is that offline stores offer  customers experiences that are unavailable online. 

Now, before we give an example, we can first  explain this topic sentence a little bit. 

What kind of experience can offline  stores offer that online stores cannot? 

Offline stores can offer us  social experiences, don’t they? 

This is because these stores are  more than just places to shop;  

they are also where people socialize. Now, we really need a detailed example. 

Otherwise, this paragraph will  be too short and abstract. 

Guys, I'm not saying it's easy  to write a detailed example,  

but it's really really not that hard. All you need to do is identify the  

abstract keywords in the sentences  that you’ve already written. 

and then make those abstract keywords  specific by asking yourself “what” questions. 

So, offline stores, what offline stores exactly? Speaking of socialization, I immediately think of  

coffee shops like Starbucks. Places to shop. 

What do people buy at a Starbucks store? They buy coffee and drinks, don’t they? 

Socialize: How do they socialize? They talk, they chat with each other. 

Sometimes, I ask myself “how” questions, But most of the time, I find that asking “what”  

questions is the best way to come up with details. We can also make this part more specific. 

What do they talk about? All sorts of things. 

They may meet there and talk about  work stuff, or catch up on life. 

But since the example should be  about socialization, “catching  

up on life” would be better. Now, we have three details. 

Let’s write our example. For instance, at Starbucks,  

people meet friends and talk about  their lives while enjoying their drinks. 

Look how detailed this example is. And don’t forget that, in our example,  

we can compare offline stores to online  stores as we did in the topic sentence. 

When writing about online  stores, it doesn’t matter  

whether you use Amazon or eBay as an example. The important thing is that your Amazon or eBay  

example needs to contain details. How can we come up with details? 

We identify the abstract parts and  then ask ourselves “what” questions. 

So, we buy coffee and drinks at Starbucks. What do we buy on Amazon? 

We buy coffee beans on Amazon. Placing a coffee bean order through an impersonal  

Internet store, such as Amazon, will never allow  this level of satisfying social interaction. 

Just like the Starbucks example, this  Amazon example is also full of details. 

Now, let’s end the paragraph  with a conclusion sentence. 

This means that there will always be a  place for retailers who offer socialization. 

As you can see, the key to  writing a detailed example 

is to include details like “meeting friends”,  

talking about their lives”, “enjoying their  drinks”, and “placing a coffee bean order”. 

How can we come up with details like these? Well, we identify the abstract ideas we've already  

written and then make them specific by asking  ourselves what-questions or “how” questions. 

By doing so, you will not only have a detailed  example, but also your entire paragraph will  

have only one main topic, since you are not  writing new ideas. You are simply using details  

to support what you’ve just written. And having only one main topic in every  

paragraph is so important for getting  a 7 or higher on the writing test. 

That’s it for this paragraph. You can read  the full essay on my site ieltsessaybank.com 

The link will be in the description down below. Now, let me give you another example. 

This essay question is from IELTS 17. Let’s read the question first. 

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health  problems are trying alternative medicines and  

treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or  

a negative development? This is a tough question. 

Let’s see how using detailed examples  to support what we’ve already written  

can make the writing process easier. So, my opinion is that the increasing  

popularity of alternative medicines and  treatments is a negative development, 

and one of my reasons is that  non-conventional medical treatments  

would not be as useful in emergency situations. “Non-conventional medical treatments” is a synonym  

for “alternative medicines and treatments.” Let’s first expand this topic  

sentence using reasons.

They take time to work, whereas conventional treatments  

are developed to take effect fast. So, they take time to work. 

Why is this a bad thing? It’s a bad thing because 

If people with conditions or symptoms  that need to be relieved right away opt  

for alternative therapies, they might miss the  window of opportunity to cure their diseases. 

Now, in order to come up with  an example full of details, 

we need to first identify the  abstract parts of this explanation. 

People with conditions or symptoms  that need to be relieved right away. 

Remember how we can make it concrete? We can make it concrete by asking  

ourselves “what” questions. What condition exactly? 

I don’t know many medical terms but  at least I know “tumor” and “cancer”. 

need to be relieved right away. What treatment might tumor  

patients need right away? They may require immediate  

surgery to remove their tumor. Consider patients who require  

tumor removal as soon as possible. This part is also quite abstract. 

A window of opportunity is a period  of time during which some action can  

be taken that will achieve a desired outcome. So, what opportunity specifically might they lose? 

They might lose the opportunity to remove  the tumor when it can still be removed. 

If they delay surgery in the hopes that  a non-mainstream treatment would work,  

the tumor might grow and spread  to other parts of their bodies. 

This paragraph is done. Hopefully, by now,  

writing examples has become easier for you. Remember all you need to do is identify the  

abstract parts of what you’ve already written, and then use concrete details to support them. 

How can we come up with details? We come up with details by asking  

ourselves “what” questions or “how” questions. Some people are like, oh, this is so hard,  

I can’t think of any example. Let me tell you, as long as you have life  

experience, which is something you obviously  have, then you can come up with examples. 

Let me show you. Let’s look at this question. 

Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after  being released from prison. What do you  

think is the cause? How can it be solved? So, this paragraph answers the second  

question of how we can solve the problem  of ex-prisoners committing crimes after  

they are released from prison. let’s look at this example. 

For example, the Chen Zuckerberg Initiative  launched a program in some American prisons  

that teaches prisoners how to code, and  some of them even went on to work for  

technology companies after their release. Some people are like, oh, I don’t know  

the Chen Zuckerberg Initiative. I can’t write examples like this. 

You don’t need to know the  Chen Zuckerberg Initiative. 

All you need to do is make what  you’ve already written more specific. 

So, here we have: There should be rehabilitation programs  

in place to teach inmates valuable skills that  will help them find a job and become productive  

members of society after incarceration. In the example, I used “how to  

code” to support “valuable skills”, and used “work for technology companies”  

to support “productive members of society.” All it matters are details like these. 

Whether we mention the Chen Zuckerberg  Initiative is not important at all. 

We could simply say that for example  some prisons teach prisoners how to code,  

and some of these people have gone on to work  for technology companies after they are released. 

You are definitely capable of  writing examples like this one  

using your own knowledge and life experience. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coding skills. 

You could use “culinary skills” or any other  skill that you feel comfortable writing about. 

If we use culinary skills, we can say that  some prisons teach prisoners culinary skills  

and some of these people have gone on to  work for 5-star hotels after their release. 

Alright, so far, the format we've used  is to start with a topic sentence,  

then provide explanations, and then  support what we’ve written with an example. 

But do you find that sometimes it’s so  hard to explain your topic sentence? 

Don’t worry. 

The explanation part is  actually not 100% necessary. 

You can actually directly use an  example to support your topic sentence. 

I learned this technique from IELTS Simon. He calls it an example-led paragraph. 

Now, I’m going to show you how to  write an example-led paragraph using  

this question in IELTS 17. Let’s read the question. 

It is important for people to take risks,  both in their professional lives and their  

personal lives. Do you think the advantages  of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? 

So, my opinion is that I think the advantages  of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. 

in Body Paragraph 1, I’m going to  discuss one of the advantages. 

Here’s my topic sentence: Making a risky move may hurt a person short term. 

But why may making a risky  move hurt a person short term? 

I really can’t explain. It’s not a big deal. I’ll skip the explanation part and directly  

provide an example. The method is the same. 

I will simply make abstract parts concrete  by asking myself “what” questions. 

What kind of risky move exactly? This is so easy. 

It could be quitting the job you hate, or ending an unhealthy relationship. 

Hurt a person short term. Let’s make it concrete. 

How can quitting the job you  hate hurt you short term? 

You may lose the income needed to  sustain your current expensive lifestyle. 

How may end an unhealthy  relationship hurt you short term? 

You may lose the financial support  that your partner provides. 

You may have to find a new place to  live and cover expenses like rent,  

utilities, and groceries on your own. Developing this topic sentence suddenly  

becomes so easily if we directly write  an example without giving an explanation. 

Here’s my example. Take, for example,  

adults who are psychologically controlled  by their parents because they still receive  

financial support from them. If they stop relying  on their parents so that they can be free to go  

after their dreams, they may face the short-term  downside of losing the comfort their parents'  

money provides. The same can be true of making  a career change that involves a big pay cut. 

This is the risk they take, and this is the short-term loss they may face. 

This is an example full of details. This paragraph is not finished,  

but I’m gonna stop here. You can read the full essay on my site. 

The link will be in the description down below. I know a lot of you guys have trouble developing  

your paragraphs. I hope this video  has made that easier for you. 

Remember that the goal of writing an  example is not to create something new. 

The goal is to use details to back up what we've  previously written and we can ask ourselves "what"  

or "how" questions to help us come up with details. In this way, not only will our example be concrete  

and specific, but our entire paragraph  will be unified into one single topic. 

And don’t forget that if you have trouble  using reasons to support your topic sentence,  

you can skip the explanation  and directly give an example. 

That’s it for today. If you learned something useful,  

please consider subscribing so that  you won’t miss new videos like this. 

Thanks for watching. See you soon.