Overcoming Social Anxiety | Marielle Cornes | TEDxYouth@MBJH
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares their personal struggle with social anxiety after moving to a new school, highlighting the difficulty of making friends and the impact on their mental health. They discuss the importance of seeking therapy and the challenges of dealing with a mental illness that is often misunderstood. The speech calls for community support and understanding, urging listeners to be kind and to recognize the potential for mental health issues in those around them.
Takeaways
- đ« The speaker moved from Baltimore to Mountain Brook before seventh grade, which was a significant change from a small private school to a new environment.
- đ„ Despite attending a small school, the speaker struggled to make friends due to social anxiety, which made social interactions terrifying and difficult.
- đ The move to Alabama was devastating for the speaker, as they feared the process of making friends would be as challenging as it was in their previous school.
- đ€Ż The speaker's social anxiety was so severe that even simple tasks like asking for a napkin were daunting.
- đ After moving, the speaker felt isolated and lonely, which led to depression and a feeling of worthlessness.
- đ It took time and multiple therapists before the speaker received a diagnosis of social anxiety, which was a turning point in understanding their struggles.
- đĄ The diagnosis of social anxiety was initially distressing, but it eventually led to the speaker seeking and benefiting from therapy.
- đ€ With therapy, the speaker began to improve, learning strategies to overcome anxiety and slowly making friends.
- đ The speaker highlights the importance of understanding and supporting those with mental health issues, as lack of understanding can exacerbate feelings of isolation.
- đ Statistics shared by the speaker emphasize the prevalence of mental health issues among high school students and the serious consequences of untreated mental illness.
- đ€Č The speaker encourages reaching out for help and being kind to everyone, as you never know who might be struggling with a mental illness.
- đ„ The speaker suggests making support groups mandatory in schools and businesses to combat loneliness and provide a safe space for those with mental health issues.
- đ The speaker's personal journey serves as an inspiration and a call to action for the community to support and understand those with mental health challenges.
Q & A
Why did the speaker move from Baltimore to Mountain Brook?
-The speaker moved to Mountain Brook because their parents decided to relocate the family to Alabama, which was a significant change for the speaker who had spent their early years in Baltimore.
What was the speaker's experience like in their small private school before moving?
-The speaker attended a small private school with about 50 people in their grade. Despite the small size of the school, it took them from kindergarten to sixth grade to form a close group of friends.
What challenges did the speaker face in making friends due to social anxiety?
-The speaker's social anxiety made it difficult for them to initiate conversations and interact with others, even in a small school setting. They struggled with the fear of being judged or rejected, which made it hard to make friends.
How did the speaker's social anxiety affect their life after moving to Alabama?
-After moving to Alabama, the speaker's social anxiety was exacerbated by the new environment and the need to make new friends. They felt isolated and struggled to engage with their peers, which led to feelings of loneliness and depression.
What role did debate play in the speaker's life after the move?
-Debate was an extracurricular activity that the speaker was involved in after moving. It provided a structured environment where they could participate without the immediate pressure of socializing, but it did not alleviate their feelings of loneliness or depression.
How did the speaker eventually come to understand their social anxiety?
-The speaker sought help from a therapist after two years of struggling without improvement. It was through this therapy that they received a diagnosis of social anxiety, which helped them understand their struggles and seek appropriate treatment.
What strategies did the speaker adopt to overcome their social anxiety?
-With the help of therapy, the speaker learned strategies to manage their social anxiety. These strategies allowed them to gradually improve their social interactions and start making friends.
Why is it important for people to understand and support those with mental illnesses?
-Understanding and supporting individuals with mental illnesses is crucial because it helps to alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can be major contributors to the worsening of mental health conditions and even suicide.
What statistics did the speaker mention about mental health among high school students?
-The speaker mentioned that one in every five high school students suffers from a mental illness, 50% of students with mental illnesses end up dropping out of school, and 70% of juvenile prisoners have a mental illness.
What is the speaker's challenge to the audience regarding mental health?
-The speaker challenges the audience to be kind and approachable to everyone, as you never know who might be suffering from a mental illness. They also suggest making it mandatory for businesses and schools to provide support groups for those with mental illnesses.
What impact did the speaker's mother have on their journey with social anxiety?
-The speaker's mother played a significant role by encouraging them to seek therapy, providing support, and being a source of strength during their struggle with social anxiety.
Outlines
đ Struggling with Social Anxiety and Moving to a New School
The speaker shares their personal journey of moving from Baltimore to Mountain Brook before seventh grade, which was a challenging experience due to their struggle with social anxiety. Despite attending a small private school, it took them six years to form a close group of friends. The move to Alabama was devastating as they feared the difficulty of making new friends and the loneliness that ensued. The speaker's social anxiety made simple interactions terrifying, and their first year in Alabama was marked by isolation and a lack of social life, leading to depression. They highlight the importance of understanding and addressing mental health issues, as they themselves only began to improve after seeking therapy and receiving a diagnosis of social anxiety.
đ Raising Awareness for Mental Health and the Importance of Support
In the second paragraph, the speaker delves into the broader implications of mental health, particularly among high school students and juvenile prisoners, citing statistics to emphasize the scale of the issue. They discuss the challenges faced by those with mental illnesses, including the fear of seeking help and the potential for isolation to exacerbate their condition. The speaker shares their own experience with therapy and the slow progress towards improvement, advocating for the necessity of community support and understanding. They propose the idea of mandatory support groups in businesses and schools to combat loneliness and provide a safe space for those with mental health issues. The speaker concludes with a call to action for kindness and empathy, urging everyone to be aware of and assist those who may be suffering in silence.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄSocial Anxiety
đĄFriendship
đĄMental Health
đĄTherapy
đĄDepression
đĄIsolation
đĄSelf-Worth
đĄSupport Groups
đĄSuicide
đĄEmpathy
đĄCommunity
Highlights
Moving from Baltimore to Mountain Brook in seventh grade and struggling to make friends due to social anxiety.
Attending a small private school with only 50 people in the grade but still finding it difficult to make friends.
Experiencing social anxiety from a young age, even being unable to ask a waiter for a napkin.
Feeling devastated about moving to Alabama and the fear of having to start over in making friends.
Suffering from loneliness and depression after moving, with no social life outside of school.
Struggling with the mental health impact of moving and the feeling of worthlessness.
The importance of seeking help and therapy after two years of not getting better.
Finally receiving a diagnosis of social anxiety and beginning to understand the issue.
Learning coping strategies in therapy to overcome social anxiety and seeing improvements.
The challenge of dealing with people who do not understand or accept the social anxiety diagnosis.
Statistics on mental illness among high school students and its impact on education and the justice system.
The fear and reluctance many feel in reaching out for help due to potential misunderstanding or loss.
The importance of community support and the role of support groups in combating loneliness.
The speaker's personal challenge to be a source of strength for others struggling with mental illness.
A call to action for everyone to be kind and understanding, as you never know who is suffering.
The proposal to make support groups mandatory in businesses and schools to provide a safe space for those with mental illnesses.
The powerful message of hope and the potential for recovery with the right support and understanding.
Transcripts
I moved to Mountain Brook from Baltimore
the summer before seventh grade before I
moved I went to a small private school
with about 50 people my grade you would
think that going to such a small school
would make it easier to make friends but
this was not the case in fact it took me
from kindergarten to sixth grade at my
previous school to really get a close
group of friends after six years I
finally got a group that I liked and all
was well when the worst thing happened
my parents broke the news to me that we
were moving to Alabama this crushed me
what if it took me another six years to
make friends now I didn't know it at the
time but there is a reason I struggled
to make friends I suffer from social
anxiety this means that for me talking
to people and making friends won't many
find simple and easy terrifies me when I
was younger I couldn't ask a waiter for
a napkin see what I mean
when I thought about moving I knew it'd
be hard if I couldn't talk to a waiter a
person I'll probably never see again how
was I supposed to talk to the people I
would be in school with until senior
year as I feared when I moved I was
immediately affected by my social
anxiety I was completely surrounded by
new people and felt the voice sucked out
of me for the first year after I moved I
didn't do anything outside of school
because I struggled to make friends I
was all alone I'd planned to go up and
talk to people but all I could see was
the worst case scenario I picture them
laughing at me or telling me to get lost
no matter how hard I tried to talk to
people I always ended up being scared
away and would end up avoiding it all
together at this time all I had was
debate I was a member of the team and
worked on school and this didn't make me
happy every child he's bounced between
school extracurriculars and social life
and my badge was thrown
off.this took a toll on my mental health
and I ended up becoming depressed there
are times when I hated my life I saw no
point to it I felt like I was worthless
at this time I would have done anything
to get away from my life in Alabama I'd
have given anything to move back to
Baltimore and be with my friends I felt
like nothing would ever get better
I could only picture myself suffering in
Alabama to this day I still occasionally
wish we had not moved however now I'm
able to see all that I had gained
because we didn't know that there was a
reason I struggled to make friends many
people didn't understand things that why
I couldn't do things such as speaking in
front of a group of people on my own it
would try to force me into doing things
that made me uncomfortable it took me a
very long time to try to get help I'd
gone to therapists back in Baltimore and
none of them had helped so we weren't
hopeful finally after two years of not
getting better
I decided to see another therapist this
is where I finally learned that I had
social anxiety now I finally knew about
what I was struggling with was an actual
issue at first this terrified me I hated
the idea that there was something wrong
with me soon however this diagnosis grew
on me because I knew I'd finally be able
to get help and get better there were
actually people who understood what I
was going through and we're going to be
able to help after a few weeks of
therapy my family and I started to
notice improvements I was able to adopt
strategies to overcome my anxiety and I
was getting better eventually I started
to make friends but even though things
were improving there were still dark
spots even though I did diagnosed
anxiety disorder people didn't always
accept it as fact there were still
things both socially and publicly that I
was not comfortable with doing one time
someone was trying to pressure me into
speaking in front of a group of people
which I was at the time I was not
comfortable with so I told this person
no they told me that this was ridiculous
and to not make up excuses it is moments
like this
that really shake me up people not
understanding makes me feel like a freak
like I don't deserve help because what
I'm suffering from is ridiculous during
the worst of my times I felt completely
alone I unfortunately am not the only
one who feels this way there are many
other people who is suffering from the
exact same thing and feel like they have
no one that could turn to for help in
fact according to the National Alliance
on Mental Health one in every five high
school students suffers from a mental
illness 50% of students with mental
illnesses end up dropping out of school
and 70% of juvenile prisoners have a
mental illness these numbers show how
big of an issue this actually is this is
not just something that we can ignore
all of these people felt like they had
no one they could turn to for many of
them it's scary to turn to a loved one
out of fear of being misunderstood or
worse losing them many of you may wonder
why can they've just done something on
their own the answer is quite simply
they can't I know from firsthand
experience that no one can solve a
mental illness on their own they try to
take steps forward but there are almost
always followed by immediate step
backwards I was not able to see
improvements until I reached out for
help
my mother watched me struggle for two
years and she was the one who encouraged
me to go into therapy and I was lucky
enough to have people who I felt could
help but many people are not so lucky
many people with mental illnesses feel
like nobody cares about what they are
suffering from and as a result some
don't even get confirmation that they
have a mental illness they just feel
like what they are suffering from is
normal this isolation can actually lead
to this problem getting worse in fact
according to Frederic Newman their
director of the anxiety and phobia
treatment center one of the leading
causes of suicide is loneliness people
people just like you and me have killed
themselves because they felt alone
mental illness may seem like a simple
fix but the repercussions of taking the
easy path out are unfathomable this is
not something we should have to think
about but suicide is one of the top
three leading causes of death among
teenagers so when you look around you it
is very likely that someone you're close
to
is either suffering from or close to
someone who is suffering from a mental
illness someone who you may view as
strong or happy might be suffering
although it is very hard to distinguish
someone who has a mental illness so
don't try
if someone confides in you about having
a mental illness help them but if you
don't know don't guess I myself didn't
even know I had a mental illness until I
got diagnosed I just thought it was
something I would grow out of so my
challenge to all of you is to just be
nice to everyone because you can never
know who is suffering being nice to
everyone
doesn't take going out of your way and
doing giant tasks just talk to people if
you see someone standing alone go up to
them and start a conversation for
someone with social anxiety these
conversation starters can mean
everything because they can't start a
conversation on their own for me in
seventh grade someone saying hello to me
made my day another idea I have to help
people with mental illnesses is to make
it mandatory for businesses and schools
to provide support groups for those with
mental illnesses this would give them
the opportunity to talk to people who
are suffering from the exact same thing
that they are as I mentioned before
loneliness is a big issue when it comes
to mental illnesses and this would
remind them that they are not alone I
too have struggled I know that that what
they are going through is hard and I
want to be someone that they can look to
for strength so we as a community need
to come together to help those around us
I challenge all of you to reach out and
help those around you be nice to them
and treat them the way they deserve to
be treated we
as humans have the power to make a
difference and we should be making a
difference in the lives of those
suffering from a mental illness no
matter who you are or where you come
from it is very likely that you are
close to someone with a mental illness
and there is no excuse not to help them
my mother was the one who did all this
for me and I am forever grateful ladies
and gentlemen we all need someone like
this thank you
[Applause]
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