What is flirting, and how to do it?

Summary

In this video, Anna, a clinical psychology doctoral intern, delves into the concept of flirting, explaining it as a playful, unspoken expression of attraction. She outlines how flirting can involve subtle hints, teasing, and leaving tension in the air without a clear end goal, creating an exciting dynamic. She emphasizes that flirting is a form of play, with no ulterior motive, and encourages viewers to embrace archetypes—like the 'fairy nymph' for women or the 'jester' for men—to help embody a flirtatious attitude. The video aims to help those who struggle with flirting due to anxiety or social challenges to understand and engage in this fun and lighthearted interaction.

Takeaways

• 😀 Flirting is an unspoken expression of attraction, typically through subtle cues like winks, compliments, or light physical touches.
• 😀 Flirting is playful in nature and often involves teasing, where the aim is to build tension and excitement rather than to hurt or insult.
• 😀 The key to flirting is to have fun and keep things lighthearted, without any ulterior motives or clear goals like asking someone out.
• 😀 Flirting helps maintain a sense of attraction in long-term relationships by continuously expressing that you're drawn to your partner.
• 😀 Flirting involves a balance of teasing and attraction, leaving things unspoken to create anticipation and excitement.
• 😀 Teasing should never be mean-spirited or intended to undermine someone's self-esteem; it's about poking fun at your own attraction to the other person.
• 😀 When flirting, it's important to avoid forcing a specific outcome (like getting a date or a phone number). Instead, focus on having fun and building playful energy.
• 😀 Flirting can be seen as a form of play—something done for fun, with no ulterior motive, much like dancing alone or making playful jokes.
• 😀 An archetypal approach to flirting can help you embody a more playful, flirtatious persona, such as the female 'fairy nymph' or the male 'jester.'
• 😀 Archetypes like the 'fairy nymph' (seductive, innocent) and 'jester' (charismatic, playful) can serve as inspiration for flirting behaviors in different genders.
• 😀 Building flirtatious tension is more exciting when it's left unspoken, as it keeps both parties wondering about each other's intentions until the moment feels right.

Q & A

What is flirting and why is it difficult to define?

Flirting is a behavior that hints at attraction without explicitly stating it. It's difficult to define because it involves subtle, non-verbal cues, and can vary depending on context, personal style, and cultural norms.

How can flirting help in long-term relationships?

Flirting in long-term relationships helps maintain a sense of attraction and excitement. It allows partners to express desire, build anticipation for intimacy, and maintain a playful connection, which can enhance emotional and physical intimacy.

What are some common examples of flirting?

Examples of flirting include subtle gestures like winking, giving compliments, and light physical contact, such as brushing against someone's hand during a conversation.

Why do people feel upset when their partner flirts with someone else?

People feel upset because flirting communicates attraction, and when a partner flirts with someone else, it suggests that they are expressing interest or desire for another person, which can threaten the emotional security in a relationship.

What does flirting have to do with play and fun?

Flirting is a form of play because it’s done for enjoyment and fun, without any ulterior motives. It’s a way to engage in light-hearted interactions, exploring attraction without the pressure of achieving a specific goal.

What role does teasing play in flirting?

Teasing in flirting is a playful way to hint at attraction without being too direct. It often involves self-deprecating humor or paradoxical statements that build tension and create a back-and-forth dynamic, which is exciting and engaging.

How does the concept of teasing differ from negative behavior?

Teasing in flirting is not meant to hurt or insult the other person. It's not about bringing down someone's self-esteem, but rather about making playful, lighthearted comments that highlight attraction in a fun, indirect way.

What is the importance of leaving attraction unspoken in flirting?

Leaving attraction unspoken builds anticipation and excitement. It creates a dynamic of uncertainty, where both parties are unsure whether the attraction is mutual, which increases the thrill of the interaction and makes the eventual confirmation more rewarding.

How can someone improve their flirting skills if they struggle with social anxiety or neurodivergence?

Instead of focusing on specific steps, people can focus on embodying the underlying values of flirting—playfulness, attraction, and teasing. Stepping into archetypes like the 'fairy nymph' for women or the 'jester' for men can help by providing a more natural, playful approach to interactions.

What archetypes are suggested for flirting, and how can they be helpful?

The 'fairy nymph' archetype for women and the 'jester' archetype for men are suggested as playful, flirtatious figures. Embodying these archetypes can help individuals embrace a fun and confident approach to flirting, making interactions feel more natural and less pressured.