Residential school survivor separated from siblings

Summary

The speaker reflects on their traumatic childhood experience in a residential school, where they were separated from their family, friends, and cultural identity. They describe the pain of isolation, shame, and the emotional struggles they faced growing up, including the impact of forced assimilation and religious teachings. The speaker shares their ongoing journey of healing, acknowledging the deep trauma they endured and the challenges of parenting and fostering. Despite years of counseling and personal growth, the wounds from their early experiences continue to affect their relationships and sense of self.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker had a good upbringing until the age of six, when they were sent to a residential school.
• 😀 They were excited to join their siblings at the school but were shocked by the harsh reality of being separated from their family.
• 😀 The speaker struggled with isolation and often tried to reconnect with their brothers and sister through distant interactions, such as shouting or waving, but faced punishment for doing so.
• 😀 Learning about religion at the school left the speaker feeling condemned for being Indigenous, struggling with the belief that they were going to hell simply for their heritage.
• 😀 The speaker's parents never taught them their native language, likely to protect them from abuse faced by others who spoke it.
• 😀 The speaker lived under constant tension at the residential school, always walking on eggshells to avoid punishment.
• 😀 Friendships were not allowed at the school, and the speaker lost close friends, leaving them with lasting feelings of loneliness and difficulty forming close relationships later in life.
• 😀 The speaker struggled with shame and a loss of identity, feeling ashamed of their Indigenous roots and even going as far as trying to keep up appearances to avoid judgment from others.
• 😀 Despite the trauma, the speaker underwent healing and therapy since 1982, working through grief and trauma, although they still question how they managed to survive and parent during this time.
• 😀 Fostering children allowed the speaker to empathize with their parents' pain when they were separated, realizing that the emptiness they felt when the children left mirrored their own childhood experiences of separation.

Q & A

What was the speaker's experience like before attending residential school?

The speaker describes having a good upbringing until the age of six, when they were sent to residential school. They were used to living in isolation in the bush and were excited to join their older siblings, not realizing the hardships that awaited them.

How did the speaker feel about being separated from their family at residential school?

The speaker felt very alone and isolated, especially during the first two years at residential school when they were separated from their brothers and older sister. They tried to reach out to their siblings but faced harsh consequences.

What was the significance of the white fence at the residential school?

The white fence represented a barrier that physically and emotionally separated the speaker from their siblings. They could see them on the other side but were unable to connect with them, which added to the speaker's sense of isolation.

How did the speaker experience the imposition of religion at residential school?

The speaker struggled with the religious teachings at the school, feeling ashamed and constantly believing they were going to hell for being Native. This belief deeply affected their self-esteem and their sense of identity.

Why did the speaker's parents avoid teaching their children their native language?

The speaker believes that their parents avoided teaching them their native language to protect them from the harsh treatment that children who didn't speak English received at residential school. Many children who spoke only their native language were punished.

What emotional challenges did the speaker face while at residential school?

The speaker dealt with intense emotional challenges, including living under constant tension, walking on eggshells, and struggling with shame. They were afraid of the punishment that could come from any minor mistake or act of defiance.

What does the speaker reveal about their relationship with friends at residential school?

The speaker mentions a friendship with a girl at residential school that ended without explanation. Later, the speaker learned they were not allowed to have friends, and their relationship had been deliberately separated by the school, which added to their feelings of abandonment.

How did the speaker's experiences at residential school affect their ability to form close relationships later in life?

The speaker reveals that they struggle to form close, lasting friendships even as an adult. They describe feeling distant from others and unable to get close to anyone, a lasting effect of the separation from family and the lack of emotional connection during their childhood.

How did the speaker’s sense of identity change after leaving residential school?

After leaving residential school, the speaker felt a loss of identity and shame about being Native. They internalized societal judgments, even going so far as to worry that their children would be labeled 'dirty old Indians' based on the appearance of their home.

What role did grief and trauma counseling play in the speaker's healing process?

Since 1982, the speaker has been attending grief and trauma counseling, which has played a significant role in their healing. Through this process, they learned about themselves, addressed the trauma they had endured, and gained a better understanding of how they survived their difficult past.