How Narcissist Sees YOU

Summary

In this insightful script, psychology professor Sam Vaknin delves into the complex mind of a narcissist, exploring how they perceive themselves and others. He explains the initial idealization and subsequent devaluation of relationships, the narcissist's self-victimization, and their tendency to blame-shift, manipulate, and project their flaws onto others. Vaknin highlights the challenges of communicating with a narcissist, their paranoia, and the emotional turmoil they can cause, ultimately painting a picture of a disturbed internal world that is often out of touch with reality.

Takeaways

• 🤔 The narcissist perceives others and themselves differently from how others perceive them, often lacking a genuine understanding of others.
• 📸 Narcissists 'take a snapshot' of people when they first meet, idealizing them and then gradually changing their perception as reality diverges from this idealized image.
• 🧐 They struggle to accept others as separate entities, viewing them as extensions of themselves, similar to an organ or another limb.
• 💢 Narcissists believe they are never wrong and will convince themselves that others have changed rather than admit to a misjudgment.
• 🔄 They often shift blame, seeing themselves as innocent and assigning guilt to others, especially in conflicts or disagreements.
• 😤 They may view any criticism or advice as an attack on their character, interpreting it as an attempt to manipulate or control them.
• 😈 Narcissists can cast themselves as victims, using this narrative to manipulate and maintain a sense of moral superiority.
• 🚫 They may accuse others of emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, and conditional love, reflecting their own behaviors onto others.
• 🚫🚫 In extreme cases, narcissists may deny intimacy or become celibate, viewing it as a way to transcend human weaknesses and elevate themselves.
• 🔪 They may accuse others of betrayal, viewing them as toxic influences that prevent the narcissist from realizing their full potential.
• 💬 Narcissists often project their own negative traits onto others, accusing them of the very behaviors they themselves exhibit.

Q & A

What does the term 'narcissistic abuse' refer to according to the speaker?

The term 'narcissistic abuse' refers to the psychological manipulation and emotional mistreatment that a narcissist inflicts on others, as described in the speaker's book 'The Inestimable Malignant Self-Love Narcissism Revisited'.

How does the narcissist initially perceive the person they interact with?

The narcissist initially perceives the person they interact with by taking a 'snapshot' of them, idealizing this image to reflect their own self-image and desires.

What is the process of 'idealization' as described in the script?

Idealization is the process where a narcissist inflates the image of another person in their mind to an unrealistic standard, often to reflect positively on themselves. It's a way for the narcissist to feel superior by association with a 'perfect' object.

How does the narcissist's perception of the other person change over time?

Over time, as the other person deviates from the idealized snapshot, the narcissist's perception changes, viewing them as flawed and separate from themselves, much like an organ that's causing trouble.

What does the speaker mean by the 'internal object' or 'introject' in the context of a narcissist's mind?

The 'internal object' or 'introject' refers to the mental representation of the other person within the narcissist's mind, which doesn't change as rapidly as the narcissist's actual perception of the person.

Why does the narcissist believe they never make mistakes or are wrong?

The narcissist believes they never make mistakes or are wrong to preserve their grandiosity and sense of infallibility, as admitting error would challenge their self-perceived perfection.

What is the 'blame shift' phenomenon as described by the speaker?

The 'blame shift' phenomenon is when the narcissist perceives any disagreement, criticism, or advice from the other person as an attempt to shift blame onto them, which they resent and interpret as manipulation or a power play.

How does the narcissist view their own victimhood?

The narcissist views themselves as a victim of circumstances, constantly blaming others for their issues, and using this perceived victimhood as a tool for manipulation and to maintain the moral high ground.

What does the speaker mean by 'TIG' in the context of the narcissist's behavior?

TIG stands for 'Trauma-Induced Gaslighting', a new personality construct where the narcissist casts themselves as a victim of trauma, using it to manipulate and control interactions with others.

How does the narcissist justify their actions and behaviors?

The narcissist justifies their actions and behaviors by rewriting their history and narrative to cast themselves in a positive light, always being right and others in the wrong, thus absolving themselves of any responsibility.

What is the significance of the narcissist's belief that they are being emotionally manipulated or blackmailed?

The belief that they are being emotionally manipulated or blackmailed allows the narcissist to view themselves as a victim and the other person as an abuser, reinforcing their need for control and their distorted perception of reality.