SHOW, DON'T TELL (is a lie) | On Writing

Summary

Ce script de vidéo explore l'art de l'écriture des émotions de personnages, en discutant la théorie 'Montrez, ne dites pas' et en identifiant les erreurs courantes. Il suggère de combiner l'expression directe des émotions avec des actions et des conséquences narratives pour un récit immersif. L'importance de l'introspection et de l'utilisation créative de la grammaire et de la mise en forme pour représenter les états émotionnels est également soulignée, offrant une vue d'ensemble enrichissante pour les écrivains.

Takeaways

• 📚 Il est parfois acceptable de 'dire' plutôt que de 'montrer' les émotions des personnages, surtout dans de petits moments ou pour maintenir le rythme de l'histoire.
• 🔍 La spécificité dans la description des émotions aide à ancrer le lecteur dans une expérience immersive et unique, en évitant les adverbes comme 'très' ou 'extrêmement'.
• 💡 Montrer les émotions par la physicalisation, l'action des personnages et les conséquences narratives liees aux émotions, permet de connecter les scènes et approfondir l'expérience émotionnelle.
• 🎨 Ne pas limiter l'écriture émotionnelle aux sections d'après-coup d'une histoire ou d'une scène, mais l'intégrer aussi dans les transitions, les résumés et les descriptions.
• 🤔 L'introspection est essentielle pour approfondir les expériences émotionnelles, en se concentrant sur ce que le personnage se concentrerait réellement.
• 🚫 Éviter le melodrame en construisant vers les réactions physiques importantes, en montrant les tentatives de contrôle des émotions et en utilisant les marqueurs de dialogue et la grammaire avec parcimonie.
• 🌐 Les émotions peuvent être exprimées à travers la dialogue, les contradictions entre le langage corporel et le dialogue, les différences dans les habitudes de parole, les réactions disproportionnées et l'implication.
• 📝 L'utilisation créative de la grammaire et de la mise en forme peut représenter les états émotionnels des personnages de manière poétique et expressive.
• 🐾 Il est important d'inclure des actions de personnages pour communiquer les émotions, en particulier dans des scènes à rythme rapide où la description détaillée pourrait ralentir l'action.
• 🧠 L'écriture émotionnelle doit être variée et ne pas se répéter, en offrant de nouveaux contextes et des conséquences uniques pour chaque apparition d'une émotion.
• 📚 L'exploration de la profondeur des émotions, au-delà de la simple description, est essentielle pour créer une connexion émotionnelle avec le lecteur.

Q & A

Quelle est la principale critique de l'auteur sur l'utilisation du concept 'show, don't tell' dans l'écriture?

L'auteur critique l'abus du concept 'show, don't tell', arguant que cela peut conduire à des écrivains débutants à être trop dogmatiques sur l'expression des émotions, ce qui peut ralentir le rythme de l'histoire et la rendre mélodramatique.

Quels sont les deux grands erreurs commises par les écrivains lors de la description des émotions des personnages?

Les deux grands erreurs sont de décrire les émotions de manière trop abstraite ou de les physicaliser excessivement, ce qui peut entraîner un ralentissement du rythme narratif et une perte de tension dramatique.

Quels sont les avantages de 'telling' par rapport à 'showing' dans certaines situations?

Le 'telling' peut être utilisé pour maintenir le rythme de l'histoire,尤其是在过渡场景或小情绪表达时, il permet de ne pas alourdir inutilement le récit.

Quels sont les exemples donnés par l'auteur pour illustrer une bonne utilisation de 'telling' dans l'écriture?

L'auteur cite un extrait de Neil Gaiman où le sentiment de fierté est simplement mentionné sans être narratifment amplifié, ce qui montre comment 'telling' peut être utilisé efficacement pour des émotions mineures.

Pourquoi l'auteur insiste-il sur l'importance de la spécificité dans la description des émotions?

L'auteur souligne que la spécificité permet de créer une expérience immersive et unique pour le lecteur, en évitant les généralités et en choisissant des mots qui ont des significations multiples et évocateurs.

Quels sont les effets pernicieux des adverbes comme 'très' ou 'extrêmement' sur la description des émotions?

Ces adverbes peuvent indiquer une absence de spécificité, ce qui nuit à la profondeur de la description des émotions et peut rendre le texte moins immersif pour le lecteur.

Comment l'auteur suggère-t-il d'utiliser les actions des personnages pour communiquer leurs émotions?

L'auteur propose d'utiliser les actions des personnages comme un moyen efficace de montrer leurs émotions, ce qui permet de maintenir le rythme de l'histoire et de créer une tension dramatique.

Quels sont les avantages de montrer les conséquences narratives des émotions des personnages?

Les conséquences narratives permettent de lier les scènes entre elles par les émotions, en montrant comment les émotions des personnages influencent leur environnement et les réactions des autres personnages.

Quels sont les pièges à éviter lors de la description des émotions pour ne pas tomber dans le mélodrame?

Il faut éviter l'accumulation de réactions physiques excessives, l'usage excessif d'ellipses et d'exclamations, et la description de manière trop poétique ou abstrait, qui peuvent rendre le texte mélodramatique et éloigné du lecteur.

Comment l'auteur recommande-t-il d'utiliser la poésie et les métaphores pour décrire les émotions?

L'auteur recommande une utilisation équilibrée et fondée de la poésie et des métaphores, en les ancrant dans des descriptions concrètes et en évitant l'excès qui pourrait rendre le texte mélodramatique.

Quels sont les autres moyens d'exprimer les émotions que l'auteur mentionne en dehors de la description classique?

L'auteur mentionne l'utilisation de la grammaire et de la mise en forme de texte pour représenter les états émotionnels, ainsi que l'expression des émotions à travers la dialogue, les contradictions et les implications.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Écrire les émotions de personnages

Le script aborde le débat 'montrer, ne pas dire' en écriture, soulignant qu'il n'est pas toujours applicable et se concentre sur l'écriture des émotions de personnages. Il mentionne une série de vidéos 'Beyond Writing' pour explorer des émotions et des exemples de la littérature. L'auteur critique l'idée de l'iceberg des émotions et insiste sur le fait qu'il est parfois approprié de 'dire' les émotions des personnages, comme dans l'extrait de Neil Gaiman.

05:01

🔍 Spécificité des émotions dans l'écriture

Le texte insiste sur l'importance de la spécificité dans la description des émotions, en évitant les termes vagues et en utilisant des mots évocateurs et spécifiques. Il donne un exemple de Margaret Atwood pour montrer comment décrire une émotion complexe et profonde, en utilisant des métaphores et des descriptions concrètes pour créer une expérience immersive pour le lecteur.

10:01

🚀 Montre, ne dis pas : l'importance de l'action

Ce paragraphe discute de la manière dont l'action des personnages peut communiquer leurs émotions plus efficacement que la description physique ou l'introspection. Il cite des exemples de Philip Pullman et Catherine Patterson pour illustrer comment l'action peut avancer l'histoire tout en révélant l'état émotionnel des personnages, tout en maintenant le rythme de la scène.

15:03

🎭 Éviter la mélodramatique dans l'écriture des émotions

L'auteur examine les erreurs courantes faites par les écrivains lorsqu'ils décrivent les émotions, en particulier dans le genre de science-fiction et de fantasy. Il suggère d'utiliser les émotions de manière plus complexe et de ne pas se limiter à la description des conflits et des réactions émotionnelles, mais de les intégrer de manière plus profonde dans l'écriture.

20:05

🌐 Utiliser l'introspection pour explorer les émotions

Le script souligne l'importance de l'introspection pour approfondir les expériences émotionnelles au-delà de la simple manifestation. Il donne des exemples de Haruki Murakami et d'autres pour montrer comment les émotions peuvent être capturées à travers les réflexions intérieures des personnages, en se concentrant sur ce qu'ils remarquent et ce qui les influence.

25:06

📉 Éviter la mélodramatique : la subtileté de l'émotion

Ce paragraphe explore différentes techniques pour éviter la mélodramatique dans l'écriture des émotions, en suggérant de ne pas surcharger les descriptions physiques, d'utiliser les dialogues et les contradictions entre le langage corporel et le discours pour révéler les émotions, et d'éviter une grammaire et une ponctuation excessives qui peuvent rendre le texte excessif.

30:07

📚 Émotions et dialogues : la richesse du sous-texte

L'auteur explique comment les émotions sont également communiquées à travers les dialogues, en utilisant des exemples de littérature pour montrer comment les changements dans les habitudes de parole, les réponses disproportionnées et l'implication peuvent révéler l'état émotionnel des personnages de manière subtile et puissante.

35:08

🎨 Qui a besoin de mots ? L'expression émotionnelle non verbale

Ce paragraphe mentionne des ouvrages où les auteurs ont utilisé la grammaire et la mise en forme de manière créative pour représenter les états émotionnels des personnages, en étendant les mots sur la page ou en utilisant des majuscules pour montrer les pensées intrusives, ajoutant une dimension visuelle à l'expression des émotions.

🔗 Résument les techniques d'écriture des émotions

Le script conclut en résumant les différentes techniques discutées pour écrire des émotions de manière authentique et engageante, en mettant l'accent sur la variété, la subtileté et l'importance de l'introspection, de la description physique, de l'action des personnages et de l'utilisation de la poétique dans la grammaire et la mise en forme.

Keywords

💡Émotions

Les émotions sont au cœur du thème de cette vidéo, qui traite de la manière dont elles peuvent être exprimées dans l'écriture. Elles sont définies comme les sentiments profonds et personnels que les personnages éprouvent, et qui sont essentielles pour créer une connexion avec les lecteurs. Dans le script, l'auteur discute de différentes approches pour écrire les émotions, y compris 'show, don't tell', la spécificité émotionnelle et la façon dont elles peuvent être intégrées dans la narration.

💡Montrer, ne pas dire

Ce concept est un principe de base de l'écriture qui suggère de dépeindre les actions et les réactions des personnages plutôt que de les décrire directement. Dans le script, il est mentionné que, bien que cette règle soit souvent enseignée aux écrivains, elle n'est pas toujours applicable, surtout lorsqu'il s'agit d'écrire les émotions des personnages.

💡Spécificité émotionnelle

La spécificité émotionnelle fait référence à la description détaillée et précise des émotions au-delà des termes généraux comme 'tristesse' ou 'joie'. Le script illustre cela en utilisant des exemples littéraires pour montrer comment les auteurs peuvent dépeindre des émotions uniques et complexes.

💡Action des personnages

L'action des personnages est présentée comme un moyen de communiquer les émotions, en montrant ce que les personnages font plutôt que de les décrire. Dans le script, cela est illustré par des exemples où les actions des personnages reflètent leur état émotionnel, contribuant ainsi à l'avancement de l'intrigue.

💡Conséquences narratives

Les conséquences narratives sont l'impact des émotions des personnages sur l'intrigue et les autres personnages. Elles sont essentielles pour rendre les émotions significatives et pour avancer l'histoire. Le script les mentionne comme un élément clé pour connecter les scènes et les émotions des personnages.

💡Introspection

L'introspection est le processus par lequel les personnages réfléchissent à leurs propres pensées et émotions. Dans le script, l'auteur souligne l'importance de l'introspection pour approfondir les expériences émotionnelles et pour révéler les subtilités des sentiments des personnages.

💡Dialogue

Le dialogue est utilisé dans le script pour montrer comment les émotions peuvent être exprimées à travers la parole des personnages. Il capture la manière dont les personnages interagissent et comment leurs émotions influencent leur langage et leur communication.

💡Mélodrame

Le mélodrame est évoqué pour décrire une forme d'écriture qui exagère les émotions et peut paraître excessive ou non crédible. Le script discute des erreurs courantes qui peuvent mener à une écriture mélodramatique et des moyens d'éviter cela en étant attentif à la build-up émotionnelle et en évitant l'exagération.

💡Formatage et grammaire

Le formatage et la grammaire sont mentionnés comme des outils pour représenter les états émotionnels des personnages de manière créative. Dans le script, il est expliqué que des choix de formatage inhabituels peuvent aider à transmettre les expériences et les émotions des personnages de manière unique.

💡Subtexte

Le subtexte fait référence aux couches de signification sous-jacentes dans l'écriture qui ne sont pas explicitement exprimées mais suggérées. Dans le script, l'auteur explique comment le subtexte peut être utilisé pour communiquer les émotions de manière plus profonde et nuancée.

Highlights

La critique du concept 'Montrez, ne dites pas' comme une méthode abordée de manière dogmatique avec les écrivains débutants.

Importance de la spécificité dans la description des émotions pour une expérience immersive.

L'utilisation de la narration interne pour explorer les émotions complexes des personnages.

Comment l'action des personnages peut communiquer des émotions plus efficacement que la description directe.

La nécessité de lier les émotions à des conséquences narratives pour un impact plus profond.

La façon dont les émotions peuvent être intégrées dans les transitions et les résumés narratifs.

L'importance de l'introspection pour approfondir les expériences émotionnelles au-delà de la simple manifestation.

Comment éviter le mélodrame en construisant des réactions physiques émotionnelles de manière réaliste.

L'utilisation de la poésie et des métaphores pour représenter les états émotionnels sans être excessif.

La façon dont les dialogues révèlent les émotions à travers les descriptions des objets et des actions.

L'impact des contradictions entre le langage corporel et le dialogue sur la révélation des émotions.

Comment les différences dans les habitudes de parole peuvent signaler des changements émotionnels.

L'utilisation de la grammaire et de la mise en forme pour représenter de manière poétique les états émotionnels.

La nécessité de varier les tactiques de description des émotions pour maintenir l'intérêt du lecteur.

Comment les émotions peuvent être utilisées de manière créative dans la structure et la forme du texte.

La façon dont les émotions peuvent être liées à des conséquences narratives pour un développement de l'intrigue.

L'importance de l'évitement des stéréotypes et des adverbes pour une description plus authentique des émotions.

Transcripts

i have been reading all of these books

and you have been lied to

show don't tell is the ungodly hammer

with which all new writers are

bludgeoned repeatedly until they run

back to their mothers and they say mum

i'm scared to which their mother says

don't tell me show me and here's the

thing it's not always true now show

don't tell is a massive topic so we're

gonna narrow down to a

teensy-weensy tiny come here can be a

little closer tiny whiny little part of

it and that is writing character

emotions

and two big mistakes writers make when

doing it

let's go

and because learning never ends i've

started a series of companion videos

called beyond writing this time it's

exploring more emotions more stories

more examples like how stephen king

creates fear the hunger games and some

of my own writing as well and you can

get this ongoing series with the nebula

curiosity stream bundle which right now

is 42 percent off just 12 bucks for the

entire year and this is a really cool

sponsor for me because i'm able to

sponsor my own video with my own stuff

it'd mean a lot to check it out part one

tell don't show

us writers easily fall into this trap of

thinking there's an emotion iceberg

where you've got telling at the top she

felt happy with herself then

physicalizing like clenching fists and a

little deeper it's describing the

feeling and the abstract then character

action then introspection and we always

want to be as deep in the iceberg as

possible but

no i mean can you imagine if every

emotion your characters felt had to come

out in these sentences or even

paragraphs of prose your pace would be

slower than the russian advance into

ukraine not to mention melodramatic with

every emotion being this big moment no

there is absolutely a place for telling

your characters are feeling things all

the time and not all of those feelings

are important listen to this piece from

neil gaiman's the ocean at the end of

the lane

the pond is next i thought i just have

to go around this shed and i'll see it i

saw it and felt oddly proud of myself as

if that one act of memory had blown away

some of the cobwebs of the day

this character feels proud for

remembering something from their

childhood just a dash of it it's not a

big emotion it's not something we should

narratively dwell on so gaiman just

tells us and he hides it in amongst some

interesting language that fits in with

the wider themes of the scene someone

rediscovering their childhood home

telling in small moments as well in

transitions between scenes is okay

but don't get too excited showing is the

way that we get readers to care about

our characters and their experiences so

you've gotta know when to show and not

tell

and that in my mind really begins with

part two specificity emotions are so

much more than anger or sadness or

happiness you can have a sadness that

just hits you for a moment or a sadness

that is the first thing you feel when

you wake up in the morning before you

even remember what you are sad about

it's on a spectrum that goes a thousand

different ways because all of these

emotions can come in so many forms

listen to this piece from margaret

atwood's the testaments i feared i might

lose my faith

if you've never had a faith you will not

understand what that means

you feel as if your best friend is dying

that everything that defined you is

being burned away

that you'll be left all alone

you feel exiled as if you were lost in a

dark wood

it was like the feeling i'd had when

tabitha died

the world was emptying itself of meaning

everything was hollow

everything was withering edward here is

describing sadness in the abstract for a

character who is losing their religion

but it's so much more than that it's

layered with a loss of identity of

direction of depersonalization

she isn't just showing us sadness but a

specific kind of long lasting pain that

leaves you questioning what you are left

with in the wake of it her specificity

here helps create a unique experience

that we can engage with and that's

immersive right rather than just saying

the sadness was an abyss a general

statement because there's not much point

in showing emotion in writing but not

getting to the heart of what that actual

emotion is

look at her word choice here the words

here are specific they're evocative they

have multiple meanings behind them now

edward could have written here it's like

everything defined you is dying but she

chose the words burned away it's more

active that something or someone is

doing the burning to her and it's

painful because dying as a word doesn't

necessarily mean that it's painful and

it can be passive you feel exiled to

such a great expression compared to you

feel alone it carries a lot more weight

then the world is emptying itself of

meaning and hollow and withering they're

such powerful words compared to just

saying that she felt empty which is

something i see a lot in books it's kind

of overused cliches kind of lose their

effect on readers we glance over them

when reading they don't carry the weight

or meaning that they used to or meant to

and edward here avoids them now there

are exceptions to this of course in

enrique maria remarks all quiet on the

western front a traumatized german

soldier in world war one describes

reading a letter from a soldier that he

just killed in this way but each word i

translate pierces me like a shot to the

chest like a stab to the chest now you

would be right to point out that this is

a cliche but this passage really

captures the horror and guilt and

sadness with language that arises from

war and even more so by correcting it to

a stab rather than a bullet it makes the

death more personal a bullet is

inherently impersonal it puts space

between you and the person killed and

this is about him realizing that this

man he just killed was a real person

with a real life of their own in this

context the cliche fits it brings him a

lot closer to him it's really quite

profound sometimes your word choice is

just personal style though like

hemingway takes two much simpler word

choices than say jorge louis borges and

in first person the word choice is

really going to come from the words that

the perspective character would use

right you could say my dear children

that emotions are complicated

and in being mindful about word choice

and specificity you're going to want to

look out for the words very or extremely

when describing emotion stephen king

hates adverbs like these because they

often mean that you're not quite being

specific enough with the emotion you're

playing with you're not capturing the

scale you intend and we don't tend to

get anything more out of being told that

someone was very afraid versus afraid

and by the way i counted and king only

uses these terms 10 times outside

dialogue when he's describing things in

his book misery i don't actually have

misery here with me so um you're stuck

with salem's lot

so do go through your book control if

and maybe instead of very tired try

exhausted sleepy drained sick of it

these all mean more specific things

likewise look out for filter words felt

sore realized new these create

psychological distance between the

reader and the character their emotions

by reminding them that this is a story

if specificity is about bringing you

closer to the exact emotion of your

characters then cutting these words out

is one way to close that gap as well and

with all of this in mind it's really

important to hug your cat go and pick

them up right now give them a cuddle

cradle them like the baby that they want

to be

yeah this is what momo loves momo loves

this you ain't you you you do any of you

uh the um

rioting yeah writing um it's really

important to um part three show and not

tell yes we are here at last lyra

clenched herself but relaxed almost at

once as panteleimon thought to her we're

only safe as long as we pretend

she opened her eyes and found that

they'd been containing tears

and to her surprise and shame she sobbed

and sobbed

philip pullman could have told us that

lyra was anxious and afraid but he

didn't instead he showed us by

physicalizing these emotions lyra

clinched herself she shut her eyes she

sobbed and sobbed it brings those

emotions to life and it is a pretty

simple and easy way to improve your

writing if you control if your story for

words like happy sad anxious afraid

you'll find plenty of places that you

can

hug your cat you can go and pick them up

right now give them lots of love maybe a

treat and they'll be very happy for it

you'll find places that you can spice it

up but as said describing your emotions

in the abstract or physicalizing them

too much

can grind the pace of your story on a

line-by-line basis to a halt because

you're forcing the story to stay in the

same moment even if it doesn't feel

natural to and that's why

character action is sometimes a better

way to communicate emotion leslie dead

girl

friend

rope broke

fell

you you you

the words exploded in his head like corn

against the sides of a popper

god

dead

you

leslie

dead

you

he ran until he was stumbling but he

kept on afraid to stop knowing somehow

that running was the only thing that

could keep leslie from being dead

it was up to him he had to keep going

he leaned his weight upon the door of

the pickup and let his head thud thud

against the window

his father drove stiffly without

speaking though once he cleared his

throat as though he were going to say

something but he glanced at less and

closed his mouth

when they pulled up at his house his

father sat quietly and jess could feel

the man's uncertainty so he opened the

door and got out and with the numbness

flooding through him went in and lay

down on his bed

um

that was um

catherine it was catherine patterson's

uh british terabithia which um

i i don't have any i don't have any

unresolved feelings about we do get a

little bit of him describing these

emotions in the abstract with the

numbness flooding through him but unlike

in the testaments or the northern lights

the emotion is primarily communicated by

what jesse does here we have him running

till he stumbles refusing to stop

leading his head third third against the

window we are shown his frantic panic

and fear and denial and giving up that

crucially keep up the pace of the scene

because this is meant to feel like we're

falling a rush of emotions in the worst

way possible so if you've got fast paced

scenes we're stopping to describe

emotions in the abstract or

physicalizing might undermine the

tension that it relies on characters

doing things in the moment or that you

want this moment to be a whirlwind then

character action might work better

though the fact that these different

strategies create different paces in

your writing can be really useful can be

used to mark a shift in the narrative

pace following an emotional beat if you

want to suddenly speed it up or suddenly

slow it down finally show narrative

consequences to your big emotions simply

having characters do things or feel

things isn't always enough if what they

do or feel doesn't really matter you

know jesse's actions drive the story

forward here by forcing other characters

to react his father has to come get him

it shows us how their emotions fit into

this world in a real tangible way it

makes them more real especially in

character-driven stories being able to

identify the emotion that your

characters end up with at the end of a

scene and how that emotion affects the

following scene even if it's in just a

small way is a really great kind of

thing to be able to do it just lets you

see the emotional connective tissue

throughout your story feelings lead to

action lead to feelings lead to action

lead to feelings later blah blah blah

until those feelings are resolved and it

deepens the emotional experience

bringing us closer to the character see

if you're just describing a lot of

emotions you know they're just feeling

bad and depressed and horrible all the

time but this doesn't really affect what

they do that much people just kind of

blur over it you know you want a variety

of all of these tactics of course but

the golden rule with showing is

generally describe the symptoms of the

emotion not the emotion itself whether

those symptoms are actions or

physicalization or dwelling in their

head but

here is the weird thing i found when

researching most and yes i mean most of

the really good emotional writing

in

all of these stories

doesn't come from physicalization or

describing in the abstract or even

character action a lot of the time

see

it's a lot deeper than that and this is

part four the big mistake writers make i

have seen this so many times i cannot

even tell you but it's particularly

common i feel in science fiction and

fantasy because a lot of writers kind of

fall into this pattern this trap where

they will one describe the setting two

describe the conflict in the setting and

three describe the emotion that comes

out of that conflict you know rinse and

repeat scene to scene it is an easy

formula to fall into that is the place

that people naturally are most inclined

to think about emotions but i want to

challenge you here i want to challenge

you to use emotions more complexly in

all parts of your writing too all three

of these kind of beats you've got here

the paper menagerie is a beautiful

magical realist story about a

chinese-american boy who grows up to

resent his chinese heritage and mother

if my mom spoke to me in chinese

i refused to answer her

after a while she tried to use more

english

but her accent and broken sentences

embarrassed me

i tried to correct her eventually she

stopped speaking altogether if i was

around

mom began to mime things if she needed

to let me know something she tried to

hug me the way she saw american mothers

did on tv

i thought her movements exaggerated

uncertain ridiculous graceless

she saw that i was annoyed and stopped

every once in a while i would see her at

the kitchen table studying the plain

side of a sheet of wrapping paper

later a new paper animal would appear on

my nightstand and try to cuddle up to me

i caught them squeezed them until the

air went out of them and then stuffed

them away in the box in the attic

emotions here in kinlyu's writing aren't

just things being experienced inside

scenes in that third beat after a lot of

build-up they're the connective tissue

between scenes liu doesn't describe the

embarrassment in the abstract or with

body language he instead moves the plot

forward by describing a chain of

emotional decisions trying to correct

her getting annoyed with her hugs

strangling her origami pieces they

slowly escalate and build on one another

in this kind of transition or summary

that sets up the next scene where his

mother dies and leaves him a letter in

chinese that he cannot even read because

he refused to learn the language for her

so this is kind of that first beat and

those beginning scenes alan brock a

traditional professional editor has a

second point that i think is really

valuable to consider here most writers

do not need to get better at describing

emotion they need to get better at

introspection i think all of haruki

murakami's stories and mean without

women do this really well lesha khan's

goodbye takasuki's hand was soft with

long slender fingers his palm was warm

and slightly damp as if he had been

sweating

perhaps he was nervous

after he left kafuku sat down on a chair

in the green room opened his right hand

and stared at his palm the sensation

left by the handshake was still fresh

that hand

those fingers had caressed his wife's

naked body

slowly and deliberately exploring every

nook and cranny

he closed his eyes and breathed deeply

what in heaven's name was she trying to

do

he felt that

whatever it was

he had no choice but to go ahead and do

it

now this story is about a man meeting

the guy who his dead wife slept with

trying to figure out what this guy had

that he didn't there are complicated

emotions at play right resentment pain

loss self-blame but instead of

describing or physicalizing any of these

he captures them through this

introspection here that is layered with

emotional subtext and to really look at

how he does this we've got to look at

what murakami focuses on in his prose

here because when we are happy or sad we

don't think oh i'm happy or oh i'm sad

we think about the things that make us

feel that way so murakami doesn't write

he had never been so jealous he thinks

about the feel of this man's hand that

his wife would have once felt too

sensually he doesn't describe the bar or

the man's hair or his eyes because sex

is a very physical act that is brought

out through the hands in a way you know

and this is almost a way of getting

closer to understanding that

and what you focus on in your prose

applies everywhere in your writing not

just in your character's introspective

thoughts when you describe a setting a

person an event if your character is in

a forest do they focus on the shadows or

the pretty mushrooms these have

different emotional connotations have a

look at how a town yeah just a town is

described in frederick bachmann's beer

town

maya wakes up and stays in bed playing

her guitar the walls of her room are

covered in a mixture of pencil drawings

and tickets she's saved from concerts

she's been to in cities far from here

beartown isn't close to anything it's as

if nature and man were fighting a tug of

war for space more high-minded souls

might suggest

either way the town is losing it has

been a very long time since it wanted

anything more jobs disappear each year

and with them the people and the forest

devours one or two more abandoned houses

each season

this here isn't stream of consciousness

it's not thoughts like in the paper

menagerie or in drive my car but the

focus here on her posters of the outside

world and of the forest devouring the

abandoned houses tells us about this

girl's emotional state this town is

dying and she wants out she longs to see

the rest of the world and it's all done

without physicalizing describing or even

really any introspection and part of all

of this the focus of our prose how we

capture things is really about the

metaphors and similes that we use

something that i think that helmer

woolitzer is absolutely fantastic at

sometimes i made use of the fathers of

friends not that those selfish girls

were really willing to share but there

were times when i sat next to real

fathers in movie theaters with the

exquisite texture of a man's coat

brushing my arm and i listen to the

sound of their voices with the happiness

of a dog that has no use for words and

is

desperately

alert to tone and pitch and timbre this

comparison hilma woolitzer makes to a

dog here and waiting for daddy gives us

this feeling of wanting to impress of

admiration even adoration and remember

how we talked about descriptive focus

well highlighting the texture of the

man's coat here makes something really

precious for her out of something that

would be entirely ordinary for anyone

else this feeling of deep longing arises

from every line here now you might be

thinking that this is only really going

to work in first person or third limited

because those tend to have a lot more

character packed into how they tell the

story but no absolutely not beartown is

written in third person omniscient and

it is packed with emotional subtext on

every level every description all the

time a lot of people especially in

fantasy and science fiction circles

right in third person omniscient if we

go back to those three beats i think a

lot of people feel that one and two

kinda have to be done in this objective

standoffish way particularly in regards

to metaphors they they go for the thing

that is necessarily the most beautiful

the most accurate but that really

doesn't have to be the case and it's a

place right for you building in a lot

more emotion but be creative in

transitions and summaries and

descriptions all sorts of stuff having a

variety of all of this all these

different ways to capture emotion from

moment to moment is super important and

it helps part five avoiding melodrama

writing powerful emotions without coming

off as george lucas trying to convince

me he knows what sadness is

is hard now the reality is that

sometimes people will think your writing

is melodramatic because you haven't sold

them on the conflict or the stakes or

the characters meaning the problem is

chapters back and they're getting to

this point and they're thinking oh the

characters are being melodramatic i

don't really care about this

but that doesn't mean that you can't do

certain things to avoid melodrama in the

moment have a listen to this

so where do we go from here he whispered

i don't know she cried throwing her arms

up the man spun on his heel to face the

window slamming his fist against the

glass he wasn't meant to be like this we

he stole a breath we were meant to be

happy and fall in love and die all

together she rolled her eyes fingers

scraping through her hair then wailed

intensely you you never saw us for what

we really were us he whimpered

he stormed up to her gritting his teeth

there never was any us clearly just you

and him she fell to her knees before her

hands clasped please she pigged give me

another chance i'll i'll try better

there are a bunch of things that i would

not do with this passage and it's kind

of similar in those ways to some of the

writing that i've encountered in the

past firstly every line is treated as

this big physical moment throwing arms

up spinning on his heel wailing

intensely slamming his fist storming up

to a beginning on her knees but not

everything we feel comes out in physical

reactions especially dramatic visceral

ones like these i know this comes from a

place of trying to communicate the

emotional importance of these lines but

this many this close together isn't

relatable for a lot of people and it

feels melodramatic and it doesn't help

that secondly you get emotional whiplash

in the scene what i mean is that she

goes from rolling her eyes to wailing

intensely in an instant falling to her

knees before him we don't get build up

to these big physical moments they just

happen suddenly capturing emotion is

just as much about the times that people

try to control and hide or not feel

things it creates an emotional tension

that eventually comes undone but there's

none of that here there's no subtext

it's all on the surface big physical

moments can work like characters falling

to their knees and begging but we tend

to want to build up to these

thirdly dialogue tags and grammar we've

got cried whispered whaled whimpered

begged all in this short moment now i've

talked before about dialogue tags and

how we use them go check that video out

but again it comes from trying to

communicate the emotional importance

behind these lines but here's the thing

the word said encompasses a lot of the

ways we talk people naturally read

intensity and pauses into dialogue on

their own so these verbs wave a little

red flag to us then say hey this is a

lot more dramatic just remember that and

the same is really with the exclamation

marks and ellipses and capitals this

many this close together make it feel

very dramatized it's hitting you over

the head with a baseball bat be

emotional be

sad this is bad things when a lot of

this emotion really would have come out

pretty naturally without it

and the reader's just begging you to

stop bludgeoning them they're like yeah

i know it's meant to be dramatic please

stop

fifthly just like we discussed i think

that the constant bodily expressions

really undermine the pace and what

should be a fast-paced scene it's like

there's these giant gaps between all

their lines what they're saying now we

don't see it here but the last thing

that is a really common marker of

melodramatic prose is excessive

poeticism

and i am very guilty of this because you

know

so often we fall down this rabbit hole

of similes and metaphors and poetics to

describe emotion but it can become

really ungrounded detached strange to

this person as being so esoteric and

lofty and up in the air so when i read

it was a deep abyss a hole inside her

that never ended where all the wind went

dead and the stars were black and the

leaves of fate fell where they may

casting her down and leaving her a

discarded rag of fear and hopelessness

it just doesn't feel grounded right

now i know again that this comes from

trying to deepen the emotion in stuff

that we cannot easily describe that we

feel like we can't really capture any

other way so we turn to big metaphors

but hey look at that passage from the

testaments it has four distinct

poeticisms but edward made sure that

they were still pretty grounded

relatable and it's mixed in with a bunch

of introspection that balance and

variety is really important to make

those metaphors land and if your

poeticism isn't communicating what you

hope to readers if they just feel a

little bit detached after reading it

then it might be coming across to

readers as melodramatic so instead i

want to show you a passage that does

have a big physical emotional reaction

but it isn't melodramatic instead mew me

drifted upstairs to hoshiko's old room

glass in hand

the moment she set foot inside she

tripped on an old power cord hit the

ground the red wine spilling everywhere

a blood stain soaking into the floor of

a dead girl's room

she seized a rag to scrub it out but it

only spread

fainter but more permanent

the carpet was too far gone already but

she refused to stop scrubbing more

vigorously violently because a stain was

allowed anywhere in the house but there

the moment she stopped trying was the

moment it'd be there forever

she worked till her knuckles were red

and sore until she broke

mumi slid to the ground

tears came whether she wanted them or

not

silently at first then sobbing into the

puddle of soap and alcohol squeezing the

rag as if to strangle it

when she brought herself up she sat back

against what used to be hoshiko's bed

what used to be hoshiko's old wooden

carving of aminocaku lay discarded

beside her it was sporting a new layer

of dust she wiped it away with the edge

of her dress and put it back up on what

had once been hoshiko's bedside table

but the room didn't belong to miyumi

either

it wasn't hers to peck away it all

existed in some limbo of ownership left

in the small print of life

she wanted to wretch

throw up and rid herself of whatever was

inside her

but her body refused

after wiping her face she downed a

sleeping pill and collapsed onto her bed

miumi here is sobbing into a puddle of

soap and alcohol in her grief but she

doesn't start there we see her trying to

hold the emotion back there's that

emotional subtext before it gets the

best of her it's a lot more relatable

with a real build up we kind of

anticipate this moment it goes from

drifting to tripping to scrubbing to

sobbing there's no real emotional

whiplash there's also no ellipses or

exclamation marks because i think the

dramatic tension stands here on its own

there's a little poeticism yeah but it's

balanced out with introspection and

grounded descriptions of real things

and that my children is actually from

the sci-fi novel that i am writing at

the moment i'm about 60 000 words in and

i want to have it out with beta readers

before the end of the year but if

patience is not your virtue then i would

love to share with you a story i

published with a ryan's belt magazine

i'm very proud of it it's called a

catalogue for the end of humanity and

you can find it totally for free down in

the description below describing the

same emotion over and over can also come

across as melodramatic to readers

because they tend to get numb to it like

you could be writing the same thing and

they would feel it's just being a bit

overdramatic because they're used to it

they feel like oh i wish they were doing

something else right

especially though if you're just

increasing the severity and not the

complexity you're not deepening the

emotion oh they're depressed but now

it's depression 2 electric boogaloo and

depression three loneliness comes for

free as someone who reads a lot of

mental health focus fiction i am no

stranger to this my book has a character

dealing with grief over and over and i

took a leaf out of these books in

learning how to do that because it

wasn't just about increasing the

severity of the emotion it was about

giving the emotion a new context to

explore deepening it so at the start of

my book miumi is grieving for her dead

child she feels lost isolated stuck in

this depressive loop

then as she begins to heal she starts to

reconnect with her husband who she kind

of separated with in the wake of it but

slowly realizes that the more time she

spends with him the more she is reminded

of the past and feels trapped back there

all that pain finally starting a new

life of sorts she is racked with guilt

over letting herself be happy because

it's like she's forgetting her daughter

these are all grief right but they're

different expressions that arise from

and change the direction of the story

emotional journeys stories heavily

dependent on this kind of emotional

change really need this exploration of

what the emotion actually is so ask

yourself what new aspect of that emotion

or what question is your character faced

with every time that they fall back into

that same emotion give how they feel or

deal with it a unique consequence that

doesn't just feel like the story is

going in circles of course sometimes

going in circles is the point bojack

horseman repeatedly has bojack fall into

the same self-destructive self-loathing

state and that's kind of the tragedy it

feels like a cycle it feels inescapable

because it's trying to capture that

experience for a lot of people

so emotion comes out in prose it comes

out in introspection it comes out in

description in transitions but there's a

whole big part of it that we haven't

discussed a huge chunk of it comes out

in part 6

dialogue

comrade i did not want to kill you

if you jumped in here again i would not

do it if you would be sensible too

i see you're a man like me

i thought of your hand grenades of your

bayonet of your rifle

now i see your wife and your face and

our fellowship

forgive me comrade we always see it too

late

take 20 years of my life comrade and

stand up take more if i do not know what

i can even attempt to do with it now

i will write to your wife she must hear

it from me i will tell her everything

i've told you she shall not suffer i

will help her and your parents too

and your child

a ton of emotion comes out in how people

talk their speed the tangents they go on

the amount of words they use stuttering

ellipses interrupting and you know all

this right you use this in your writing

this is emotion that's coded into the

text without even naming it and just

like with the focus of our prose we

talked about before people typically

don't say i'm sad or i'm happy they say

oh it was the worst day at work there

was this karen who had this expired

voucher and wouldn't leave the store no

matter what i said and i was meant to be

closing but oh they wouldn't let me

go and i was just trying not to cry but

she kept yelling at me they

what is making them feel which is also

what makes this dialogue here so damn

good he's feeling guilty and ashamed and

sorrowful but he describes the reasoning

behind his decisions what he sees the

things that impacted him most as a way

of almost convincing himself that he's

an okay person that's what this is he's

not talking to anyone else not really

watch my video on subtext in dialogue

which covers a lot more of this in more

depth secondly contradictions between

body language and dialogue can reveal

emotional subjects

she relaxes and pushes my bangs from my

face what did he do he didn't do

anything maya i don't know what happened

i stare at the rusted brown mixing with

the bright red on my fingertips meyer

insists that she doesn't know what

happened but the way she avoids her

mother's gaze tells us that she does and

she's just not ready to talk about it

the contradiction here gives a secondary

emotion to the dialogue without saying

maya felt anxious or she shifted

uneasily

thirdly differences in their usual

speaking patterns in all quiet on the

western front the main character is

largely pretty short spoken throughout

the novel and this massive ramble tells

us that he's feeling lost he's

vocalizing this internal mess of

emotions it's spilling out of him in a

way that it hasn't before really

disproportionate responses you know

characters exploding at the smallest

thing can indicate hidden emotions both

in dialogue and action and lastly

implication that is a huge part of how

we speak passive aggression flirting

being diplomatic in difficult situations

in these moments you can enrich your

dialogue with emotional subtext

especially if you think about what their

goal is in any given scene watch the

video again on subtext and dialogue it's

linked in the corner of the screen but

sometimes people do really cool things

with emotion they think outside the box

because part six who even needs words i

want to give a quick mention to house of

leaves by marxist danielski and turtle's

all the way down by john green we've

looked at how grammar and formatting can

undermine the emotion you know it can

make it melodramatic but both of these

guys use grammar and formatting to

represent the emotions and experiences

of their characters john green has

intrusive thoughts show up in capitals

to represent them being louder than the

rest of her mind there's no commas or

full stops or semicolons to represent

this spiraling mess and panic of

thoughts there's no structure to them

it's all feeling inside her mind

likewise danielewski begins to spread

his words across the page to represent a

character feeling themselves shrink

getting more lost than ever they are

just a flicker in the dark

these might not fit your book i mean

sometimes it just doesn't right but

these are other ways of showing emotion

that you shouldn't be afraid to be

creative with and also i'm having to

show you like pictures and videos of

other people's copies because i linked

this out and i don't know who

and my copy is missing so if you have my

copy of house of leaves please do let me

know in the comments and you know that'd

be that'd be great and so having learned

all of this this is a great time to go

and pick up your cat and give them a

cuddle but we are not done here i have

created a companion video to this where

we go through 10

more examples of great emotional writing

that i couldn't really fit into this

video like crime and punishment by

dostoyevsky some game of thrones stuff

get access to the series with a

curiosity nebula stream bundle which is

linked down below it barely costs

anything for the entire year plus

everything i make ad free a ton of other

creators who are all amazing their

exclusive series as well plus curiosity

stream itself comes with a whole host of

educational documentaries like ones with

david attenborough all on its own which

are just great for world building my

link is down below please do let me know

what you think of the beyond writing

series what you would like to see there

thank you by the way for making it

possible for me to sponsor my own videos

with my own stuff that is cool

ah you know what i'm feeling tired every

step is me lifting a lit block so i'm

gonna take some character action and

we're gonna bring this together into a

summary number one it's okay to tell

rather than show in small moments or to

keep up the pace or during transitions

two being specific when describing

emotion helps ground the reader in a

unique immersive experience think

carefully about the secondary meanings

of words and avoid vary and extremely

adverbs people tend to glance over

cliches right three show emotions by

physicalizing using character action

giving narrative consequences that

connect the scenes by their emotions

four don't restrict emotional writing to

the aftermath section of any story or

scene look at how you can use them in

transitions and summaries and

descriptions of people places or events

this includes in third person omniscient

it doesn't need to be objective

5. introspection is crucial to deepening

emotional experiences beyond showing

keep in mind what the character would

focus on in describing or which

poeticisms they would use

6. avoid melodrama by building up to big

physical reactions showing people trying

to hide control or moderate emotions

using dramatic tags and grammar

sparingly and avoiding excessive

poeticism seven emotion and dialogue

comes from people describing the things

that make them feel contradictions

between what they say and body language

differences and speaking patterns

disproportionate responses and

implication

and eight grammar and formatting can

also be used poetically to represent

emotional states stay nerdy and cuddle

your cat for the future

so

so

you