A Mother's Love Is A Special Gift | Mahatria's Message On Mother's Day

Summary

The speaker reflects on the cultural norms that have led many mothers to live sacrificial lives, often prioritizing their families over their own aspirations and desires. Emphasizing the importance of recognizing and fulfilling the unexpressed needs and dreams of mothers, the speaker calls for a shift in perspective. He urges listeners to actively show appreciation and care for their mothers while they are still alive, rather than waiting until it's too late. The message highlights the need for genuine expressions of love and support, encouraging individuals to ensure their mothers receive the life they truly deserve.

Takeaways

• 📅 The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and valuing the roles of mothers, fathers, and teachers beyond just their respective days of celebration.
• 👩 The cultural expectation in Indian society often leads to mothers living sacrificial lives, prioritizing the needs of their families over their own aspirations and desires.
• 💼 Despite equal contributions to success, women like Vishal's wife Keerthi are still held to different standards, with societal norms dictating that they cannot shirk parenting responsibilities even in high-achieving careers.
• 👵 The speaker's mother, like many, has spent her life serving others without complaint, but this doesn't negate the sacrifices she has made and the potential she has unrealized.
• 🍲 Mothers often take the leftovers after family meals, and their preferences and needs are frequently overlooked, including in simple matters like choosing what to watch on TV.
• 🤦‍♀️ Even in discomfort or illness, mothers may not receive the same care and attention they provide to others, often due to their own reluctance to be a burden.
• 🏠 The speaker points out the lack of awareness about the daily efforts mothers put into maintaining the household, such as knowing where everyday items come from.
• 🎉 On Mother's Day, the speaker calls for a shift from celebrating motherhood to understanding and fulfilling the unfulfilled desires and dreams of mothers.
• 📞 A simple yet profound appeal is made to communicate more with mothers, to check in on them daily, and to express love and appreciation while they are still present.
• 🛍️ Small gestures like buying gifts, creating personalized entertainment, or even adding a TV in the parents' bedroom can bring joy and a sense of fulfillment to mothers.
• 🙏 The speaker encourages listeners to 'mother the mother,' to reciprocate the care and nurturing they have received, and to ensure their mothers' remaining years are as fulfilling as possible.

Q & A

Why does the speaker believe we don't need special days like Mother's Day to remember the value of a mother?

The speaker believes that the value of a mother should be recognized and appreciated every day, not just on a designated holiday, implying that mothers' contributions are profound and should not be confined to annual celebrations.

What societal issue is highlighted regarding the roles and sacrifices of mothers in Indian culture?

The speaker highlights the issue of gender inequality and the sacrificial roles mothers often play in Indian culture, where they may suppress their own aspirations and potential to fulfill family responsibilities.

According to the speaker, why might a mother not be able to actualize her potential as much as her husband?

The speaker suggests that cultural norms and societal expectations often limit women's opportunities to actualize their potential, even if they are equally capable, as men may have more avenues to maximize their potential.

What example does the speaker use to illustrate the unequal distribution of parenting responsibilities?

The speaker uses the example of a couple, Vishal and Keerthi, who both contribute to building a successful company, but where Keerthi still cannot excuse herself from parenting responsibilities, unlike Vishal, illustrating the double standards in societal expectations.

Why does the speaker think that mothers often go unrecognized for their contributions?

The speaker believes that mothers often go unrecognized because they are primarily focused on serving their families, and their contributions are seen as expected and therefore go unnoticed.

What is the speaker's observation about how mothers eat last and possibly with less variety?

The speaker observes that mothers often eat what is left over after everyone else has eaten, which may be less varied and of lower quality, indicating a pattern of self-sacrifice.

Why does the speaker suggest that mothers may not receive the care they give to others?

The speaker suggests that cultural norms and the mother's own belief that she is meant to take care of everyone else may prevent her from receiving care, even when she needs it.

What is the speaker's appeal on Mother's Day regarding the recognition and fulfillment of mothers' desires?

The speaker's appeal is for people to actively seek to understand and fulfill their mothers' desires, which they may have suppressed or not communicated, and to treat them with the respect and care they deserve.

How does the speaker suggest we can better appreciate our mothers in our daily lives?

The speaker suggests showing appreciation by taking small but meaningful actions, such as asking about their day, including them in decisions, and making an effort to fulfill their desires and needs.

What is the speaker's advice on how to ensure that our mothers do not feel deprived in their later years?

The speaker advises that we should actively listen to our mothers, understand their unspoken desires, and make an effort to provide them with experiences and items that bring them joy and fulfillment.

Why is it important to the speaker that we treat our mothers with respect and affection?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of treating mothers with respect and affection as a way to honor their lifelong sacrifices and to ensure they feel valued and loved in their later years.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Unrecognized Sacrifice of Mothers

The speaker emphasizes the unrecognized sacrifices made by mothers in society, particularly in an Indian cultural context. They point out that mothers often put aside their own aspirations and potential for the sake of their families, a pattern that is deeply ingrained in societal expectations. The speaker also highlights the disparity between the responsibilities and opportunities available to men and women, noting that even in successful careers, women are still held to higher standards of domestic responsibility. The speaker encourages reflection on the deprivations mothers have experienced and calls for a deeper appreciation of their contributions beyond the traditional celebrations of Mother's Day.

05:00

💔 The Suppressed Desires of Mothers

Continuing the theme of maternal sacrifice, the speaker discusses the unmet desires and suppressed needs of mothers. They note that mothers often put the needs of others before their own, to the point where they may no longer communicate their own desires. The speaker uses everyday examples, such as watching television and making dinner plans, to illustrate the lack of agency mothers have in their own lives. The speaker's appeal on Mother's Day is for children to actively seek to understand and fulfill their mothers' unexpressed dreams and desires, to take on a more active role in their mothers' lives, and to express their love and appreciation while their mothers are still alive.

10:01

🌱 Nurturing the Nurturer: Redefining Mother's Day

The speaker suggests practical ways to celebrate Mother's Day by genuinely addressing the needs and desires of mothers. They propose creating personalized gifts, such as tailored playlists or an additional television for exclusive use, as well as making time for experiences that are meaningful to the mother, like pilgrimage trips. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of respectful communication and the need to 'mother the mother,' urging listeners to treat their mothers with the same care and attention they received in their upbringing. The goal is to ensure that mothers feel valued and loved, and that their sacrifices are recognized and reciprocated.

Keywords

💡Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a holiday honoring motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. In the script, it is mentioned as a reminder of the value of a mother, but the speaker wishes that such a day was not necessary as appreciation for mothers should be inherent, not prompted by a calendar date.

💡Sacrifice

Sacrifice refers to giving up something valuable or desirable for the sake of something else. The script discusses how mothers, particularly in Indian society, often live sacrificial lives, forgoing their own aspirations and needs for the sake of their families, as illustrated by the speaker's reflections on his own mother's life.

💡Potential

Potential is the latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness. The speaker suggests that many mothers have untapped potential, which they do not get to actualize due to cultural constraints, using the example that a mother's potential might be as great as, if not greater than, her husband's.

💡Cultural Constraints

Cultural constraints refer to the limitations or expectations imposed by society or culture. The script talks about how cultural norms in Indian society have often restricted women from pursuing their own interests or desires, leading to a life of self-sacrifice and service to the family.

💡Deprivation

Deprivation is the state of being without something, especially something that one needs or to which one feels entitled. The speaker mentions the deprivations mothers have faced, such as not being able to travel or enjoy certain experiences due to cultural beliefs or family decisions.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment is the state of being satisfied and pleased. The script acknowledges that despite the sacrifices and deprivations, many mothers find great fulfillment in serving their families, as it is a choice they make willingly, even if it means giving up on their own desires.

💡Responsibility

Responsibility refers to the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or to take care of someone. The speaker contrasts the responsibilities of parenting, noting that regardless of their professional achievements, women are still held primarily responsible for their children's upbringing.

💡Opportunities

Opportunities are chances for advancement or progress. The script reflects on how different opportunities could have allowed the speaker's mother to achieve more in her professional life, had she been born in a society that provided the necessary exposure and chances.

💡Guilt

Guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for having done something wrong. The speaker talks about the guilt mothers may feel if they do something for themselves, which is a result of cultural upbringing and societal expectations.

💡Appreciation

Appreciation is the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something. The script calls for a deeper appreciation of mothers beyond special days, urging the audience to reflect on and understand their mothers' needs and desires, and to express their love and gratitude while they still can.

💡Parenting

Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, and social development of a child. The speaker uses the term in a reversed context, suggesting that we should 'mother the mother', meaning to take care of and nurture our mothers in the same way they have cared for us.

Highlights

The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and appreciating the sacrifices and contributions of mothers beyond just Mother's Day.

In Indian society, many mothers live sacrificial lives, giving up their own aspirations for the sake of their families.

The speaker points out the cultural bias where women's potential is often not fully realized or supported, unlike men's.

Even successful women are still held to higher standards of domestic responsibility compared to their male counterparts.

The speaker reflects on how mothers often suppress their own desires and needs, prioritizing the family above themselves.

Mothers are often the unsung heroes of the family, taking care of everyone else's needs while neglecting their own.

The speaker calls for a cultural shift to allow mothers to pursue their own interests and desires without guilt.

He highlights the need for children to be more aware of and involved in the lives of their mothers, beyond just their caregiving roles.

The speaker suggests that children should take more initiative in understanding and fulfilling their mothers' unexpressed desires.

He encourages children to spend quality time with their mothers, such as taking them to the doctor or making regular phone calls.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of expressing love and appreciation to mothers while they are still alive, rather than at their funeral.

He suggests practical ways to show love and care, such as buying gifts, creating personalized entertainment, or arranging special trips.

The speaker calls for a change in the way children interact with their mothers, treating them with more respect and affection.

He proposes the concept of 'mothering the mother', where children take on a caregiving role for their aging mothers.

The speaker concludes by urging everyone to reflect on the life their mothers have led and to make an effort to give them the life they truly deserve.

Transcripts

I have always said this so many times in the past.

I really wish we didn't have to have a Mother's Day to remind us, on the value

of a mother. I wish we never have to have a Father's Day to remind ourselves of

what a father does, a Teacher's Day for us to feel for a teacher.

But in a world where we get so lost, and sometimes we don't know what is

today's date!

So I'm happy that at least there is something there in the calendar that reminds

us of these. I'm not speaking about the glory of a mother, I think all of you

know that. I'm not speaking about who a mother is.

I think all of you know this. I have a very different appeal, as I stand here

to address all of you.

I think culturally, especially in an Indian society,

many of the mothers had lived a very sacrificial life.

She probably sacrificed herself for her family she was born into, the

family she is married into.

Maybe some of her aspirations.

If many husbands sitting here are absolutely honest with yourself, you'll

know that your wife is as much, if not more potential than you.

But culturally, you probably found avenues by which you can actualize and

maximize your potential a lot more, than your woman is about to...

Able to do it. Vishal, by virtue of playing a role in building himself into a

thousand crore company, can excuse himself of some of his parenting

responsibilities.

No matter what role Keerthi plays in building that into a thousand crore company

along with Vishal, she cannot still excuse herself of her parenting

responsibilities. What her children become will still be her responsibility!

And probably, we're talking about a time, I know, in my case, with

the sort of potential that she has, if my mother was probably born in some

culture, in some society, which gave her the opportunities and exposure that

were required, she would have been chairman and managing director of a company.

And yet, all I think that woman has done in her entire life is, served her

family, served the family she was married into.

Served her husband, served her children.

Today, serve her grandchildren.

And I'm not even saying that there is any regrets.

She has done this with great fulfillment.

She has... She probably feels more fulfilled with her life, than probably many

people, whatever they would have achieved.

That's not the question. But the question is, I know the deprivations she has

deprived herself of, in the entire process.

You know how many of your mothers must be going through this even today,

serving the food for all of you?

Hot, hot roti. Hot, hot dal rice, kadhi.

And after everybody eats and we go into our own business, what is left over, is

probably what she's eating, and maybe sabzi is not left.

And she would not, if not enough sabzi is left for you, she'll cook for you.

But if not enough sabzi is left for her, she is not going to cook for herself.

Maybe she is just going to use pickle and roll in two rotis and finish it off.

There is never been any one of us to sit next to mother and find out what she's eating!

Father has back pain.

Mother would press it.

Mother has back pain, who in the house has volunteered to press her back for

that? She has to probably spray something on her own back and lie down.

Because even if you want to do it for her, she will not allow you to do, because

she thinks she is born to take care of all of you.

And she feels guilty if anybody else takes care of her.

Maybe mother has a desire to go to Kashmir.

Maybe she wants to go on a trip to Singapore.

It has never happened because father feels it's a waste of money.

Chances are! There are lot of things that is never part of her life because,

dad did not believe it's worth it.

The family did not believe it's worth it, or she grew up in a culture where,

she felt guilty if she did anything for herself.

I want all of you to reflect it, I'm not asking you to listen to this as a

philosophy. I want you to feel one with your mother and listen to what I'm

saying. Culturally, it did not permit

mothers to do something for herself, should feel guilty doing it.

In fact, even today, if probably anybody else in the house is sick, you

know you're going to be taken care because mummy is around.

It's scary even to think if mummy lies down what'll happen to the rest of the

family, because we don't even know where salt is there, or sugar is there, or

from where milk is coming, we don't even know that.

My appeal is only this, on Mother's Day, I don't want to keep talking about

motherhood and glory of motherhood.

My appeal is this. In more than ninety percent of the cases sitting here,

probably your mother never had the life that she deserved.

Maybe many of her desires never got fulfilled.

So much so, that she has learned to suppress, chances are she doesn't even

communicate to you anymore.

You means, to anybody in the world.

She doesn't even communicate what her desires are.

Simple thing I'll tell you, you can reflect.

Can your mother sit in front of television and keep watching something, and

continue to watch that after you come?

Not possible. Doesn't matter what she's watching.

Any one of you sitting here, son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter,

daughter-in-law, what is your first move when the old lady is watching

television when you come? The remote control will shift hands, and you'll shift

to the channel you want to watch.

She can either continue to sit and watch.

She has to get up and go.

But I don't think, even that choice for her to watch what she wants, even that

choice does not exist.

Think about it. How many times have we gone and asked a mother,

that tonight we are going out for dinner.

Where do you want to go?

It's always a communication to her.

In fact you can tell, "I'm planning to go to Sangeetha.", and father will say,

"No, we are going to Saravana Bhavan.".

But, have you ever asked mom where you want to have dinner today?

That's all, my appeal on Mother's Day is very simple.

I don't know how many more years are left.

For those of you where the mother is still around.

I'm just expecting this one change from you.

You will go out of your way to understand what your mother needs.

Which she may not express, but you will find a way to understand.

And take care of whatever years that are left in her in fulfilling those dreams

of hers. That's it. You will just go out of your way.

It means, she wants to be taken to a doctor's place.

How many times, in whatever years, let's say she is there for another twenty

years, twenty-five, thirty, whatever let be the age.

How many times you think she'll go to a doctor's place?

Can you find the time, that instead of a driver taking her to the doctor's

place, it'll be you who'll take her to the doctor's place?

Just for that feeling, because she never sent you as a child to the doctor's

place with a servant, she took you personally to the doctor's place.

Can you do that in return?

Can you just make that one phone call which you've never failed to make to your

friends, in a course of the day, to say hi to them?

Can you just make that one phone call to your mom on a daily basis, and just

ask her, " Mother, did you eat?

Have you finished eating?

How are you?". Just one...

Can you, before you go to sleep at the end of the day, just give her that

quality? I know, there is tremendous demand on your time.

Not the time to remind you.

But if I don't remind you now, I don't get another time to remind you.

People who cry the loudest in the funeral are always those

who did not express and demonstrate their love enough when the other one was

still alive. I just do not want any one of you sitting here to be the loudest

one to cry in a funeral of a mother.

Instead of saying all the things that you would say when she can no more hear,

can you say all the things that you must say when she can still hear you?

Can you go out of your way?

Now, mother says she doesn't want anything!

That's what she will say.

But it's not difficult for you to find out.

What she has sacrificed.

Yes, she's definitely going to say, "I don't need.".

In fact, when you buy two sarees to her and give it to her, she's going to say,

"Why you are buying all these things?

I don't have even time to wear the existing sarees, so why you have to buy?",

she's going to say, but don't you know that she is going to wear those two

sarees in the times to come, and go and tell at least hundred people, "My son

bought it for me, my daughter bought it for me!"?

And can we create that fulfillment?

Could we do a little things, could we probably sit and tailor-make exclusive

songs which your mother will enjoy, and create an iPod out of it, and give it

to her so that she can listen to the music that she enjoys listening to?

Can we invest the time and effort and do it for her?

Exclusive entertainment for her?

Could we probably buy another small television and add it to parents' bedroom,

so that they can watch?

So much you're spending, one more television?

And so that let them watch what they want to watch, you keep watching your...

So they do not have to continue to sacrifice even at this age?

Maybe she doesn't get excited about you talking about Singapore and Switzerland

and European holiday, but probably is it going to be difficult for you to

arrange for an exclusive cab and taking her to Tirupati, which she wants to go

and bring her back, or to Nagoor and bring her back?

A pilgrimage trip, which probably will mean a lot to her.

Do what you have to do.

Arrange what you have to arrange.

Maybe she wants to just go and trek up to that Vaishnava...

No, at her age, she can't trek!

Let's get two people to carry her up.

Give her that experience and bring her.

And for her, probably that will be Jannat.

That will be her salvation.

That'll be her fulfillment.

I'm just indicating a direction to you.

Probably, she is one woman, who has cried more for you than anybody else has

cried, for the wrong reasons.

Can we ensure she no more cries because of us?

Can we bring respect in the tone?

I know you have great freedom when you speak to your mother.

If in that one relationship, you can't take that freedom, where will you take?

But can we bring that respect and affection and the tone of our voice in the

way we speak to the mother?

In a single sentence, whatever years that are left, can we take care of her,

like you take care of an angel?

Can we listen to her once, before she goes?

I don't remember all the ways I have cared for you all these years, but I do

remember all the ways you cared for me.

In these years. Can we start parenting our mother, rather than just

remaining a child? Can we mother the mother, independent of whether you are a

son or a daughter, or a daughter-in-law, or a grandchild?

Can we mother the mother?

I think your way of celebrating your Mother's Day, will be to ensure

that you recognize that lady has not got the life she probably deserved,

and you're going to do everything in your capacity in the days ahead of you, in

gifting her a life that she truly deserves.