Single in Indonesia: Stigma and emancipation | DW Documentary

Summary

In Indonesia, where marriage is deeply ingrained in tradition, young singles are challenging societal expectations. Fakri, Kusnel, and others navigate the pressures of finding love while balancing family, religion, and modern dating practices. Fakri, for example, rebels against his mother's matchmaking and explores taruf, a formal Islamic dating method. The rise of dating apps, societal pressures, and the stigma surrounding divorce also highlight the challenges young Indonesians face in matters of the heart. Despite these hurdles, the pursuit of love and self-empowerment continues to evolve in a complex cultural landscape.

Takeaways

• 😀 Marriage is deeply ingrained in Indonesian society, with strong cultural and religious expectations pushing young people towards marriage, especially in a predominantly Muslim nation.
• 😀 Fakri, a young man from Indonesia, feels immense pressure from his mother to marry, despite his desire to find a partner on his own terms. He highlights the conflict between personal choice and familial expectations.
• 😀 The average age of marriage in Indonesia is 27.1 years for men and 22.4 years for women, but many young people, like Fakri, are trying to balance personal ambitions with societal pressures.
• 😀 Traditional matchmaking in Indonesia, like Taruf, is based on Islamic values and often involves formal introductions with the goal of securing a quick, binding commitment.
• 😀 Dating apps are becoming increasingly popular among young Indonesians who seek love while balancing liberal self-image and conservative family expectations.
• 😀 Kusnel Kotima, a TV professional, uses dating apps to meet like-minded individuals, though the main purpose is to build connections rather than focusing solely on romantic relationships.
• 😀 Divorce rates in Indonesia have been steadily rising, with women initiating 70% of divorces. Despite this, divorced individuals, particularly women, face significant social stigma.
• 😀 Divorcees in Indonesia, especially women, are stigmatized as unable to stand on their own, often facing financial insecurity and social exclusion.
• 😀 The lack of adequate legal protection for women in divorce cases in Indonesia often leads to economic and social hardships, with many women struggling to re-enter the workforce.
• 😀 The patriarchal nature of Indonesian society makes it difficult for divorced women to rebuild their lives, as men generally have more opportunities, leaving women with fewer options.
• 😀 Despite these societal pressures, Fakri successfully finds a partner through Taruf, and eventually marries, showing that while traditional expectations are strong, personal agency can still lead to fulfillment.

Q & A

What is the societal expectation regarding marriage in Indonesia?

In Indonesia, marriage is regarded as the ideal and is deeply embedded in societal and religious values. It is considered a social duty towards both society and the family, and people, especially young individuals, face significant pressure to conform to this expectation.

How does Fakri Akbar Maana feel about the pressure to get married?

Fakri feels frustrated and pressured by his mother's constant attempts to introduce him to potential wives. He feels that he should be able to find love on his own and is irritated by the assumption that he cannot do it independently, which affects his self-confidence.

What is the role of Taruf in the context of Indonesian dating?

Taruf is a formal dating process designed to align with strict Islamic values. It avoids direct interaction between men and women, instead using a facilitator for formal introductions. It aims to secure a commitment to marriage quickly and is increasingly being conducted online.

How does Fakri feel about participating in the Taruf process?

Fakri initially questioned the traditional process but later decided to participate in Taruf. He hoped it would offer a way to find a life partner while respecting cultural and religious norms. After going through several introductions, he found success and is now in a relationship.

Why do young people in Indonesia use dating apps like Muzmatch or Taru ID?

Young people in Indonesia use dating apps as a way to balance liberal self-image with conservative social norms. These apps provide a platform for individuals to search for love while also offering a sense of community and a chance to meet like-minded or diverse people.

What challenges do divorced women face in Indonesia?

Divorced women in Indonesia face significant social stigma, as they are often viewed negatively, with some being accused of being seducers of men. Additionally, they struggle with financial insecurity, lack of professional experience, and exclusion from societal support systems.

How does the divorce rate in Indonesia compare to other countries?

The divorce rate in Indonesia has been steadily increasing, with a rise of 6% per year. Since 2007, the rate has more than doubled, and surprisingly, 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This marks a significant shift in societal norms.

What is the primary reason for divorce in Indonesia, according to the script?

The primary reason for divorce in Indonesia, as stated in the script, is domestic violence. This is the driving force for many women seeking divorce, despite the societal and legal challenges they face.

How do divorced men and women experience social pressure differently in Indonesia?

Divorced men are under pressure to stabilize their social status quickly, often remarrying to maintain their social image. On the other hand, divorced women face greater stigma and are socially marginalized, particularly when they are single parents.

What does the support group 'Save Jandanda' aim to achieve?

Save Jandanda is a support group that helps women rebuild their self-esteem after divorce, particularly those who are victims of domestic violence. It offers them a sense of hope and a space to regain their confidence and move forward in life.