How to MOVE ON and LET GO of someone you once LOVED (or EX)

Summary

Breakups can be incredibly painful, and healing often feels slow and impossible. This video offers unique insights and actionable steps to help you move on. It explains how our minds get fixated on relationships due to loss aversion and emotional attachment. The key to letting go involves addressing both the pain and the fantasy of reunion. Practical tips include distancing yourself from reminders of your ex, practicing objective reflection on the relationship, and using the breakup as an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Through self-improvement and personal growth, you can emerge stronger, attracting healthier relationships in the future.

Takeaways

• 😀 Breakups are tough, and it's okay to seek help in dealing with the pain. There's no shame in looking for guidance during difficult times.
• 😀 Loss aversion is a psychological bias that makes the pain of losing something feel worse than the joy of gaining something, and it's a key reason why breakups are so painful.
• 😀 It's not just the pain of a breakup you're holding onto, but also the fantasies of what could have been. To heal, you need to let go of both the pain and the fantasy.
• 😀 One way to move on is by cutting off all exposure to reminders of your ex. This can be done by deleting photos, texts, and social media connections, treating it like breaking an addiction.
• 😀 If deleting everything feels too extreme, store your memories on a physical USB or memory stick to create barriers between you and the stimuli that trigger painful thoughts.
• 😀 Create a T-chart to objectively evaluate your relationship. On one side, write down the things you appreciated, and on the other side, list the things you didn’t like. This helps you see the relationship more clearly.
• 😀 Remember, we often overlook the negatives when looking back on relationships. This ‘rosy retrospection’ can make the past seem perfect, but balancing it with what you didn’t like helps you heal.
• 😀 A breakup can be an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Use this painful time as a chance to focus on self-growth, emotionally and physically.
• 😀 Breakups can lead to breakthroughs. The most significant personal growth often comes after major life changes, like breakups, as they force you to adapt and grow.
• 😀 Focus on improving yourself for your own benefit, not to win back your ex. When you level up personally, you naturally attract better relationships in the future.

Q & A

Why is it difficult to move on from a breakup?

Breakups trigger loss aversion, where the pain of losing someone sticks in your mind more intensely than the pleasure of gains. This cognitive bias makes it hard to detach from someone you once loved, as you are emotionally tied to the loss and the idea of them returning.

What is the 'loss aversion fallacy' mentioned in the video?

Loss aversion refers to the psychological bias where losses feel more painful than gains feel pleasurable. In the context of breakups, this means the emotional pain of losing someone outweighs any positives or potential for moving on.

How does social media impact the healing process after a breakup?

Social media acts as a constant source of exposure to the stimuli related to the ex, like photos, texts, or updates. This constant reminder can prolong the emotional attachment and make it harder to detach. Avoiding social media or unfollowing your ex can help reduce this exposure.

What practical step can help detach emotionally from an ex?

One practical step is to delete all photos, messages, and any traces of the relationship from your phone and social media. If this feels too extreme, you can back everything up on a physical USB or memory card, keeping it out of easy reach to avoid emotional triggers.

How does the concept of 'rosy retrospection' affect our perception of past relationships?

Rosy retrospection is when we remember the past more positively than it actually was, often overlooking negative aspects. This makes it difficult to move on because we idealize the relationship and forget the flaws, leading to an emotional attachment to a fantasy of reconciliation.

Why is it important to write down both the positives and negatives of a past relationship?

Writing down both the positives and negatives helps create a balanced view of the relationship, preventing you from only romanticizing it. It allows you to see the relationship objectively, acknowledging what worked and what didn’t, making it easier to move forward.

What is the significance of using a breakup as an opportunity to reinvent oneself?

A breakup can serve as a turning point for personal growth. It’s an opportunity to reset, learn from past experiences, and focus on self-improvement. By reinventing yourself, you not only heal but also position yourself for a better future, both personally and in future relationships.

How can focusing on self-improvement after a breakup benefit future relationships?

Focusing on self-improvement helps raise your personal standards, which leads to attracting a partner who aligns better with your growth. The process of becoming a 'better version' of yourself increases your ability to connect with healthier, more compatible individuals in the future.

What does the statement 'breakups make bodybuilders' mean?

This statement refers to the idea that many people use the pain of a breakup as fuel for self-improvement, particularly in physical transformation. The emotional pain often leads individuals to channel their energy into fitness and personal growth, resulting in positive changes.

Why is it important to stop seeking the 'right person' and start becoming the right person?

By focusing on becoming the best version of yourself, you naturally raise your standards and become more aligned with what you truly need in a partner. This shift ensures that you attract someone who resonates with your values, energy, and growth, rather than just seeking someone who meets superficial expectations.