TEDxLeadershipPittsburgh - Dr. Laura Trice - 11/14/09

Summary

The speaker explores the importance of specific and genuine praise, and why many people struggle to ask for it. They discuss personal experiences, highlighting how praise can impact relationships and personal growth. The talk emphasizes being open about the praise we need, and encourages listeners to have honest conversations with loved ones about appreciation. The speaker suggests that fostering such communication at home can lead to broader harmony and concludes by thanking the audience for their efforts in creating positive change in the world.

Takeaways

• 😊 Praise and gratitude should be specific and genuine to be meaningful.
• 🤔 Many people feel shy or embarrassed to ask for praise or to receive it.
• 💡 Unexpressed appreciation can cause emotional wounds, like a father who never told his son he was proud of him.
• 🏠 Simple expressions of gratitude within a household can strengthen relationships, such as a wife thanking her husband for supporting the family.
• 👩‍❤️‍👨 Open communication can help clarify what kind of praise or gratitude people need from each other.
• 👍 Praising someone for fulfilling their responsibilities, like thanking children for doing chores, reinforces positive behavior.
• 🛠 Being vulnerable and asking for praise reveals insecurities but is crucial for emotional well-being.
• 🚴 The analogy of 'truing the wheels' reflects how addressing small issues in relationships can improve them significantly.
• 🌍 Seeking world peace starts with improving communication and relationships within our own homes.
• 🙏 The speaker expresses gratitude to the audience for their efforts in relationships and encourages them to continue making a difference.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the script?

The main topic is the importance of specific and genuine praise, admiration, and saying thank you to people, and why some individuals have difficulty accepting or asking for it.

Why does the speaker believe some people hesitate to ask for praise or gratitude?

The speaker suggests that people hesitate to ask for praise because it reveals their insecurities and needs, making them feel vulnerable. They fear that others might neglect or abuse this personal information.

What personal experience led the speaker to explore this topic?

The speaker noticed in themselves a tendency to feel shy or embarrassed when giving or receiving praise. This prompted them to investigate why others also block praise and gratitude.

How does the speaker's work environment influence their perspective?

The speaker works in a rehab facility, where they see people dealing with life and death situations related to addiction. Many individuals carry emotional wounds related to unexpressed praise from loved ones, which shapes the speaker's understanding of the importance of expressing admiration.

What example does the speaker give about a father and son to illustrate the impact of unexpressed praise?

The speaker shares a story of a man whose core emotional wound is that his father never told him he was proud of him. However, the father had told others, but the son never received that direct praise.

What is the speaker's challenge to the audience?

The speaker challenges the audience to 'true their wheels' by being honest about the praise they need, and to ask their loved ones what kind of praise they need, fostering better communication and appreciation within households.

What is the connection the speaker makes between personal praise and world peace?

The speaker argues that achieving peace in the world starts at home, suggesting that by improving communication and expressing appreciation under one roof, we can contribute to a more peaceful world overall.

Why does the speaker mention the metaphor of 'truing the wheels' of a bike?

The speaker uses the metaphor of 'truing the wheels' to describe how removing the 'warps' in communication by being honest about our needs for praise can lead to smoother, healthier relationships, just like how fixing a bike's wheels improves its performance.

What does the speaker believe about asking for praise and gratitude?

The speaker believes that asking for praise and gratitude is essential, but difficult, because it involves showing vulnerability. However, they argue that it's necessary for emotional health and better relationships.

How does the speaker end the message?

The speaker concludes by thanking the audience for being good spouses, parents, and friends, even if they have never been told this directly, and emphasizes the positive impact of their ideas on the world.