Is Your Anger Depression or Anxiety?

Summary

Dr. Christy Lam, a board-certified psychiatrist and psychotherapist, offers insights into distinguishing between healthy anger and depressive irritability. She explains that anger is a physiological response to environmental stimuli, while depressive irritability is pervasive and can be a defensive mechanism. Dr. Lam suggests that recognizing disproportionate responses and underlying symptoms of anxiety or depression can help identify irritability's root cause. She encourages self-reflection to discern the true source of frustration and to address it appropriately, rather than acting out of guilt or perpetuating depression.

Takeaways

• 😡 Anger is a physiological response to environmental stimuli, signaling that something is not okay and may require setting boundaries.
• 😖 Depressive irritability is a pervasive feeling of annoyance that can be defensive over anger and is not clearly linked to a specific stimulus.
• 🤔 Differentiating between anger and depressive irritability involves assessing if the irritation is out of proportion to the stimulus and if it's pervasive.
• 😕 Signs of irritable depression or anxiety may include ruminating thoughts, isolation, self-attack, withdrawing, and feeling numb except when irritable.
• 🔍 To understand the cause of irritability, it's important to check in with oneself to identify the actual source of frustration rather than the immediate trigger.
• 💪 Recognizing genuine anger can be empowering, motivating one to set boundaries and ensure needs are met.
• 😟 The discharge of irritability in the face of depression or anxiety can sometimes lead to guilt, which can perpetuate depression.
• 🧘‍♂️ Self-awareness is crucial when feeling irritable; it can guide one to calm the nervous system and address underlying issues.
• 🤝 Understanding the difference between anger and depressive irritability can improve interpersonal relationships by managing reactions more effectively.
• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and addressing the root causes of emotional responses for better mental health.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Christy Lam's video?

The main topic of Dr. Christy Lam's video is differentiating between real feelings of anger and depressive irritability.

How does Dr. Lam define anger as an emotion?

Dr. Lam defines anger as a physiological experience in the body, triggered by a stimulus in the environment, characterized by sensations of heat in the chest, energy and power in the limbs, and sometimes a furrowed brow or clenched jaw.

What is depressive irritability according to the video?

Depressive irritability is a pervasive feeling of annoyance at everyone and everything, sometimes defensive over anger, and can be a response to grief or sadness.

How can we identify if our irritability is due to depressive or anxious feelings?

We can identify depressive or anxious irritability by its pervasiveness and if the response is out of proportion to the stimulus, indicating an underlying issue rather than a direct reaction to a specific event.

What is one sign that irritability might be a symptom of defensive depression?

One sign is that the irritability is pervasive, affecting the person's reactions to a wide range of situations, rather than being linked to a specific stimulus.

Why might someone with depressive or anxious feelings react out of proportion to a stimulus?

They might react out of proportion because they are trying to create external order or demand it due to feeling chaotic inside, or they are externalizing their internal chaos onto others.

What are some underlying symptoms of depression or anxiety that could indicate irritability is not just anger?

Underlying symptoms could include ruminating thoughts, isolation, self-attack, withdrawing, and feelings of numbness, except when the irritability is displayed.

How can one determine if their irritability is a genuine expression of anger or a symptom of depression or anxiety?

By checking in with oneself, identifying the actual stimulus of the frustration, and assessing whether there is a need to set a boundary or if there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

What is the difference between the empowering feeling of anger and the discharge of irritability in depression or anxiety?

Empowering anger moves us to set boundaries and get our needs met, while the discharge of irritability in depression or anxiety can lead to guilt and perpetuate feelings of depression.

Why is it important for someone who is irritable to check in with themselves and understand their feelings?

It is important to understand the underlying cause of irritability to take better self-care measures and address the root issue, whether it is genuine anger that needs boundary setting or an emotional state that requires calming and introspection.

What advice does Dr. Lam give for dealing with irritability that is not rooted in anger?

Dr. Lam advises to look inward, get clear about what is causing the irritability, and then try to move forward in a different way, addressing the underlying emotional state rather than just the outward expression of irritability.

Outlines

00:00

😠 Understanding Anger vs. Depressive Irritability

Dr. Christy Lam, a board-certified psychiatrist and family medicine expert, introduces the topic of differentiating between healthy anger and depressive irritability. Anger is described as a physiological response to environmental stimuli, signaling the need for boundary setting. In contrast, depressive irritability is pervasive, affecting one's mood towards everyone and everything, and can be a defensive mechanism. It may also stem from underlying feelings of sadness or anxiety, leading to an out-of-proportion response to minor irritations. The speaker advises checking for signs of anxiety or depression that could indicate irritability, such as ruminating thoughts or feelings of isolation.

05:00

🤔 Strategies for Dealing with Irritability

The second paragraph delves into strategies for handling irritability. It suggests that when feeling irritable, one should introspect to understand the underlying cause. This could involve identifying the specific stimulus for frustration and determining whether it's a genuine need for setting a boundary or a symptom of an unaddressed emotional state. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing the difference between empowering anger and the guilt-inducing discharge of depressive or anxious feelings. By doing so, individuals can better manage their emotional responses and avoid perpetuating feelings of depression.

Keywords

💡Anger

Anger is defined as a physiological experience in the body, triggered by a stimulus in the environment. It is associated with sensations such as heat in the chest, energy, and power in the limbs, and can manifest physically through a furrowed brow or clenched jaw. In the context of the video, anger is differentiated from depressive irritability and is presented as a healthy and useful emotion that can guide decisions and set boundaries. The script uses the example of feeling anger at a partner for leaving shoes out, which is a clear stimulus for the emotion.

💡Depressive Irritability

Depressive irritability refers to a pervasive state of annoyance and being easily irritated, often as a defensive mechanism over underlying sadness or depression. It is distinguished from anger by its lack of a clear stimulus and its out-of-proportion response to minor issues. The video script illustrates this concept by describing how someone might become excessively irritated over trivial matters, such as shoes left on the floor, when they are actually dealing with deeper feelings of chaos or internal disorder.

💡Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is a scientific method of treating mental health issues, often involving talking through problems and emotions with a trained professional. Dr. Christy Lam, the speaker in the video, is an expert in this field. The video's theme revolves around the practical application of psychotherapy concepts to differentiate between healthy anger and depressive irritability, providing viewers with tools to better understand and manage their emotions.

💡Stimulus

A stimulus in this context is an environmental factor that triggers an emotional response. For anger, the stimulus is a specific event or action that is not okay, prompting the need for boundary setting. The script explains that anger is directly linked to a stimulus, unlike depressive irritability, which is more pervasive and not clearly linked to any one event.

💡Boundary Setting

Boundary setting is the process of defining limits in relationships to protect oneself and communicate one's needs. The video emphasizes that real feelings of anger can be a signal to set boundaries. For example, if someone is consistently feeling anger due to a partner's actions, it may be necessary to communicate this and set boundaries to prevent further emotional distress.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a state of unease, worry, or fear, which can sometimes manifest as irritability. The video script discusses how anxiety can lead to an out-of-proportion response to stimuli, contributing to depressive irritability. It also suggests that recognizing anxiety symptoms can help differentiate between irritability caused by anxiety and genuine anger.

💡Irritability

Irritability, in the video, is described as a state of being easily annoyed or provoked, which can be a sign of underlying depression or anxiety. It is important to differentiate between irritability that stems from a clear stimulus (like anger) and that which is pervasive and out of proportion, indicating a possible mental health issue like depression or anxiety.

💡Empowerment

Empowerment in the context of the video refers to the positive feeling of being in control and able to take action. When anger is recognized as a genuine emotion with a clear cause, it can be empowering, motivating individuals to set boundaries and address the issues causing their anger. The script contrasts this with depressive irritability, which does not provide the same sense of empowerment.

💡Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that arises from feeling that one has done something morally wrong. In the video, it is mentioned that depressive irritability can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt, especially when the irritability results in negative interactions with others. Recognizing and addressing the underlying causes of irritability can help prevent this guilt and its potential to perpetuate depression.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The video encourages self-reflection as a tool to understand the root cause of irritability or anger. By checking in with oneself and identifying the true source of emotional distress, individuals can better manage their reactions and emotions, as illustrated by the script's suggestion to 'look in' and get clear about the deeper feelings.

💡Nervous System

The nervous system is the part of the body that coordinates actions and reactions through the transmission of signals between different parts. In the video, calming the nervous system is suggested as a way to manage feelings of irritability, especially when they are not linked to a specific stimulus. This highlights the connection between physical responses and emotional states, and the importance of addressing both for overall mental health.

Highlights

Dr. Christy Lam is a board-certified psychiatrist and family medicine expert in psychotherapy.

She provides expert-level, scientifically-based mental health education.

The differentiation between real feelings of anger and depressive irritability is discussed.

Anger is defined as a physiological experience triggered by environmental stimuli.

Depressive irritability is pervasive and can be a defensive response over anger.

Depressive irritability may be a result of underlying anxiety or depression.

Irritability can be out of proportion to the stimulus in the context of anxiety or depression.

Externalizing irritability can be a sign of internal chaos or a need for external order.

Checking in with oneself can help identify the true source of irritability.

Ruminating thoughts and isolation can contribute to pervasive irritability.

Irritability without a clear stimulus can indicate an underlying issue.

Anger, when identified correctly, can be empowering and lead to boundary setting.

Depressive irritability can lead to guilt and perpetuate depression.

Self-awareness of irritability is crucial for proper self-care.

Understanding the difference between anger and irritability can improve mental health management.

The video provides practical advice on how to deal with depressive irritability.

Dr. Lam emphasizes the importance of self-reflection in managing emotional responses.

Transcripts

[Music]

i'm dr christy lam board certified in

psychiatry and family medicine with an

expertise in psychotherapy here to

provide expert level scientifically

based mental health education in a

practical and applicable way so one

question i often get as a psychiatrist

and psychotherapist is how do i

differentiate real feelings of anger

that as i talk about often are really

healthy and useful information that help

us guide decisions and set boundaries

from depressive irritability so first

let's take a look at these two different

categories and define them initially so

anger as an emotion is a physiological

experience in the body there's a

stimulus in the environment that then

triggers the sensations in the body of

heat in the chest energy and power in

the limbs and extremities sometimes a

furrowed brow or a clenched jaw it's

nothing more than a physiological

experience that lets us know something

in my environment is not okay i might

need to set a boundary depressive

irritability and sometimes anxious

irritability comes in when we are more

pervasively just kind of annoyed at

everyone and everything and it actually

can sometimes be defensive over anger so

one sign that we can know that might be

irritable depression defensive

depression of

irritability is that it's pervasive it's

kind of across the board everything's

annoying me right now or sometimes over

grief or sadness so sometimes when

someone is feeling really sad they get

anxious over having sad feelings sad

feelings aren't allowed so they get

anxious and then they put on an

irritable or aggressive front they may

puff up they may be kind of just

dismissive of everyone around them or

irritated by everyone around them it's

not clearly linked to a stimulant a

second thing that can help us know this

is irritability in the context of

anxiety or depression is when the

response is out of proportion to the

stimulus so

sometimes we can get really puffed up

and really nitpicky with one of our

maybe a partner about i would never uh

talk about my husband's shoes all over

the floor

but i can you know i know when i come

and i'm feeling annoyed at the shoes on

the floor it's not about the shoes on

the floor and the irritation that i feel

inside is not about the shoes it's not

anger at my husband leaving his shoes

out for a minute he's usually a very

neat person but if i see something out

of place it means there's something else

going on it means that i'm often for me

trying to create some kind of external

order or to demand some kind of external

order because i'm feeling kind of

chaotic inside and so i put it on other

people i

might externalize it and so this can be

irritability again that's out of

proportion to what's going on that

another day really i might not even

notice right so this irritability that

comes up in the face of addiction or

anxiety is going to be pretty distinct

from just feeling grounded in a feeling

of anger about something that there is a

very clear stimulus for the other thing

we want to look out for are there

underlying symptoms of depression or

anxiety that would also tip us off to

this idea so we want to look for any

signs or symptoms of anxiety in the body

that we might notice ruminating thoughts

that might also contribute to that

pervasive irritability or depressive

symptoms so any signs of isolation

self-attack withdrawing feeling of numb

inside except when this irritability

comes out right it's not a deeper

connection to anger it's just this kind

of discharged pathway of releasing any

kind of feeling that's coming in and

this is very very common with depression

and anxiety so it can be very helpful

when we're feeling irritated and just

like our nerve endings are a little bit

raw it can be useful to check in so what

we can do is look in and get clear

what's the stimulus what am i really

frustrated about and sometimes

immediately

i can you know when we do this work we

can kind of get clear okay it's not

about the shoes what am i really

frustrated about am i really angry do i

need to set a boundary or is there

something else going on

that has me a little bit elevated that i

need to calm my nervous system calm my

body and look in to get clear did i have

something tough at work happen do i need

to create space for myself for some

other feelings that may be being pushed

down in the moment when we can get

really clear about the deeper feeling

anger in it of itself is actually going

to feel empowering it's going to move us

to set a boundary to get really clear

and ask to get our needs met whereas

this other discharge can also sometimes

lead us unfortunately into feeling

guilty about how we're operating with

other people that guilt can perpetuate

depression so we really want to watch

out that if you're somebody and i'm

absolutely in this camp that can get

kind of prickly um when you are anxious

or when you're feeling down

noticing this is really important so

that you can take care of yourself in a

different way that if i'm noticing that

i'm getting irritable i want to look in

really get clear what's going on and

then try to move forward in a different

way

[Music]

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