If Networking Feels Gross, You’re Doing it Wrong | Daniel Hallak | TEDxManitouSprings

Summary

In a compelling narrative, the speaker reflects on his journey through networking, initially viewing it as a transactional necessity. After a conversation revealing the moral pitfalls of selfish networking, he shifts his perspective to focus on giving rather than receiving. Drawing from personal experiences and research, he highlights how generous relational investments cultivate meaningful connections and enhance one’s professional life. Ultimately, the speaker advocates for a networking mindset rooted in service and generosity, emphasizing that true success lies in nurturing relationships that prioritize mutual benefit over mere personal gain.

Takeaways

• 😀 Education is just the on-ramp; true opportunity comes from social capital and networking.
• 😀 Networking should be approached as building relationships, not just as a transactional exchange.
• 😀 Feeling 'dirty' after networking indicates a selfish approach; relationships should be mutually beneficial.
• 😀 Asking 'What can I give?' rather than 'What can I get?' transforms networking into a generous practice.
• 😀 Generosity in relationships can manifest in various forms, such as time, attention, or support.
• 😀 Focusing on potential rather than pathology leads to more meaningful connections and outcomes.
• 😀 Building a network like a garden means nurturing relationships to produce mutual benefits.
• 😀 Generosity does not depend on wealth; even simple gestures can have significant impact.
• 😀 Positive relationship-building can create long-term rewards, even if immediate gains are not apparent.
• 😀 A shift in mindset from scarcity to abundance is essential for fostering valuable relationships.

Q & A

What was the initial concern of the speaker upon hearing Peter's response about job opportunities?

The speaker felt anxious and fearful, realizing that if someone as impressive as Peter didn't have a job lined up, they themselves would also struggle to find one.

What advice was commonly given to the speaker regarding building a career?

The common advice was to network and build relationships, emphasizing that success is often about who you know rather than what you know.

How did the speaker's approach to networking change over time?

Initially, the speaker approached networking with a transactional mindset, focusing on what they could gain from others. Later, they shifted to a perspective of generosity, asking how they could give to others instead.

What impact did the speaker's childhood acquaintance's multi-level marketing proposal have on their view of networking?

The encounter highlighted the discomfort of networking for selfish gain, reinforcing the idea that if networking feels gross, it is being done wrong.

What did the research from the University of Toronto, Harvard, and Northeastern reveal about networking?

The research indicated that building relationships for selfish purposes can lead to feelings of psychological dirtiness and moral stain, discouraging further engagement.

What characteristics define a 'relational investor' according to the speaker?

A relational investor seeks to understand how they can serve others, prioritizing genuine connections over transactional benefits and leaving others better than they found them.

What examples of generosity did the speaker provide?

Examples included giving undivided attention during meetings, writing heartfelt thank-you notes, making timely introductions, and offering help to colleagues.

How did the speaker's parents exemplify the principles of generosity and community?

The speaker's parents cultivated a garden not just for personal consumption but shared their harvest with friends and neighbors, emphasizing the joy of giving over self-interest.

What metaphor did the speaker use to describe relationships, and what did it signify?

The speaker compared relationships to a garden, suggesting that with care and nurturing, they can grow and yield benefits for everyone involved.

What overarching message does the speaker convey about networking and relationships?

The speaker emphasizes that meaningful relationships should be built on generosity and a focus on potential rather than self-serving transactions, promoting a more fulfilling professional and personal life.