TEACHER ROASTS EVERYONE IN HILARIOUS COMMENCEMENT SPEECH

Summary

In this humor-laden and sarcastic speech, a teacher addresses various groups within the school community—administrators, parents, students, and fellow teachers. The teacher uses wit and humor to criticize bureaucratic inefficiencies, the frustrations of teaching, and the lack of support from all sides, while also making light of the challenges students face. The speech is a blend of playful jabs, sharp observations, and tongue-in-cheek humor, capturing the realities of the education system with a comedic twist. Ultimately, the teacher urges students to aim high and make a career that pays more than $40,000 a year.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker expresses frustration with outdated technology at work, including a computer with Windows 98 and a jammed printer.
• 😀 The speaker humorously criticizes the administration for ineffective faculty meetings and a poorly executed attempt at appealing to students with a dance.
• 😀 The speaker sarcastically thanks the administration for reducing their class size to 35 students while adding a new class and taking away their planning period.
• 😀 A $500 monthly increase in salary is mentioned, which the speaker uses to cover psychiatric expenses.
• 😀 The speaker highlights the lack of parental attendance at conferences and their children's tendency to 'rat out' their parents.
• 😀 The speaker mocks the parents' emails for their numerous typos, referencing an email address with 'creep' and 'cutie'.
• 😀 The speaker humorously scolds students for not returning borrowed pencils and mentions a fine of $379 for each student before graduation.
• 😀 The speaker expresses frustration with colleagues asking them to buy essential oils, while also pointing out the lack of recognition for teachers' work.
• 😀 A plea is made for students to pick up their trash after events, as the speaker works a second job as a janitor.
• 😀 The speaker sarcastically references the show Stranger Things, suggesting students will only improve their grades in an alternate dimension.
• 😀 The speaker advises the class to aim for careers that pay more than $40,000 a year and jokes about their own low salary.

Q & A

Why does the speaker apologize for reading the speech?

The speaker apologizes for reading the speech because they had to handwrite it after their district computer, which runs Windows 98, couldn't handle the text file, and the printer was jammed.

How does the speaker feel about the administration's random drop-ins and faculty meetings?

The speaker expresses dissatisfaction with the administration's random drop-ins and faculty meetings, comparing them to a shot back on the Titanic, implying that they were ineffective and unhelpful.

What does the speaker say about the admin's attempt to connect with the students during an assembly?

The speaker sarcastically describes the administration's attempt at a Fortnite dance during an assembly to appeal to the students as embarrassing, likening it to an educational experience on the warning signs of a seizure.

How does the speaker feel about the reduction in their class size?

The speaker appreciates the reduction of their class size to 35 students, but points out the irony that it was achieved by adding another class and removing their planning time, which led to extra income but increased stress.

What does the speaker reveal about their mental health in the context of the changes?

The speaker humorously mentions that the changes to their workload (adding a class, reducing planning time) led to extra income that helped cover psychiatric expenses, indicating stress or mental health struggles as a result of their work situation.

What does the speaker imply about parents and their involvement in school activities?

The speaker sarcastically addresses the parents' lack of attendance at parent-teacher conferences, suggesting that work commitments are sometimes the reason, but highlighting that students often 'rat out' their parents for not showing up.

What does the speaker say about students' emails and their implications?

The speaker comments on receiving condescending emails from parents, noting that the numerous typos in the emails, including a return address of 'creep and cutie at hotmail.com,' provided some amusement and a sense of relief from the stress.

What is the speaker's attitude towards students' responsibilities and actions?

The speaker expresses frustration with students who fail to return borrowed pencils, noting that each student now owes them $379 for the missing pencils before they can graduate, humorously adding it to their obligations list.

What does the speaker hope for teachers in the future?

The speaker hopes that the state will eventually recognize the true worth of teachers and provide them with the pay raise they deserve, particularly to stop the frequent attempts by colleagues to sell essential oils.

What final request does the speaker make to the audience before graduation?

The speaker asks the audience to reflect on life, look forward to the future, and pick up their trash, humorously adding that they work as a janitor and would like to get home at a reasonable hour to watch 'Stranger Things.'