Impact Therapy - Using TA in a Session
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores the impact therapy approach to counseling, grounded in transactional analysis. It delves into the dynamics of parent-child relationships, focusing on a mother's struggle with her daughter's untidiness and the emotional triggers that lead to conflict. The therapist introduces the concept of 'ego states' and the 'drama triangle' to help the mother understand her reactions and provides practical tools like the 'adult chair' to manage her emotions and improve communication with her daughter. The session aims to empower parents with insights to enhance their relationships and reduce yelling, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a good connection over enforcing neatness.
Takeaways
- 😀 Impact Therapy is an active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach to counseling.
- 📚 Transactional Analysis is one of the key theories used in Impact Therapy, focusing on the interaction between different ego states within an individual.
- 👪 The script discusses a mother's struggle with managing her daughter's untidiness and the emotional impact of conflict.
- 🔄 The concept of 'drama triangle' from Transactional Analysis is introduced to explain the cycle of conflict between the mother and daughter.
- 👩🏫 The counselor uses modeling and visualization techniques, such as the 'adult chair' and 'bungee cord', to help the mother manage her reactions.
- 🧠 The importance of aligning expectations with reality is highlighted, to avoid setting unrealistic standards for the daughter's neatness.
- 🔄 The mother realizes the cycle of conflict is perpetuated by her reactions, which are rooted in her own past experiences with her father.
- 💡 The counselor emphasizes the mother's control over her ego state and the need to operate from the 'adult' state for effective communication.
- 👧 The mother's goal is to improve her relationship with her daughter rather than solely focusing on the state of her room.
- 🔑 The takeaway is that understanding and managing one's own emotional reactions are crucial for resolving conflicts in family dynamics.
Q & A
What is the main counseling approach discussed in the script?
-The main counseling approach discussed in the script is Impact Therapy, which is an active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach that incorporates various theories such as Transactional Analysis.
What is Transactional Analysis and how is it used in Impact Therapy?
-Transactional Analysis is a social psychology theory that examines interactions (transactions) between individuals. In Impact Therapy, it is used to understand the 'ego states' within individuals, which are Parent, Adult, and Child, and to help clients manage their interactions and behaviors more effectively.
What is the issue that the mother in the script is facing with her daughter Delaney?
-The mother is struggling with her daughter Delaney's untidiness, both in her room and common areas of the house, and the resulting arguments and tension this creates between them.
How does the mother feel when she finds herself yelling at Delaney?
-The mother feels conflicted and upset when she yells at Delaney. She doesn't want to be like her own father who used to yell a lot, and she feels ashamed and embarrassed after losing her temper.
What is the concept of 'drama triangle' in Transactional Analysis?
-The 'drama triangle' in Transactional Analysis refers to three roles that people can take during conflicts: Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. These roles can shift during interactions, creating a cycle of drama and tension.
What advice does the counselor give to the mother to manage her reactions to Delaney's untidiness?
-The counselor advises the mother to stay in her 'Adult' ego state, to align her expectations with reality, and to focus on maintaining a good relationship with her daughter rather than insisting on a clean room.
What is the significance of the 'adult chair' in the counseling session?
-The 'adult chair' serves as a physical reminder for the mother to stay in her Adult ego state, which is calm and rational, and to avoid slipping into the Critical Parent state that leads to yelling and conflict.
How does the counselor use the concept of 'expectations in line with reality' to help the mother?
-The counselor uses this concept to help the mother understand that she should adjust her expectations to match Delaney's current level of neatness, accepting that Delaney is a '3' on a scale of neatness, and not impose unrealistic 'shoulds' on her.
What is the mother's main takeaway from the counseling session?
-The mother's main takeaway is the realization that she is in control of her reactions, that the relationship with her daughter is more important than a clean room, and that yelling is not an effective strategy for change.
What other tools or techniques does the counselor introduce to help the mother?
-The counselor introduces the idea of using a bungee cord as a physical reminder to stay in the Adult ego state, and the concept of 'natural consequences' for Delaney's untidiness, such as not having clean clothes if she doesn't maintain order.
Outlines
😀 Introduction to Impact Therapy and Transactional Analysis
This paragraph introduces the concept of impact therapy, a counseling approach that is active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven. The speaker discusses the use of transactional analysis as a foundational theory and mentions the availability of additional resources on their website. The conversation then shifts to a mother's concerns about her daughter's messiness and the impact it has on their relationship, highlighting the mother's fear of repeating her own father's yelling behavior.
👪 Parent-Child Dynamics and the Critical Parent Ego State
The discussion delves into the dynamics between the mother and her daughter, Delaney, using transactional analysis to explore the 'ego states' of both individuals. The mother acknowledges her tendency to slip into the 'critical parent' state, which leads to conflict. The counselor introduces the concept of adult-to-adult communication as a healthier alternative and emphasizes the importance of managing one's ego state to improve interactions.
🧹 The Struggle with Messiness and Parental Expectations
The conversation continues with the mother expressing her frustration over her daughter's lack of neatness and the daily struggle to maintain order. The counselor helps the mother understand the difference between the 'parent' and 'adult' ego states, advising her to align her expectations with reality and to recognize that her daughter's behavior is a part of her developmental stage. The counselor also suggests that the mother's own neatness might be contributing to the conflict.
🗣️ Yelling as a Communication Barrier
The mother shares her experience of yelling at her daughter and the negative impact it has on their relationship, including feelings of guilt and shame. The counselor introduces the concept of the 'drama triangle' from transactional analysis, explaining how the mother and daughter switch roles between victim, persecutor, and rescuer, which perpetuates a cycle of conflict. The counselor emphasizes the importance of recognizing and exiting the drama triangle to break the cycle.
🔄 The Cycle of Conflict and the Importance of Relationships
The counselor helps the mother understand that yelling is counterproductive to her goal of having a good relationship with her daughter. They discuss the importance of staying in the 'adult' ego state and managing expectations to avoid the drama triangle. The mother realizes the significance of prioritizing the relationship over the state of her daughter's room and the need to control her reactions.
🛋️ The Chair and Bungee Cord Metaphors for Self-Control
The counselor uses the metaphor of a chair and a bungee cord to help the mother visualize staying in her 'adult' ego state and maintaining control over her reactions. They discuss the importance of recognizing when she is slipping into the 'critical parent' state and采取措施 to stay in control. The mother reflects on the session, acknowledging the power of these tools in helping her manage her interactions with her daughter.
🌟 Conclusion and Personal Reflection on Impact Therapy
In the final paragraph, the mother reflects on the impact of the therapy session, highlighting the effectiveness of the models and tools provided by the counselor. She expresses gratitude for the insights gained regarding self-control and the importance of the parent-daughter relationship. The session concludes with the mother feeling empowered to reduce yelling and improve communication with her daughter.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Impact Therapy
💡Transactional Analysis
💡Ego States
💡Critical Parent
💡Adult Ego State
💡Drama Triangle
💡Expectations
💡Natural Consequences
💡Relationship
💡Modeling
💡Communication
Highlights
Introduction to Impact Therapy and its active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach.
Use of Transactional Analysis in Impact Therapy to understand different ego states within individuals.
The client's struggle with her daughter's untidiness and the emotional triggers it causes.
The concept of the 'critical parent' ego state and its influence on the client's reactions.
Strategies to manage anger and avoid replicating past negative parenting behaviors.
The importance of differentiating between the 'parent' and 'adult' ego states in effective communication.
Understanding the client's own level of neatness and its impact on expectations of her daughter.
The role of natural consequences in teaching responsibility without yelling.
The 'Drama Triangle' concept and its application in understanding conflict dynamics.
Recognizing when one is in the 'drama' and the importance of shifting to the 'adult' ego state.
The use of physical objects like a chair or bungee cord as tools to stay grounded in the 'adult' ego state.
The impact of the client's behavior on her relationship with her daughter and the importance of maintaining a good relationship.
Insights into the client's internal conflict and the realization that the conflict is within herself, not her daughter.
The use of Transactional Analysis to reframe the client's perspective on her daughter's untidiness.
The client's realization of the power of being in control of her reactions and behaviors.
The significance of aligning expectations with reality to reduce conflict and improve communication.
The client's reflection on the session and the tools provided to manage her reactions and improve her relationship with her daughter.
Transcripts
segment you're about to see is a impact
therapy approach to counseling using the
theory transactional analysis and impact
therapy is a an approach to counseling
that is active multi-sensory and
theory-driven
and there's a number of theories that we
show that we use an impact therapy
transactional analysis is one of them we
hope that you enjoyed this segment and
then there's plenty of other segments to
watch showing the use of theories and
the use of creative techniques and even
at the use of group impact therapy in
group counseling the website if you want
more information is impact therapy calm
how can I help or what brings you to see
girl yeah she's a good kid I mean we're
close we are close we've just been
arguing a lot not even like you know the
eye rolling and the kind of like you
don't know anything mom stuff I kind of
deal with that okay but you know her I
mean when I tell you a mess I mean
clothes food she's got a kitten she's
got a what a kitten and there's you know
plates and soda cans and a live animal I
mean it's you know this is not how we
live you know look and I trying to
decide oh not go in there you know any
because I get so mad and my mind I was a
kid my dad yelled at me a lot and I
don't want you I don't want to yell at
her you know I don't I don't want to do
that
but oh the laundry here I don't want to
leave the plates and stuff in there
because I'm afraid so is the issue
mostly in regards to the room room
yeah just leaving messes around leaving
her stuff around after herself
so in those common areas too sometimes
we can it's hard sometimes I even say
the parents just let them destroy the
room but but if they do it out in
everywhere then it's really a mess does
she do it in the kitchen in the living
room I mean that's better because I
think she'll like she'll say now like
mom's gonna go psycho you know and like
I add a seven-year-old to and the two of
them be like mom my seven-year-old says
mom's gonna blow like I just start
getting you know like oh look they're
shoes on the on the step so look please
oh look soda cans up like I just I just
ratchet up and up and up and up and
nothing like I'm walking around the
house and like every toy or whatever I'm
finding I just am getting I'm like a
crazy person and so you would like to
not be a crazy maybe I can at least give
you some insight into what's happening
okay so it starts with her I want to say
something her doing something usually in
the hat around the house or okay and
then I get angry and then I ramp up like
you know she's like 12 she just turns
our team with the hygiene is getting
better but they don't have great hygiene
you know so then I start that I feel
like I'm getting personal because I'm
like you wash your face he's like and
then I'm like I feel like I'm let me try
that explain
I don't I feel like my dad takes over my
body and I don't want that what do you
mean by your dad takes over by my dad I
mean he was a good guy but he just
yelled a lot okay you know and I'm like
acting like him and I don't want to you
know my mom will be like oh hey rich is
here this one was my dad's name it you
know everybody kind of laughed about it
because it is crazy and then I feel bad
so that I'm like I'm sorry let me show
you something this is the modeling
counseling it's called transactional
analysis they talk about parent adult
and child each person has three parts as
I listened to you
I'm thinking which part is Tori coming
from which part what's your daughter's
name Delaney which part is she coming
from and it seems to me that you come a
lot from this part the critical parent
part would you say yeah I mean lately
yeah I didn't used to
I mean lately I just feel I mean you
didn't use to well I mean when they were
littler you understood you won't hurt
okay to be more responsible but it seems
to me you send a lot of messages going
like this so that's me being critical
and then this is Tori okay so I'm
critical and she's a child
what did what does she do when she does
it um sometimes she ignores me and or it
like gives me some kind of like snotty
response sometimes she yells back
sometimes she gets upset okay because
let me show you what would happen if it
was adult-to-adult
even though you don't get these she got
these parts in her
is the adulterer thinking part if you
said Delaney how about picking up the
clothes or your shoes and why not
straightening up the mess you made in
the kitchen you send a message she says
okay mom sorry
that's adult to adult that's you being
calm Herbie do you understand that would
be this okay that's but but knowing this
Marvel can help you because you
absolutely are in charge of which ego
state these are called ego States which
ego state you're in
okay sometimes I'll say to her like hey
Claire clear a road to your bed so I can
kiss you goodnight and we kind of laugh
and it's it's okay
and I'm not mad about it that's like a
dolt
yeah the key is your voice because you
could go in there to kiss her goodnight
and say oh my god what a mess I remember
I had a woman that I trained in this she
said she got up went to her daughter's
room ready to be very loving and then
she saw the mess and she just blew up
and lost it so but but I want you to
understand you you're in charge of which
ego state and I'm gonna try to help you
come more get out of the critical parent
being the adult because what can happen
is then she can get mad and start
yelling at you and then you get hurt and
mad and look at this thing that is that
it that's what they say it's an infinity
and it's a cycle
and she says hurtful things and then I I
think like there's part of me that knows
I'm being crazy but then it hurts too
that she's saying that tell me what your
understanding and how this model may
help me that I mean when I am that
p-part that critical part that it makes
her react kind of like a little kid
right and then just like a little kid
she says things that are mean yeah and
then if I was going to I could get you
to stand on the chair cuz you're up on
the chair and then she just feels a
little yeah go ahead and then what
happens that's exactly right that's yeah
so how how can we get you to walk in
that room and try and not blow up is
your daughter on a one to ten scale who
lives in your house okay husband Chris
let's see Delaney Crosby Crosby okay
on a one to ten own level of neatness
who's the neatest me whatever okay
you're a neat freak
sorted okay oh this might be the problem
dude
Chris how many does he maybe the fear of
you
he's like an eight okay but he's a
pretty neat guy he's helpful yeah he's
not he doesn't lie Crosby um did you
yell at him too so you you but he okay
what what's his level of me I mean he
doesn't at all okay I mean okay Delaney
she's probably at three two because I'm
I'm like like I'm cleaning up his room
everyday I'm going in and doing a sweep
and I don't do that for her anymore so
it's like shovelin while it's snowing
I'm clear in the walk in his room where
I go in her room it's like there's a
blizzard and you know I'm not even in
there
so if you and Chris live together
without kids yeah and now you added
three there's a yeah go ahead
I mean maybe she's a four sometimes
she'll she'll say like twice a week
she'll say I'm gonna see my room and
then I go in and I'm not kidding you
like there's stuff everywhere but she'll
have a draw or like something you know
and it's immaculate and I'm just like
babies you know I can't get to the bed
that girl looks great but so I mean I
think she's trying she's just not real
good at getting organized
let me explain the difference between
the parent and the adult okay
the parent has a lot of shoulds okay you
understand the adult here this line I
teach this to people and some people say
it's the best thing I've ever taught
get your expectations in line with
reality the adult doesn't have sherds
the adult says Delaney's are three
Crosby's are three yeah being me so when
you walk in that room so you walk in in
the parent state this stuff should be
picked up right you walk into the adult
Delaney is not very neat um it's my job
as a parent to keep trying to help her
but I'm you know it she's also 13 and
it's I don't know were you pretty neat
when you were 13 even God oh you wanna
tell your dad to rip up the carpeting in
my room are you yes because yeah my
mother had my mother's totally out of me
okay I some days I can approach it from
that like I wasn't asked to that's why I
closed the door okay so when is it see
but but I think you believe Delaney is
making you upset
Delaney's behavior Delaney its room I
mean yeah I believe you when you say I'm
responsible for this I like I don't have
to yell that's why I'm here I don't want
to yell I don't I don't want to be like
my dad was
I taught this woman Gladys bet her
teenage son who was 18 but she would
come home and yell at her son every day
she said I gotta quit it
I said Gladys I'm gonna help and we went
through this on the one to ten what
would you give your son is how he's
doing right now he's a three I mean I
said a 10 would be he's in college he's
going into the military he's got a
full-time job three is he sits around
and watches TV and he's potato chips and
doesn't clean oh yeah and I said you
have your son is a ten at being a three
and then if you can remember that and I
did see her at the mall two years later
and she told me how that helped her if
you go into Delaney's room expecting her
to be a three and then just say stop it
Tori I can't those are the shoulds you
you don't have to be in the critical cuz
you say sometimes you can walk in the
room and it doesn't bother even though
bother you but it's a mess
oh yeah I mean that I'm almost like like
cuz I don't cuz my husband said to me
you go in there and yell and then she
she cries you cry and the room is still
a mask like it doesn't work you don't
even what does your husband do
I mean or he just it doesn't bother me I
mean you'll say Lane pick up your room
and like if I say that - generally she
will it's never gonna look it's your
tone around boys
son oh yeah when you're in that yelling
critical parent mode does that work no
no god is it cause tonight she throws
does it cause tension in the house yes
does it upset your husband yeah it
upsets me cuz I mean I was that kid my
dad just would yell at me a lot and
and I hated it and I didn't like him
very much so I don't went up when it
happens then I'm embarrassed I'm ashamed
how am i helping or am i helping
I mean it's helpful to know that I'm in
charge of it it's helpful to know that
I'm doing that to her that that that's
very meaningful to me to think of me
being up here in her being and your dad
my dad yeah I mean I can sometimes like
to give sound bites get off the chair
yeah just try to hear that me saying get
off the chair okay it doesn't work it
doesn't work what's why hasn't said like
she's a good kid who cares if her rooms
a mess
okay that's what that's exactly right
the common area I think you legitimately
can say Delaney you got to keep you know
put the lid put the peanut butter away
put those down whatever yeah right right
yeah go ahead what do you think I just I
think you're right get off the chair is
helpful but it doesn't work I mean just
that like I think of myself as efficient
it does it doesn't work it doesn't work
and then I feel bad I mean I I go there
right and she's upset then she says
something that I'm upset then I'm
apologizing I'm like kind of like
chasing her around the house like I'm
really sorry yeah I'm gonna show you
yeah I'm gonna show you what else is
going on but you got this image sorted
yeah I'm going to show you this drama if
there's a lot of drama realness and I
think she's just kind of like like well
I'm gonna show you what I think will
help you see this is within this same
theory transactional analysis they talk
about the drama triangle maybe
books about it and stuff persecutor
rescuer victim when you go in the room
and she's the victim and y'all do this
and what makes it dramatic is because
they're switching so your persecutor
she's the victim then she might switch
to persecutor you're the victim and
maybe you probably because you're older
and you got more clout in a sense I mean
she can say hurtful things but you can
ground her you can do all kinds of stuff
and then she feels like the victim then
you said you feel bad then you go rescue
I don't know I do but then sometimes
uncial you said mom you always say that
you're sorry and you don't want to act
like that but then you just ill act like
that and I she's right I mean all right
this one is one and I mean people going
new tennis shoes take them to the mall
cuz they I mean when you sometimes you
act real badly I mean where you go she
cries or stuff and say fire stuff how
call names I probably I probably hurt
her feelings because I'll say your room
is messy you're not but here you don't
know how to do this you do this drama
triangle and the only way to get out of
it
is somebody and let's say since I'm
talking to you exit and go to their
adult
cuz you're not in your adult when you're
doing this drum how do I do that how do
I get to my adult
well what you're what is your goal is
your goal to have a neat room or a good
relationship with your daughter
remember that okay so yelling doesn't
does that move you towards your goal or
away from your goal and again we're
talking about that room especially out
in the common area that's a slightly
different thing so the other thing is
whenever you feel like you're doing the
drama trying go to remember that's
called the drama triangle whenever
you're doing it that's when you want to
pull out and say wait a minute I'm doing
something wrong because we're doing it
and that's when you sometimes say I'm
sorry but the most important thing is
when we going back to that first thing
or this tip expectations in line with
reality our rooms gonna be a three
you're what's more important is a
relationship with your daughter and I'll
tell you the line that stood out to me I
don't want her to feel towards me like I
felt towards my dad yeah yeah yeah
that's really really important I just
want to stay in that part like I can
feel it like now that you show me this
that's like I can I can feel it in my
body and like I'll stay in my husband
you talk about it like it's like a tidal
wave of like I feel like my dad takes
over and so I said my dad's looking over
it's that critical like I'm losing my
adult almost to that critical part takes
over anger whatever it sort of hold on
wants Danny there yeah that's good
when you grab the chair that's right
sometimes I do this helping Oh like this
is my adult chair yeah let me see
I get people to use a bungee cord that's
true I want to like hold myself weight
if you can think about that's good
because then I can't get off the chair
yeah that's a good thing
just bungee cord and expectations in
line with reality
then Delaney is a lot like me she took
you turned out okay if you went from a 2
to a TN is for his neatness you grew up
part of the brain development yeah yeah
yeah wet towels on the floor but when
you were a kid yeah okay yeah go ahead
tell me how I'm helping them the one
down this is really helpful because I I
just can feel it like keep trying to
when I so when that happens I think I
can feel that like state you'd have to
stay in that chair you have to stay in
that chair we're just get out like ah
you know maybe I don't have to kiss her
goodnight kiss her good night before she
goes in her room do you have to get the
laundry or she won't do it or she
forgets to look under the bed I mean I
think like a natural consequence would
be she doesn't have clean clothes yeah
this is real helpful I just won't go in
there
yeah you should that sort of like a
hazard zone or be careful yeah you going
in that room without you being in your
adult you can go in there if you're in
your adult because no matter what you
see it's gonna be okay because what's
more important
a relation a clean room or a good
relationship with your daughter well
summarize what you're taking away animal
stuff just say my adult this is very
powerful the relationship is more
important than the room the yelling
doesn't work and he comes from shoot
Delaney should and the truth is what's
the truth
she doesn't Delaney's a message yeah go
ahead
no I don't want her to think of me like
I thought of my dad like now that I'm a
parent my dad used to always say nothing
could ever be nice and now I say that
because they you know they like or what
yeah you know and night now look I get
it
you know and my dad's not alive anymore
I wish I could tell him because it you
know I get it you work hard and then
kids room stuff but there's kids like
when I'm in this chair I'm like they're
they're kids they're not really on
purpose but when I get on the chair it's
just like that goes away yeah and then
this way you enjoy your kids you know in
I think you do worry that oh my god
they're gonna turn out they're gonna be
the messiest person in the world if I
define new I had some crystal ball or
something and I told you they're gonna
turn out Delaney is gonna be neat like
you are when she grows up I think I
would believe you I mean she's
responsible in a lot of ways so then
what why yeah it's it's a habit it let
me say this to you one last thing just
to get this in your head sort of think
yeah that yeah the adult thinks that
parent part remember the circles that
parent part doesn't think it it's
programmed where did you get your
program yeah
your adult thinks through what's true
yeah in yeah go ahead well my dad came
from like domestic violence and stuff so
yelling was so much better than what was
done to him and so I feel this sense of
like I need to so he did better and I
can do even better if I don't have to
yell cuz I you know if you think about
this yeah you want to think if you think
you probably a figure out ways of
helping your daughter even going in and
saying hey I'll go in and help work with
you or something but just remember the
adult thinks the critical parent has
lines it's not there's no thinking going
on it's more tapes in your head yeah
tapes in your head tapes come in either
from you you know your dad somewhere is
that what he gives you this my own why
don't you do this if this helps I don't
know that it'll be perfect my goal is to
reduce that this is how much yelling you
use you do with Delaney I mean ideally
would get it down to almost zero but
let's see if we bring it down maybe 50%
or we'll see how much and you come back
next week and we'll see but you use
these days as chair yeah if you want to
take the bungee cord if it'll help yeah
I don't care okay yeah just get it out
and putting it anywhere yeah hang on
you're hanging on the doorknob
and when she says what's it for just say
just a little reminder four counts okay
and I'll see you next week okay so this
session with Edie using TA was very
powerful for me things that really stood
out the drama training goal for sure the
feeling of the bungee cord and just
knowing that I can I'm in control I can
keep myself in my adult that was very
powerful that I can I can control this
and it's the conflict exists in me not
not in my daughter in her room or that
was really helpful I started not to do
the bungee cord and I'm glad I did it
probably would have been powerful for
you to stand on the chair but I mean and
so I would say the people getting that
that showing the difference between
standing on the chair and sitting in the
chair that's a very powerful tool this
is all an impact therapy approach which
is it's an active creative multi-sensory
Theory driven approach to counseling in
the theory that I was using was
transactional analysis and yeah I think
it what you try to do I think what
counselors don't do enough of is give
models and give like tools the the brain
likes novelty I think she might remember
the stuff that was drawn or the stuff
that you saw or felt pressure and so I
think it was a good example
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Chapter 1 - TA and further useful concepts for a therapist or a coach
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