Learn this before dating anyone

Summary

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not speaking negatively about one's partner, especially to others, to prevent outside influences from damaging the relationship. They share personal experiences, highlighting the consequences of sharing too much with friends and family, and stress the need for internal resolution of issues. The speaker also discusses the impact of external opinions on self-esteem and the need for self-love, concluding with the message to keep outside influences at bay to maintain a healthy relationship and self-image.

Takeaways

• 🤐 Never talk negatively about your partner to others to avoid giving people the chance to influence your relationship negatively.
• 🔒 Be cautious about sharing personal relationship issues with others, as it can lead to vulnerability and misuse of your trust.
• 🏠 If you can't resolve issues with your partner, consider that there might be a deeper problem in the relationship.
• 🗣️ It's important to address and resolve issues within the relationship rather than relying on external advice.
• 👫 Be mindful of the reputation you create about your partner by what you say about them to others.
• 🚫 Avoid 'bashing' your ex or current partner to others, as it can escalate negative feelings and create a toxic environment.
• 👂 The influence of friends and family on a relationship can be significant, and sometimes harmful.
• 💔 Constantly focusing on negative aspects of a relationship can overshadow the positive and lead to its downfall.
• 🤔 Be aware of the potential for outside influences to alter your perspective and decisions about your relationship.
• 🌟 Keep the beauty and positivity of your relationship to yourself, and don't let others' opinions or actions tarnish it.

Q & A

Why does the speaker recommend not talking bad about your partner to others?

The speaker recommends not talking bad about your partner to others because it can invite negative influences into your relationship, which can sever the bond you have with your partner.

What are the risks of sharing relationship issues with people outside the relationship?

Sharing relationship issues with others can lead to people influencing your thoughts negatively, causing you to rely on external opinions rather than solving problems directly with your partner.

What does the speaker mean by 'fix the problems in house'?

'Fix the problems in house' means resolving relationship issues internally between partners without involving external parties or influences.

How can talking negatively about your partner to others affect their reputation?

Talking negatively about your partner can create a one-sided and unfair reputation, as people may focus only on the negative aspects while ignoring the positive things your partner has done.

Why does the speaker emphasize accountability when discussing their past relationships?

The speaker emphasizes accountability to show that they recognize their own mistakes, such as discussing relationship issues with others, and to highlight that they tried not to speak negatively about their ex.

What negative impact did involving her parents have on the speaker's relationship?

Involving her parents in their relationship issues permanently changed the dynamic, as it led to external influences affecting their relationship and caused long-term harm.

Why does the speaker advise against letting people into your relationship?

The speaker advises against letting people into your relationship because external influences can create misunderstandings, interfere with decision-making, and ultimately damage the relationship.

What type of advice does the speaker give when discussing relationships?

The speaker gives 'perspective advice,' offering different viewpoints without instructing others on what to do. They aim to help people make informed decisions without imposing their own opinions.

What does the speaker mean by 'keep the outside outside' in a relationship?

'Keep the outside outside' means not letting external influences, opinions, or people interfere with the relationship, as it is the internal dynamics that should matter most.

How does the speaker relate self-love to handling external influences?

The speaker suggests that just as one should protect a relationship from external influences, one should also protect their self-esteem from external opinions. Self-love must come from within, not be determined by others' views.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 The Dangers of External Influence in Relationships

The speaker emphasizes the importance of not discussing relationship issues with others, as it can lead to unwanted influence and damage the bond with a partner. They recount personal experiences where opening up to someone led to their words being used against them. The speaker advises resolving issues internally and being cautious about sharing too much information about one's relationship with others, as it can lead to reliance on external opinions and influence, which can overshadow the positive aspects of a relationship.

05:00

😣 The Impact of Family Involvement in Relationships

The speaker shares an experience where involving family in a relationship issue changed the dynamic of the relationship. They discuss how they personally avoided discussing their relationship with their own family to maintain privacy and control over their own relationship issues. The speaker also reflects on a moment when their partner's family member made a comment that hurt them, illustrating the potential for family involvement to cause emotional distress. They conclude by advising caution when it comes to involving others in personal relationships.

10:02

😓 The Risks of Sharing Relationship Details

The speaker warns against sharing intimate details of a relationship with friends, as it can lead to jealousy and attempts to undermine the relationship. They discuss how people may use shared information to create a narrative that is damaging to the relationship. The speaker also touches on the idea that some people may not have the best intentions and may try to exploit a relationship for their own gain. They advise being mindful of who is allowed into one's personal life and to be cautious about the information shared with others.

15:03

😔 The Importance of Self-Love and Internal Validation

The speaker discusses the importance of self-love and not allowing external opinions to define one's self-image. They mention that attractiveness is not solely about physical appearance but also about one's character and how one treats oneself. The speaker encourages focusing on internal validation and self-appreciation rather than seeking approval from others. They acknowledge the imperfections in their own thoughts and the video's content, but emphasize the beauty in imperfection and the importance of being genuine and human.

Keywords

💡Influence

Influence refers to the capacity to have an impact on someone's character, development, or behavior. In the context of the video, the speaker cautions against allowing external influences to affect one's relationship. The video emphasizes that people may try to impose their opinions and perspectives, potentially damaging the bond between partners. An example from the script is when the speaker mentions that friends might advise against the relationship after hearing only negative aspects.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the state of being open to attack or damage, especially emotionally. In the video, the speaker discusses how sharing personal relationship issues can lead to vulnerability, as others may exploit this openness. The speaker reflects on their own experiences where vulnerability in a relationship led to manipulation and damage, as illustrated by the instances where their ex-partner's friends influenced her negatively.

💡Accountability

Accountability is the responsibility or obligation to report, explain, or be responsible for one's actions. The video script mentions accountability when the speaker admits to discussing their relationship with close people but emphasizes never speaking ill of their ex. This shows a commitment to being responsible for one's words and actions, especially in maintaining respect within a past relationship.

💡Reputation

Reputation is the beliefs or opinions that are generally held about someone or something. The speaker in the video talks about the importance of maintaining a positive reputation for one's partner and not allowing others to tarnish it. They recount how their ex-partner's negative comments about them influenced her friends' views, which in turn affected their relationship.

💡Dynamic

Dynamic refers to the way in which the circumstances, conditions, or nature of something changes or develops over time. In the video, the speaker discusses how involving parents in a relationship issue can change the dynamic of the relationship, as it introduces new influences and alters the way the couple interacts with each other.

💡Self-love

Self-love is the practice of loving and valuing one's own company and well-being. The video script touches on self-love when advising viewers to find love and attraction within themselves, rather than relying on external validation. It suggests that self-love can protect individuals from negative external influences that may affect their self-perception.

💡Attraction

Attraction is the quality or power of evoking interest or liking for someone or something. The speaker differentiates between attractiveness and being good-looking, stating that not every attractive person is good-looking and vice versa. This concept is used to illustrate that external opinions about one's appearance should not dictate self-worth or self-love.

💡Imperfection

Imperfection refers to the state of being not perfect; having flaws or shortcomings. The video concludes with the speaker acknowledging their own imperfections and the imperfections in their communication. They embrace the beauty in imperfection, suggesting that it is a natural part of being human and that it does not detract from the value of their message.

💡Grmy and slimy

Grmy and slimy are informal terms used to describe people who are deceitful or untrustworthy. The speaker warns about the 'grimy and slimy game' of people who might try to exploit one's relationship for their own gain. This term is used to describe the underhanded tactics some may use to interfere with others' happiness.

💡Dating in circles

Dating in circles refers to a pattern where individuals within a social group date each other in a repetitive or interconnected manner. The speaker recounts their observations of this behavior in their hometown, suggesting it may lead to a complex web of relationships and potential for conflict or jealousy.

💡Swingers

Swingers are couples who engage in consensual sexual activities with others as part of their lifestyle. The speaker shares their theory that children of swingers might adopt similar behaviors, as they grew up around it. This concept is used to illustrate how external factors and influences can shape one's approach to relationships.

Highlights

It's important to never talk negatively about your partner, especially to other people, as it opens up opportunities for external influences to damage the relationship.

Problems in a relationship should be fixed internally, not by seeking external opinions or influences.

Sharing vulnerabilities with others can lead to them using that information against you, damaging trust.

Talking about your relationship to others can create a false narrative, where the negative aspects are magnified while the positive moments are overlooked.

External influences, such as family and friends, can forever change the dynamic of a relationship when they get involved.

Even close friends may not always have your best interests at heart when it comes to your relationship.

Relying on others' opinions for relationship decisions can lead to you prioritizing their thoughts over your own, creating further issues.

If you can’t communicate or solve issues with your partner directly, there is an inherent problem in the relationship.

Bashing your partner to others, or allowing them to bash you, can severely damage the reputation of your relationship in the eyes of others.

Keeping the details of your relationship private helps protect it from external judgments and influences.

External influences can manipulate situations to their advantage, potentially trying to come between you and your partner.

Allowing others to interfere in your relationship can lead to long-term negative consequences that are difficult to undo.

You need to be cautious about whom you confide in, as not everyone wants to see you succeed in your relationship.

External pressures, such as societal or familial expectations, can hinder the natural growth and development of a relationship.

It’s essential to safeguard your relationship by keeping it private and resolving issues directly with your partner.

Transcripts

if you are considering getting in a

relationship or you're already in a

relationship I highly recommend to never

talk bad about your partner in general

but especially to other people you got

to be very careful about the things you

share about your relationship especially

you know the things are going through

because people are always waiting for

opportunity to put their influences in

your relationship and pretty much sever

the bond you have with a person so if

you feel like you can't talk to your

person if you feel like y'all can't come

together and solve issues there's a

problem a lot of the times it happens

because you try to open up to somebody

and they they want you to talk and the

moment you open up they use everything

you said against you everything you

become vulnerable to them you express

how you feel and they use that against

you and then they wonder why you don't

open up they wonder why you seek

external advice and influence because

I'm hurt here you know what I'm saying

where I trusted the most where I was the

most vulnerable those things happen but

you got got to be able to fix the

problems in house nothing external can

fix what's inside so it's not a good

idea to tell people all your business

yeah you might have to talk to somebody

yeah you might have a close friend that

you can trust and things like that but

still you can't talk too much because

you're going to start to get that

outside influence instead of you being

in your relationship thinking well this

is what me and her or this is what me

and my person have to fix you going to

be thinking oh well I wonder what they

thinking I wonder what Mom thinks about

my relationship I wonder what my sister

thinks about my relationship

relationship because you starting to

train yourself to rely on other people

to fix your problems but what I wanted

to talk about specifically is the

reputation you can create about your

partner whenever and I I proud myself

for this and like I said I'm going to

start off with accountability on my part

I did talk about my situations to people

you know that was close it wasn't just

like anybody but the thing is I never

bash my ex never bash my ex and if I

caught myself in a story getting to the

point where I see they face like bro you

dealt with that like no let me go ahead

and clear it up this is like a small

percentage of what happened you know

what I'm saying the negative always gets

magnified but I just want to be very

clear blah blah blah blah blah and I

would always clean up her name always

did but I never did Bash her but it was

a few times she did Bash me and i' I've

heard it in real time you know what I'm

saying but um she would bash

me and her friends would say all this

stuff and they would influence all her

negative thoughts to the point where

they would talk about me behind my back

and say things about me that they would

never say to my face and it influenced a

lot of the things in our relationship

like for example if you sit there and

tell somebody about all the negative

things that happen in your relationship

let's say you're in a relationship and

your partner um just yelled at you and

then they come home Angry the next day

and then a week later they do this and

they do that and you keep running and

telling your friends oh she did this oh

they did that oh they did this oh they

did that they going to be like oh well

this is a horrible person you deserve

better you this you that you need to Le

this person but what about that

Wednesday when that person brought you

flowers what about that Friday when that

person rubbed your back what about that

Saturday when that person listened to

all your problems when you didn't listen

to their problems what about that Monday

when they was brushing your hair what

about all these days they took you on

these excursions and they did all these

things for you not not for you them not

for you to say thank you they just

wanted to do it but when they have these

these slips and slopes that's the thing

that gets focused on it's like when you

good for a person and you doing what you

can for a person even if things aren't

always well you can mean well by the

person but the moment they go out and

spill negative about you all that gets

erased you could literally buy a person

the entire world and you accidentally

step on One Tree or you burned out let's

say you you did it intentionally you

burned down one tree they will have the

whole universe thinking that you're evil

because of those outside influences and

then their influences will get into your

relationship and start to run your

relationship I remember we had an issue

one time and my ex wanted to bring her

parents in it and I was like don't you

dare don't you dare you know what I'm

saying and she was like I'll do it I'll

do it I'm like for one go ahead and you

know what go ahead and show me how

immature you are for one because you you

you you know you claim to want to move

away from your parents and you claim to

want all these things and I'm trying to

help you I'm trying to build this for

us but if you move out you can't just

run to your parents you can't just run

for help I'm I'm literally here trying

to help you you seeking help that has

never been there you know what I'm

saying and then once they get into our

relationship and they know what's going

on they're going to start having

influences you going to stop thinking

for yourself and things are going to be

come tarnished but I said go go ahead

and show me do it so she went and told

her parents about some things you know

and it was simple stuff like it wasn't

some traumatic experiences but she went

and once her parents got involved and

once her family start getting involved

and what we had going on it forever

changed the dynamic of our relationship

forever I never bashed her you know to

my mom or my family I kept all that on

the low profile because it's my

relationship when I would be going

through something my mom would see it

all over my face but I never did Bash up

but one thing that stuck with me

I remember one time I went over there

and you know we was all cuddled up and

stuff and a sister came in the door and

they was talking or whatnot and me and

her little sister was kind of close you

know at a period of time right but um

that started to fade as things happened

but I remember she told her sister I

love my Santa Claus cuz I was acting

like Santa Claus I was walking around

acting like I had presents I was just

doing a whole G and she was like I love

my Santa Claus her little sister said

you need to make up your mind it's a new

story every day and every

week when I tell

you I just turned myself

off I was like

wow now I can speak about it and I don't

feel

anything but in that moment I had to

literally like find a fly on the wall to

act like I didn't hear that and then you

know when somebody did something and

they

get um confronted about it like let's

say somebody was talking about you then

somebody come in the room like wasen you

just talking about that person yesterday

and then they look at you with like that

scary they they want that approval like

I'm sorry like that look I seen her look

up at me I just looked up in the

corner like

huh it's not a good idea it's not a good

idea because it's some type of I don't

know what it is very rarely do you find

people that want you to be happy very

rarely do you find people that are

happier when you're with somebody and

when you're happy and when you're

thriving a relationship even people that

really care about you it's like some

dynamic they they just want you to

themselves and they want you to be

around them they don't want you to be in

a relationship because when I when I was

with my homeboys whenever I got in a

relationship I was nowhere around we

used to chill we used to hang out all

the time you know what I'm saying but

once I got a relationship I disappeared

and it was my choice but they didn't

hate that you know what I'm saying they

supported me in everything I did and

that that's how I am man I give you

advice and like I always say I give

perspective advice all I'm going to do

is offer you a new perspective or show

you what's going on things that you're

not seeing never will I ever tell you

what to do and if I start to give that

instructional advice I'll stop myself

and be like yo I'm not trying to tell

you what to do that is your Rel

relationship all I want you to do is be

happy I want you to make the best

decision possible because I can't I

can't personally I can't leave nothing

on the table personally I can't let

somebody's opinions from the outside

affect what I think and what's going on

for me and the inside of my relationship

so I'm not telling you to do nothing but

what I don't want you to do is go down a

rabbit hole what I don't want you to do

is be blind and naive that's the type of

advice I give when talking about

relationships because it's a sensitive

thing you don't know what that person

going through you don't you don't know

nothing you know what they tell you but

when you go to the outside and you

talking to people just a random person

and I'm not talking about just a person

you don't know I'm talking about random

in the mind they don't care for your

well-being they they rather you be alone

with them and be miserable with them so

they're not giving you real advice they

giving you instructions to get back to

them they don't want to see you happy

they don't want to see you build a

relationship because those things are

beautiful and when you don't have those

things it's pretty sad it's pretty

lonely s somebody close to you have

something so beautiful so you got to be

very careful about the people you tell

like I said I I knew some grmy slamy

people to this day I still know and I

still keep in contact with them because

I want I want you to think that I don't

know things you know what I'm saying

people try to slide behind your back and

get what you have and you know they try

to play like they're your friends to get

what you have and all that stuff that's

why you got to be very careful about

telling people certain stuff because

when they when they hear o if I do that

I could probably take this girl from

it's I'm telling you it's a grimy and

slimy game it's a grimy and slimy game

so you got to be very

careful about who you let into your

relationship because like I said earlier

in the video once you let that person in

they they will forever have the scoop

and relationship and to add to that you

got to be careful about dating and fr

bundles I grew up in a in a town where

these people I ain't going to lie I I

crack I crafted Theory so as I got older

and more aware and this all has

relevance as I got older and more aware

I seen all these people were dating in

circles dating in circles best friend

has best friend and then next day best

friend has other best friend like they

literally trading I'm like that's weird

so then I start hearing rumors about

swingers in town right if you don't know

what a swinger is it's when people are

in relationships and they exchange

partners for activities right they say

hey hey I got a wife you got a wife let

me borrow your wife for tonight you can

borrow my wife that type of thing right

so I had this Theory I said well if they

doing this and it's a lot of swinger

talk around you know town with the older

people

maybe these people are just kids of the

swingers maybe this is their culture

maybe this is what they know well come

to find out it was

true it was very

true they were Children of the swingers

and I found this out one late night in

the gym no there was no activities going

on but I I got to drop on some things

and I was like H that all makes

sense the reason why I brought that

up why did I bring that

up it has relevance I

promise all right let let's let's dig

back into um the thought it's about

letting people in relationship people

Wan what you we

have blah blah blah blah

damn I swear it had relevance

bro I swear I I don't you

know you know I don't bring up any

analogy or any scenario without

relevance I swear they have

relevance all right let's let's do some

backtracking not letting people in your

relationship they want what you have

grmy and slimy stuff I went to school

with people they dated in

circles

man I had it bro I had

it I had

it I could just spend another point off

of it because I compl completely forg

but for instance man let's

[Music]

say let's say you in a relationship with

somebody and let's say if you tickle

your girl's feet with chocolate covered

strawberries it makes her want to do

something that everybody would want to

experience and you go tell one of your

people about that well they might cause

some issues between you and your lady

and then go buy those chocolate covered

strawberries and then tickle her feet

with them you know what I'm saying and

try to fagle their way and man I wish I

knew I I can't even do this man I can't

even do this I wanted to explain my

regular point and I I bet y'all stood

where I was going but it's just man

whatever I was talking about it was so

potent it made so much

sense

[Music]

uh we're just going to induct this video

into the shaman Davis bloopers Hall of

Fame because even though I'm not perfect

you know what I'm saying I've never

claimed to be by the way y'all see me

mess up all the time I keep it in every

video but man more of the story

it's your relationship man keep the

outside outside you know what I'm saying

keep all that stuff

outside you can't

let the water outside your ship sink

it because it

doesn't it's the water that comes inside

the

ship so you have to be very careful of

what you let inside the

ship because that

is what sinks the

poke a big hole in your

relationship and you let everybody come

in and influence it and you start

thinking from the minds of other people

and not for yourself it's going to be

problems if you can't talk to your

partner and you can't solve issues with

your partner there's going to be a

problem

so never let outside

influences influence what's on the

inside and this ain't just just about

relationships this could be about the

way you look at yourself you're calling

yourself ugly because somebody else call

you ugly you got to find that love for

yourself you got to find that attraction

in yourself and by the way if we want to

get real technical attractiveness is not

always being goodlook understand that's

two different things they go hand in

hand every attractive person is not

good-looking and not every good-looking

person is attractive so it's just

certain things like that man selflove

you may not love yourself and that's

because because somebody taught you that

somebody put you through a situation to

where you now look at yourself from

their eyes but you got to get in here

it's like with that relationship work on

here first handle this first this is

sacred keep this safe because the world

is always trying to tear you apart from

what you

love you didn't hear it from me though

I'm not happy with this uh product that

I just produced not happy with this

conversation

but I got to upload it I got to share it

with y'all just to let y'all know that

everything just not perfect

man everything just not

perfect but there's Beauty and

imperfection and I'm

human and sometimes my mind gets lost

when thinking about things I shouldn't

be thinking

about but any

who y'all stay blessed man I'll talk to

y'all soon