Crushes, Romantic Friendships & Boston Marriages

Summary

This script delves into the 19th-century concept of 'separate spheres' for men and women, leading to distinct homosocial environments. It explores the prevalence of 'crushes' among young women, viewed as innocent and beneficial for their development. The narrative shifts to 'romantic friendships,' intense, often sexual relationships between women, and 'Boston marriages,' long-term partnerships offering economic, professional, and emotional support. The script also touches on men's romantic friendships and the evolving societal and expert perspectives on these relationships, hinting at a forthcoming discussion on their implications.

Takeaways

• 🏛️ The concept of 'separate spheres' in the mid-19th century reinforced the division of labor between men and women, with men in the public sphere and women in the domestic sphere.
• 🤝 This ideology led to the normalization and idealization of same-sex relationships, as individuals of the same sex spent most of their time together.
• 💐 'Crushes' or 'smashes' were common among young women in the late 19th century, often involving affection between girls and viewed as innocent and temporary by adults.
• 🎓 During high school or college years, crushes were especially popular and could involve gift-giving and social invitations, further normalized by all-female dances at universities.
• 📜 The 1900 Vassar student newspaper poem illustrates the conflation of same-sex crushes with heterosexual ones, using similar expressions of love and desire.
• 📒 Mary Culver's diary entries from Vassar reveal adoration for both male and female friends, showing that expressions of affection were not limited to one gender.
• 💕 Romantic friendships were intense, loving relationships between two individuals that could include physical displays of affection and were common across class and racial boundaries.
• 🤝‍♀️ 'Boston marriages' were long-term committed relationships between two women, often involving friendship, professional partnership, and sometimes romantic love.
• 🏡 These relationships provided economic, professional, and emotional support, and were a common domestic arrangement for queer women in the past.
• 👥 Romantic friendships and Boston marriages were seen as more spiritual than physical, and men were also known to have such relationships without social stigma.
• ⚠️ By the late 19th century, experts began to warn about the potential sexual dangers of these relationships, associating them with homosexuality.

Q & A

What was the concept of 'separate spheres' in the mid-19th century America?

The concept of 'separate spheres' was an ideology that divided men's and women's labor as more natural. It suggested that men belonged in the public sphere for work, while women should stay at home to care for children, thus legitimizing the division between the roles of men and women.

How did the 'separate spheres' ideology influence the social environment of the time?

The 'separate spheres' ideology led to distinct homosocial environments where individuals of the same sex spent most of their time together. This resulted in American culture idealizing and normalizing same-sex relationships.

What were 'crushes' or 'smashes' in the late 19th century, and how were they viewed by adults?

'Crushes' or 'smashes' referred to the affection one girl had for another, common among young women, especially during their high school or college years. Adults viewed these as relatively harmless and innocent friendships that helped girls grow into more compassionate and kind women.

How did crushes manifest in the form of gifts and social events?

Crushes manifested through the bestowing of gifts such as flowers, candy, and poetry. They also involved social events like inviting the crush to college social functions, luncheons, sporting events, or dances, which further normalized these same-sex friendships.

What was the significance of the Freshman Frolic at Smith College?

The Freshman Frolic was a dance at Smith College where sophomores invited freshmen of their choice. It was a popular event that showcased the social dynamics and the practice of upperclassmen courting younger classmates, often through gift-giving and social engagements.

How did romantic friendships differ from crushes, and what were their characteristics?

Romantic friendships went beyond crushes to become mutual relationships between two individuals who were deeply devoted to each other. They involved writing romantic letters, describing each other as soul mates, and could include physical displays of affection, even though they were often described as largely spiritual or asexual.

What evidence is there of romantic friendships across class and racial boundaries?

Historians have found evidence of romantic friendships not only among white middle-class women but also across class and racial boundaries. For example, the relationship between Addie Brown, a domestic worker, and Rebecca Primus, a school teacher, is a documented case of a romantic friendship between two Black women.

What was the term 'Boston marriage' and what did it describe?

'Boston marriage' was a term coined in the late 19th and early 20th centuries to describe a long-term committed relationship between two women. These relationships often included elements of friendship, professional partnership, creative collaboration, and sometimes lesbian romance.

Why did some women choose not to marry during the late 19th century?

Some women chose not to marry to enjoy the freedom to pursue education and careers, especially when they had no other options. However, others may have chosen not to marry because they were not heterosexual, although they could not declare such identities due to the lack of modern terms like lesbian, bisexual, etc.

What were the advantages of 'Boston marriages' for the women involved?

Boston marriages provided economic advantages by allowing women to save money by living together, professional advantages through mutual encouragement and collaboration, and personal benefits such as emotional support, friendship, and romantic love.

How did societal and expert perspectives on crushes, romantic friendships, and Boston marriages change by the late 19th century?

By the late 19th century, experts on sex began to warn about the sexual dangers of crushes, romantic friendships, and Boston marriages, implying that these relationships tended to lead to or were examples of homosexuality, marking a shift in societal attitudes towards these relationships.