You’re Not Lazy : How To Force Your Brain To Crave Doing Hard Things
Summary
TLDRThe speaker discusses the challenges of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and the struggle with binge eating and body dysmorphia. They delve into the concept of delayed gratification, referencing the marshmallow test and its implications on self-control and success in life. The importance of the prefrontal cortex in self-control is highlighted, and the development of the 'cool system' in the brain is explained. The speaker shares personal strategies for improving self-control, such as creating 'if-then' systems and using mindfulness and meditation to enhance the prefrontal cortex's function. They emphasize the value of delayed gratification in personal growth and suggest that while it's a difficult journey, it's essential for a fulfilling life. The summary concludes with encouragement and a reminder to be kind to oneself during the process of self-improvement.
Takeaways
- 💪 Developing self-control and delaying gratification is not about lack of motivation or willpower, but rather mastering a skill that can be learned.
- 🍭 The Marshmallow Test demonstrates that children who can delay gratification tend to be more successful in life, with better focus, planning, and personal relationships.
- 🧠 Activation in the prefrontal cortex is linked to self-control, which is crucial for delaying gratification and making decisions.
- 🤯 The 'hot' system (limbic system) reacts instantly to stimuli, while the 'cool' system (prefrontal cortex) is responsible for self-control and planning.
- 👶 The cool system develops throughout childhood, which is why young children struggle with resisting immediate gratification.
- 🚀 As we age, our self-control improves, and everyone has the potential to enhance their self-control through life experiences.
- 🤝 Practicing delayed gratification can lead to better communication and conflict resolution by choosing constructive solutions over immediate emotional reactions.
- 📺 Instead of indulging in instant pleasures like binge-watching or mindless scrolling, invest time in activities that advance personal and professional growth.
- 🧘♂️ Meditation and mindfulness practices, such as those guided by the Headspace app, can help activate the prefrontal cortex and improve self-control.
- 📝 Keeping a journal or noting down impulsive behaviors can raise awareness and help identify patterns that need to be changed.
- 🔄 Creating 'if-then' systems can help improve self-control by establishing rules that trigger specific, planned actions in response to certain situations.
Q & A
What is the main challenge the speaker has been facing for the past 5 to 6 years?
-The speaker has been struggling with binge eating and body dysmorphia, and has found it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with their body and food.
What is the 'marshmallow test' and what does it measure?
-The 'marshmallow test' is a psychological experiment where children are given a choice between having one marshmallow immediately or waiting to receive two marshmallows later. It measures their ability to delay instant gratification.
What did follow-up studies on the marshmallow test reveal about the children who waited longer?
-The follow-up studies found that children who managed to wait longer were more successful in life, better at focusing and planning, scored higher on their SATs, and were better at maintaining personal relationships.
What are the two systems in our body that control self-control?
-The two systems are the 'hot system' (limbic system), which instantly reacts to our environment and regulates our emotions and basic biological needs, and the 'cool system' (located in the prefrontal cortex), which is responsible for self-control, decision-making, and planning.
How does the cool system develop over time?
-The cool system develops throughout childhood, which is why young children find it more difficult to resist immediate gratification. As we age, we gain more self-control.
What is the significance of delayed gratification in achieving a happy and fulfilling life?
-Delayed gratification is crucial for a happy and fulfilling life as it helps us resist immediate emotions and impulses, allowing us to make better decisions, plan effectively, and invest time in activities that advance our personal and professional growth.
How can creating 'if-then' systems help improve self-control?
-Creating 'if-then' systems involves setting up rules where a specific action is taken when a certain situation occurs. This helps improve self-control by providing a structured response to triggers, making it easier to resist impulsive reactions.
What role does meditation play in enhancing self-control?
-Meditation, particularly through apps like Headspace, helps activate the prefrontal cortex, which controls self-control. It increases awareness of one's actions, helps understand impulses better, and can strengthen self-control over time.
How does the if-then system eventually lead to the formation of habits?
-The if-then system eventually leads to habits as the behaviors become automatic. Once a behavior is repeated enough times with the if-then rule, the brain starts to perform the action without needing to consciously think about it.
What is the importance of being mindful and self-analytical in self-improvement?
-Being mindful and self-analytical is important in self-improvement as it allows individuals to identify patterns, triggers, and impulsive reactions. This understanding helps create effective if-then plans and prevents undesired behaviors from occurring.
How should one approach failure in the journey of self-improvement?
-One should approach failure with kindness towards oneself, recognizing that failure is a part of the journey. It's important to learn from mistakes and continue to create if-then systems to prevent the same failures from happening in the future.
Outlines
🤔 Understanding Self-Control and the Marshmallow Test
The first paragraph discusses the struggle with self-improvement habits such as gym attendance, healthy eating, and reducing alcohol consumption. It highlights the challenge of overcoming binge eating and body dysmorphia. The speaker introduces the marshmallow test, a study that measures the ability to delay gratification by choosing between one marshmallow now or two later. The test's long-term follow-ups reveal that children who wait longer tend to be more successful in life, with better focus, planning, and personal relationships. The speaker explains the dual systems in our brains that control self-control: the 'hot' system, which reacts instantly to stimuli, and the 'cool' system, located in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for self-control and decision-making. The paragraph emphasizes that self-control is not just about willpower but a skill that can be learned and improved over time.
📝 Developing Self-Control Through 'If-Then' Systems
The second paragraph delves into strategies for improving self-control by identifying triggers for impulsive behavior and creating 'if-then' plans. The speaker shares personal tactics such as noting down actions that are out of line with one's goals to raise awareness and identify patterns. The use of the meditation app Headspace is mentioned as a tool for mindfulness and self-control, particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD. The paragraph explains that meditation can activate the prefrontal cortex, enhancing self-control. The 'if-then' system is illustrated with examples, emphasizing that over time, these behaviors can become habits. The speaker also discusses the importance of recognizing when self-control is most needed and creating plans to deal with stress-induced impulses, such as going to the gym to combat the desire to drink alcohol.
🧘♀️ The Role of Mindfulness in Self-Improvement
The third paragraph emphasizes the importance of mindfulness in the journey of self-improvement. It suggests that being mindful through various practices like meditation, journaling, yoga, or even silent walks can help individuals observe their reactions and surroundings without judgment. The speaker acknowledges the difficulty and pain of change and encourages self-compassion, viewing failure as part of the learning process. The paragraph concludes with a message of support and encouragement for the audience's success in their self-improvement endeavors.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-Control
💡Marshmallow Test
💡Prefrontal Cortex
💡Hot and Cool Systems
💡Delayed Gratification
💡If-Then Systems
💡Mindfulness and Meditation
💡ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
💡Habit Formation
💡Stress Management
💡Journaling
Highlights
The struggle with maintaining healthy habits like gym attendance, eating healthily, and reducing alcohol consumption is common and can be challenging for many years.
Binge eating and body dysmorphia are serious issues that can make having a healthy relationship with one's body and food seem impossible.
Success in self-control is not just about motivation or willpower, but also about mastering a skill that can be learned by doing hard work without relying on motivation.
The Marshmallow Test is a significant study that measures a child's ability to delay gratification, which is linked to later success in life.
Children who waited longer in the Marshmallow Test were found to be more successful, with better focus, planning, higher SAT scores, and better personal relationships.
Brain scans of participants who excelled in the Marshmallow Test showed more activation in the prefrontal cortex, which is linked to self-control.
Self-control depends on two systems in the body: the 'hot' system, which reacts instantly to the environment, and the 'cool' system, which controls behavior, emotions, and biological needs.
The 'cool' system, located in the prefrontal cortex, is essential for decision-making, planning, and self-control, and is less active in people with ADHD.
The 'cool' system develops throughout childhood, which explains why young children have difficulty resisting immediate gratification.
Self-control can improve over time as life experiences constantly remodel who we are, and it can also decrease, which is important to be aware of.
Delayed gratification is a critical skill for a happy and fulfilling life, as it helps in managing immediate emotions and finding constructive solutions.
Creating 'if-then' systems can improve self-control by establishing easy-to-follow rules that trigger specific actions in response to certain situations.
Identifying impulsive reactions and 'hot spots' that trigger them is a crucial first step in creating an effective if-then plan.
Keeping a journal or taking notes on actions that are done impulsively raises awareness and helps in recognizing patterns that need to be changed.
Meditation and mindfulness, such as those guided by the Headspace app, can activate the prefrontal cortex and strengthen self-control, which is particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD.
The if-then system eventually leads to habits that are automatic and no longer require conscious effort to maintain.
Analyzing personal patterns, such as increased anger or stress, and creating if-then plans for these situations can lead to better self-control and healthier coping mechanisms.
Being mindful and practicing activities like meditation, journaling, or yoga can help in understanding impulses better and identifying patterns to create effective if-then systems.
Allowing oneself to fail and learning from mistakes is an important part of the journey towards self-improvement and better self-control.
Transcripts
I found myself struggling to stick with
the gym eat healthy or reduce my alcohol
consumption even though I know it's good
for me and probably what I'm supposed to
be doing for the last 5 to 6 years I
struggled with binge eating and body
dysmorphia quite a lot and no matter
what method I would give it a try having
a healthy relationship with my body and
with food seemed like impossible but
over the years I've learned that it's
not about lack of motivation or
willpower even though a lot of people
say that way it's about mastering a
skill we all can learn doing the hard
work without relying on motivation when
I started to dig deeper into how we can
control ourselves I've stumbled upon a
book called the marshmallow test it's
basically about a study where they gave
children a choice to either consume one
marshmallow immediately or wait and
receive two marshmallow later to measure
their ability to delay instant
gratification AKA doing the hard work I
probably would fail you might think that
the test was a simple psychological
experiment but in follow-up studies they
found that the children who managed to
wait longer were assessed as being more
successful in life so they were better
at focusing planning and also they
scored higher on their SATs and also
were better at maintaining personal
relationships they also scanned the
participants brains and they found that
those who excelled in the marshmallow
test so those who waited had much more
activation in their prefrontal cortex
the front part of their brain so what
does it mean how does the activation in
our prefrontal cortex relates to delink
gratification I know it sounds
complicated but let me explain our
self-control depends on two systems that
are functioning in our body one that
instantly reacts to our environment and
one that controls our Behavior our
emotions and basic biological needs are
regulated by our lmic system also called
the hot system so the hot system
immediately reacts to any arousing
stimuli so let's say when child sees a
marshmallow his hot system makes him
want to eat it right away instead of
patiently waiting for more on the other
hand we also have a cool system so it's
located in our prefrontal cortex so in
the front part of our brain and it's the
part of our brain that's responsible for
self-control now it start to make a lot
of sense the cool system is essential
for making decisions for planning or
anything you know making decisions and
planning ahead etc etc so when we need
to control ourselves our cool system is
active and people with ADHD like me has
lower activation in their prefrontal
cortex which means that their ability to
control themselves is L I don't know why
I'm so hyped up about it like it's like
one of the things that ruins my life but
anyway Although our hot system is
functional straight from birth the cool
system develops throughout childhood so
this is why it's much more difficult for
young children to resist any immediate
gratification so if you have a kid and
if they can't resist you anything don't
be mad at them okay they don't have the
cool system yet be patient as we get
older we gain more self-control so
everyone has the ability to improve
their self-control which is a good news
because our life experiences are
constantly remodeling who we are this
also means your self-control can also
decrease too so the Ling gratification
is one of the most important skills in
my life in my opinion if you want to
have a happy fulfilling life okay let me
explain why let's say you're super angry
like to someone you love and you want to
argue with them you want to shout at
them or something but instead of giving
into these immediate emotions you could
choose to use your communication skills
to find a constructive solution like you
can take a step back you can think about
the situation and rather than shouting
them you can come up with a resp
response that builds rather than breaks
I'm quite sure that you also had an
experience of saying things that you
regret while you were angry right I mean
I do but if we practice delayed
gratification we decrease the chance of
losing to our anger another example can
be binge watching Netflix or endly
scrolling through social media like
looking at Kardashians or something it's
easy it's comfortable but is it really
serving us no instead we could use our
time to gain skills or knowledge that
will advance our career and life turning
that time into a personal invest one of
my all-time favorite quotes goes we must
all suffer from one of two pains the
pain of discipline or the pain of regret
the difference is discipline weights
ounces while regret weights
tons isn't it cool so can delayed
gratification and self-control can be
learned if so how the great news is even
though some people have better impulse
control I don't it's proven that
delaying gratification is a learned
behavior a behavior that I couldn't
learn one of the ways to practice
delayed Gra navigation is creating if
then systems it's basically a way to
improve self-control by creating easy to
follow rules you make a rule where if
certain thing happens then you do a
specific action for example if I want to
binge watch Netflix shows I will do it
at the gym while walking on a treadmill
or let's say I feel like eating a
chocolate I will go to the supermarket
by walk and get one I want store it at
home I'm not saying that quit chocolate
but if you want to do that then you will
go to the supermarket so the first step
in creating an if then plan is to
identify the hot spots that trigger the
impulsive reactions you want to control
let's say you've been struggling to quit
drinking every night you can a rule if
you want to drink alcohol you will wait
15 minutes and then decide whether you
still want to want it the hard part is
identifying these impulsive reactions
can be quite difficult since most of us
live on autopilot like I don't even
remember what I did yesterday and one of
the practices I've been doing is jotting
down simply whenever I'm doing something
I shouldn't be doing for example I use
like my iPad menu quite often for that
or just simply writing on my journal or
just taking a note on my phone if I'm
doing something that I should have been
doing scrolling on social media I just
take a note saying that I'm scrolling on
social media even though I shouldn't be
doing it the more you write the more you
will realize on the areas you struggle
and it raises the awareness towards your
actions because then you will be able to
see how many times what kind of an
action you've been doing even though you
don't actually want it right like I've
seen myself writing so many times
scrolling on social media without any
purpose I have to mention another thing
that has been really helping me head
space okay so now I know what you're
thinking right oh here comes the
sponsored part secure the bag but the
truth is I genuinely believe in the
impact it has had on me because heads
space is an app that guides you through
mindfulness and meditation so if you
don't know meditation is clinically
proven that it helps with activating the
prefrontal cortex so the part that
controls our self-control and since I
have ADHD and my prefontal cortex is
quite weak actually doing meditation is
one of the things that is quite
recommended for people with ADHD to
strengthen that power and control ADHD
more it doesn't mean your ADHD goes goes
away if you meditate every single day
like for hours but it really helps with
it so like meditation helps me quite a
lot with understanding my impulses
better and it makes me more aware of my
actions which helps me to identify the
patterns that happens to me so that I
can create these if and systems to help
those preventing happening in the future
it's also like having a mindfulness
coach right like whatever that means and
meditation you know with heads space
helps you get on backtrack when your
mind starts to wander which happens to
me every single time even right now and
also it's not about doing it perfectly
everyone has their own preferred way of
meditating for example I meditate on bed
you know different routines frequencies
or types of content and that's the
beauty of it and you can find those on
heads
space so just taking a moment to make
sure you are
comfortable so headspace allows you to
personalize your mindfulness Journey so
if you have been wanting to try
meditation but not sure where to start
heads space is giving a 60-day free
trial no strings attached you can find
the link in description or scan the QR
code on screen if you haven't give
meditation a try I'm telling you you're
missing out because it's actually really
good so the great thing about the if
then system is eventually you won't need
those rules anymore because the behavior
will become a habit of yours and you
will do it automatically when we think
that way actually habits are quite scary
because once it's become a habit of
yours you don't even realize that you're
doing that thing so rather than like
going to downfall and down downward
spiral of bad habits we can use it to
create good habits so that we do things
that will be grateful in the future and
also if then plans work not only when
the signal comes from an outside let's
say like an alarm walking into bar but
also inside feelings like Cravings
boredom anxiety or anger this technique
helps make good habits automatic after a
while and for example brushing your
teeth is also an actual if then system
you know if I decide to sleep then I
will brush my teeth and I hope you're
doing that the same thing and eventually
you won't need those rules for yourself
anymore as the behavior will become
automatic like I don't even think I
don't even think about brushing my teeth
before I go to bed and another important
strategy is to identify when exactly you
need to exercise more self-control for
that you need to analyze yourself
whenever you're stressed for example you
might get more Angry so Analyze That
pattern and decide what you would do for
example whenever I'm stressed right like
whenever I have deadlines and projects
that I need need to make sure I get them
done on time I get really stressed and I
find myself drinking a lot of alcohol so
one of the if then plans that I made for
myself is to go to the gym whenever I'm
feeling stress and then drink if I want
to still drink after my gym session and
most of the time I realized that I
actually don't want to drink anymore
right like in my brain that was a kind
of like a coping mechanism for me but
because I created this if then system
whenever I'm now stressed then I go and
get a good workout session done and that
really helped me to practice delay
gratification because rather than
getting that dopamine Rush from an
alcohol now I get that dopamine from
working out and I practice the light
gratification and also working out helps
with developing your prefrontal cortex
too and let's say you eat a lot when
you're upset or stressed right in that
case you could make a plan if I feel
upset and I want to eat a lot then I
will make myself a cup of herb tea
Journal maybe some meditation and maybe
take a quick nap or go for a walk
identifying these are quite hard and
that's why most of us struggle in my
opinion and the more I delve into
self-improvement the more I realize The
Importance of Being mindful with
ourselves whether you pick meditating
journaling yoga or even going for a
silent Walk Alone the important point is
allowing yourself to fail and just
observe what's happening around you and
how you're reacting because changing is
difficult and it's also really painful
I'm sure you're experiencing a lot of
stress and there are a lot of issues in
your life that you need to figure out
but just don't forget to be kind
yourself because failure is a part of
Journey I forget to be kind to myself
too but we need to make sure to learn
from our mistakes and try to create if
then systems to prevent them from
happening it won't be easy for sure but
good things are never easy right I'm
here for you and I'm rooting for your
success see you soon
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