Society Vs. Self Identity: Knocking Down the Walls of Heteronormativity | Koosha Nouri | TEDxUCSB

Summary

The speaker reflects on societal norms and their impact on individual identity and sexuality, particularly during adolescence. They recount personal experiences of feeling pressured to conform to traditional masculinity and the negative reactions to their non-conforming behaviors. By studying communication, they gain insight into social learning theory and symbolic interactionism, which helped them understand how societal expectations shape gender identity. They emphasize the importance of education to dismantle these constructs and promote acceptance, leading to their own rediscovery of identity and confidence.

Takeaways

• 🧽 **Early Impressionability**: The speaker was highly impressionable as a child, absorbing societal values and behaviors.
• 🏳️‍🌈 **Negative Connotations**: The word 'gay' was used negatively from a young age, creating a sense of stigma and rejection.
• 👦 **Non-Conforming Behavior**: The speaker's interests and activities diverged from traditional masculinity, leading to feelings of alienation.
• 👨‍👦 **Social Learning Theory**: The concept of social learning theory is introduced to explain how behaviors are learned and reinforced through social interaction.
• 🛍️ **Rejection of Feminine Behavior**: A personal anecdote illustrates the disapproval faced for expressing interests typically associated with femininity.
• 🚹 **Reinforcement of Masculinity**: Repeated negative feedback reinforced the idea that the speaker needed to conform to masculine norms.
• 🗣️ **Symbolic Interactionism**: This theory complements social learning theory, highlighting the role of communication in shaping gender identity.
• 🌐 **Cultural Influence**: Cultural norms and expectations play a significant role in defining what is considered masculine or feminine.
• 🏋️‍♂️ **Pressure to Conform**: The speaker felt pressure to suppress certain traits to fit the societal role of an 'ideal man'.
• 📚 **Academic Enlightenment**: Through education, the speaker realized that societal expectations are social constructs and not inherent truths.
• 💪 **Empowerment Through Education**: Education is key to understanding and accepting diverse identities and behaviors.

Q & A

What societal values does the speaker reflect on in the script?

The speaker reflects on societal values related to what is considered good or bad, attractive or undesirable, and what defines success or failure.

How does the speaker describe their childhood experience with societal norms?

The speaker describes being a sponge as a child, soaking in values and behaviors they thought would be accepted or rejected by their peers.

Why did the word 'gay' have a negative impact on the speaker as a child?

The word 'gay' was used as a negative adjective by the children around the speaker, even though the speaker was too young to have an established sexual orientation.

What is the speaker's perspective on their childhood behavior and gender norms?

The speaker felt no difference from their peers when playing with dolls and jewels, but their peers perceived them differently due to not fitting the classic male mold.

What is social learning theory, as mentioned in the script?

Social learning theory explains that individuals learn gender roles by imitating the behavior of those around them and observing the reactions to that behavior.

How does the speaker's experience at summer camp illustrate social learning theory?

The speaker's experience at summer camp, where they were labeled as 'gay' for liking shopping, illustrates how they learned that certain behaviors were not acceptable for boys.

What is symbolic interactionism, and how does it relate to the speaker's story?

Symbolic interactionism explains the role of communication in our gender development. It complements social learning theory by emphasizing how communication shapes our understanding of gender roles.

How does the speaker describe the United States as a heteronormative society?

The speaker describes the United States as a heteronormative society by pointing out that it promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation, excluding anything outside of that.

What realization helped the speaker regain their identity?

The speaker realized that the expected behaviors and values were social constructs perpetuated through communication, which allowed them to find their identity.

What does the speaker suggest as a way to empower young boys to be themselves?

The speaker suggests acknowledging the existence of social constructs and biases at a younger age to promote understanding and acceptance.

How does the speaker conclude the importance of education in understanding and acceptance?

The speaker concludes that education is key to understanding and acceptance, as it helps to dismantle the societal constructs that impose certain roles and behaviors.

Outlines

00:00

👦 Discovering Identity Through Social Learning

The speaker reflects on societal norms and values that dictate what is considered good or bad, attractive or undesirable, and how these influence individual identity. They recount their childhood experiences, being exposed to the word 'gay' as a negative label, and how it affected them despite their young age. The speaker, who didn't fit the stereotypical male mold, enjoyed activities typically associated with girls. They discuss social learning theory, explaining how children learn gender roles by imitating the behavior of those around them and the reactions they receive. The speaker shares a personal story from summer camp where they were labeled 'gay' for liking shopping, illustrating how societal expectations and reactions can negatively impact a child's sense of self.

05:01

🌈 Overcoming Heteronormativity Through Education

The speaker discusses the heteronormative nature of society, which promotes heterosexuality as the norm and excludes other sexual orientations. They describe how this norm is reinforced through media and societal expectations, creating a set of roles and behaviors that are constantly communicated. The speaker shares their personal struggle with identity during adolescence, feeling the pressure to conform to these societal roles. However, through academic study, they gained insight into the nature of these social constructs and began to redefine their identity. They emphasize the importance of education and understanding to break down these constructs and empower individuals to embrace their true selves. The speaker concludes with a call to action to educate younger generations about these biases to promote acceptance and understanding.

Keywords

💡Values

Values are principles or standards of behavior transmitted through cultural or social systems. In the video, values are discussed as societal norms that dictate what is considered good or bad, attractive or undesirable. The speaker reflects on how these values, particularly those related to gender and sexuality, were imposed on them during adolescence and how they shaped their identity.

💡Adolescence

Adolescence is the transitional stage of physical and psychological development that generally occurs during the period from puberty to adulthood. The script describes how the speaker, as a young child, was influenced by societal values during this formative period, particularly regarding gender roles and behaviors.

💡Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation refers to an individual's enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, both genders, or none. The speaker mentions being too young to have an established sexual orientation but already aware of the negative connotations associated with being labeled as 'gay'.

💡Social Learning Theory

Social Learning Theory posits that individuals learn behaviors by observing others and the consequences of those behaviors. The video uses this theory to explain how the speaker learned gender roles by imitating and receiving feedback on their behavior, such as being told they were 'gay' for liking activities typically associated with femininity.

💡Masculinity

Masculinity refers to the qualities or attributes traditionally associated with men. The speaker discusses how they did not fit the classic male mold and were often encouraged to act more masculine to fit societal expectations.

💡Symbolic Interactionism

Symbolic Interactionism is a social theory that suggests that people act toward things based on the meaning of the things. In the context of the video, this theory is used to explain how communication and societal symbols (like gender roles) influence the development of one's gender identity.

💡Heteronormativity

Heteronormativity is the assumption that people are or should be heterosexual. The video discusses how the United States is a heteronormative society, which promotes heterosexuality as the norm and can lead to the exclusion or stigmatization of other sexual orientations.

💡Identity

Identity refers to the characteristics determining who or what a person or thing is. The speaker's journey to find their identity is central to the video's narrative, as they grapple with societal expectations and eventually embrace their true self.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. The video highlights how the speaker's newfound confidence, after embracing their identity, allowed them to fully accept themselves.

💡Constructs

Constructs are concepts or ideas that are socially built and maintained. The video emphasizes that societal constructs, such as gender roles, are not fixed but are created and perpetuated through communication.

💡Education

Education is the process of receiving or giving systematic instruction, especially at a school or university. The speaker credits education for helping them understand and challenge societal constructs, leading to personal empowerment and a shift in perspective.

Highlights

The societal influence on determining what is considered good or bad and how it affects individuals.

The author's childhood experience of absorbing societal values and the negative connotations associated with the word 'gay'.

The realization at a young age that being 'gay' was seen as undesirable.

The author's non-conforming behavior as a child and the reactions from peers.

The introduction of social learning theory as a concept to explain gender identity formation.

The reinforcement of gender roles through imitation and societal reactions.

The negative impact of being labeled as 'gay' for expressing non-masculine interests.

The continuous reinforcement of the need to act masculine.

The concept of symbolic interactionism and its role in gender development.

The cultural influences on communication and gender identity.

The heteronormative society of the United States and its impact on identity formation.

The struggle with identity and the pressure to conform to societal expectations.

The enlightenment through academics about the nature of social constructs.

The author's journey to self-acceptance and the creation of a personal identity.

The transformation of perspective and the realization of past struggles.

The importance of education in promoting understanding and acceptance of diverse identities.

The call to action for empowering young boys to be themselves.

The acknowledgment of social constructs and biases as a step towards promoting understanding.

Transcripts

as a society how do we collectively

decide what's good or bad what's

attractive or undesirable what makes you

a success or a failure and ultimately

how does this affect you as an

individual all too often we can trace us

back to values imposed on us in our

adolescence as a kid I was like a sponge

and I was constantly soaking in what I

thought would be accepted or rejected by

the people around me and I constantly

recall the word gay as a nerve inducing

trigger that would make my stomach twist

looking back on this I asked myself why

I was too young to have any established

sexual orientation I didn't even know

what sex was but one thing that was

clear to me by the age of five or six

was that gay was seen as bad it would be

used as an adjective for things kids

didn't like or something that they

perceived as stupid and very quickly I

knew that I didn't want to be that as a

young boy I didn't fit the classic male

mold of only hanging out with guys and

wrestling and playing with trucks I

liked playing with dolls and jewels and

hang out with girls and at the time I

felt nothing wrong with this I didn't

really feel any different than my peers

but my peers definitely felt different

than me looking back on this it's so

interesting now that I studied

communication because I can now

conceptualize certain things that shape

the process of my identity and sexuality

in ways I could have never understood

before even when I was younger I freely

expressed myself paying little attention

to others perceptions but I quickly

picked up on negative reactions to my

behavior that was outside the lines of

traditional masculinity this is

connected to a concept called social

learning theory out of curiosity raise

your hand if you're familiar with this

concept okay get them out so social

learning theory explains that an

individual

learns to be masculine or feminine

through imitating the behavior of the

people around them and seeing the

reactions they have to this behavior

this could be through the TV or

imitating your parents or your friends

but not all of this imitated behavior is

rewarded so we often see that boys are

rewarded with the label of being a man

when they imitate masculine behavior but

what happens when a boy imitates

feminine behavior let me tell you a

story so as a six-year-old in summer

camp

I thought the counselors in training

were the absolute coolest I always

fought around this group of 11 year olds

and I really wanted to be friends with

them especially the girls

one day the girls were discussing

shopping and I told them I liked

shopping too they looked at each other

but I didn't think much of it later that

day I was still following them around

and mind you I was so much smaller that

half the time they didn't even notice I

was with them but I remember overhearing

the conversation clear as day oh that

kid Cuccia is so gay he likes shopping

as a six-year-old I was perplexed but I

felt a sting in my stomach as if I was

just punched why did I feel so terrible

why did my behavior bother them so badly

this connects back to social learning

theory because the big kids were

essentially communicating their

disapproval of my behavior being outside

the lines of masculinity and hurtling a

label to let me know that it wasn't okay

I could tell you a hundred different

variations of this story because it

happened to me so often but every single

time the notion that I needed to act

like a man

was further reinforced so in other words

my identity or who I thought I should be

was constantly being reinforced through

my communication with others this ties

into another concept called symbolic

interactionism this concept really

complements social learning theory in

explaining the role of communication in

our gender development

so this communication is heavily culture

Laden in ideas of what it means to be a

man or a woman and in my case I quickly

learned that being a man and being gay

were mutually exclusive even when I was

younger I always had a weird feeling

when I knew that something was off when

they would be evaluating my behavior or

personality in a strange way and it

definitely gave me a feeling that I was

less so it's no secret that the United

States is a heteronormative society

meaning there's a collective view that

promotes heterosexuality as the normal

or preferred sexual orientation

ultimately excluding anything that

doesn't fit in this heteronormative box

this could be seen through the perfect

dream couple always being seen as a man

and a woman or the ideal man always

thought of as a strong macho husband

with a wife and kids

therefore it's understandable when kids

and young adults react negatively to

anything that's outside of their

perceived normal and through our society

defining normalcy through only straight

people we directly create a set of roles

expected behaviors and values that we

constantly reinforce through our

communication with others because these

expected roles and behaviors were

imposed on me and my adolescence I

completely lost my identity in the

process of trying to cover up certain

personality traits and trying to

compensate in other ways to fit the

societal role of the ideal man the good

news is that through academics I've been

enlightened by realizing that these

expected behaviors and values are merely

social constructs established and

perpetuated through communication and in

realizing this I spoke my own world into

existence one in which I found my

identity one that doesn't define me

based on how macho I am or the

that I love and through finding my

identity I developed a confidence that

fully allowed me to embrace myself and

with this new confidence and knowledge

my perspective on the world completely

changed and looking with this new

perspective I realized how lost I was as

a kid and through reflection and

education I found my identity so how do

we empower young boys to make them feel

like they can be themselves without

feeling less than the people around them

we have to acknowledge the existence of

these constructs and biases at a younger

age in order to promote understanding

because the key to acceptance is

understanding and the key to

understanding is education thank you

[Applause]