Self-Love, be Intentional | Caitlyn Roux | TEDxYouth@CapeTown
Summary
TLDRThe speaker reflects on defining personal identity, sharing her journey from seeking validation through others' opinions, physical appearance, and relationships to finding self-worth and happiness. After a painful breakup, she embarked on a path of self-discovery, journaling, reading motivational books, and embracing positivity. She emphasizes the importance of intentional personal growth, self-love, and the impact of surrounding oneself with supportive people. The speaker encourages others to prioritize self-improvement and recognize their intrinsic value.
Takeaways
- đ Self-Definition: The speaker emphasizes that many people define themselves by external factors such as physical appearance, job status, and others' opinions, which can be limiting.
- đ€ People Pleasing: In high school, the speaker was a people pleaser, seeking popularity and approval as a means to feel successful and likable.
- đ Body Image Struggles: The speaker's obsession with weight and appearance led to unhealthy behaviors, including extreme dieting and self-harm, in pursuit of societal beauty standards.
- đ Dependent Happiness: Happiness was once derived from a relationship, placing the responsibility for personal happiness on another person, which left the speaker feeling broken when the relationship ended.
- đ¶ââïž Self-Reliance: The speaker learned the importance of standing on their own and finding happiness independently after the breakup, realizing personal strength and capability.
- đ Journaling and Positivity: Journaling feelings and thoughts, along with positive affirmations, helped the speaker cope with emotional pain and move towards self-improvement.
- đ Personal Growth: Reading motivational books and focusing on personal growth was a key part of the speaker's journey towards self-discovery and happiness.
- đ Intentional Growth: Personal growth is not automatic and requires intentional effort and ownership of one's own development process.
- đ€ Self-Love: Loving oneself is crucial for personal success and for being able to spread love and value to others, which is a limiting factor without self-love.
- đ± Self-Discovery: The speaker found self-discovery to be the best gift to oneself, allowing for growth on one's own terms and becoming the person one truly wants to be.
- đ€ Surrounding Influence: The people we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on our growth, and it's important to ensure they add value and contribute to our development.
- đĄ Self-Reflection: Asking oneself if the relationships in life are adding value and if one is adding value in return is essential for evaluating and making necessary changes.
Q & A
What were the three main factors that the speaker used to define themselves during high school?
-The speaker defined themselves through other people's opinions, their physical appearance, and their relationship status.
Why did the speaker become a people pleaser in high school?
-The speaker believed that being more likeable would lead to greater success in life, as they associated popularity with being 'cool'.
How did the speaker's obsession with their weight manifest during their teenage years?
-The speaker obsessed over their weight, following a strict diet of only salads, and even resorted to harming their body to control their food intake and achieve a certain physical appearance.
What was the turning point for the speaker that led them to seek happiness within themselves?
-The turning point was a breakup and a phone call with their ex-partner who expressed happiness, which inspired the speaker to find happiness within themselves.
What method did the speaker use to cope with the emotional pain after their breakup?
-The speaker started journaling their feelings and thoughts, using positive affirmations and surrounding themselves with motivational quotes.
How did the speaker's perspective on self-worth and happiness change after their self-discovery journey?
-The speaker realized that happiness is something one creates for oneself and that self-love is essential before being able to add value to others' lives.
What role did self-reflection play in the speaker's journey towards self-discovery?
-Self-reflection, through journaling and reading motivational books, helped the speaker understand their emotions, recognize their strength, and ultimately find happiness within themselves.
What advice does the speaker give about the importance of the relationship with oneself?
-The speaker emphasizes that the relationship with oneself is the most important, as it influences how one sees and treats others, and that self-love is the foundation for adding value to one's own life and others'.
How does the speaker define personal growth according to their experience?
-The speaker defines personal growth as an intentional process that requires taking ownership of one's own development, rather than expecting it to happen automatically.
What is the significance of the book 'The 15 Invaluable Laws' by John Maxwell in the speaker's narrative?
-The book 'The 15 Invaluable Laws' by John Maxwell helped the speaker understand that spiritual, mental, and emotional growth does not occur automatically and must be pursued intentionally.
What two questions did the speaker's friend ask that made the speaker reflect on their journey of change?
-The friend asked how the speaker decided to make a change in their life and mindset, and how they made that change stick.
What was the speaker's strategy for pushing through negative thoughts and self-talk during their transformation?
-The speaker pushed through negative thoughts and self-talk by maintaining a strong desire to know themselves deeply and by focusing on self-improvement and self-love.
Outlines
đ Self-Discovery and Overcoming External Validation
The speaker reflects on how they used to define themselves through external factors such as popularity, physical appearance, and relationships. They recount their struggle with body image and the pressure to fit societal beauty standards, leading to harmful behaviors. The end of a significant relationship left them feeling lost and prompted a period of introspection. Through journaling, positive affirmations, and reading motivational literature, they found the strength to move on and realized their capability to stand on their own. The speaker emphasizes the importance of creating one's own happiness and shaping one's world through intentional personal growth rather than relying on external validation.
đĄ Prioritizing Self-Growth and the Power of Self-Love
The speaker discusses the journey of making self-discovery a priority and the transformative effect it has had on their life. They explain that understanding and knowing oneself is a continuous process that requires intentional effort, not something that happens automatically. By focusing on personal growth and self-improvement, the speaker has learned to become the person they aspire to be, rather than one defined by others' expectations. They argue against the notion that self-priority is selfish, stating it is about taking responsibility for one's own success and happiness. The speaker also highlights the importance of self-love as a foundation for adding value to others' lives and inspiring them to be the best versions of themselves. They share insights on the significance of the relationship with oneself and how it impacts all other relationships and personal growth.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄIdentity
đĄSelf-worth
đĄPeople Pleaser
đĄPhysical Image
đĄHappiness
đĄJournaling
đĄSelf-discovery
đĄMotivational Books
đĄSelf-love
đĄGrowth
đĄRelationships
Highlights
The speaker discusses the common tendency to define oneself through physical appearance, job status, and societal opinions.
In high school, the speaker was a people pleaser, seeking popularity as a means to life success.
The speaker's obsession with weight and the extreme measures taken to achieve an idealized body image are described.
The realization that happiness was derived from a relationship and the subsequent sense of loss upon its end.
The process of self-discovery and the importance of finding happiness independently.
The transformative experience of journaling during a breakup and the shift towards positive self-affirmations.
The role of motivational books and quotes in shaping a positive mindset and overcoming emotional challenges.
The empowerment that comes from understanding one's own capabilities and strength.
The realization that happiness is a personal creation and not something found externally.
The concept that the world we live in is a reflection of our individual experiences and self-perception.
The importance of intentional personal growth and the debunking of the myth that it occurs automatically.
The analogy of personal growth to a close friendship, where time and focus deepen the relationship.
The decision to prioritize self-discovery and the benefits it has brought to the speaker's life.
The idea that putting oneself first is not selfish but a necessary step towards personal success and fulfillment.
The impact of self-love on one's ability to love and add value to others.
The speaker's advice on evaluating relationships based on their contribution to personal growth and value.
The encouragement to make a change in life when current relationships or situations do not add value.
The emphasis on knowing one's worth and focusing on self-improvement as a path to success.
The final message on the beauty of the growth process and the importance of embracing the journey.
Transcripts
I have a question for everyone that
question is what defines you as a person
what makes you you a lot of us tend to
define ourselves through our physical
image of jobs or bank balance and a lot
of the time to what others have to say
about us I used to find myself through
three things in high school
I was quite the people pleaser I wanted
everyone to like me because I thought
that the more likeable I was the further
that I would get in life because being
popular was so cool and I tried so hard
to become this person that everyone
would like a majority of the time I was
living my life through other people's
opinions of me from the age of 16 I
started to obsess over my weight so I
wanted to look like the cover girl in
Cosmo magazine you know the Photoshop
one my diet consisted of just salads and
I used to look chic on every single
calorie that my body was consuming I
even went to the extreme of harming my
body for many years to try and get rid
of the food that I'd eaten because I
needed the thigh gap and I needed the
thin waist I was in a relationship for
the last two years of school and I truly
believe that my happiness came from
someone else giving it to me I had put
so much pressure on this other person to
be everything to me to make me feel
worthy and make me feel like I was
enough and then when the relationship
ended I was completely broken I didn't
know how I was gonna stand on my own and
I felt like I lost a little sense of
identity that I had and I was terrified
of being alone
I know today that the only reason I felt
so empty and broken inside was because I
didn't know myself at all so it was the
hardest five months hardest and most
emotional five months of my life and I
didn't know how to deal with how I was
feeling all this pain or this emotion
and one day I called the person that I
used to be with and I asked are you
happy and he said yes and it was from
that moment that I decided that I was
going to be happy
you and that I was gonna find a
happiness that worked for me that I
wasn't going to deal with this pain and
these waves of emotion anymore so I
started journaling my breakup I wrote
down my feelings and my thoughts and
recently looking back on my journal I
realized how would end my writing off
with positive affirmations towards
myself things like you can do this kids
and I'm a huge fan of quotes so I was
putting quotes all around my room in
places that I could see is the and I
started reading motivational books and
positivity and powerful thoughts and how
to change your mind I was trying
everything to get through how I was
feeling something that seemed so
impossible but just like there's
positive affirmations that I was writing
towards myself I knew that I had the
strength to move on I just didn't know
how strong I actually was so I had to
pick myself up in some way and I did I
slowly started to and for the first time
in my life I realized just how capable I
actually was of standing on my own and
being my own person I just had to learn
through loss that all I needed to have
was me so for the whole of high school I
laid those three things define me other
people's opinions of me my weights a
relationship and by allowing these
things to find me I let them control and
consume my life and I was looking for
happiness in those three places but I
could never ever seem to quite find it
I believe that happiness is something
that you create for yourself by yourself
on your own terms the world that we live
in is something that we create for
ourselves and I'm not talking about
society's world I'm talking about the
individual world that each and every one
of us experience because as we shape our
world and our lives we shape ourselves
too so I've learned through picking
myself up through a breakup and letting
go of the things that I thought to find
me just how important it was for me to
take the time out to figure myself out
get inside my own mind and understand
myself and there's only one part of the
universe we can all be certain about
improving and that's ourselves I'm
currently reading a book called the 15
invaluable laws but John Maxwell and in
this book he says something that really
made me think he says as children our
bodies
automatically a year goes by we get
taller we become stronger become capable
of doing more things facing new
challenges but a lot of people carry
with them a subconscious belief into
adulthood that spiritual mental and
emotional growth occurs automatically to
now just think about that for a second
because I was one of those people that
believed that those things occur
automatically but it's not personal
growth has to be intentional we have to
take ownership of our growth process
because we do not simply improve by
accident think about a close friend of
yours the longer you spend time with
them the more you learn about them and
the closer you become and it's exactly
the same with yourself the more you
focus your energy on getting to know
yourself spending time by yourself the
more you will learn about yourself and
the closely who becomes yourself and let
me tell you that is such a beautiful
feeling when you realize how close you
are becoming to yourself I've decided to
make myself a priority in my life and
self-discovery is the best gift that I'm
giving myself and it's the one gift I
wish I could get each and every one of
you you don't have it already it has
allowed me to grow in my own terms
without someone else telling me how to
and by doing this I'm becoming the
person who wants to be rather than the
person I was told to be and a lot of
people think that putting yourself first
is selfish but putting yourself first
simply means taking for me it simply
means taking a stand looking at yourself
and saying that I'm going to do
everything in my power to see myself
succeed and reach my dreams I'm gonna
make the best choices in my life
including the people that I surround
myself with people that add nothing but
value to me and once you decide to love
who you are you can then take that love
that you have for yourself and spread it
to other people because without that
self-love you limit your ability to pour
into the lives of other people and add
value to them living the best version of
yourself inspires other people to live
the best version of themselves - I was
speaking to one of my friends the other
day and she asked me two questions she
said katelynn how did you decide that
you wanted to make a change in your life
within yourself and your mindset and
secondly
how did you make it stick so I had to
think quite hard about what she asked me
but I said to her I knew that I wanted
to make a change in my life the moment
that I decided that I was going to be
the only person that was going to Turman
my happiness that I was going to be the
only person I was going to define me not
those three things and how I made a
stick
I pushed I pushed through all the
negative thoughts I pushed through all
the negative self-talk and it wasn't
easy easy
it's never easy but I always had a
craving to know myself deep and if you
want anything that badly
anything is possible I know that the
relationship that I have with myself is
the most important relationship the
relationship that you have with yourself
is the most important relationship and
how you see yourself and how you treat
yourself is how you see and how you
treat other people how can you expect to
give love if you can't give love to
yourself first ask yourself the day if
the relationships you have in your life
by adding value to you or they help you
grow into the person you want to become
and then ask yourself but am i adding
value to me and these two questions are
very important because the people that
you surround yourself with in life have
a very big impact and influence on you
and your growth but you have the biggest
impact and influence on you so if the
answer to these questions are no then
decide today it's maybe make a change
and if you decide to make that change
don't just place a small amount of value
on yourself because rest assured the
world will not raise your price know
your worth
start focusing yourself developing
yourself improving yourself good things
will come and know that the space
between where you are now currently and
where you want to be is growth and the
thing called life that happens in
between is hard but it's really really
beautiful thank you
[Applause]
you
Voir Plus de Vidéos Connexes
I'm 26. If you are in your 20's, watch this.
How to find your perfect partner | Nancy Benitez | TEDxTenayaPaseo
Knowing Your Worth | Fardousa Jama | TEDxGustavusAdolphusCollege
Every teenager NEEDS to hear this! (2024)
ENGLISH SPEECH | MUNIBA MAZARI: Motivational Words (English Subtitles)
Cada uno tiene su propio reloj para encontrar su lugar en el mundo | Daniel Bonifaz | TEDxLima
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)