Is this your real personality? 5 Childhood Trauma Personalities

Summary

The video script delves into the impact of childhood trauma on personality development, identifying five distinct trauma-based personalities: the Doer, the Hostile, the Darkness, the Ghost, and the 'Are We Good' people pleaser. It discusses the origins of these traits within the context of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, and offers insights into how each personality can work towards authenticity and healing through therapy, group work, and self-awareness. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not shaming oneself for adaptive traits that ensured childhood survival and highlights the possibility of reclaiming one's true self through emotional risk-taking and support from safe communities.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker discusses five distinct 'personalities' formed in response to childhood trauma, each with unique coping mechanisms and behaviors.
• 🏃‍♂️ 'The Doer' is characterized by high achievement and action as a means to avoid dealing with emotions, often stemming from chaotic or unsafe childhood environments.
• 🤬 'The Hostile' personality is rooted in the fight response, showing defensiveness or aggression, possibly as a result of growing up in a high-conflict family.
• 🌑 'The Darkness' embodies a sense of hopelessness and negativity, often struggling with decision-making and analysis paralysis, which may be a response to deep interpersonal trauma or betrayal.
• 👻 'The Ghost' represents a personality ruled by the freeze response, marked by inaction, avoidance, and emotional withdrawal, possibly due to severe neglect or overwhelming parental figures.
• 🤝 'The Are We Good' personality is focused on people-pleasing and ensuring harmony, often at the expense of their own needs and feelings, which may come from being overly attuned to a toxic or abusive parent.
• 🔄 The speaker emphasizes that these trauma-based personalities are not fixed and can change through therapy, self-awareness, and emotional risk-taking.
• 👶 The development of these personalities is linked to childhood experiences and the lack of a safe environment to develop one's authentic self.
• 👥 The speaker suggests that group therapy, with its principles of feedback and mirroring, can be particularly beneficial for individuals looking to overcome their trauma-based personality traits.
• 🤗 The importance of self-compassion and recognizing the adaptive nature of these personalities is highlighted, encouraging individuals not to shame themselves for their coping mechanisms.
• 🌱 The journey towards authenticity involves reconnecting with one's innate qualities and reclaiming the 'spark' that may have been buried due to childhood trauma.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video script discussing?

The main theme of the video script is exploring the impact of childhood trauma on the development of personality traits and how these trauma-based personalities can be addressed and healed.

What does the speaker describe as their childhood experience around the age of 3?

The speaker describes their childhood experience around the age of 3 as being a 'ball of Good Times,' filled with laughter, fun, and loving energy.

How does the speaker characterize their emotional state at the age of 11?

At the age of 11, the speaker characterizes their emotional state as struggling, with a diminished sense of fun-loving energy from their earlier years, and experiencing neglect from their family.

What is the significance of the 'faux silk shirt' in the script?

The 'faux silk shirt' is used as a symbol of the speaker's struggle with their identity and the coping mechanisms they used during a difficult time in their life, reflecting the fashion trends of the early '90s.

What is the term used to describe the personality type that is high achieving and focused on work to avoid intimacy and feelings?

The term used to describe this personality type is 'the Doer.'

What is the root of the 'Doer' personality according to the script?

The 'Doer' personality is rooted in the flight response as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with childhood trauma and emotions.

What are some characteristics of the 'Hostile' personality type?

The 'Hostile' personality type is characterized by a knee-jerk reaction to perceived criticism, defensiveness, and a tendency to be argumentative, controlling, and dismissive of others' feelings.

How does the 'Darkness' personality type manifest according to the script?

The 'Darkness' personality type manifests with a sense of hopelessness, negativity, and a tendency to avoid decision-making, often resulting in a defeatist attitude.

What is the 'Ghost' personality type and how does it differ from the others?

The 'Ghost' personality type is characterized by inaction, avoidance, and a struggle to connect with others emotionally. It differs from the others in that it is rooted in the freeze response, often resulting in isolation and disconnection.

What is the 'Are We Good' personality type and its main struggle?

The 'Are We Good' personality type is focused on people-pleasing and ensuring that they are acceptable to others. Its main struggle is giving away their power and lacking a sense of self due to a preoccupation with making sure they are not upsetting anyone.

What does the speaker suggest as a method for healing and becoming more authentic?

The speaker suggests various methods for healing and becoming more authentic, including therapy, group work, processing childhood trauma, emotional risk-taking, and finding safe environments with other people for mirroring and feedback.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Early Years of Joy and Struggle

The speaker reflects on personal childhood photos, describing a transition from a joyful, energetic child to a period of emotional struggle during adolescence. They mention the impact of family issues like alcoholism, violence, and illness, which led to feelings of anxiety and shame. The speaker's identity was closely tied to being a musician, which provided a facade of authenticity. The narrative hints at a journey of self-discovery and the complex process of healing from childhood trauma.

05:02

🏃‍♂️ The 'Doer' Personality: Action as Evasion

This section delves into the 'Doer' personality type, characterized by a tendency to stay busy as a means to avoid confronting emotions, particularly those stemming from childhood. Doers are often high achievers and workaholics, driven by a fear of failure and intimacy. They are reactive, focusing on solving problems rather than processing feelings, which can lead to a disconnect from their emotional selves and others. The formation of this personality is linked to chaotic or unsafe childhood environments where achieving and doing served as coping mechanisms.

10:03

🤬 The 'Hostile' Persona: A Defense of Self

The 'Hostile' personality is explored as a coping mechanism rooted in the fight response, often developed in response to a high-conflict family environment or as a means of survival. Hostiles exhibit defensive behaviors, have a low tolerance for perceived criticism, and can be dismissive or controlling. They may struggle with attachment styles and have a tendency to be argumentative, which can create distance in relationships. The hostility is a learned behavior from a childhood marked by conflict, disappointment, or the need to protect oneself from emotional pain.

15:04

🌑 The 'Darkness' Personality: Embracing Negativity

The 'Darkness' personality is described as one that has internalized a sense of hopelessness and defeat, often characterized by a negative outlook and a struggle with decision-making. Individuals with this personality may exhibit a dark or emo vibe, be ruled by negativity, and have a hard time experiencing authentic joy. They may have a strong sense of shame or anxiety and take things intensely personal. The 'Darkness' is often a result of high levels of interpersonal trauma and betrayal during childhood, leading to a defensive embrace of darkness as a coping mechanism.

20:05

👻 The 'Ghost' Personality: Vanishing to Cope

The 'Ghost' personality is characterized by inaction, avoidance, and a struggle to connect with others emotionally. Ghosts may appear aloof, self-sufficient, or in need of rescue, often stemming from a childhood of significant neglect or an environment of overwhelming intensity. They may have been the family scapegoat or experienced severe loneliness, leading to a coping strategy of shutting down. In adulthood, this can manifest as social anxiety, difficulty in relationships, and a tendency to 'ghost' or disappear from social situations.

25:07

🤝 The 'Are We Good?' Personality: Seeking Approval

The 'Are We Good?' personality is focused on people-pleasing and ensuring harmony, often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. This type is typically associated with an anxious, preoccupied attachment style and a tendency to give away personal power in an attempt to maintain relationships. They may struggle with feelings of self-worth and autonomy, having been conditioned by childhood experiences that required them to be overly attuned to the needs of others, often at the hands of toxic or abusive parents.

30:09

🔄 Healing Trauma: Shifting from Adapted to Authentic

The speaker discusses the fluid nature of these adapted trauma personalities and how they can shift during the recovery process. They emphasize that these personalities are not fixed but are responses to childhood experiences. The journey towards authenticity involves recognizing and processing the original trauma, finding anger towards past abuses, and seeking support through therapy, group work, or community involvement. The goal is to move from a place of survival to one of genuine self-expression and connection.

35:09

🌟 Final Thoughts on Healing and Authenticity

In conclusion, the speaker offers final insights into the process of healing from childhood trauma and reclaiming one's authentic self. They highlight the importance of not shaming oneself for the adaptive traits that kept one safe during childhood and emphasize that change is possible through emotional risk-taking and the support of safe, understanding others. The speaker encourages viewers to seek out resources, support groups, and therapeutic environments to facilitate this healing process.

Keywords

💡Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma refers to distressing or abusive experiences that occur during one's formative years. In the video, it is the central theme, explaining how such experiences shape individuals' personalities and behaviors in adulthood. The script discusses various trauma-based personalities, illustrating how each one is a coping mechanism developed in response to an unsafe or neglectful childhood environment.

💡Authentic Self

Authentic self denotes the genuine personality and feelings of an individual, unfiltered by societal expectations or personal defenses. The video emphasizes the journey towards rediscovering and embracing one's authentic self, which may have been suppressed due to childhood trauma. The script describes the process of uncovering this authentic self as a way to heal and live more genuinely.

💡Fight, Flight, Freeze, Shame, Submit, Cry for Help

These terms represent the various responses to trauma. The video script explains how different personalities are rooted in these responses as a way to cope with childhood adversity. For example, the 'Doer' might be associated with the flight response, avoiding feelings by staying busy, while the 'Hostile' might relate to the fight response, reacting defensively to perceived threats.

💡Doer

In the context of the video, a 'Doer' is a personality type characterized by high achievement and action as a means to avoid confronting feelings or past traumas. The script describes how this personality is formed in childhood as a coping mechanism in chaotic or unsafe environments and how it can lead to struggles with intimacy and being present in the moment.

💡Hostile

The 'Hostile' personality type, as mentioned in the script, is one that is stuck in the fight response to trauma. This personality is often reactive, defensive, and can be aggressive or argumentative. The hostility is a protective mechanism developed during childhood, likely in high-conflict or volatile family environments.

💡Darkness

The 'Darkness' personality, as described in the script, is associated with a sense of hopelessness, negativity, and a tendency to avoid decision-making. This type often has a strong negative self-image and can struggle with positivity. The video explains that this personality is a response to deep interpersonal trauma or betrayal during childhood, where the child may have felt unlovable or unsafe.

💡Ghost

The 'Ghost' personality is characterized by avoidance and inaction, stemming from the freeze response to trauma. The script illustrates how individuals with this personality may struggle with social anxiety and connection, often appearing aloof or self-sufficient. This type may have experienced significant neglect or overwhelming family dynamics in childhood, leading to a coping mechanism of emotional shutdown.

💡Are We Good

The 'Are We Good' personality, as detailed in the script, is focused on people-pleasing and ensuring harmony, often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. This type is associated with an anxious, preoccupied attachment style and may constantly seek validation and reassurance from others. The script explains that this personality is an adaptation to childhood environments where the child felt responsible for the emotional state of caregivers or had to navigate an abusive or neglectful home life.

💡Intimacy

Intimacy, in the context of the video, refers to close, personal connections and the ability to share one's inner thoughts and feelings with others. The script discusses how each of the trauma-based personalities struggles with intimacy in different ways, such as avoiding conflict, being overly people-pleasing, or shutting down emotionally. The video emphasizes the importance of working through these issues to achieve more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

💡Therapy

Therapy is presented in the video as a potential pathway for healing and recovery from childhood trauma. It is described as a space where individuals can explore and process their feelings, confront their trauma-based personalities, and work towards becoming more authentic. The script mentions various therapeutic approaches, including group therapy and individual psychotherapy, as tools for developing self-awareness, emotional regulation, and healthier coping mechanisms.

Highlights

The speaker shares their personal journey from childhood to adulthood, detailing the transformation of their personality due to various life experiences and traumas.

The concept of 'ball of good times' is introduced, describing a state of being happy and energetic, and how it was lost and later regained.

Childhood memories are discussed, including the impact of family dynamics and emotional neglect on the development of the speaker's personality.

The struggle with emotional anxiety and shame during adolescence is highlighted, showing the internal conflict of hiding one's true feelings.

The impact of home life issues such as alcoholism, violence, and illness on the speaker's mental state and identity formation is explored.

The role of music as a coping mechanism and its influence on the speaker's sense of self is discussed.

The speaker's experience with drugs and alcohol as a teenager and how it affected their emotional state is shared.

The idea of 'childhood trauma-based personalities' is introduced, explaining how early life experiences shape one's character.

Five distinct trauma-based personalities are outlined, each with unique traits and behaviors stemming from childhood experiences.

The 'Doer' personality type is described, characterized by high achievement and workaholism as a means to avoid emotional intimacy.

The 'Hostile' personality is detailed, illustrating a fight response to perceived criticism and a struggle with defensiveness.

The 'Darkness' personality type is explained, associated with feelings of hopelessness, negativity, and a struggle with decision-making.

The 'Ghost' personality is introduced, marked by avoidance and inaction, stemming from a freeze response to trauma.

The 'Are We Good' personality is described, focused on people-pleasing and an anxious preoccupation with maintaining harmony.

The importance of therapy and group work in addressing and healing from childhood trauma to develop a more authentic self is emphasized.

The speaker encourages finding anger towards past abusive experiences as a part of the healing process and moving towards authenticity.

The necessity of social support and community in the recovery process is highlighted, suggesting resources and further steps for those seeking change.

The video concludes with a message of hope and well-wishes, offering a positive outlook for individuals on a journey of self-discovery and healing.

Transcripts

check out this picture here is me

probably around maybe 3 years old and

I'm pretty much a ball of Good Times

kind of like how I am now um although it

took a lot of work to get back to being

a ball of good times I was the baby and

I remember laughing a lot having a lot

of fun having a lot of fun loving energy

and I don't remember everything from

three but I remember um just being off

thewall and kind of fun here I am at

about 11: another picture and here I'm

struggling emotionally not just being a

ginger in long sleeves on an Airfield in

the summer my family didn't really

believe in things like dressing

appropriately for the weather which is

pretty much a sign of neglect raise your

hand out there if you can relate to that

if we fast forward four years or so to

around maybe like seventh grade picture

day that funloving energy that you see

in the three-year-old pick is is

diminished and check out the faux silk

shirt via the '90s early '90s that time

in my life I remember being highly

anxious not in my body struggling with a

lot of shame but didn't quite really

know that couldn't really quite name

that and I knew something was off but I

was really doing my best to hide it my

home life was a mess with things like

alcoholism violence illness another 5

years down the road and this melancholic

dymia like a low-grade Depression had

set in that I also did my best trying to

hide I was described by my friends as

being very chill easygoing and they

weren't really aware of the mess that

was going on or the symptoms that was

going on underneath all this and my

whole identity was wrapped up in being a

musician which wasn't real authenticity

either but we all need something to

latch on to when we grow up without a

sense of self and I did a good job at

appearing chill very open very

accommodating my personality was funny

but also really down and dark I could

easily bring people down with some

negativity and I obsessed a lot about if

I had offended anyone and I could be

kind of reactive to that the the drugs

and alcohol that I started kind of

coping with all this stuff around the

age of 13 wasn't helping all this so why

am I saying all this well the point is

is how do we go from this to this later

in the video you'll hear a category of

each personality called isn't just this

the way that I am and that's what I

actually thought about around that time

too um and also how do we get back to

this you'll also want to stick around

for how to figure out maybe how to do

that which is pretty it's complex so I

believe we're born with this spark and

this personality and it's the role of

our caretakers to help that personality

come more and more to light as we

develop and I believe a healthy parent

helps shape what is already there and

sort of gets out of the way of the child

has enough sense to notice the child's

uniqueness and yes those who get this

from a parent are super fortunate um in

childhood trauma we can't really form a

healthy sense of self we can't really

develop in inate qualities when we're

born kind of into a vacuum meaning that

if a parent is abusive toxic not

interested in us and they're really off

we have to develop somehow around all

that that's what I mean about the vacuum

the vacuum is the absence of healthy

mirroring in the midst of it not being

safe to be ourselves really so and no

one's helping us become ourselves if you

struggle with the sense of self and I I

haven't met a childhood trauma Survivor

who hasn't yet it's because the real us

usually gets buried underneath what

happened to us in childhood if you grew

up in childhood trauma the real you is

under there it's under how you adapted

to what was going on around you and as a

side note we all still have that

personality that we're born with that

spark it just hasn't been in a safe

environment with safe people yet to be

able to kind of be developed and come

out I was able to get mine back in

therapy specifically a a childhood

trauma group where these personality and

all these issues could be discussed and

worked with so here is my take on five

childhood trauma based personalities and

how to work on them to become more

authentic and as you listen to each of

the five you probably might be a bit

confused about what I'm talking about

because it's really going to seem like

I'm talking about trauma responses what

is wild about all this is that trauma

personalities are really rooted in fight

flight freeze shame submit Cry for Help

um and it's in kind of all the responses

that you'll see here and it's kind of

difficult to separate the trauma

response from the personality because

they're so entwined so here goes keep

your focus on what causes these as

opposed to feeling down about yourself

or experiencing some shame if you

identify with one of the five you're

probably going to identify with a two

out of the five so let's dive into them

number one what I'm calling the doer got

to do something the doer has a

personality that is based upon taking

action as a way to avoid their feelings

or more specifically going back into

their childhood feelings here are some

behaviors and traits they can be very

high achieving focused on work they can

be highly workaholic as a strategy to

avoid intimacy into themselves they can

tend to want to nail experiences as

opposed to being present they want to

Ace the party they want to nail the

vacation they want to seize the day and

if they don't do those things they kind

of feel like they failed um they tend to

be reactive to situations in terms of

solving them up front they tend to skip

the the feelings of a situation the doer

doesn't dwell on being rear ended they

go right into business they sometimes

don't even dwell on being treated poorly

by other people they go into figuring

out the why instead of feeling what's

going on they can put a lot of energy

into doing things correctly or morally

correctly they can also greatly overdo

things um being a mess or making

mistakes is a doer Kryptonite as a a

therapy client they want to be the

perfect client they want to get an A in

therapy they also really hate the

ambiguity of the process of therapy like

for example when I'm doing an open group

and not like an agenda focused group The

doer going to struggle with that

initially because they don't know where

the parameters are they're not very

process oriented they they tend to think

about what their feelings are instead of

inherently knowing them which is a

common sign for childhood trauma across

the board it's not unlike the other four

that I'll discuss they can be quite

lovely and personable but difficult to

fully know they can be available yet

distant they can also be kind of freaked

out by high feeling people and probably

be a little bit annoyed by them um doers

can be also chaotic you know they don't

have to be so you know ducks in a row

they can kind of be very chaotic um it's

still doing it's still a reacting they

can be super functioning or they can be

super disorganized doers can be pretty

dissociative and rush into action but

they aren't aware that they're showing

really emotion so doers are surprised

when people reflect back to them that

you seem tense you seem intense you seem

tense and that's a shock to the doer the

doer trauma personality is rooted in the

flight response but that seems tricky as

someone who is who say addicted to

substances is also in the flight

response like what is the doer fleeing

from I believe the doer is escaping

being present uh for not knowing or not

wanting the mess of their own childhood

or their own emotions to come up they

can be addicted to action instead of

substances in this case but they can

also be addicted to substances if they

have dual things going on the doer has

never really had the safety and

encouragement to sit with their feelings

as well as to have a safe person sit

with them in their feelings which is

common for a lot of us how the doer

personality is formed in childhood

achieving and doing are amazing coping

strategies that kids come up with when

things are unsafe chaotic or their rais

in families of doers where no one really

knows how to do feelings like in a

tricky family picture a child living in

say violence or chaos or a highly

depressive shutdown parent as their

caretaker the doer is going to start to

clean the house and make lists of what

needs to be fixed fix mom's job for her

by getting up earlier and making my

siblings lunches so she doesn't get

violent again which is the kind of

thought process of a child doer a doer

can be the child of addicts and they can

do and try to achieve do well so they

never have to be stuck in that neglect

violence or chaos or just sadness um the

doer can be the child of a very rigid

religious or military family where

perfectionism or survival is pretty

sharp the doing can be modeled by doer

parents or kids can definitely come up

with this on their own how a doer will

struggle in intimacy doers are difficult

to do conflict with because they go

straight to the fix with no process the

doer has never again never really had

the safety or encouragement to sit with

feelings as well as have a safe person

sit with them in their feelings and

without knowing their feelings we can't

really fully know who we are um as well

as other things like the safety to be

who we are we should have had that as

kids if you're in a relationship with a

doer it means that you have to kind of

chase them to connect they approach

connection like the other things in

their lives as having something on the

to-do list um and maybe don't really

have a lot of patience for it or they

kind of do it try to do it perfectly or

something here's that thing about isn't

just this Who I Am the doer has this

fantasy like yeah I'll be more intimate

when I get these things done first just

be patient with me without knowing that

they're in this cycle of constantly

later for that the doer feels like this

is just their personality because they

just think they are an all business type

person or an all creativity kind of

person this is they're married to that

thing and they don't really need the

connection so much since they're

fulfilled by the doing when the doer is

actually often really lonely

um and kind of will find themselves life

going past them like they may have lost

decades in just this doing how to become

more real what can the doer do to become

more their authentic self getting the

doer in therapy to dip down into their

feelings instead of focusing on actions

would be a good part of some treatment

and I think like with all of these

getting the doer to dip down into their

feelings and Psychotherapy or in group

work or something like that would be a

good part of treatment to help them kind

of sink down into the feelings or

increase their window of tolerance for

some feelings or even kind of help the

doer kind of hit bottom with the doing

talking about it really kind of making

the coping strategy more real to them

interpersonal groups can help if they

are working if they are a working group

what I call a working group and get the

doer to relate in different ways away

from the fixing or the helping or or

taking over I'm not saying that they're

a people pleaser but they're agenda

focused for the doer therapists will

often struggle to get get them to dip

down into the grief feeling place but

the doer needs to kind of reclaim the

spectrum of their feelings and to

tolerate more they often have to spend

some time noticing the Myriad of ways

that they are instantly trying to skip

out of their feelings by they're doing

and they kind of have to buy into the

fact that the doing just keeps them kind

of separated from people just like in

childhood they can do the work if

they're willing to look at how childhood

set them up and they're also going to

have to be willing to have their

childhood become more real to them like

I mentioned for them to emotionally

process and reclaim so that's the doer

moving on to the second personality is

what I'm calling the Hostile Hey listen

to me the Hostile is someone who got

caught up and stuck in the fight

response that was either modeled for

them by their parents and like in a high

conflict family or it's what the child

had to come up with to adapt to their

environment to survive the Hostile

typically isn't hostile 24/7 but some

definitely can be some examples and some

qualities of the hostile hostiles can

have a knee-jerk reaction to perceived

criticism and get defensive or do

something called Jade justify argue

Defender explain in subtle ways even if

you agree with them they might have to

have the last kind of thought or the

last word to clarify you or or correct

you they can struggle with a dismissive

avoidant or fearful avoidant attachment

style some live in hostility like I

mentioned some get in their car hit a

big line at the drive-thru rage honk

just because of that and they live in

this kind of f my life kind of mode they

can be pretty miserable unfortunately

some can be quite chill until they're

really triggered usually by intimacy or

how others perceive him and then that

hostility comes out hostiles can keep

score even go to places of being

neurotic around things like WTF I bought

you a coffee 6 months ago what is this

you know hostiles can have control

issues this is how they can function in

intimacy they need to be right they can

be definitely aggressive and

argumentative which creates a lot lot of

distance a lot of separateness um they

can be really hard on people around

things like perfectionism or how people

show up for them in specific ways they

overly value telling it like it is I'm

sure we all have known someone like that

um hostiles can struggle with self-

boundaries around going there they can

easily go there with people they can

they are frequently fine with upsetting

Apple carts or go out of their way to do

so they can feel like this so they have

to and as a side note we're not talking

about narcissism here we're talking

about a cptsd response although it may

sound like it I was a hostile at one

point so hostiles can come across as

intense without knowing it part of their

dissociation or lack of healthy feedback

and mirroring they can often be that

scape coded kid and be rebelling against

the world or defending against never

tolerating being the problem again

relationally they don't know how not to

try to dominate for true instead of

being truly equal with someone with

mutual respect it's kind of foreign to

them

um hostiles are often paired with number

five which is what I'm calling the all

good that I'll get into later two

hostiles together generally doesn't

really work well but that can kind of

happen too and you might be thinking boy

gez what a insert swear word kind of

person but again I was a hostile at one

point and I definitely could be

described as a big juicy old swear word

at that time in my life and as an

interesting side note I became a hostile

after getting out of being sort of very

people pleasing when I started to do

some trauma work and then I had to work

on my rage and hostility that would come

out so these can be fluid depending on

where you're at in your recovery how

childhood set the Hostile up I often see

it mainly as being raised by other

hostiles like this is modeled and the

family is kind of miserable lives in

high conflict and that bizarrely becomes

normalized they can also be family

scapegoats like I mentioned or they can

be greatly let down by people a lot of

hostility is around don't let me down

kind of stuff when you really think

about it household that have intense

shouting volatile screaming going on

every day is really a sign of poor

mental health in the adults so of course

the hostility is going to get absorbed

sometimes the child can learn to easily

go to an anger place or an intense place

with people because that's just how

things are done hostiles can experience

culture shocks when they go to a

friend's house or maybe when they're of

age they move out and start dating

people or they're at their first job and

their hostility comes out and that new

environment or the new people are like

whoa you know that's usually a first

sign that to the trauma Survivor that

they've got something going on about

them that isn't quite appropriate um in

a lot of different places so some will

kind of double down all that and rebel

more because they're being triggered

back to their family system still

reacting to the family kind of fu fu

kind of stuff here are some other

childhood trauma causes for the Hostile

being say a child of immigrants where

they had to be The Interpreter or they

were really ashamed of their parents or

they were told that they were entitled

in the new culture versus the old

culture

being put into possible in situations

that weren't safe and they were really

let

down having parents not take any action

like getting a job or getting them out

of poverty and just having to sit with

the heaviness and weight of all that um

a child being raised in addiction

poverty high drama uh big one here is

having an emotionally immature parent

and the child had to become the parent

or become bossy frustration rage knowing

what the right thing is but not having

any adults to kind of like follow

through on that of course they're

hostile they definitely become hostile

because of being powerless or stuck

often messed with how hostiles struggle

in intimacy I often see hostiles like I

said create Distance by making their

Partners unsafe with their projections

they often need to be superior to their

partner which again creates more

distance hostiles might say things like

oh you didn't listen to me about the car

well you're cut off you should know

better you forgot something important to

me didn't you and you're such a mess f

it I'll do it if you can't handle it um

they can also be simply Det attached

from their intensity like with road rage

like you're driving with a hostile and

they're Road raging and you're freaked

out and they're like well it's just

Tuesday this is I'm just vibing this is

just me the Hostile has a relationship

fantasy that is like I would love it if

you would just listen to me and we just

have this one-way Street thing where I

give advice and you take the advice and

we would just be fine like that's their

relational kind of stance um isn't this

just how I am the Hostile can feel fixed

in that they're simply just an intense

and overly opinionated person and that's

it you know I'll debate anyone any I'll

fight anybody and I know that that

sounds extreme but my point is I don't

think hostiles were like this when they

were two or when they were one our

trauma conditioning runs really deep and

it gets compounded as we grow into

adults and yes it's very possible and

likely to have borne strong willed that

can definitely happen that happens all

the time but children can be strong

willed and still maintain kindness and

con connection with others my clients

who are hostiles in again including

myself are very capable of gradually

softening if they want that um they have

to see the hostility as a problem but

not so much if they don't see it as a

problem and embrace kind of more double

down on who they are which also happens

too unfortunately hostiles struggle to

want to be more chill but they're so

bothered by everything which really gets

exhausting how to become more real how

the Hostile can become more present and

authentic is doing work around softening

which paradoxically is exactly what the

be the abuse was about being labeled as

say weak or soft or something like that

not having any power so that feels like

kind of a no-o zone for them but

self-compassion that is taught by Safe

People helps soften a hostile whom they

respect and Trust what I mean by that is

a hostile usually deals with their

feelings from a hard anger place up

front and detaches from childhood grief

and sadness about say like in any of the

examples I gave earlier not having a

family connection with their parents who

are really limited and say in a survival

mode the Hostile would do well in a

group where they do their advice giving

or controlling things even in subtle

ways and are kind of checked and they

have to be kind of processed in a good

working group or talked about that the

other people don't really they want

something else from them they don't want

that general advice it's also beneficial

for the Hostile to get validation that

they spent their child kind of in a rage

and frustration and it's it was

appropriate back then but not so

appropriate now um then some learning

would have to take place about accepting

people as they are seeing the humanity

and others know how to be just with

somebody instead of you know giving

advice or being upset by giving the

advice all that's a big reversal there

letting people be themselves to make

their own mistakes and still be loving

towards them hostiles really struggle

with being loving um they might confuse

control for love and they lose the

humanity in others and can be ruled by

confirming those things about people see

I knew it kind of stuff chances are a

good therapist would want the Hostile to

step out of the addiction to anger and

upset uh the addiction to being kind of

self-righteous which is top tier sign

that we're triggered and learn to

reclaim some compassion some

self-compassion and love which was kind

of taken away from them or got wrecked

moving on to number three something that

I'm calling the darkness or what did I

do or what's the point the darkness

trauma personality is rooted in the Fawn

response as well as a bit of the freeze

response they tend to give off energy

that is feels like hopelessness kind of

lack of power defeatist and definitely

some negativity unlike the doer or the

Hostile the darkness often wrestles with

making decisions and avoiding out of

this kind of analysis paralysis kind of

stuff that happens to them here are some

examples and qualities of the Darkness

Darkness trauma personalities can be

pretty dark and take on even like an emo

Vibe or appearance that just simply

might be in line with their values I'm

not saying that's bad but I'm trying to

kind of give you an image about what is

happening for them inside they can often

struggle with a fearful avoidant

attachment style they can be ruled by

negativity and unfortunately can bring

others down with them while they point

out that things aren't as great as they

seem like you're looking at a beautiful

Whitewater River in the Grand Canyon or

something like that and they bring up

like oh it's probably not going to be

here in a thousand years like the other

personalities they struggle to feel

authentic joy and the Darkness is often

ruled by an intense shame or some

anxiety the darkness takes things

intensely personal real or imagined the

darkness reminds me of the Nirvana line

I miss the comfort of being sad we can

be comforted in that kind of vibe or

that sadness like the other trauma

personalities so Darkness doesn't have

to be in that 24/7 although they can be

they can be also be quite quite funny

and quite engaging the darkness often

has this marked acute negative

self-image that they can drain other

people with and they're usually not

aware of that coming back to that vacuum

that I mentioned earlier they might have

a strategy to downplay themselves or

insult themselves to beat others to the

punch kind of do it for them in a way

they can have a strong fixed rigid

belief system that keeps them stuck and

doesn't serve them negativity rigidity

and hard living can kind of be that Vibe

they can very much s punish they can

really be knocked out in decision making

for the struggles they have with being

good enough or what people might think

about them the darkness can have a

highly moralistic kindness to them which

again isn't bad but they might destroy

themselves to say save a goldfish or

something like that which is actually

kind of endearing uh but it's still a

trauma response rooted in poor self-care

here's how childhood trauma set up the

darkness for this personality the

darkness usually experiences High levels

of interpersonal trauma and betrayal

growing up um the best way to look at

the darkness trauma personality like the

others perhaps maybe they're just more

visible is having really an open broken

heart if that makes sense they're

definitely heartbroken maybe the

darkness is just more out with it than

the other personalities the darkness

could have experienced a lot of contempt

from a toxic parent and it could become

really intensely clear that things

weren't going to be sane or loving or or

become safe or loved and or even

respected so they did the right thing

and they embraced the kind of Darkness

as a way as a good kind of defense

mechanism kind of a giving up it's a

weird kind of a thing about how giving

up can kind of like get somebody through

a horrific situation and they might say

if I'm not going to be lovable or safe

I'm just going to embrace what I'm

experiencing so it's not that bad so the

abuse becomes more kind of poetic to

them sadly which is kind of a good

strategy they're kind of externalizing

it other possibilities is growing up

where nothing really worked having a

hopeless parent who modeled the same

kind of vibe or severe neglect how the

darkness personality would struggle in

intimacy the darkness will struggle with

how to know how to relate without being

negative they don't really know another

way to express themselves because

positivity might feel lame foreign or

fake or

inauthentic um they can they will really

struggle with positivity which which I

also did too and I get that they can

create

by presenting themselves as being too

messed up or too complicated for the

other person to handle they can also say

Point Blank at the beginning like you're

going to get sick of me and leave me

which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

the darkness has a relationship fantasy

that's like I would love it if you could

just agree with me that nothing works

and you really really get that what I'm

saying and value me for that truth

expecting love kind of by being dark or

thinking being dark is sort of love

lovable and it's it's a little bit

tricky to articulate a good therapist

would want the darkness to be able to

start processing that it really was dark

growing up but the present is different

and they can maybe deal with that

together and also to kind of chill out a

a little bit or find a way to kind of it

sounds judgmental but to kind of lighten

up or lighten up their spark become more

alive again it's not judgmental chances

are other people in the darkness' life

kind of want them for that too and

coming to isn't this just who I am um

again like the others um this is so

ingrained in their trauma conditioning

given what happened to them but I don't

believe that when they were two they

were really this dark um they weren't as

a 2-year-old they weren't sort of saying

you can't handle me I'm such a mess like

with all of these I'm not suggesting the

authentic personality to be reclaimed is

going to be a total 180 like to become a

different person that would be silly it

doesn't mean you're not going to not

like dark things or dark themes it's

just you can do other things too you

know the darkness is just able to see

that things actually do work or that

people do want them in their lives and

do enjoy them rather than feel like they

have to be down in a hole with you or

something like that how the darkness can

become more real a goal to be able to be

around others or be in intimacy and be

free in that and clear from the

negativity as well as the neurotic

discomfort I know that that's a huge

order but it takes time over kind of a

long process just like with the other

personalities the darkness really needs

to deal with the original dark things

that happened to them and hopefully get

the opportunity to mend that broken

heart they also have to decide if they

really value the darkness kind of energy

that they give off they have to learn

also how to be with themselves and

others without the safety of wanting to

point out how bad things are or how

negative things are going to be um and

don't take this as I hate this stuff

just go be positive that's kind of

obnoxious doesn't really work but again

processing how the heart got broken with

a capable healer noticing how the

present is different is going to be

helpful depending on the resources that

are available to you becoming authentic

like all the others requires

conversations with people like real

risk-taking intimacy and talking about

what happened to you or what it was like

with a sane self safe person a good

interpersonal group can really help the

darkness see that it creates more

distance and that it frustrates and

affects other people that their

negativity kind of does that or that

they may lose connection with the

darkness based upon because they're

already sort of walk walking out of the

room while still being present because

they're like removing themselves from

the intimacy moving on to the fourth

trauma personality what I'm calling the

ghost or how do I get out of here the

ghost is a trauma personality ruled by

the free response and they struggle with

a lot of inaction and avoidant behaviors

if you've ever heard of the Irish

goodbye it's a good window into the

ghost like the other personalities there

can be varying degrees of ghostin

depending on what is going on for the

ghost some living at 24/7 and some don't

here are some qualities and

characteristics ghost trauma

personalities can be hard to know they

can be very much there as a consistent

co-worker or team member or teammate or

something but knowing them emotionally

is hard to to a non-existent level

somewh kind of like the doer ghosts are

often ruled by a dismissive avoidant

attachment style doesn't have to be just

that one ghosts come across as kind of

aloof or self-sufficient or even kind of

needing rescue at times they can feel

greatly blocked in knowing how to

connect with others from moment to

moment it can often be very readable to

others that the ghost would rather not

be present with them and they want to be

doing something else um often identified

as introverts which is all fine and good

I think we all need some kind of time

alone but ghosts consistently stay

inside themselves it's a bit different

ghosts can be childhood scapegoats who

have shut down and don't want to infect

others with their scapegoat qualities um

and experience it all over again so they

kind of hide the ghost can really want

connection at times they can sign up for

things and start friendships or

relationships and then there might be an

Abrupt exit or hiding like they're in it

and then they're out of there maybe

ghost can be overwhelmed by people as

isolation is a common coping mechanism

ghost can really struggle with social

anxiety ghosts can seem fine when you

really don't know what's going on with

them and then all of a sudden they send

you a text about how you hurt them comes

out of the blue they're capable of that

as well they can have a bit of sporadic

hostility because they really don't know

how to bring things up until unless they

bottle and blow kind of a thing ghosts

can be very hurt in that it takes a lot

of energy for them to be part of

something and then they can get greatly

hurt when they get feedback that they're

too quiet um they can want others to

read their mind so they don't really

have to express themselves at times a

ghost can be incredibly stuck and unable

to take care of something in and a ghost

can also be sort of charming and and

sort of present to a superficial level

but you don't they don't there's not

much more than that here's how childhood

set up the ghost some possibilities it

can very much like the others be learned

from having a shutdown or a ghostlike

parent or avoidant parents um can be

from significant neglect where there

really wasn't any joyful kind of

connection in the early years um and

then having to go through like a very

lonely quiet childhood where no one was

home they're they're kind of not

socialized maybe in that way on a deep

level if you picture a severely

neglected child who gets themselves up

and fed and out to school in the morning

um and then they're alone again when

they come home from school until 9:00

and when a parent comes home um and then

it's like 10: there's a lot of alone

time that's a lot of having to shut down

from minute minute you know what I mean

that's actually very dissociative

experience for a child um a kid will

have to find ways to cope um with that

kind of Abandonment on a daily level and

another possibility is being overwhelmed

by a larger than life kind of energy

vampire parent or that there was so much

intensity from violence or chaos that

the ghost rightfully kind of shut down

this is also highly common a side note

regarding coping strategies like the

Hostile fighting the family or fighting

opinion or fighting other people is just

as Noble as a strategy growing up as it

is to shut down there's really no better

or worse it's all a setup later for

problems in authenticity in in in

adulthood how the ghost personality

struggles in intimacy sadly the ghost

can go numb or even mute in intimacy and

not be able to do any kind of connection

really around conflict which leaves the

other person really stuck when not

without knowing what to kind of do

because they kind of like they don't

really have much to work with there the

ghost can also avoid relationships and

they think they really don't need them

um they can be single for a long time

they can be perpetually dating and not

really be in a relationship too ghost

can really hied and their partner May

interpret that wrongly as dishonesty or

secrecy which I see a lot in the past

when I've done coup's work um it's often

just shutting down but not living really

a separate life which might it might

feel like but I'm also not saying they

can't hide things or be secretive it

just kind of really feels like that to

the partner um I'm saying it's possible

as well ghost might be the hardest to

get in therapy and stay in therapy and I

see it as their freeze tolight response

where they need to go back to their

apartment and kind of recover from

people in short in order to do intimacy

work and to be good we have to be able

to know each other actually um the ghost

has this intimacy fantasy like can't we

just love each other and exist without

talking too much or bringing anything up

that's kind of like how they want things

to be isn't this just who I am a ghost

is definitely going to believe that they

are fixed in that personality and yes

again we can be born introverted no

problem but introverts are also capable

of intimacy I don't believe that we're

born to want to avoid connection when we

really think about it biologically as

babies and toddlers connection is

crucial and we seek it out for survival

it can feel so it really tells you what

that child went through it can feel

impossible to change these trauma

personalities but that's not true but

ghosts can definitely ghost because they

kind of ghost themselves because of what

happened how to become more real I think

the first step for the ghost is to

really buy into the fact that it doesn't

help them in what they want and that

what is missing is actually connection

and getting them to buy into that is

tricky um all of these trauma

personalities know in a deep tiny secret

place that there's got to be something

more um and they're right about that

ghosts can be tricky for therapists who

want to go into processing places or

places of depth which is actually what

the ghost they came in for but they

struggle kind of going there they're

going to need a lot of help with that in

groups that are say effective and

interpersonal working groups it's

helpful for the ghost to hear from other

members that they don't really know them

ghosts can think that just showing up is

good enough to be known and it's kind of

a shock to them um ghosts will benefit

from hearing from others working on

themselves that they want to know them

more and they want them to take some

small risk becoming real by actually

saying what is on their mind even it's

like I don't want to be here my inner

child just wants to be home alone that's

something a good therapist would want

the ghost to be able to get to a place

in their work to kind of open up to

express themselves to be more kind of

learn how to be expressive and say

what's kind of on their mind and not

easily leave the conversation or Le

easily leave relationships coming to the

fifth trauma personality is something

that I'm calling the are we good or are

we okay the are we good is a people

pleasing focused personality that is

rooted in the Fawn response they are

often associated with an anxious

preoccupied attachment style like

constantly making sure things are okay

with with a partner and kind of

defaulting to their partner to be

tolerated the are we good personality

will tend to give away all of their

power they don't know that they have the

right to some of their power and they

will struggle in their sense of self

because their main way to be in the

world as a kid and probably still in the

present is making sure that they're not

upsetting anybody and that they're good

with other people and that they're

tolerated by other people um like also

with the Hostile and the doer they tend

to skip their feelings and go right to

fixing problem s the are we good will

try to please someone who is treating

them poorly instead of being in the

feelings or knowing that they're

entitled to being upset and again this

isn't a 24/7 thing although it kind of

can be here are some qualities and

characteristics the are we good as a

client tends to not want to burden the

therapist with anything with their

problems with their story and they want

to try to be perfect and be very easing

to the therapist and the therapist could

be thinking like who's treating who here

um they are often r rued by codependency

abandoning themselves to keep

connections going even if they're

horrifically bad connections and unable

to be real for fear of consequences they

will often come across as having rosec

colored glasses I'm sure you're familiar

with some of this stuff giving everybody

a break Positive Vibes and they will

tend to cope with a lot of optimism and

none of that is really real though um

the are we Goods have a lot of

unnecessary checking in with you like

I'm sorry what I said in that text two

months ago and the other person is like

what text what I don't you know um lot

of checking they will spend a lot of

time thinking if they've upset anybody

they will spend a lot of time providing

or doing for others they're often hyp

sensitive to criticism which is kind of

their Kryptonite but they don't really

know that they have the option to not

agree or push back a little bit which is

actually that's taking a risk that's

being more authentic feedback tends to

wreck the are we good the are we good

will have a tendency to have

relationships or date hostiles

I'm not making this up it's a very it's

just a marked pattern with this stuff

you might think of your parents as both

of those things um because it's a very

common presentation the r we Goods can

assimilate into people's lives for want

of being kind of adopted and to be

accepted they can also have a very good

chameleon ability to blend with

different groups they will not initiate

conflict in any way and they tend to

avoid potential tension at all cost um

all Goods when in Conflict usually take

it like a sentencing Tri for their

crimes when they are in Conflict they

tend to take it like they're being

sentenced to jail like they really can

go to a shame place about something that

they did rather than not even knowing

that someone might be projecting on them

the ARB good can have a lot of magical

thinking in that they don't really

recognize abuse up front and they will

sort of have to take some time to learn

that what their partner or what their

parent doing to them is really abusive

they don't really have a concept of that

like kind of like with the others though

are we good will have a marked tendency

to chase relief in relationships they're

really relieved that you text them back

they're really relieved that your mood

changed and they don't really recognize

that they're kind of in a cycle of kind

of chasing that kind of stuff or they're

maybe with somebody who's very moody

weaponizing their mood how childhood

sets up the are we good the are we good

usually were overly in tune with a toxic

or addicted or abusive parent struggling

with their mental health or a highly

abusive narcissistic parent uh where the

chasing okayness was kind of part of the

daily life they were often directly told

that they were the problem or the cause

of things because of the neglect or

abusive parenting assumed that they were

the problem many kids start to blame

themselves as a strategy like I'm bad

because I can't fix Dad I can't make

them happy I'm bad because I can't solve

their marriage I'm bad because they

don't come home I'm bad because I should

have a job and I'm eight years old I'm

bad because I got it wrong again and

this is in the face of really horrific

daily emotional abuse from a mentally

off parent usually by adolescence or

High School the are we good is ruled by

being compliant or thinking of others as

emotionally having to navigate kind of

an abusive mind field that started very

early at home and kind of becomes their

worldview other possibilities neglect

shame based families chaos tragic

parents where the child is highly

attuned to the parents pain instead of

being protected from that pain here's

how the are we good struggles in

intimacy the are we good is typically

paired with a partner that can kind of

get exhausted by the constant checking

in the chasing chasing okayness like the

doer the are we good will just want

issues to quickly resolve because

conflict is the worst thing to them

because that's where they start to feel

the inside childood trauma perhaps the

hardest thing for the are we good is

that they only know how to relate or be

present from a place of providing care

or focusing on another person being the

focus to them is pretty awful and they

usually interpret it as being in trouble

or being shameful being in a

relationship with an all good if the

person is healthy feels disconnected and

a bit lonely because the loveliness from

the are we good doesn't feel right

because it's actually really not real

it's coming from a place of trauma the

constant checking in to see if that

you're okay can also be kind of crazy

making like I mentioned we can

unfortunately lose respect for the are

we good because they struggle with

having no no self-respect the are we

Goods fantasy in a relationship is I

just want to know if I'm finally

acceptable to you if that's okay for you

isn't this just who I am the are we good

like the others they are so conditioned

in a knee-jerk strategy of being

tolerated and helping that they lose a

sense of self they lose their likes they

lose their autonomy they lose their

personhood in that and while being

caring and kind are noble there's

definitely worse things to be in the

world it's not coming from an

open-heartedness place it's coming from

a place of fear and anxiety and being

wounded there's a paradox for the r we

good when you really think about it how

hard is it to not be pissed off by other

people on the planet to be just

frustrated or annoyed with a partner or

your dog or the neighbor or something

like that think of all the energy it

takes to not be upset by anything and

that's the are we good because they're

so focused on being lovable or tolerated

in the world how to become more real for

the are we good 12-step programs like

alanon or Cota or acoa are great places

to start and to learn about this kind of

strategy that they have the trauma

response and look for how they operate

there's a great thing in acoa called the

laundry list and there's an alternative

laundry list highly suggest that I'll

actually put a link in the video in

therapy with a good therapist there

would hopefully be some encouragement

about how to dip down into those

childhood trauma feelings or simply be

taking more risks to talk about what is

it like to not take care of the

therapist what is it like to be the

focus group therapy is again excellent

for all these if it's the right fit if

it's a working interpersonal group where

the peers help each other kind of dig

down and go more into authenticity and

actually kind of say to the are we good

that it's triggering to be taken care of

by someone it's actually kind of

annoying to be on the receiving end of

that and that's just it's not judgment

it's just kind of how it is and I'm sure

that someone who struggles with that

people pleasing would understand that

too they don't like it either also

getting healthy feedback from how the

group sees us is that missing mirroring

that we didn't get kind of growing up in

a vacuum in a good therapist wants the

are we good to start to kind of get more

pissed off that they are asked to do

more at work to get pissed off in their

relationship that it's a bit one-sided

to get pissed off with their friends

that again it's one-sided because that's

what they're kind of known for and to

start to get angry about how they were

set up for these kind of behaviors so

here are some final thoughts yes many of

these can overlap but really not in a

myriad of endless ways primarily you're

going to be one of the five a primary

and then you'll probably have a

secondary like in the beginning of the

video describing myself it was I was

essentially describing I was in are we

good with the backup of kind of the

darkness so you could if you're into

astrology you could think about it like

a moon sign and a sun sign speaking to

that here are some examples this is just

what I see from my clients hostiles can

have touchers of doers in them or

Darkness to them but they don't really

go underground or isolate consistently

like a ghost um the rwe goods can have

touches of doers in them and in minor

ways they can also have touches of ghost

in them all goods are never really

hostiles those two things don't really

kind of go together I in my mind I think

the darkness can have touches of

hostility and ghost so and again some of

these are fluid depending on where you

are in your recovery in treatment you

know a Darkness can shift into an all

good as a direct opposite just trying to

balance and find that sense of self in

my case like I mentioned till I got into

therapy I gradually kind of became a

hostile when I got in touch with some

anger and in healing childhood trauma we

can shift into the Opposites before we

come to Center and really kind of find

um who we were that original spark that

I mentioned in the beginning of the

video for treatment of all of these I

would encourage any of these

personalities to become more real about

their childhood and find some anger

about what happened to them and hold

abusive parents accountable like you

were sort of set up to both kind of

adapt this personality and kind of miss

out UND developing what you were sort of

born with and to become more real about

what it was like growing up is also part

of that it's the beginnings of becoming

more of a real person and I really want

to stress that we come up with these

things in a vacuum that we can't fully

change and become more of our authentic

self still in a vacuum I think we really

need other people as much as you maybe

not want to hear that like in a good

group or something like that to get the

feedback and the mirroring with a good

therapist if you can find one you know

if that's available to you to get a

sense of what I mean about what happens

in a group in the description I'll put

Vin yam's his main group therapy

principles irin yum I love him he's

really this kind of Titan of psychology

he's really the one that really

formulated group Psychotherapy and he

has these beautiful 11 principles of how

group can be helpful coming back to our

authenticity it's like his whole goal

and if therapy or group Psychotherapy is

not a resource for you or you're kind of

not ready for that kind of thing I

totally get it a good place to start is

my monthly healing Community where

there's resources live q&as and

coursework to do it's a good place to

start to kind of get your feet wet and

sort of recovery and along with other

things like 12st step like I mentioned

acoa Koda TW people are going to have

issues with 12st step I get it but they

are good places that are sort of free to

kind of get the ball rolling and be kind

of more social or find other likemind

people please know two things lastly we

came up with this personality as a way

to survive and adapt to what was going

on with us without getting any healthy

developmental pieces that helps a child

Embrace who they are try not to shame

yourself for something that kept you

safe or feel judged by me in any of this

video the other thing I want you to know

is that these personalities finding our

real personality is fixable and it's

done through realness it's done through

emotional risk-taking and again it's

done with other sort of safe people we

kind of need that mirroring um a lot of

beautiful work can happen there so you

can consider joining the community that

I mentioned the link is right up here

please consider liking subscribing

sharing all that happy stuff there is a

patreon if you would like to support the

channel um you can also check out my

website for any resources that you might

be looking for like assessments or free

resources and as always may you be

filled with loving kindness may you be

well may you be peaceful and at ease

and may you be joyous and I will see you

next

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time

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