Never meet halfway: understanding what a date is

Summary

Dr. Orion terban's talk on 'Psycha' explores the concept of not meeting halfway on a date. He argues that a date should be about connection and sexual possibility, and meeting halfway complicates the logistics of a potential sexual encounter. As men are expected to plan and lead towards this possibility, Dr. terban advises they should choose locations close to their own space to maintain control and increase the likelihood of a successful date. He also suggests using this approach to gauge a woman's interest and character.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Avoid Meeting Halfway: Dr. Orion terban emphasizes that meeting halfway for a first date is not advisable as it complicates the logistics for a potential sexual encounter.
• 💬 Definition of a Date: A date is defined as a combination of connection and sexual possibility, not just a meeting or an interview.
• 🤝 Connection First: The script suggests that a date should start with emotional connection, allowing time for arousal to develop, which is particularly important for women.
• 🚶‍♂️ Men's Responsibility: Men are expected to plan the date and guide the relationship towards a sexual encounter, as women typically do not initiate this aspect.
• 🏠 Logistical Planning: Dates should be planned with ease of returning to a private location in mind, which often means planning near the man's place.
• 👤 Woman's Role: Women are expected to follow the man's lead and show interest by accepting invitations that require minimal effort on their part.
• 🛑 Test of Interest: Refusal to meet at a location not halfway can be a test of a woman's interest and willingness to engage in the dating process.
• 💰 Resources and Effort: The script discusses the资源交换 between men and women, where men offer resources and planning, while women offer sexual opportunity.
• 🔄 Avoid One-Sided Dates: One-sided expectations, such as meeting for coffee halfway with no sexual possibility, are likened to job interviews rather than dates.
• 🧐 Character Test: The reaction of a woman to not getting her way can be a quick indicator of her character and the potential for a successful relationship.
• 📚 Book and Resources: Dr. terban promotes his book 'The Value of Others' and offers a free newsletter, as well as GRE test prep through Stellar.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed by Dr. Orion terban in this talk?

The main topic discussed is the concept of 'never meet halfway' in the context of dating and mating, and the importance of planning dates to facilitate a connection and sexual possibility.

What does Dr. Orion terban define as a date?

A date is defined as a combination of connection plus sexual possibility, where the potential for the connection to become sexual must exist.

Why does Dr. Orion terban argue against meeting halfway for a first date?

Meeting halfway can make it logistically difficult to realize the sexual opportunity, which is an essential part of a date according to his definition.

What are the two scenarios where a date is not considered a date according to the script?

A date is not considered a date if it has sexual possibility but no connection, which is a hookup, or if it has connection but no sexual possibility, which is an interview.

What does Dr. Orion terban suggest is the man's role in planning a date?

The man is expected to plan the date and move the relationship in the direction of a sexual encounter, as women rarely initiate this aspect.

Why does Dr. Orion terban believe that dates should be planned close to the man's place?

Planning dates close to the man's place provides a clean, safe, private, and easily accessible environment, which is more conducive to actualizing the sexual opportunity.

What does Dr. Orion terban see as a potential issue with meeting for coffee halfway?

Meeting for coffee halfway is impractical for a sexual opportunity and is more akin to a screening interview rather than a date.

How does Dr. Orion terban view the woman's role in the dating process?

He suggests that women should also make an effort, such as traveling to the date location, to show their interest and participate in a give-and-take relationship.

What is the purpose of the GRE test mentioned in the script?

The GRE test is a requirement for many master's degree and doctorate programs, and Dr. Orion terban used to be a top GRE test prep instructor.

What advice does Dr. Orion terban give to men regarding the planning of dates?

He advises men to plan dates in their immediate vicinity to increase the likelihood of a successful sexual encounter and to set the right expectations from the beginning of the courtship process.

What is the name of the online GRE self-study program mentioned by Dr. Orion terban?

The online GRE self-study program is called Stellar GRE.

Outlines

00:00

🚫 Against Meeting Halfway on Dates

Dr. Orion terban introduces the concept of 'never meet halfway' in the context of dating and mating. He defines a date as a combination of connection and sexual possibility, distinguishing it from a hookup or an interview. He argues that meeting halfway complicates the logistics of a potential sexual encounter, which should be facilitated with minimal obstacles. As men are traditionally expected to plan the date and drive the relationship towards a sexual encounter, Dr. terban suggests that dates should be planned close to the man's location to increase the likelihood of realizing the sexual opportunity. He also discusses the negotiation phase between men and women, where each party seeks to optimize their gains, and how meeting halfway can lead to an unsatisfactory relationship for men. Dr. terban emphasizes that women proposing to meet for coffee in the middle is a strategic move to secure resources with minimal sexual opportunity, which he deems as not a date but an interview. He concludes by encouraging men to avoid courtship interactions that lack sexual possibility.

05:01

📚 The Importance of Planning Dates Close to Home

In the second paragraph, Dr. Orion terban continues his discussion on the logistics of dating, emphasizing the importance of planning dates close to one's own location. He explains that having a date near one's home facilitates a sexual opportunity, as it provides a private and accessible place to return to. Dr. terban argues that men should not invite themselves over to a woman's place and that most women are not likely to initiate the sexual aspect of a relationship. He suggests that by providing a clean, safe, and private environment, men increase the chances of actualizing the sexual opportunity. He also uses the refusal to meet halfway as a test of a woman's character and interest level, stating that if a woman is unwilling to travel to the man's vicinity, her interest may not be worth the man's time and investment. Dr. terban concludes by reinforcing the idea that men should set the expectation from the beginning of the courtship process, rewarding women for making an effort to enter the man's frame.

10:03

🎓 Stellar GRE Test Prep Introduction

In the final paragraph, Dr. Orion terban transitions from the topic of dating to promoting his GRE test preparation service, Stellar. He shares his background as a top GRE test prep instructor and introduces his online self-study program, which includes a comprehensive test prep manual, thousands of practice problems, and several full-length mock exams. Dr. terban highlights the effectiveness of his system, which has helped students achieve high scores on the GRE. He encourages potential students to create an account, start a free trial, and use a discount code 'psych' for a 10% membership plan reduction. The paragraph serves as an advertisement for Stellar, positioning it as a valuable resource for those pursuing higher education.

Keywords

💡Connection

Connection in the context of this video refers to the emotional bond and engagement that forms between two people during a date. It is one of the two core components of a date, as defined by the speaker, alongside sexual possibility. The video emphasizes that a true date involves both connection and the potential for a sexual encounter, and that connection alone, without the possibility of sex, would be more akin to an interview or a casual meeting.

💡Sexual Possibility

Sexual possibility is a term used to describe the potential for a sexual encounter during a date. The speaker argues that for a meeting to be considered a date, there must be the possibility, even if not guaranteed, of the connection evolving into a sexual experience. This concept is central to the speaker's argument against meeting halfway on a date, as it suggests that logistical ease is important for facilitating such an opportunity.

💡Mating and Dating

Mating and dating are the overarching themes of the video, discussing strategies and dynamics within romantic and sexual relationships. The speaker uses these terms to frame the discussion on the importance of planning dates in a way that maximizes the potential for both emotional connection and sexual encounters, which he believes are essential for a satisfying dating experience.

💡Logistical Sense

The term 'logistical sense' is used to describe the practicality of planning a date in a way that makes it easy to transition to a sexual encounter. The speaker argues that meeting halfway on a date lacks logistical sense because it complicates the potential for a sexual opportunity, which should ideally be facilitated with as few obstacles as possible.

💡Resources

In the context of the video, 'resources' refers to the non-material aspects that one party may seek from another in a dating scenario, such as attention, validation, and emotional engagement. The speaker discusses the negotiation phase of dating, where women may seek to secure as many resources with as little sexual opportunity as possible, while men aim for the opposite.

💡Interview

An 'interview' in this video is used metaphorically to describe a type of meeting that has connection but lacks sexual possibility. The speaker contrasts interviews with dates, stating that an interview is not a date because it does not include the potential for a sexual encounter, which is a key element of what defines a date according to his perspective.

💡Initiate

To 'initiate' in this context means to take the first step or to start something, particularly referring to the man's role in planning the date and moving the relationship towards a sexual encounter. The speaker suggests that men are expected to take on this role, and that their ability to do so effectively can influence the success of the date.

💡Effort

The concept of 'effort' is discussed in relation to the expectations placed on both parties in a dating scenario. The speaker argues that women should also make an effort, such as traveling to meet the man, as a sign of their interest and commitment to the relationship. He uses the term to highlight the importance of a balanced give-and-take dynamic.

💡Courtship

Courtship refers to the process of wooing someone, typically in a romantic context. In the video, the speaker discusses courtship in terms of the strategic planning of dates and the importance of setting the right conditions for a successful romantic and sexual relationship to develop.

💡Stellar

Stellar is mentioned in the video as an online GRE self-study program developed by the speaker. Although not directly related to the main theme of dating, it serves as an example of the speaker's expertise in test preparation and his ability to provide strategies for success in various areas of life, including dating and mating as discussed in the video.

Highlights

The speaker, Dr. Orion terban, discusses the concept of 'never meet halfway' in the context of dating.

A date is defined as a combination of connection and sexual possibility.

Meeting halfway on a date is discouraged due to logistical challenges in facilitating a sexual encounter.

The importance of planning a date close to one's own location to increase the likelihood of a sexual encounter is emphasized.

Men are generally expected to plan the date and move the relationship towards a sexual encounter.

Women often propose meeting for coffee halfway, which lacks sexual possibility and is likened to an interview.

The impracticality of a sexual opportunity in a public place like a cafe is highlighted.

Dr. terban suggests that meeting for coffee halfway is a negotiation tactic by women to secure resources with minimal sexual opportunity.

Men should avoid courtship interactions that do not include the possibility of a sexual encounter.

The speaker encourages listeners to share the episode with others who might benefit from the message.

Dr. terban's book 'The Value of Others' is announced as available for pre-sale on Amazon.

Listeners are invited to sign up for the speaker's free newsletter for original content.

An inquiry form for booking a paid consultation with Dr. terban is mentioned.

The speaker explains that planning dates close to the man's place is a test of a woman's character and interest level.

Dr. terban argues that women should make an effort by attending an invitation, which sets the expectation for the courtship process.

The importance of having a private, accessible location for a date to increase the chances of a sexual encounter is reiterated.

The speaker warns that failing to plan dates in one's vicinity may lead to an imbalance in what each party gets from the relationship.

Dr. terban promotes his GRE test prep program, Stellar, designed to help students achieve top scores.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is never

meet halfway so I'm going to be talking

about this in the context of the game of

mating and dating so let's say that the

two of you matched or you've been

hitting each other up and it's time to

set up that first date you live here and

she lives there so where are you gonna

meet well as the title of this episode

makes clear you're absolutely not going

to meet halfway and I'm going to explain

to you why this is the case first and

foremost we have to understand what a

date is here it is a date is connection

plus sexual

possibility that's the definition of a

date connection plus sexual possibility

a date with sexual possibility but no

connection is not a date it's a hookup

likewise a date with connection but no

sexual possibility is also not a date

it's an

interview a date is connection plus

sexual possibility note I'm not saying

connection plus sex like the sex is

guaranteed it's not but for a date to be

a date the possibility that the

connection becomes sexual must exist and

this my friends is what makes the date

God God's perfect creation because when

everything goes right both the man and

the woman get what they want the woman

gets her connection she gets her

attention and her emotional engagement

and her validation she feels heard she

feels cared for she feels safe and since

the connection comes first it gives the

woman time and opportunity to have her

arousal cultivated which is important

because woman's arousal is typically

more reactive less spontaneous than

man's and when everything goes right the

man actualizes that sexual possibility

with a sexual encounter which is pretty

self-explanatory ideally both parties

are satisfied as each has given the

other what they wanted

Perfection So within this context it

should be clear why meeting halfway on a

date is not a good idea if you meet

halfway it becomes increasingly

difficult to realize the sexual

opportunity where are you going to go

you're you're just as far from her place

as you are from your place are you going

to get on the subway are you going to

drive your separate cars in One

Direction or another it's silly because

it doesn't make logistical sense and if

it doesn't make logistical sense it's

much less likely to happen to facilitate

a sexual encounter there should be as

few obstacles in the path of that

trajectory as possible and this my dudes

is your job because as the man you will

be expected to plan the date and you

will be expected to move the

relationship in the direction of a

sexual encounter women rarely do either

in fact if you leave it up to them what

is the date that most women

propose let's meet for a coffee

somewhere in the

middle the

impracticality of a sexual opportunity

in this idea is no accident it's by

Design as I've discussed in the

negotiation phase women are attempting

to secure as many resources for as

little sexual opportunity as possible

while men are attempting to secure as

much sexual opportunity for as few

resources as possible and anchoring at

this point in an initial interaction all

but

ensures a less satisfying relationship

for the man

this might make some women feel safer

because there are few things less

conducive to a sexual encounter than

drinking caffeine in a brightly lit Cafe

in the middle of the day Far From Any

bedrooms however It suffers from one

fatal

flaw it's not a date this is because

there is no sexual possibility here this

is a screening interview which is

ironic because as I've discussed it's

the men who do the hiring meeting for

coffee halfway is the female equivalent

to just coming over for sex which women

typically don't do so take a page from

the ladies Playbook gentlemen and don't

agree to courtship interactions in which

sexual opportunity doesn't exist it's

one side getting What It Wants

imperfection now before I go any further

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value you feel you've derived from this

episode I'm also proud to announce that

my book the value of others is now

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everything I just discussed in the

description below okay let's get back to

it from a logistical standpoint in order

to facilitate a sexual opportunity you

need a place to easily go back to the

more difficult it is to do this the less

likely the opportunity will actualize

this means that the date can either be

planned close to your place or close to

her place

which means that it should be close to

your place why because you can't invite

yourself over to someone else's place

and the vast majority of women are not

going to be initiating the sexual

dimension of the relationship she's not

going to lean in for the kiss she's not

going to suggest you go someplace

quieter do you understand if she's

interested she's going to follow your

lead and it's much harder to lead

someone into an environment that you

have no access or control over

she also might not have cleaned the

place or prepared the place for guests

or she may have roommates or live with

her

family a woman might be ready to have

sex with you but she might not be ready

for other people she knows to know that

she has sex with you to the extent that

you can provide a clean safe private and

easily accessible environment you will

be more likely to consummate the sexual

opportunity given all this the only

rational conclusion is that dates should

be planned close to the man's place any

woman who bulks at this wants the

connection and resources without the

sexual opportunity which as we discussed

is not a date it's an interview some

women don't like this in fact when I've

politely turned down offers to meet

halfway I invariably receive anger and

criticism and this by the way is also

what makes this an excellent test of

female character it reveals as quickly

and cheaply as possible how a particular

woman responds to the prospect of not

getting exactly what she wants in any

case I've been told that this is selfish

and disrespectful and unfair I've been

told that she expected that I would make

more of an effort I generally respond to

these by reminding the woman in question

that I'll be planning the date and

paying for everything so if the date is

also logistically convenient for her

then what effort would she be making

everything would be on her terms which

is not the basis of a give and take

relationship so why would I even bother

like it's important for women to have

some skin in the game to my mind showing

up to an invitation is already kind of

the minimum effort a person could

possibly make and if she bulks at that

then her interest is likely too low for

it to be worth my time and money so this

can also be a test of women's interest

levels

finally it sets up the expectation from

the very beginning of the courtship

process this is very important that the

woman is rewarded that she gets what she

wants by making an effort and entering

your frame not the other way around so

let's recap since a date is connection

plus sexual

possibility since sexual possibility is

more easily actualized in a private

accessible location and since men are

expected to initiate and direct the

sexual dimension of the relationship

then men should plan dates in their

immediate vicinity failing to do so

functionally eliminates the sexual

possibility which given the fact that

men transact resources for sexual

opportunity and women transact sexual

opportunity for resources in the sexual

Marketplace makes it more likely that

the woman will get more of what she

wants and the man will get less of what

he wants from the onset and over the

course of the relationship so you've

been warned gentlemen if you allow this

to occur then it's your own damn fault

what do you think does this fit with

your own experience let me know in the

comments below as always I appreciate

your support and thank you for listening

and now a word about

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description