Watch out for these types of “friends”
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Li discusses the signs of a toxic friendship and why people often stay in draining relationships. She highlights behaviors such as gossiping, lack of support, disrespecting boundaries, and using others for personal gain. Li stresses the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of. She encourages viewers to surround themselves with uplifting people who respect and value them. Li also warns against friends who are dishonest, competitive, or unsupportive, urging viewers to prioritize their own happiness and well-being.
Takeaways
- 😩 Toxic friends can drain your energy and bring negativity into your life.
- 💬 Real friends are honest with you and won't let you walk around looking bad or making poor decisions.
- 🤯 Constantly giving without receiving is a sign of an unhealthy friendship dynamic.
- 💔 Friends who compete with you instead of supporting you aren't true friends; they may even try to emulate you.
- 🙅♀️ People who gossip about others are likely to gossip about you too. Avoid these types of friendships.
- 😡 Friends who dismiss your boundaries and make you feel overly sensitive are disrespectful and should be distanced.
- 🤑 Friends who never offer to pay or split bills could be taking advantage of your generosity.
- 🐍 Be cautious of friends who reveal your secrets or allow others to talk badly about you.
- 😞 Friends who are ashamed to be seen with you or who bring down your mood don't value your worth.
- 🤗 Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you, not those who bring you down or project their insecurities onto you.
Q & A
What are some reasons the speaker gives for why people stay friends with those who drain them emotionally?
-The speaker suggests that people stay friends with emotionally draining individuals because they either don't realize how toxic the relationship is, or they might feel obligated to help those friends, despite getting nothing in return.
How does the speaker define a 'bad friend' in terms of honesty?
-A bad friend, according to the speaker, is someone who is not honest about important matters, such as how their friend looks or behaves. They let their friend go out in public looking bad, rather than giving them helpful feedback.
What is the speaker's view on friends who imitate you or want to be like you?
-The speaker believes that friends who try to imitate you—whether in looks, personality, or relationships—are not true friends. Instead, they are insecure and potentially dangerous because they don’t want to be friends, but rather want to become you.
How does the speaker feel about people who gossip and spread rumors?
-The speaker is strongly against people who gossip and spread rumors, labeling them as dangerous. They emphasize that these individuals will likely gossip about you behind your back, just as they do with others.
What does the speaker say about friends who make you feel drained after meeting them?
-The speaker points out that if you feel emotionally drained after meeting a friend, it's because that friend is dumping all their negativity and trauma onto you, without offering anything in return.
What advice does the speaker give about setting boundaries with toxic friends?
-The speaker advises being firm about your boundaries with toxic friends. If they repeatedly cross those boundaries, stop interacting with them, as allowing them to disrespect your limits shows you don't take yourself seriously.
What are the signs of a friend who views you as competition, according to the speaker?
-The speaker mentions that friends who view you as competition may try to look like you, mimic your style, or even pursue people who are interested in you. They are trying to get as close to you as possible but can never truly be you.
How does the speaker suggest dealing with friends who never offer to pay or split costs?
-The speaker recommends being upfront with friends about splitting costs or making sure they know to bring money when going out. Constantly paying for others can make you feel used, so it's important to set clear expectations.
What should you do if a friend constantly brings your mood down?
-If a friend consistently brings your mood down, the speaker advises limiting contact with them and surrounding yourself with positive people who uplift you instead of dragging you down to their level.
Why does the speaker believe people who are toxic behave this way?
-The speaker suggests that toxic people behave this way because they are dealing with their own issues, such as low self-esteem or unhappiness. Their negativity is a reflection of their inner struggles, not of your worth.
Outlines
😓 Why Do We Stay in Draining Friendships?
The speaker questions why people maintain friendships that leave them feeling drained, unappreciated, or surrounded by negativity. They express frustration with one-sided relationships where efforts to help and uplift friends are met with resistance or ingratitude. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not letting friends' negative energy stress you out in your own space. They encourage listeners to avoid choosing stress in life, and introduce the topic of identifying toxic friendships.
👭 Honest Friends Tell You the Truth
The speaker emphasizes that true friends are honest and should tell you the truth, even when it might be uncomfortable. They recount a story of seeing a girl wearing mismatched makeup and wondering why her friend didn’t help her. The speaker shares personal experiences of being upfront with friends, especially in matters of relationships, and the frustration of seeing friends settle for less than they deserve. They explain that real friends give you advice and expect honesty in return, instead of allowing you to stay in unhealthy situations.
😞 Toxic Friends Take but Don’t Give
The speaker criticizes people who only come to you for advice but aren’t available when you need them. They vent about feeling like a ‘free therapist’ and describe how these one-sided relationships leave you feeling drained and unappreciated. The speaker urges listeners to recognize these toxic dynamics, where friends dump their emotional baggage on you but offer no support in return. They describe friends who see you as competition, trying to mimic your style, life, or even romantic interests.
💬 Rumor Spreaders Are Not Real Friends
The speaker highlights the danger of friends who spread rumors and gossip, emphasizing how destructive and hurtful these actions can be. They stress that if someone is spreading rumors about others, they will eventually do the same to you. The speaker advises cutting ties with such individuals and warns against the belief that these actions will never backfire. They explain that real friends don’t create or share harmful lies and stress the importance of keeping personal matters private around untrustworthy people.
😠 Energy-Draining Friends Bring You Down
The speaker talks about how some friends always find ways to ruin your mood, whether by being negative or dismissive of your achievements. They explain that these people often project their insecurities onto others and seek to bring everyone down to their level of misery. The speaker advises limiting contact with such friends and instead seeking out people who inspire and uplift you. They highlight the importance of surrounding yourself with individuals who share your values and goals.
💸 Generosity and Exploitation in Friendships
The speaker reflects on the issue of generosity in friendships, expressing frustration over always being the one to pay for everything. They recount experiences where friends never offer to split costs or reciprocate generosity, which makes them feel used. The speaker encourages setting boundaries and making it clear that costs should be shared. They offer practical advice on how to handle situations where friends might take advantage of your kindness.
🗣️ Friends Who Gossip About You
The speaker advises listeners to be wary of friends who constantly bring up what others are saying about you. They point out that if someone feels comfortable gossiping in front of your friend, it’s a sign that your friend might not truly have your back. They stress the importance of standing up for your friends in such situations and suggest that those who report gossip are likely gossiping about you too.
🤷♀️ Shame and Self-Worth in Friendships
The speaker discusses the damaging effects of friends who are ashamed to be seen with you or who make you feel unattractive or unworthy. They emphasize that no one should make you feel less than you are and that such behavior often stems from the other person's insecurities or low self-esteem. The speaker encourages listeners to stop wasting energy on people who don’t appreciate their value and to focus on building relationships with those who respect and uplift them.
💪 Know Your Worth and Set Boundaries
The speaker closes by encouraging listeners to recognize their own worth and stop letting people walk all over them. They stress the importance of setting boundaries and being firm when friends repeatedly disrespect those boundaries. They urge listeners to stop being ‘delusional’ about toxic people and instead focus on finding friends who treat them well. The speaker ends with a motivational message, reminding viewers that they deserve good friends and partners, and shouldn’t settle for less.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Toxic Friends
💡Boundaries
💡Negativity
💡Gossip
💡Emotional Drain
💡Jealousy
💡Manipulation
💡Self-Worth
💡Support
💡Respect
Highlights
The speaker questions why people remain friends with others who drain them, gossip about them, or fail to reciprocate support.
Toxic friendships involve people who constantly complain and refuse to change, leaving you feeling stuck and drained.
True friends are honest with you, even if it means giving tough advice or pointing out when something doesn't look right.
Toxic friends may turn your friendship into a competition, trying to copy you or even undermine your relationships by dating people interested in you.
Beware of friends who spread rumors about others; if they gossip about others, they will likely gossip about you too.
Friends who view you as competition may even attempt to sabotage your relationships by dating people who are interested in you.
Toxic individuals often spread false rumors that can cause significant harm, including destroying families.
If friends constantly dump their emotional baggage on you and never offer support in return, you're being used as a free therapist.
People who lack self-worth or have insecurities may attempt to bring you down to their level by criticizing or diminishing your achievements.
It's essential to set boundaries with toxic people and hold firm when they try to dismiss your concerns as being too sensitive.
Generosity is great, but if you’re always paying for everything in a friendship, it’s worth questioning whether you're being used.
Friends who always relay negative things said about you might not truly have your back—they could be the ones gossiping behind your back.
If a person is ashamed to be seen with you or doesn’t value your friendship, it's time to reassess the relationship.
Surround yourself with people you aspire to be like. Avoid low-energy or negative individuals who will bring you down.
Know your worth—stop being delusional about toxic friends and relationships, and start expecting to be treated better because you deserve it.
Transcripts
is anyone going to explain to me why we
are friends with people that make us
feel drained why we are friends with
people that gossip about us why are we
friends with people who we are
constantly giving to and we're not
receiving anything
back
why no no tell me
why because if you think that you
constantly trying to uplift your friend
trying to help them and they don't want
they don't want to they don't want your
help they constantly just come complain
about their situation and you're trying
to uplift them where do you think you're
going huh you're not going anywhere
honey nowhere literally why do you guys
choose stress in life huh like imagine
coming home to your apartment and you're
stressed by the other person that's
living with you you are not going to
stress me out in my own place honey and
as a friend you are not going to stress
me out whenever I want to do something
fun and you're just this negative energy
around me oh no guys my name is Li and
welcome back to my channel okay so in
this video I am going to tell you the
signs of a bad friend of a toxic person
first things first listen to me bad
friends are not honest with you okay I I
was at a restaurant right um and I saw
this girl coming in and she had makeup
on but the makeup was done so badly like
she was as white as me but she had had
orange makeup on and you really saw that
she tried to look good right this girl
walks around I swear like everybody's
laughing at her and I felt truly so bad
for her that I wanted to go up and say
Hey listen Maybe it's like you know not
your shade I don't know like I wanted to
help her in some way you know so like I
felt bad for her but her friend next to
her I just want to say something why
would you let your friend walk out like
that like why I am the kind of person if
I friends with someone and my friends
are like that too if something is ugly
about me or I don't look good or dress
doesn't look good to me oh you best
believe they will tell me you know and I
don't take it as harsh or anything
because I know my friends want to help
me and they want the best for me you
know um so I think a true friend should
be honest with you if if if there's
something about you that doesn't look
good they can say Hey listen maybe you
should fix this same way if they ask
about um a relationship whatever and
then you see they're really struggling
they they're not valuing themselves I am
the kind of person you know I have this
one friend she literally calls me she's
like Liz I need your honest advice this
is the situation I need you to talk to
me talk some sense into me I go she
tells me and I tell her you are an idiot
yeah an idiot and you don't see your
words because you know what I get upset
when people do not see their word when
they get treated like [ __ ] and they
still stay in that same situation and
they still think that oh no maybe it's
different no it's not different okay if
somebody does not respect you they don't
respect it that's it and you can see
through their action another thing is
they always come to you for advice but
when you need someone they're not there
okay so uh I want you guys to write down
your number down in the comments yeah
because I want a free therapist honestly
because that's what you are just a free
therapist like what are you doing what
are you doing and then you say like oh
my God I feel so drained after I meet up
with her yeah of course you do of course
you do baby because she basically or he
basically dumps all this trauma Onto You
dumps all this [ __ ] [ __ ] and then
you're left there with like oh you have
to pick up the pieces you have to heal
them and then you're left broken it's
not nice to like constantly sit and hear
somebody complain about themselves but
what about you huh what about you who's
listening to you other thing is they
don't see you as a friend they see you
as competition listen I had this
actually I've had this with almost all
my friends whenever they become my
friends they do every single thing to
try to look like me color same hair like
even the eyebrows they color it darker
even PL get plastic surgery to look like
me this is honestly true it happens and
I never see it as that but my mom always
says like Liz they they're not trying to
be your friend they're trying to like do
whatever you're doing so they look like
you you know um this is creepy you have
to realize does this friend want to be
my friend or do they want to be me I had
this one girl she literally completely
transformed herself into me she would
even go as far to like
date the people that wanted me so like
whenever she found out that that person
was interested in me she would try to
date them listen the people that want to
be you yeah they will try to date your
boyfriend they will try to do date your
ex whatever to come as close as they can
they will try to get friends with your
friends just to be as close as they can
to you but the issue is they can never
be you because as much as you try as
much as you change honey the energy the
soul is never the same
you will never be that person insecure
people that try to be someone else are
dangerous I'm telling you these friends
are dangerous another thing is they
constantly spread rumors about other
people listen to me how are you friends
with these people like literally how are
you guys friends with people that spread
rumors about other people like they know
it's not true they know it's going to
hurt families they know it's going to
hurt the person even this these kind of
things can lead to death they you you're
literally murdering someone how are you
guys friends with such a negative vibe
and I'm telling you if you think that
that person that's spreading rumors
about others will not do the same to you
honey you are mistaken you are mistaken
and you're in for a big big right I am
telling you right now if you have a
person no one in my circle literally
spreads rumors about anyone like do we
gossip and stuff yeah of course gossip
is normal if if anyone would say I never
gossip that's not true you're lying you
know gossip is normal you hear things
whatever okay yeah but nobody will be
that like souless like heartless to
create something about someone or to
leak something or or to betray them in
some that's
disgusting disgusting and how are you
guys friends with them
literally and I'm telling you you engage
in this tomorrow it will be you and when
it's you honey it's not funny when it's
other when it's other people that break
break down when families are being torn
apart because of you when things are
happening it's all fun in games but
honey when the roles get reversed and
it's you it's not funny anymore and
believe me God sees everything you will
get back what you give out as well these
are the same people that Will Reveal
Your Secrets they will spread your
things around what would you do in this
situation do not tell them anything
about yourself personally keep it very
like you know on this level do not go
deep why anything you say can and will
be used against you with people like
that these are snakes people like that
are nobody's friend people like that
they will betray their own family they
are dangerous another thing is they
bring your mood down imagine you're like
very excited you're so happy you like
and you meet up with them and they're
immediately like why are you so
happy like they always find something to
ruin your mood and to bring your down to
bring you down to their level so that's
why I'm saying hang around with people
that you want to be like do not hang
around with low life dumb people
literally because they are going to
always bring you down to their level
misery loves company okay they're
miserable they want you to be miserable
or like is the same way like you
accomplish something you're so happy
you're like oh my God like I I graduated
oh my God I did this oh my God I I uh
started my business whatever then
I okay but you're not all that humble
yourself honey humble for who for you
who are you who are you exactly with
these people I would say keep the
contact as limited as possible like do
not engage too much with them try to
stay away and try in the meantime to
look for friends that you actually value
that you want to be like hang around
people you want to be like if you hang
around losers constantly you'll be a
loser you know that is common that is
normal thing is they don't respect your
boundaries at all like literally these
are the kind of people you will say like
Hey listen uh I don't really like it
when you do this to me or I don't really
like appreciate it when you treat me
like this they'll be like you are
sensitive oh my God like you're so
dramatic but watch when you do the same
thing to them oh no then it's not drama
then it's very very sad for them and so
bad what you did so that's why set
boundaries with these people and be firm
about them you don't like something okay
when they cross that boundary you say
say hey I didn't like that and I told
you I didn't like that so you know what
I'm not going to talk to you anymore
because you keep doing it until they
change you don't give them that chance
again to do it again to you you know
because if they see that you're not
serious about your boundaries how are
they going to take it serious you don't
even take yourself serious how are they
going to take it serious other thing is
they never suggest to pay for anything
listen I am a very generous person with
my female friends I always like if they
want to come down here in the country
where I live I will pay for the flight I
will pay for them like for everything
like they're stay everything I don't
mind paying for dinner I just dislike it
when I am constantly the one given and
it's not even suggested like hey should
we split you know I had this one friend
and I'm constantly like paying for every
single thing every single time and I
don't mind but then after like the
eighth time I like okay listen am I
being used here it's not normal I think
especially like between females I think
there should be splits and I learned
that now so now with all my friends I'm
like okay let's split you know um
because that's easier I for this I would
suggest next time when you go somewhere
tell them suggest already like hey um
make sure you get your wallet with you
or make sure you have money cuz we're
going here you know make sure they know
they will have to pay okay so if they're
constantly like oh you have have a car
can you drive me here can you do that uh
constantly like asking favors for
everything or like you have an apartment
oh can I stay at yours whatever stop
doing that because people are using you
you know there there there will come a
point where you realize like why am I
doing so much for this person and what
am I getting out of it literally nothing
they always come to you with like oh my
God they said this about you oh my God I
was here and I I heard them saying this
about you
whatever honey
why did it say it in front of you huh
why were these people so comfortable to
talk in front of you about your friend
tell me tell me how that is normal I
know one thing for a fact no one will
ever talk to me about my friends about
my family no one because I respect them
and they know I respect them and it's
not done like the minute they do I will
literally like be like oh no no honey
this is not happening cuz I will defend
them and they will never even there to
bring up the first letter of their name
but with you oh everybody seems to be
comfortable oh my God they said this
about me really why did they say that to
you I'm telling you if you have a friend
that constantly comes to you oh they
said this about you whatever she or he
is literally talking the same way about
you because ain't no way that somebody
will feel comfortable enough to say that
to a real friend they are ashamed to be
seen with you oh they're ashamed to like
like terish their
relationships they're ashamed to like
terish their reputation they're ashamed
to maybe even they don't find to
attractive enough to hang out with them
lots of reasons um listen if anyone is
ashamed to hang around with you well
then F them literally because don't you
dare to make anyone make you feel less
than that you are you do not deserve
that okay if they cannot see your value
in you then you you should not go there
and you should not talk to these people
stop giving these people your
energy they do not deserve
you because you will start to feel like
you're worthless because they these
people make you feel like you're
worthless
okay but that's not the true
reality it's all because of their
feelings and what they're projecting on
to you that you start to feel like that
about yourself but that's not the
reality honey that is not the reality
and don't you ever dare to make anyone
feel ashamed to be around you it's a
blessing to hang around you okay a
blessing I would say to this is do not
take it personal these people are
dealing with their own stuff these
people probably have low self-esteem low
self- worth they're jealous whatever
it's not about you it's more about them
if they had healed themselves from the
inside they would not behave like this
these are toxic people it's not about
you it's about themselves okay these
people are most likely very unhappy but
that is none of your business your
business is to make you happy and your
business is not to make everyone else
around you around you happy like what
are you a little dumb Dum I don't think
so I'm telling you hang around the
people you want to be like find these
people go anywhere you can meet people
easily you know stop giving anyone the
benefit of the doubt like oh maybe they
didn't mean it whatever listen if they
disrespected you constantly they meant
it okay you're just not willing to
believe
it so stop being delusional start really
like seeing your own worth and seeing
like Hey listen I deserve to be be
treated better than this I am a good
friend okay so I deserve a good friend I
am a good lover and a good partner so I
deserve a good lover and a good partner
and you do so stop letting people walk
all over you have some backbone anyways
guys I love you so much my cheeks got
completely red because of this ring
light um yeah I can't do anything about
that um but I love you guys so much
thank you so much for watching I hope
you learned something and please do not
disappoint me do not disappoint me okay
love you guys
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