My Honest Advice For Those Who Feel Lost & Confused
Summary
TLDRThis video emphasizes the importance of self-reliance and personal responsibility. It argues that no one, not friends, family, or the government, will save you from your struggles. The speaker encourages viewers to change their mindset, set goals, and take consistent action to improve their lives. The video highlights the pitfalls of whining, procrastination, and seeking external validation. It urges individuals to expand their minds, engage in meaningful conversations, and focus on solutions rather than problems. The overarching message is to embrace forward movement and self-generated goals to overcome challenges and achieve personal growth.
Takeaways
- 💪 Nobody is coming to save you; it's up to you to change your mindset and take action.
- 🧠 Whining and complaining will only make your situation worse. Focus on solutions instead.
- 📈 Adopt a goal-oriented mindset. Motivation and passion come from pursuing and working towards a goal.
- 🗣 Surround yourself with positive influences and engage in meaningful conversations related to your goals.
- 📚 Continuously expand your mind by reading new books, exposing yourself to new content, and having intentional conversations.
- 🔄 Avoid procrastination and the trap of seeking advice as a way to delay taking action.
- 🔍 Focus on solving problems rather than just discussing them. Take tangible steps towards your goals.
- ⚖ Think and act from the perspective of your ideal self, making decisions that align with your long-term goals.
- 🎯 Play infinite games in life, like entrepreneurship and long-term relationships, that provide ongoing growth and fulfillment.
- 🚀 Regardless of how you feel, take action. Forward movement and investing energy into your goals are crucial to overcoming challenges and improving your situation.
Q & A
What is the main message of the video?
-The main message is that no one is coming to save you; you must take personal responsibility for changing your situation and achieving your goals.
Why does the speaker emphasize that whining and complaining are unproductive?
-Whining and complaining are unproductive because they narrow the mind, preventing the discovery of potential solutions and maintaining a focus on the problem rather than the solution.
What does the speaker mean by 'ideas beget behavior'?
-The speaker means that our actions are a result of the ideas we have; we can only act on what we know or believe to be possible.
What is the concept of 'entropy' as mentioned in the video?
-Entropy, in this context, refers to the gradual decline into chaos or disorder if no effort is put into maintaining a system, which can be applied to personal growth, relationships, or even physical order like a bookshelf.
Why does the speaker suggest that seeking advice can sometimes be a form of procrastination?
-Seeking advice can be a form of procrastination because some people ask for advice instead of taking action, and then ignore the advice given or continue seeking more without applying any of it.
What is the significance of focusing on goals rather than problems when trying to achieve something?
-Focusing on goals helps the mind to engage in pattern recognition, picking up information and ideas that are conducive to achieving those goals, whereas focusing on problems can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.
What is the importance of having a 'minimum viable goal' according to the speaker?
-A minimum viable goal is important because it provides a starting point to invest energy and effort, which in turn can build motivation and passion for achieving larger objectives.
Why should one avoid sharing their goals or actions prematurely with others, as suggested in the video?
-Prematurely sharing goals or actions can lead to a false sense of accomplishment and can become a substitute for actual progress, as people may get validation from stating their intentions rather than achieving them.
What is the concept of 'infinite games' and how does it relate to personal growth?
-Infinite games are ongoing pursuits with evolving rules and goals, such as entrepreneurship or long-term relationships. They relate to personal growth by providing continuous challenges and opportunities for development, unlike finite games which end after achieving a specific goal.
How does the speaker define the difference between 'finite' and 'infinite' games in the context of life pursuits?
-Finite games have a clear end and a winner/loser outcome, like reaching a rank in a corporate job. Infinite games, on the other hand, have no end and allow for continuous evolution and change, such as building a business or maintaining a long-term relationship.
What is the final piece of advice the speaker gives regarding taking action regardless of feelings?
-The speaker advises that one can and should take action regardless of their feelings, as physical movement and effort towards a goal can break the cycle of stagnation and initiate progress, even when emotions are low.
Outlines
🚫 Personal Responsibility for Change
The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-reliance in personal growth. It suggests that while external support can be helpful, it is ultimately up to the individual to alter their mindset and take action. The speaker addresses those feeling lost or trapped, offering a framework for self-improvement. They stress that complaining and seeking external validation are unproductive, and instead, encourage viewers to adopt a proactive approach to solving their problems. The concept of entropy is introduced to illustrate the consequences of inaction, likening it to a gradual decline into chaos without effort. The speaker also critiques the habit of seeking advice as a form of procrastination, rather than a genuine pursuit of solutions.
🧠 Expanding Mindset and Goal Setting
This paragraph discusses the necessity of having an open mind and a clear goal to overcome challenges. It suggests that people often seek dopamine hits from sharing their intentions rather than the satisfaction of achieving them. The speaker warns against the trap of external validation and encourages quiet, focused effort instead. They explain the power of pattern recognition in goal achievement and the importance of maintaining a goal-oriented mindset. The paragraph also touches on the idea that focusing on the problem can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure, advocating for a shift towards goal-focused thinking to unlock new possibilities and ideas.
📚 Continuous Learning and Experimentation
The speaker encourages continuous learning and exposure to new ideas and content as a means to achieve goals. They highlight the role of social media algorithms in shaping one's identity and goals, advising viewers to curate their social feeds deliberately. The paragraph introduces the concept of 'infinite games' versus 'finite games,' advocating for the pursuit of long-term, evolving goals over short-term, fixed objectives. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of testing and experimenting with new ideas, as well as making decisions from the perspective of one's ideal self, to foster personal growth and success.
🏋️♂️ Action Despite Feelings
In the final paragraph, the speaker stresses the ability to act regardless of one's emotional state. They argue that taking action is the key to breaking out of negative cycles and moving towards personal goals. The paragraph differentiates between short-term fixes and long-term investments in areas such as relationships and health, advocating for sustainable approaches over quick fixes. The speaker also promotes the idea of playing 'infinite games' in life, such as entrepreneurship and maintaining long-term relationships, as a way to bring meaning and fulfillment. They conclude by encouraging viewers to invest energy into self-generated goals to avoid stagnation and succumbing to entropy.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Responsibility
💡Mindset
💡Complaining
💡Pattern Recognition
💡Entropy
💡Goal
💡Procrastination
💡Dopamine
💡Infinite Games
💡Forward Movement
Highlights
Nobody is coming to save you. You must take responsibility for changing your mind and situation.
Surrounding yourself with whiners and complainers narrows your mind and prevents you from finding solutions.
Whining and complaining do not help your situation; only solving the problem does.
Entropy and impermanence mean that without effort, everything will fall into chaos.
Asking for advice can be a form of procrastination; people often ignore advice or seek it for a dopamine hit.
Focus on the goal, not the problem. Your mind will pick up information that helps you achieve your goals.
Having a goal, even a faint one, is crucial to start building motivation and passion.
Condition yourself to focus on the goal through reading, conversations, and exposing yourself to new content.
Infinite games like entrepreneurship, health, and long-term relationships evolve and provide continuous growth.
Avoid finite games with fixed outcomes; they lead to boredom and lack of growth.
Act regardless of how you feel. Forward movement is key to breaking out of stagnation.
Invest energy into self-generated goals to prevent stagnation and entropy.
Don't seek approval by telling everyone your plans; focus on building and achieving your goals.
View decisions from the perspective of your ideal future self to make better choices.
Unfollow everyone on social media and rigorously curate your feed to support your goals.
Transcripts
Nobody is coming to save you.
Now your friends, now your family, not the government.
They can offer advice and tools, but at the end of the day,
it's up to you to change your mind.
Do your situation
from a new perspective and act regardless of how you feel.
This video is for
those that feel like
they are in a dark place, or feel like they are lost.
I want to come in and hopefully provide a framework,
or at least some clarity to help you dig yourself out.
Because as is the title of this video,
nobody's going to save you.
What that means is that I'm not going to save you either.
In the mindset that you have to adopt
from the beginning of this video
is that if you don't take responsibility of digging yourself
out of that hole, you are not going to get out of that hole.
And by complaining and whining like most people do,
you're only going to dig yourself further in this topic
of nobody coming to save you.
Usually comes into play
when you're actually trying to do something with your life.
You're trying to take back control of your life.
You're trying to start a business.
You're trying to learn a new skill.
You're trying to become financially free.
You're trying to potentially
find someone to get into a relationship with.
You're trying to clear your mind
so that you can have better ideas
so that you can act in a better direction.
Because ideas beget behavior,
and you can't act on something
that you don't know is possible,
or you can just be trying to get fit
or really do
anything to just make your quality of life that much better.
The problem is that we live in a generation of whiners
and complainers.
They are abundant.
You can find them online.
You find them in the comment section.
You find them literally everywhere.
I'm sure you have friends that whine and complain.
I'm sure you have parents that whine and complain.
And the more you've surrounded yourself with these people,
the more you've unconsciously adopted
that as your own behavior.
And then as you whine and complain about your own situation,
you further narrow and close your mind off
to finding a potential solution
to help you reach that next phase of business
health, relationships,
whatever it is that you're pursuing right now.
The one thing that I want you to realize,
just think rationally.
Just think for once in the last week,
because I'm assuming
if you're in this situation, you're watching this video,
you don't feel very good.
You hope that someone's coming to save you, but they aren't.
You haven't
yet made the crucial realization that you have to me,
that whining or complaining, if you just think it
through, is not going to help you at all.
That's not doing anything
for the situation that you're in at all.
The only thing that can solve the problem is solving
the problem.
That means solving not solved, not solve it's future tense.
It means you're doing something.
You're solving. You're moving.
Because if you're not moving, that means you're stagnant.
And if you're stagnant,
that means you're not putting effort or energy into the system
that leads to a potential end result that you want that solves
the problem.
Therefore, that's when entropy comes into play.
And if you don't know what entropy is,
that is the gradual decline into chaos.
If energy is not put into a system, it's
the fact that everything falls apart.
It's the Buddhist principle of impermanence
that everything is changing.
And with entropy it goes even further to say
that everything is in decline
unless effort is put in to maintain the system now.
A practical example of that is just books on a bookshelf.
While books are very durable,
they can end up all over your house.
They can warp.
The spines can warp.
They can get damaged.
Just in general.
When you pass them off to your friend,
they can get lost at a friend's house.
If you don't put effort
into maintaining the order of your bookshelf.
The same comes into play for cleaning your room.
How many of you had to have your mom
clean your room when you were a kid?
Probably a lot of you, unless she told you to,
because she understood that if you did not clean your room,
it would just get dirtier
and dirtier and dirtier until it just became uninhabitable.
But at that point, your identity follows suit,
and it affects your mind so much
that your mind in that environment becomes that environment.
It becomes dirty and sloppy
and can't think in a clear corrected manner.
So I could give you tips like go make your bed every morning,
or organize your bookshelf or clear off your desk,
which I literally just did.
But I'm not going to give you those
because that's not a very big picture.
That's good
for just adopting as a habit,
but it's not going to make that much of a difference.
Now, another problem before we actually dive into solutions
is the fact that most people ask for advice
as a procrastination method to hide from the problems
that they need to solve themselves.
What I mean by that,
and as a person
who has a decent amount of followers on social media,
I see this all the time.
I cannot name how many times people have commented
asking for advice
under a video, under a post, on Twitter or Instagram,
and I've answered them
just for them to go on and completely ignore it
or ask another one, or just say that I'm flat out wrong.
What was the purpose
of asking the question in the first place?
If you're already set on keeping your mind closed
and not opening it
to a potential solution, to me
it seems like people don't want solutions.
They want to feel as if they know what the solution is.
They want
the dopamine hit
that comes from telling people that they're doing things,
or that they're trying to accomplish something,
as opposed to reaping
the dopamine that comes from actually achieving the goal.
This is an actual scientific thing.
I forget the exact study,
but there's a study that shows that dopamine is released
in the same manner for telling people
you're pursuing a goal
as it is for actually achieving the goal.
So a lot of people get addicted to telling people
what they're doing so that other people approve of them
and think highly of them, rather than just staying quiet,
building, solving the problem
and then showing them saying, hey, look, this is what I saw.
So one potential trap
that you should stay out of is to just ignore the desire
to tell every single person what you're doing, because
when again, you think this thing through,
that's not going to lead to anywhere good.
The only good thing it could lead to
is them potentially helping you.
That is on a case by case situation.
So what I'd rather you do is just stay quiet, start building
and then tell people what you're building.
Not I'm building this.
Think highly of me saying I'm building this.
Here's how you can benefit.
Will you come help me now?
The last reason you feel stuck or trapped,
or you feel like you need someone to come save you,
is that you haven't expanded your mind beyond the problem,
so it's impossible to solve
if your mind is only focused on the problem.
That means it's not focused on a solution.
And when you don't know what the solution is,
if you have a goal but you're not clear on how to get there,
your mind does this magical thing called pattern recognition,
where you pick up information in the environment
that helps you achieve the goal.
So if your main focus
is the problem,
you're going to further dig yourself into the problem.
If your focus is the goal and you condition, you
consciously condition yourself
to continue focusing on the goal.
This is like a form of positive thinking,
but not the delusional positive
thinking of like, oh, just think positive all the time.
Because evil exist, negativity exists.
That's a stupid way to go about life,
and it leads to more negativity than just being negative
at times and learning to deal with that.
So back to the point.
When you focus on the goal, even if you don't know what it is
and you continue focusing on that goal,
your mind will pick up ideas that help you achieve the goal.
When you're reading a book,
any book, your mind will bias the information
and ideas that you highlight
that will help you achieve the goal.
I'm sure you've already experienced this,
and this goes for conversations too.
When you have more conversations with people
or when you're scrolling on social media,
you will pick up the information
that helps you achieve the goal that is on your mind.
To further hammer home this idea that I'm telling you
is that everyone
that has different goals on their minds
are going to highlight different things in books.
They're going to pick up different things in conversations.
Their perception is going to be framed
to be advantageous toward the end goal that they're pursuing.
And if you're pursuing the problem,
then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy
that you're going to fail.
Now, the first step to getting out of this rut
or just taking back control of your life, is one
just having a goal.
If you don't know what your goal is, I'm
assuming that you have other people
that you aspire to be like.
You have something like, don't
tell me that you don't know what you want to be or what goal
you have.
You're lying to yourself. Just sit back and think.
It doesn't even have to be that accurate at first.
It just has to be a minimum viable goal,
something that you can at least
start to put effort and energy into, because that's
the only time when motivation and passion will start to build.
You don't just become motivated or become passionate.
It comes at the inception of a goal
and investing energy into the goal.
Actually moving toward
the goal is where those things come into play.
So what you need to do
is you need to
just have this faint image
of a goal or vision that you want to actualize.
And now
you need to start stacking ideas
that bias that goal or vision.
So you need to change your mind and expand your mind
by reading new books,
having more conversations, intentional conversations,
not just mindless conversations
with your friends like, oh, did you play that new video game?
Did I don't even know what people talk about nowadays.
That has nothing to do with any of the goals
they're trying to achieve.
Start the conversations
with your friends and your parents
and your partners or whoever.
Have the conversation
framed around the goal
you're trying to achieve,
so that you can gain more clarity on how to achieve it.
And if you even want to achieve that goal.
Because only by starting conversations in that direction,
whether they're actual verbal conversations or conversations
with a book or content
or with your own mind,
is how you're going to open up potentials.
Aside from the goal that you just came up with,
you're going to find new possibilities
and new goals that you can pursue,
and that may make more sense to you.
And if you don't do this process
and if you're focused on the problem,
then you're never going to think of the goal
that leads to the next goal
that makes you aware of the next goal,
that makes you aware of an idea
that leads to this goal that you never thought was possible.
But now you're pursuing and make your life's work.
So read new books, have more conversations,
expose yourself to new content.
One thing about the algorithm is it straight up programs
your identity into whatever your goal is.
As I said, you notice more things.
You notice the things that help you achieve your goals.
So if you don't have a goal,
that means someone assigned your goal.
That means whatever you notice on social media,
whatever is important to you, that's what importance is.
Importance is a signal
that that is useful for survival towards your goal.
So if someone assigned you a goal
and you have no idea what it is, something
that's important to
you will stick out on social media,
that content will continue to show to you.
So if your goal is to unconsciously troll on social media
and just be a subhuman,
then the content that you're exposed to is going to condition
that identity
because you're going to spend more time on that content.
The algorithm is going to show you more,
and you're going to end up in this echo chamber of content
with people that you probably don't want to end up like.
So use this as a time to literally unfollow everyone,
myself included.
Then from a clear conscience and toward the goal that you're
trying to pursue, start to follow people and find more people.
Follow one person, then look in their comments.
Find other people to follow. Follow them.
Look at the people that they follow.
Follow them and be absolutely rigorous on mental learning.
Your feed on social media.
Because social media is such a powerful tool
for learning and building and meeting new people
and actually creating the life that you want to live.
But it can quickly, very quickly destroy your mind.
Now, the next thing you're going to do,
as you're pursuing a goal
and you're stacking ideas that allow you to achieve the goal,
like new tactics
that you're learning for business, or new diet
models that you're learning for health
and you're starting to test
and experiment with these things
that step number two is testing. Experimenting.
Step number three is when you face a difficult situation
or you have to make a decision, view
the situation from the perspective of your ideal self.
What that means is who do you want to be?
This is not really saying okay,
I know exactly who I want to become,
so I'm going to think through their lens.
This is more so saying I need to zoom out,
and this is a great way to frame
how far you zoom out into the future.
Ten years from now, 20 years from now,
what is the decision that you wish you would have made
and how did that lead to you
becoming the person you want to be?
So if I'm trying to start a business
and I'm invited to go out with friends,
and I know that that is going to impact the lever moving
task that I have to do
to actually make the business a success.
Do I actually want to go out with friends
or is that just a distraction?
This is how you filter
what I should do from what I shouldn't do.
And it is your job
to consistently make the decisions that you should do
so that that becomes a habit and success compounds.
But this also requires you to actually think for yourself.
Is going out with your friends a good thing to do?
Have you stayed
in so many times that you can afford a night out?
Think for yourself throughout all of this.
The next thing here,
just as a guideline, is to play infinite games.
Infinite games are ones that you don't stop playing.
There is no end finite games or games
that have a winner and a loser.
So that means that there are rules and a goal
for people to finally achieve.
But then the game is over.
After that, infinite games continue playing.
There are finite games within infinite games, but as you play,
the thing with infinite games
is that you can continue changing the rules and the goal
so that it continues going further and further.
It evolves.
So the infinite games that you can play
are things like business or entrepreneurship
or health or relationships.
What I mean by that is business versus employment,
where employment,
you reach a specific rank in the corporate hierarchy, that is,
once you reach that rank,
not everyone can be the CEO of that company.
Everyone can be their own CEO,
especially in today's world with the one person business
and technology
and all of the things that I talk about
an infinite game is entrepreneurship, because you can choose.
You make the choice of what games you want to play.
Employment is where you win the game
and then everything becomes boring.
There's no new challenges, there's no evolution.
You sit there performing the same repetitive tasks
day in, day out, like a specialized robot.
You don't discover the depth of life
and you get trapped there.
What I mean by getting trapped
there is you get trapped on the surface.
Since there is no further goal to pursue in your life,
you are stuck chasing the cheap pleasures.
This comes into play with relationships as well.
Long term relationships are infinite games.
You continue playing them
and you change the rules as you reach
new stages of the relationship.
That's how you bring meaning,
fulfillment and energy and passion into the relationship.
But beyond that, flings here and there.
That's a quick fix.
That's how you bounce around on the surface and never invest
long term energy into one thing that brings out
or allows you to dive deeper and discover more in life.
In terms of health, fad diets are an example.
You have to zoom out and study the big picture principles
that involve diet and nutrition
by studying
various perspectives along the way
and coming up with your own way of doing it.
By following a fad diet,
you're likely to stick with the routine.
Feel very good in that routine for a good amount of time,
but then you're just going to fall off
and you're going to be like, okay,
why don't I feel the same way? Don't I feel as energetic?
Usually it's not the diet
that's giving you energy, it's
the clarity that comes from the routine
that you're adopting from someone else.
That is the fad diet model.
And then once that wears off,
you're going to be like, okay, now I need to go pursue
another one.
Carnivores are switching to repeat.
Atkins diet doesn't even exist anymore.
They just all change.
You can notice these finite games and choose not to play them.
The last thing I want you to understand relating to nobody's
coming to save you
is that you can act regardless of how you feel.
I don't care what thoughts you have on your mind right now.
If you have legs, you can stand up and walk
no matter how you feel,
no matter if you have the most painful
whatever in your stomach.
If you are the most depressed
individual in the world,
there is a way to get up
and get to the other side of the room.
If you feel depressed
or you're crying all the time,
you can still get up and wash the dishes.
I don't care how much you don't want to do them,
you can still do them.
And by doing them,
that's how you break out of the conditioned,
closed mind that you've dug yourself into
or trapped yourself in.
That is the first step
to actually getting out is just forward movement.
The solution to most of your problems is just forward
movement.
It's investing energy into a goal.
Any goal, any self-generated goal, not one.
That's assigned to you.
Because if you aren't investing energy into a goal,
then you're stagnated and you will succumb to entropy
and be dragged back into the situation
that you're currently in.
And the reason you're watching this video, that is it.
Thank you for watching.
Get to a writer.
If you want to learn a high impact
skill, get mental monetization.
If you want to monetize your creative work,
check out the free mini course
and other things in the description.
Get my book the Art of focus.
A lot of what we talked about today
is further illustrated in my book.
Aside from that, join the newsletter.
Do whatever.
Join everything.
Don't join anything. Doesn't matter.
I'll sleep at night.
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