How do You Know She's the One? w/ Jordan Peterson
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful transcript, the speaker addresses the common question of how to know 'the one' in a relationship, sharing a personal anecdote about his own marriage proposal. He critiques the self-centered approach to finding a partner and emphasizes the importance of considering what one has to offer. The speaker also discusses the practical aspects of relationships, suggesting that time is limited for making such decisions and that faith plays a crucial role in taking the leap into marriage and parenthood.
Takeaways
- 😀 The speaker humorously addresses the question of how to know 'when she's the one' by sharing a personal anecdote about his own marriage proposal.
- 🤔 He challenges the common question of finding the right person, suggesting it's more about self-improvement and what one has to offer in a relationship.
- 👔 The speaker advises young men to focus on improving themselves, implying that attractiveness and value can draw potential partners.
- 💭 He criticizes the self-centered nature of the question, urging individuals to consider what they bring to a relationship rather than solely seeking the 'right' person.
- 💏 The speaker discusses the importance of respect and compatibility in a relationship, including the potential for a partner to be a good mother.
- 🔮 He suggests a practical approach to deciding if someone is marriage material, considering factors such as respect, attraction, and the opinions of others.
- 🕰️ The speaker mentions the limited 'chances' one has in life to find a partner, emphasizing the importance of making decisions within a certain timeframe.
- 🤝 He highlights the role of faith in making life decisions, such as marriage, and the necessity of taking leaps of faith.
- 👨🦳 A quote from Father Bob Badad is shared, humorously noting the paralysis that can come from over-discernment in decision-making.
- 👶 The speaker draws a parallel between the decision to marry and the decision to have children, suggesting there's never a 'perfect' time for either.
- 🙏 The importance of faith in guiding one's decisions, particularly in the context of religious beliefs, is underscored by the speaker.
Q & A
How did the speaker decide to propose to his wife?
-The speaker was initially unsure and called his friend in Australia for advice. His friend told him that his girlfriend was better than him and urged him to propose before she realized it.
What does the speaker think about the question 'How do I know when she's the one?'
-The speaker believes it's a self-centered and hedonistic question. He suggests that the focus should be on improving oneself and what one has to offer in a relationship.
What is the speaker's opinion on the importance of self-improvement in attracting a partner?
-The speaker emphasizes that young men should think about what they have to offer. He suggests that if men focused on self-improvement, they would naturally attract women.
How does the speaker view the process of finding the right person for a relationship?
-The speaker criticizes the approach of finding the right person as being misguided. He believes one should focus on becoming a better person to attract a suitable partner.
What advice does the speaker give to men who are unsure about proposing to their girlfriend?
-The speaker suggests thinking practically about the relationship, considering factors such as respect, attraction, and the potential for the woman to be a good mother.
What is the speaker's perspective on the number of chances one has to find the right partner?
-The speaker suggests that one has about five chances in life to find the right partner, emphasizing the importance of making wise decisions within a limited timeframe.
Why does the speaker mention the importance of a recovery period after a breakup?
-The speaker believes that a recovery period is necessary to avoid jumping from one relationship to another without proper assessment and understanding of the previous one.
What does the speaker imply about the role of discernment in decision-making?
-The speaker implies that while discernment is important, it has become a fashionable excuse for avoiding making decisions, as exemplified by Father Bob's quote.
What does the speaker suggest about the timing of having children?
-The speaker states that there is never a 'good time' to have a child, implying that the decision to have children should be based on readiness rather than timing.
How does the speaker relate the concept of faith to the decision of getting married?
-The speaker suggests that faith is necessary when making the leap into marriage, as it involves trusting in a higher power to guide one through the challenges of the relationship.
What is the purpose of the speaker mentioning 'hello.com matr' in the transcript?
-The mention of 'hello.com matr' is a sponsorship plug, where the speaker promotes the app for listening to podcasts and offers a three-month free trial to the audience.
Outlines
💍 The Moment of Marriage Proposal
The speaker shares his personal experience of how he decided to propose to his wife. Initially, he was unsure and sought advice from a friend, who encouraged him to propose quickly before she realized he wasn't good enough. The speaker also addresses a common question about finding the right partner, suggesting that people should focus on improving themselves rather than seeking the perfect mate. He emphasizes the importance of self-improvement and self-reflection, rather than just looking for someone who fits a certain ideal.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡The One
💡Cold Feet
💡Self-Improvement
💡Respect
💡Attraction
💡Decision-Making
💡Biological Clock
💡Leap of Faith
💡Discernment
💡Sponsorship
💡Podcast
Highlights
The importance of recognizing when a partner is 'the one' and the fear of making the decision to propose.
Anecdote about the speaker's experience with proposing to his wife and the advice from a friend.
The critique of the question 'how do I find the right person' as being self-centered and the suggestion to focus on self-improvement instead.
The idea that young men should think about what they have to offer in a relationship rather than solely seeking the right partner.
The question of whether a partner is someone you are attracted to and respect, and would be a good mother to your children.
The practical approach to considering a marriage proposal, including the limited number of chances one has to find a partner.
The notion that it takes time to get to know someone well enough to consider marriage, emphasizing the importance of patience.
The concept of discernment in decision-making and the critique of over-discernment leading to inaction.
The role of faith in making life decisions, particularly in the context of marriage.
The advice from Father Bob Badad on decision-making and the importance of making decisions rather than being paralyzed by discernment.
The comparison between the decision to marry and the decision to have children, noting that there is never a 'perfect' time for either.
The necessity of taking a leap of faith in life's significant decisions, supported by one's beliefs.
A massive thanks to Hallow for sponsoring the podcast and the promotion of their app offering free access for three months.
Invitation to watch more clips of the speaker's conversation with Jordan Peterson for further insights.
The emphasis on self-improvement and offering as a key to attracting a partner, rather than focusing solely on finding the right person.
The speaker's personal experience with the fear of commitment and the decisive action taken to overcome it.
The importance of considering the practical aspects of a relationship and the time it takes to truly know someone before marriage.
Transcripts
a lot of men watch this show and a lot
of men have asked me in the past how do
I know when she's the one how do I know
if she's I should marry her well cuz she
says
yes you know backward question let me
let me tell you this anecdote I moved
over to America started dating my wife
got cold feet was nervous prayed for
signs got none of them and then I called
my mate in Australia and I went Mark I
want a marry her I guess but I'm just
bloody afraid he cut me off what the
hell are you thinking about you idiot
she's better than you anyway right right
and then he said you need to propose
before she finds that out so that night
that night I proposed to her kid no
kidding well look I was on tour a while
back and for three nights in a row the
same question Rose to the top of the
electronically submitted question so how
do I find the person that right for me
and I I tried answering it the first
night I wasn't happy with my answer and
then it came up the second night and I
didn't try it the third night Tammy
asked me and I thought oh I know what's
wrong it's a stupid question okay that's
not the right question it's like what
the hell makes you think this is about
you like first of all you're lucky
someone likes you second here here's the
question how do I put myself together so
that I'm attractive to someone yeah not
how do I find the person who's right for
me like if that's your question you're
not going to get an answer cuz it's the
wrong question it's like put on a suit
buddy try to look like you got something
going for you you know think hard about
what you have to offer if you if Young
men did nothing but think about what
they had to offer there would be women
lining up to be with them so it's the
wrong question have you it's a
hedonistic question self-centered hedis
question what about this what about the
man who's dating a woman and he's he
just you know so he's he's putting
himself out there he's doing his best
but he's still like here's mine are you
attracted to her like do you want to
have sex with her um like that
specifically uh do do you respect her
not necessarily in this order would she
be a good mother to your children do
people you respect respect her like her
you might be caught up in a cloud of
lust and all sorts of passion but what
would you say to the man of Goodwill
who's like I don't know should I propose
should I not well it's it's it's
like okay we could think about this
practically first let's just think about
it
practically you've got five chances okay
in your life all right right wellth
let's say you you need this especially
true if you're female it's a little L
laxer on the male side cuz we don't face
a biological clock that's quite so
stringent okay why five well maybe it's
seven and maybe it's three it's like
five will do why it takes a year to get
to know someone okay okay so let's say
you start when you're 17 okay and maybe
you're hyper attractive and you can just
line them up one after another but that
isn't how life works well if you have a
relationship let's say that lasts a year
and it breaks up there'll probably be a
recovery time and then there's going to
be some search time and there better be
because otherwise you're an idiot you
just jumped out of one frying pan into
the fire right so let's say 2 years to
assess someone okay that's 10 years okay
so and the clock's
ticking
so if you've got those conditions you
described
satisfied you should thank you're lucky
Stars mhm you know and you should get
the hell on with it there was a Canadian
priest father Bob badad who once said
since discernment became fashionable no
one's made a decision since I really
like that yeah yeah well it's the same
with children and then act yeah well
it's like when's a good time to have a
child well that's a stupid question
there's never a good time to have a
child yeah right well look are we are
you ready for marriage I I not ready yet
I've been married 18 years of course
you're not married ready right exactly
well that's another indication of the
necessity of faith yeah is that you have
to LEAP into the abyss you do that all
the time and you leap into the abyss
well with what
certainty that's your faith and what
what do you have faith in well you have
faith that if you abide by the spirit of
the god of Abraham let's say that you'll
make the most of the mess also a massive
thanks to hallo for sponsoring this
podcast hall.com matr is where you want
to go if you want to try out their
entire app for 3 months for free it is
an absolutely fantastic app they
actually have all of my audio podcasts
on there right now so you can listen to
them over there they have Catholic Loi
meditation amazing stuff
hello.com matr to get three months for
free hey thanks so much for watching
this clip if you want to watch more
clips of me chatting with Jordan
Peterson click these videos somewhere
here on this screen
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