The power of storytelling to change the world: Dave Lieber at TEDxSMU 2013

Summary

Dave Lieber cuenta su experiencia como un neoyorquino que se mudó a Texas hace 20 años. A través de anécdotas humorísticas, revela cómo fue adaptarse a una cultura tan distinta. Entre preguntas sobre su origen y su religión, enfrentó desafíos personales hasta que encontró el amor y formó una familia en Texas. Lieber destaca el poder transformador de las historias, explicando que la narrativa no solo conecta a las personas, sino que también puede cambiar el mundo. Su mensaje final invita a contar historias auténticas para generar impacto en la sociedad.

Takeaways

• 😀 Dave Lieber se mudó a Texas hace 20 años, y aunque al principio no comprendía las costumbres locales, pronto empezó a conectar con los texanos.
• 😂 Los texanos tienen una manera peculiar de hacer preguntas, como '¿De dónde eres?' y '¿A qué iglesia vas?', lo que provocaba respuestas divertidas e incómodas para Dave.
• 🥩 Uno de sus primeros retos fue entender qué era el 'chicken-fried steak', lo que lo llevó a escribir una columna cómica sobre su confusión.
• 😅 Se dio cuenta de que la mejor forma de conectarse con los texanos era a través de contar historias, algo que resonaba con la audiencia más que simples hechos.
• 🐂 Para integrarse más en la cultura texana, decidió montar un toro en un rodeo, lo que fue una experiencia breve pero intensa.
• 🙏 En su punto más bajo, decidió rezar por una mujer sabia y madura que pudiera compartir su vida en Texas, y pronto conoció a Karen.
• 👩‍👧‍👦 Karen vino con dos hijos, lo que llevó a Dave a formar una familia mixta, enfrentándose a desafíos con humor, incluyendo ganarse el afecto del perro de la familia.
• 💍 Dave propuso matrimonio a Karen a través de una columna de periódico, lo que fortaleció su conexión con sus lectores y le permitió ser visto como uno de ellos.
• 📰 El poder de la narración, según Dave, es clave para conectar con las personas, ya que las historias permiten compartir éxitos y fracasos de manera humana.
• 🎤 Concluyó su charla animando a todos a contar sus propias historias, pues cree que a través de ellas se pueden mover montañas y cambiar el mundo.

Q & A

¿Cuál fue la primera impresión del narrador sobre los tejanos al mudarse a Texas?

El narrador notó que los tejanos son extremadamente acogedores, pero tienen una forma única de conectar con los demás, haciéndoles preguntas directas.

¿Por qué el narrador menciona que el primer encuentro con los tejanos fue un 'truco' al preguntarle de dónde era?

Porque cuando decía que era de Nueva York, los tejanos respondían con una referencia a un comercial de salsa picante que terminaba con la frase '¡Consigan una cuerda!', lo cual él no entendía.

¿Cómo respondieron los tejanos cuando el narrador les decía que era judío?

Después de decir que no iba a la iglesia porque era judío, los tejanos trataban de conectar mencionando que conocían a un judío en el ejército, lo que el narrador encontraba gracioso.

¿Qué tipo de diferencias culturales notó el narrador al mudarse a Texas?

Notó diferencias en el lenguaje (expresiones como 'bless your heart'), las costumbres (como no usar la bocina del coche), y la comida (no entendía platillos como el 'chicken-fried steak' y las fajitas).

¿Por qué el narrador decidió montar un toro en un rodeo?

Decidió montar un toro porque quería impresionar a los tejanos y ganarse su aceptación, aunque fue un intento arriesgado y poco convencional.

¿Qué aprendizaje extrae el narrador de su experiencia contando historias?

El narrador cree en el poder de las historias para conectar con las personas y cambiar el mundo. Menciona que las historias enganchan a las personas más que los hechos o puntos de datos aislados.

¿Cómo logró finalmente el narrador ganarse el respeto y la aceptación de los tejanos?

Ganó el respeto y la aceptación de los tejanos al contar una historia personal en su columna, en la que relataba su propuesta de matrimonio y cómo se había adaptado a la vida en Texas.

¿Qué relación tiene el perro 'Sadie' con la historia del narrador?

Sadie, el perro de la mujer que el narrador conoció y con quien se casó, era un perro rescatado que no le gustaban los hombres debido a su pasado de abuso. El narrador intentó ganarse su afecto sin éxito inicial.

¿Cómo logró el narrador mejorar su relación con los hijos de su futura esposa?

Conquistó al hijo pequeño rápidamente, pero con la hija mayor fue más difícil. Ganó su confianza poco a poco, incluso comprándole un par de zapatos y expresándole su afecto.

¿Cómo refleja el narrador la importancia del fracaso en las historias de vida?

El narrador enfatiza que las personas aprenden más de las historias de fracaso y cómo se superan, en lugar de solo enfocarse en el éxito. Considera que el punto bajo en una historia es fundamental para el crecimiento personal.

Outlines

00:00

😊 Bienvenida a Texas y la sorpresa cultural

El narrador describe su llegada a Texas hace 20 años y cómo se enfrentó a una cultura muy diferente. Comparte las preguntas que le hacían, como de dónde era y qué iglesia asistía. Al revelar que era judío, se encontraba con reacciones sorprendentes pero amigables, en un esfuerzo constante de los texanos por conectar. La anécdota se llena de humor y reflexiones sobre cómo se sentía fuera de lugar al principio, incluso con conceptos sencillos como el ‘chicken-fried steak’. A pesar de todo, encontró a los texanos acogedores, aunque sus costumbres eran muy diferentes a lo que él conocía.

05:00

📜 La importancia de contar historias

El narrador destaca la importancia de las historias en la conexión humana, contrastando con la presentación de datos o hechos. Utiliza ejemplos de cómo los grandes relatos, desde los mitos griegos hasta la Biblia y Shakespeare, han sido esenciales para la cultura. Explica que las historias siguen una estructura clásica: introducción del héroe, un conflicto que lo derriba, y luego una resolución heroica. También menciona cómo las historias emocionan y conectan a nivel neurológico, siendo más efectivas que los simples datos.

10:02

🐂 La caída y ascenso de un neoyorquino en Texas

El narrador narra su ‘punto más bajo’ al intentar integrarse en Texas, incluyendo una divertida historia en la que intentó montar un toro en un rodeo, lo que terminó en un breve y accidentado paseo. Aunque sus esfuerzos parecían ridículos, todo esto le llevó a una reflexión más profunda sobre cómo superar los desafíos a través de la fe y la resiliencia. Después de tocar fondo, decidió rezar para encontrar una pareja en Texas, lo que finalmente le condujo a conocer a Karen y su familia, lo que cambió su vida.

15:05

💍 El amor, la familia y el poder de la conexión

El narrador relata cómo conoció a Karen y sus hijos, y cómo logró ganarse el respeto de ellos, especialmente el de la hija, que al principio era desconfiada de los hombres. También cuenta la divertida historia de cómo propuso matrimonio a Karen a través de una columna en el periódico, a pesar de las dudas de su redacción. Finalmente, la historia concluye con la aceptación de su propuesta, la formación de una familia y la llegada de su propio hijo, Austin. Todo esto le permitió finalmente conectar con los texanos, quienes lo aceptaron como uno de los suyos.

Keywords

💡Texanos

Se refiere a los habitantes del estado de Texas, EE.UU., quienes son descritos en el video como personas acogedoras y con una manera única de conectar con otros. A lo largo del guion, el orador menciona cómo los texanos tienden a hacer preguntas personales para crear conexiones, lo cual es parte de su identidad cultural.

💡Historia

El concepto de contar historias es central en el discurso. El orador argumenta que la narración es poderosa y puede cambiar el mundo. Ejemplifica su propia historia de adaptación en Texas para ilustrar cómo los relatos personales pueden conectar a las personas y hacer que otros se sientan identificados.

💡Religión

En el video, el tema de la religión aparece cuando los texanos le preguntan al orador a qué iglesia asiste. Esto refleja la importancia de la religión en la cultura de Texas, donde la fe y la práctica religiosa son elementos importantes de la vida social.

💡Identidad

La identidad es un tema recurrente en el discurso, ya que el orador reflexiona sobre su identidad como judío liberal de Nueva York que se muda a un estado conservador como Texas. Esta tensión entre su identidad y la cultura local es un tema clave que muestra el choque cultural que experimenta.

💡Fracaso

El orador enfatiza la importancia del fracaso en las historias, argumentando que lo que realmente conecta a las personas no es el éxito, sino los momentos oscuros y cómo se superan. El fracaso es lo que hace que una historia sea significativa y relatable, como su experiencia montando un toro.

💡Comedia

El humor es una herramienta utilizada por el orador para conectar con la audiencia. A través de situaciones cómicas, como sus dificultades para entender las costumbres texanas o su intento fallido de montar un toro, el orador utiliza la comedia para suavizar el choque cultural y hacer más accesible su historia.

💡Cultura

La cultura de Texas es un tema constante en el video, desde la comida (como el 'chicken-fried steak' o las fajitas) hasta las costumbres sociales, como la forma en que los texanos saludan o se relacionan con los forasteros. El orador describe cómo tuvo que adaptarse a esta cultura, que es muy diferente a la suya.

💡Conexión

El orador destaca la necesidad humana de conexión, especialmente a través de historias. A lo largo del video, se menciona cómo los texanos intentan conectar con él, a pesar de las diferencias culturales. El punto culminante es cuando la audiencia de Texas lo acepta después de que comparte su historia personal.

💡Familia

La familia es un tema que aparece cuando el orador habla de su esposa Karen, sus hijastros y el perro que lo odia. Estas relaciones son una parte fundamental de su historia y le permiten integrarse en la comunidad texana, demostrando la importancia de los lazos familiares en la construcción de conexiones personales.

💡Adaptación

El proceso de adaptación del orador a la vida en Texas es un tema central. Desde aprender las costumbres locales hasta lidiar con su percepción como forastero, el video explora cómo uno puede adaptarse a un entorno completamente diferente y, eventualmente, encontrar su lugar en él.

Highlights

The speaker shares his story about moving to Texas 20 years ago and how he struggled to connect with Texans.

Texans' unique way of welcoming involves asking questions like 'Where you from?' and 'What church do you go to?'

The speaker humorously explains his confusion about Texas cultural expressions, like 'chicken-fried steak' and using y'all.

The low point of his experience was riding a bull in a rodeo, a comedic situation where he tried to fit into Texas life.

The speaker introduces 'Dave’s magic V-shaped storytelling formula,' emphasizing the importance of telling a story with a beginning, low point, and resolution.

He explains the power of storytelling in connecting with people and contrasts it with how scientists often rely on data and bullet points.

The story’s climax comes when the speaker writes a newspaper column proposing to his girlfriend, Karen, and she accepts.

After getting engaged, the speaker talks about how he started to be accepted in Texas, with readers connecting with his personal story.

The speaker humorously describes the challenge of winning over his future wife’s dog, who disliked him due to past trauma.

His relationship with Karen’s children plays a big role in the story, especially winning the approval of her daughter.

The speaker emphasizes how storytelling has helped him in his career as a newspaper columnist, allowing him to connect with readers.

He concludes by mentioning how his storytelling has not only shaped his life in Texas but also strengthened his family ties.

The speaker discusses the universal power of stories to connect people, change minds, and influence communities.

He explains that while sports tell stories with clear heroes and villains, science often lacks this narrative appeal, making it harder for people to connect with it.

The speaker closes by encouraging the audience to use their own life stories to inspire change and create meaningful connections.

Transcripts

Translator: Tanya Cushman Reviewer: Peter van de Ven

And then -

and then 20 years ago, I moved to Texas.

I'm not from here; I didn't know what makes you laugh or cry.

I'd never been here before,

but I'm hired to be a newspaper columnist at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

And I notice right away

that Texans are the most welcoming group of people

that you could ever imagine,

and they have a unique way of doing it: they ask you a series of questions.

And the first question I got asked - it's your state slogan -

"Boy, where you from?"

(Laughter)

It's a trick question

because when I would tell them where I was from,

they would quote back a picante sauce commercial from TV.

How does that go?

"New York City?"

And what's the next line?

"Get a rope."

I didn't know what that meant.

But the Texan has to connect,

so the second question I'm getting asked everywhere I go

after they find out I'm a New Yorker,

is they lean in, and they say,

"What church do you go to?"

(Laughter)

And that's a trick question too

because I would tell them I don't go to church,

and they'd get upset; they'd go,

"Why not? Don't you believe in the Lord?"

I'd say, "No, I do believe in the Lord." "Then why don't you go to church?"

And I gave the worst answer you could give in Fort Worth, Texas, in 1993.

I said, "Because I'm Jewish."

(Laughter)

And the Texan would drop back,

and because it's in the DNA of a Texan to connect, he'd then say,

"Well, I knew a Jewish boy in the army 20 years ago.

Do you Lieutenant Harry Cohen?"

(Laughter)

And I'd say, "No, sir. It's a big tribe."

(Laughter)

So my first week, I wrote a column explaining that I was new here

and didn't know this three-word expression

"chicken-fried steak."

I asked if it was chicken or steak.

(Laughter)

I mean, it's kind of funny to you, but you've got to picture this:

here I am in this conservative, Republican, mostly Baptist, native Texan,

everybody's married area,

and not one person said,

"What we need here is a liberal, divorced, Democratic, New York City Jew."

(Laughter) (Applause)

Let me stop and just share with you what I did there, for a moment,

because I wish you could see your faces right now.

You look great.

I mean, you've been here for eight hours, and you've heard amazing speakers,

and you look like you're ready, just starting.

I love the smiles on your face

because what I did there was start with the story.

I believe in the power of the story to change the world.

And I didn't get up here and read my business card to you -

my Dave Lieber, Dallas Morning News, watch-dog columnist, you know,

New Yorker, come to Texas -

because that's kind of boring and that's bullet points,

and the brain is set up to listen to a story

because it engaged your billions of neural endings -

this is the only science I'm giving you -

the billions of neural endings were kind of flapping up high,

and that's my job,

but right now,

I'm consciously lowering them because I stopped telling a story.

Now's when you can yawn.

(Laughter)

And it's kind of interesting.

Don't you think that some of these scientists,

as brilliant as they are,

cutting-edge research,

they had a problem with the story?

They go to the board, the PowerPoint;

they go to the bullet points because that's what they know.

And I'll just suggest, throw out some crazy thought

that that's why sports is more popular than science.

Because sports is a story with a beginning, middle and end,

a hero, a villain, a winner, a loser,

and science is a lot of numbers and data and questions and work.

I'm going to show you, actually, how to tell the story

because everyone needs to tell their story

and the story of whatever they're trying to accomplish.

And it's a simple formula, and I don't need the board to do it.

Because I can control this space because your mind is so powerful.

So here's the formula.

Okay, pretend I've got paint that's a straight line across

where you get to meet the character,

and that's what we just did when you met that character - me, coming here -

and then the hero goes out into the world,

and the villain knocks the story down into a low point,

and the low point of the story, where everything is dark,

is the most important.

But then, in any good story,

the hero has some heroic qualities that he or she pulls out of his pocket,

doesn't even know they have,

and uses those heroic qualities

to lift up, pushing up against the villain to the climax of the story,

and then the curlicue at the end is the denouement -

the loose ends must be tied.

So this is the formula,

and that's what we want.

Not bing, bing, bang, bong.

(Laughter)

This story thing started in the caves with the caveman

with the story - getting the mastodon.

It goes on to the Greek and Roman myths.

It's the Bible - the greatest stories ever told.

It's Shakespeare - the comedy and the tragedy.

It's the Victorian novel.

It's the Nickelodeon, it's silent movies, it's loud movies.

It's TV - the novel of our time is the TV,

the happy comedies and the tragedies.

We saw that here: we saw Amanda Jackson.

The first time you gave spontaneous applause today, in your seat this morning,

was when you heard that Amanda Jackson of DeVerse Lounge,

when you heard that she gulped when she said her name,

and then she attended, and then she got up and spoke

and was a star.

And you, your neural brain endings made you applaud.

That was cool.

That's what I'm saying.

Dr. Judith Allen tells a story about her brother,

and he's down in the low point;

he's a kid on the couch going (Snore),

and now he's the chief information officer of Toyota.

And of course, my colleague,

who works at the Dallas Morning news - long before I got there in May -

and was a superstar, Rena Pederson,

right out of the gate, she told the story of the Nelson Mandela and Burma,

and we were captivated because she knows what I'm talking about.

I have to do this story thing

because I've been in the newspaper business now for 38 years,

writing for daily newspapers,

and I'm worried that I'll spend two days on something and write my heart out,

and you'll just go like that and skip it.

Or like that and skip it.

And so I've come to depend on the power of the story

to get me everywhere.

I write a column twice a week

where I expose corruption in business and government,

Fridays and Sundays.

Tomorrow's column, in the Dallas Morning News -

and you can read it on dallasnews.com/watchdog -

is the terrible tale of the life and death of a con man.

The upshot is he died.

(Laughter)

So let me just - now let me raise your neural endings just a little bit

and prove my point

because I'll go back to my story.

So I'm going in my downward spiral

here in Texas.

I mean, I am just not understanding anybody.

People would ask me where I was from; they'd want to hang me.

Then these women would hear that I was Jewish,

and they'd say, "Well, bless your heart."

(Laughter)

I knew they weren't blessing my heart;

I figured that out

(Laughter)

after six months.

Look, everybody in Fort Worth was fixing, but no one was ever fixing.

Y'all could be singular when used with the plural of y'all,

which is what?

All y'all.

(Laughter)

The crazy thing was the food; it threw me off.

I didn't know what to do with the flat pancake.

Someone said you take the tortilla and the guacamole,

and you put the meat in there, and you roll it up, and you have a fajita.

(Laughter)

And when I did, I took a bite and everything shot out,

but I was on my second Texas-size margarita, so I didn't care.

(Laughter)

People told me, "Don't ever use your car horn here."

And I didn't.

And they said, "Don't ever give anyone the obscene gesture,"

and I stopped.

Twenty years, next month, of finger-free driving.

(Laughter)

I'm going to get my chip from Fingerholics Anonymous.

But the time I feel most like a Texan

is when I'm driving on, I get on 635, and someone does it to me,

and I roll down my window, and I say,

"You go back to New York."

(Laughter)

I got the cowboy costume.

Don't go to Cavender's and ask for a cowboy costume.

(Laughter)

But I'm not at my low point yet.

(Laughter)

Now, the low point is - I'm going to stop.

Neural brain endings - permission to die.

The low point is the part that we care most about

because I don't care about your success;

I want to hear about your failure.

I want to hear how you took something bad that happened

and turned it into heroic and became who you are today

because I'm going to learn from that.

That's what I focus on,

and my low point was pretty damn low.

I decided that what I needed to do to impress all y'all

was go ride a bull in a rodeo.

(Laughter)

And I found a rodeo that let me enter; it was a church rodeo.

(Laughter)

But the bull didn't know that.

And I will say to you on the oath of TED

that I was on that bull for 10 of the longest seconds of my life.

The only problem was the bull stayed in the stall for the first 8.

(Laughter)

And when some guy slapped him, and he took off,

that's when I got the other 1.6 seconds.

I didn't care though;

it was a joyous ride because when I landed,

I knew all y'all were going to like me.

And I landed, and I was in the lights,

and there was 200 Baptists laughing,

and I forgot the next part of the book, which started with the word "Run!"

and I wrote about it in the paper,

and everybody thought that I was making way too big a deal

of 1.6 seconds on a bull, you know?

So that was my low point.

So how did I get out of this?

Well, I have lived what I call "Dave's magic, V-shaped storytelling formula"

because at that turn where I had to get out of this -

I was about to quit because Texas was killing me -

I decided to do what a Texan does:

I decided to pray.

And I knew what to pray for.

It was the spring of 1994, and I said,

"Lord, I have been here for nine months, and these Texans are killing me.

If I hear one more Texan say,

'That Dave Lieber guy, he fell off the turnip truck,'

I don't know what I'm going to do,

because I don't even know what a turnip truck is.

But Lord, please send me a good, strong, mature, wise woman,

and if you do, I'll treat her with respect and dignity.

And if you can't send me one right away,

send me a sign that a good woman is coming my way, and I'll hang on.

Amen."

Because nobody would fix anybody up with me

because they'd go, "I know a guy you can go out with, a Jewish bull rider."

(Laughter)

But do you know what happens when you pray in Texas?

Yeah. So one week later, I'm introduced to this amazing woman.

Her name is Karen, and she has two kids,

a nine-year-old boy who looks like Dennis the Menace

and an eleven-year-old girl who's taller than me,

even in my new cowboy boots,

(Laughter)

and Desiree calls me "Little Man."

And so I say, "Hi, Desiree, how are you?"

and she comes up and she grabs me by the chin,

and she playfully warns me,

"You better not hurt my momma's feelings."

And I went, "I won't."

(Laughter)

But they also had this dog, a little runt retriever named Sadie,

who was mean and snarling at me.

She just couldn't stand me.

I went over to her, and she had a panic attack -

just flipped around and let off a smell that cleared the room,

and I said, "What's wrong with your dog?"

And they said, "She hates men," and I said, "Why?"

and they said, "Because a man abused her, and we rescued her,

and now there's no man here and you're giving her flashbacks."

(Laughter)

This is what Sadie, the poor doggy, looked like, okay?

And so I tried so hard to win her over;

I would take her for walks and give her oatmeal and bones

and anything I could think of that she liked,

and she'd just look at me, and she'd go, "Hunh,"

and it was demoralizing.

But I figured out right away what the problem was:

this dog was a native Texan.

(Laughter)

God answered my prayer in a week:

I met this fantastic woman, Karen, and we fell in love,

and I love that little boy,

and that girl was a little tricky because she was suspicious of men,

and one day I took her to the mall for no reason,

bought her a pair of shoes and told her I loved her,

and in the car coming home, she said,

"Little Man, there's hope for you."

(Laughter)

I decided to take the V all the way to the climax and the denouement.

I decided to write a column in the newspaper

in which I would propose marriage.

They said, "Don't. We don't give personal details of our life like that."

and I said, "Why not? These people hate me out here."

They said, "Well, what if Karen says no,"

and I said, "We'll run a correction box."

(Laughter)

So I went and I pulled out this heroic quality

of writing the best column I could ever write.

It started, "Here in Texas, I've met the woman of my dreams.

Unfortunately, she lives with the dog of my nightmares."

And I talked about how we met and the boy and the girl and the dog,

and then when I made that heroic turn,

I said, "Now, I see the hole in my life needs more than just a dog to fill it.

Karen, there's something magical about you, me, the girl, the boy

and even your doggone little dog.

Karen, I love you.

I want to stay forever; I really do.

Will you marry me?"

And I read it to her

at six in the morning on October 2, 1994,

when it was still dark outside,

and in shock, she said yes,

and then the sun came up,

and the readers read the column,

and in shock, they said yes too.

Because finally, I wasn't like every -

I wasn't that stupid, idiot Yankee boy anymore.

Now, I was like them:

I had a pet that didn't like me,

I had stepkids and a blended family,

and I was able to connect.

And people would say,

"You're the boy that wrote the story about the dog, aren't you?"

They wouldn't say, "What church do you go to?"

They'd say, "What did the dog say?"

(Laughter)

So I raised those two kids,

and Desiree, that girl that called me Little Man,

she's sitting over there right now - that was 20 years ago.

Hi, Desiree. I love you.

(Applause)

Let me just tie up the loose end

by telling you that we've been married 19 years,

and that power of that story thing,

that works in a memo and a paragraph and a page and a speech,

this sweep of that's what life is.

It's my life here.

The denouement is we tied up our loose end

when we had a child of our own and I named him Austin Lieber,

and you know why, right?

Because Waco Waxahachie Lieber don't sound good.

(Laughter)

So tell your story.

Take the data of your life

and turn it into real people doing real things,

and you will move mountains,

you will change the world.

I know that because I've lived my life that way,

and that's the message that I brought to you today.

And that's the message of TEDxSMU:

change the world through storytelling.

This has been an honor to be your last speaker;

I'll see you in the newspaper.

My name's Dave Lieber and thank you very, very much.

(Cheering) (Applause)