HOW TO NOT ATTACH YOURSELF TO THINGS - this makes minimalism so much easier
Summary
TLDRThis video explores our emotional attachment to possessions and how we often measure our self-worth by the things we own. It discusses the dangers of tying our identity to material items, jobs, or relationships, and the resulting dissatisfaction when those are lost. The video offers five practical tips for detaching ourselves from this mindset, such as understanding hedonic adaptation, viewing possessions as tools, and shifting language around ownership. Ultimately, it encourages viewers to live a more conscious and minimalistic life, free from the need to expand self-worth through material accumulation.
Takeaways
- 💎 We often attach our self-worth to the things we own, such as clothes, jewelry, and books, thinking these possessions expand our value.
- 🛍️ This attachment leads to the desire to own more, as we measure our value based on material possessions and financial worth.
- 👶 Children develop a sense of self over time and begin associating ownership with their identity, which continues into adulthood.
- 🚗 Our self-worth extends beyond items to jobs and relationships, creating discomfort when those attachments are disrupted or lost.
- 👔 Society judges others by their possessions, such as clothing or cars, unconsciously placing higher value on those who appear wealthy or successful.
- 🎯 Expanding our self-worth through material items or external things doesn't truly enhance who we are; our intrinsic value remains unchanged.
- 🔄 The concept of hedonic adaptation shows that the initial excitement of acquiring things fades over time, leading to the constant pursuit of more.
- 🛠️ Shifting our mindset to view objects as tools for practical use, rather than extensions of ourselves, helps reduce emotional attachment to items.
- 📚 A helpful exercise is to imagine the life cycle of an item, like a book, and detach ourselves from ownership by viewing it as part of a larger process.
- 📝 Being mindful of the language we use, such as reducing the use of 'mine' or 'my,' can help us emotionally detach from possessions and see them for what they are.
Q & A
What is the main point the speaker is making about our attachment to material possessions?
-The speaker argues that people often attach their self-worth to material possessions, believing that owning more things enhances their value as a person. However, this emotional attachment can lead to suffering when those possessions are lost or damaged.
How does the speaker explain the development of a sense of self in children in relation to possessions?
-Children initially lack a strong sense of self, which is why they don't recognize themselves in mirrors. As they grow, they start identifying with their belongings, using terms like 'my toys' or 'my parents.' When a toy is lost or broken, they feel discomfort because they have emotionally attached their sense of self to it.
What is 'hedonic adaptation,' and how does it relate to our attachment to possessions?
-Hedonic adaptation refers to the idea that no matter how much we desire or value an item initially, we will eventually grow used to it and it will no longer excite us. The speaker suggests that constantly seeking more possessions to expand our self-worth is futile, as the satisfaction they bring is temporary.
Why do people often feel unsatisfied with their jobs, according to the speaker?
-People frequently feel unsatisfied with their jobs because they believe their job does not represent their worth or identity correctly. They attach their sense of self to their work, leading to dissatisfaction when their job doesn't reflect their self-perception.
What is the significance of language, specifically the use of words like 'I,' 'mine,' and 'my,' in relation to material attachment?
-The speaker emphasizes that language reinforces our attachment to possessions. Words like 'mine' and 'my' foster emotional ownership, which strengthens the bond we feel towards things. By consciously using these words less, we can begin to detach ourselves from possessions.
How does viewing possessions from a rational perspective help in reducing emotional attachment?
-Viewing possessions as tools rather than extensions of ourselves can help reduce emotional attachment. Instead of asking whether an item represents or suits us emotionally, we should consider whether it serves a practical purpose, helping us see it more rationally.
What exercise does the speaker suggest for emotionally detaching from items?
-The speaker suggests imagining an item's complete lifecycle, from its production to its eventual end. By seeing how many hands the item has passed through and where it will go after us, we can recognize that we are just a small part of its journey and emotionally detach from it.
How does society judge people based on their material possessions, according to the speaker?
-The speaker points out that society often judges people by what they own. For example, someone in a nice suit with a respectable car is perceived more positively than someone who appears homeless or impoverished. However, the speaker argues that material possessions do not reflect a person's true worth.
Why does the speaker say it's dangerous to emotionally attach ourselves to possessions?
-Attaching ourselves emotionally to possessions is dangerous because it makes us vulnerable to suffering when those possessions are lost, damaged, or no longer available. It also fosters a false sense of self-worth, leading to a never-ending cycle of wanting more.
What mindset shift does the speaker suggest for living a more satisfied and minimalistic life?
-The speaker suggests shifting the mindset from viewing possessions as an extension of self-worth to seeing them as practical tools. This shift involves recognizing that material things do not add to our intrinsic value as a person and reducing emotional attachment to what we own.
Outlines
💡 The Emotional Attachment to Our Belongings
This paragraph discusses how we tend to attach ourselves emotionally to our possessions, such as clothes, books, and jewelry. From childhood, we associate our sense of self with the things we own, and this attachment can be so strong that it affects our perception of self-worth. As adults, this sense of ownership extends to our jobs and other aspects of life, leading to discomfort when these things are taken away. The idea of 'my' or 'mine' becomes an essential part of our identity, which can lead to suffering when our belongings or circumstances change.
🧠 Understanding Our Unconscious Ego
Here, the script delves into the unconscious mind's resistance to letting go of material attachments. While logically, many people agree that possessions don't define self-worth, the ego often fights this idea. Emotional attachment to things is driven by the ego, and rejecting this attachment can create discomfort. The video asks how we can start to detach from material possessions in order to lead a more fulfilling and minimalist life, introducing the idea that it’s a gradual mindset shift requiring consistent reminders.
🔄 The Concept of Hedonic Adaptation
The paragraph introduces the concept of hedonic adaptation, explaining how humans tend to return to a baseline level of happiness regardless of changes in their life circumstances. This makes it difficult to achieve lasting satisfaction from material goods, emphasizing the importance of seeking happiness from non-material sources.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Emotional attachment
💡Self-worth
💡Hedonic adaptation
💡Ego
💡Ownership
💡Minimalism
💡Rational perspective
💡Sense of self
💡Detachment
💡Intrinsic value
Highlights
People often attach their self-worth to the things they own, such as clothes, books, or jobs.
Emotional attachment to material items can lead to people feeling protective and even defining their value based on those things.
As children, we develop a sense of ownership through terms like 'my' and 'mine,' which extends into adulthood, creating emotional ties to objects.
When items are taken away or damaged, it can feel like a personal loss because we extend our sense of self to those belongings.
Society often judges people based on the things they own, valuing wealth and material success over personal worth.
People tend to associate their jobs and belongings with their identity, leading to dissatisfaction if those things don’t align with their sense of self.
This attachment to material possessions and external validation does not truly increase a person's value, which is intrinsic.
Hedonic adaptation means that no matter how much we buy or acquire, the satisfaction is temporary, and we will always want more.
A shift in mindset is necessary to understand that accumulating more items will not increase self-worth.
A powerful way to detach from materialism is by seeing objects for their practical purpose rather than emotionally attaching to them.
Reframing items as tools can help reduce emotional attachment, such as seeing a car as simply a means of transportation rather than a status symbol.
By imagining the life cycle of an item—from production to end-use—we can view it in a more detached, rational way.
Using language more mindfully, such as avoiding the words 'my' or 'mine,' can help reduce emotional ownership over objects.
Practicing minimalism and conscious consumption is key to reducing emotional attachment to material possessions.
Detaching from possessions doesn’t mean rejecting all expression through material items, but it’s essential to be mindful of not over-identifying with them.
Transcripts
my books my clothes
my mugs
my jewelry we often attach ourselves to
things we want to collect them as a
means to expand our worth we take
ownership over things and we are really
protective over our things our emotional
attachment to things is often so strong
that we often measure our value as a
person by the amount of things we have
or by the financial value of the things
that we have because of this this leads
to us wanting to own more and buy more
to expand the value of us and this sense
of who we are words like I mine my
myself or all words that are some of the
most used words in our vocabulary as
children we don't have this sense of
self that's why babies don't recognize
themselves in the mirror at a very early
stage and slowly they develop this sense
of self this is me and we also start to
associate our thoughts with
ourself who we are and we start to learn
things like my room my toys my parents
when a toy gets broken or gets taken
away it creates this discomfort and it's
not because of the intrinsic value of
the toy is now diminished it's because
we have attached ourselves as children
to that toy and when it is broken or
taken away it's in a sense feels like a
part of ourselves has been taken away or
broken and it is because we have
attached the sense of self to the toy
we've expanded this sense of self to our
belongings as well when we grew up we
continue to attach our sense of self to
our things but not only our things also
our jobs and this is also why people try
to find their style that represents them
the best or find interior design that
best represents themselves because they
have expanded their sense of self to two
physical things in their surroundings
there's not a problem with wanting to
express who you feel like you are
through your things per se but the issue
is that with that we also attach
ourselves emotionally to items that we
own or that are around us we also do
this with jobs or relationships and once
those things where we have attached
ourselves to are taking away that that
creates discomfort and suffering and
because we have attached ourselves
emotionally to those things we become
sad and unsure when those things are no
longer around because we associate
ourselves so much with those items we
say things like I deserve to own this I
deserve to buy this I deserved this
not to say that we don't deserve it but
it doesn't expand the value of us the
worth of us when we own the additional
item but in some way we think we do when
we turn this around and look at this at
the perspective of other people we do
this as a society that we judge people
and their worth by the things that they
own or don't own now this sounds
horrible when I say it like this but
when we think about it we do do this if
there is there someone that is really
nicely put together maybe wearing a suit
driving a respectable car and it seems
like they're working at a respectable
company an office we in some way have
this sense of respect and awe towards
that person and in contrast to that if
there's someone that is obviously living
on the streets doesn't has holes in
their clothes has dirty clothes maybe is
smelly we automatically
devalue that person to some degree
compared to that other person but
obviously what things we own or don't
own doesn't change the value of who we
are as a person not only do we often see
the things that we own as extensions of
ourselves or identify with that we often
also identify with our jobs and I think
that's also a big reason why many
people or most people are really
unsatisfied or unhappy with their jobs
because they feel like the job doesn't
represent them correctly or it doesn't
show their worth correctly and of course
if you're unhappy with your job you
should do something about it and you can
do something about it but this always
wanting more and wanting to expand our
self-worth in some arbitrary way with
outside things is not going to work no
matter what we own or don't own or what
job we have or don't have it doesn't
change the intrinsic value of us as a
person now you might hear this and
totally agree or it might even seem a
little obvious that things don't change
the value of who we are maybe you're
hearing this for the first time but even
if you do think that you agree or this
is obvious oftentimes we agree with it
and understand it logically but
underneath the unconscious mind doesn't
necessarily grasp this or maybe also
doesn't want to grasp this because a lot
of what we do and the sense of self that
we attach to things outside of us is
something that is very ego driven and
anything that attacks our ego we will be
will feel very uncomfortable and we'll
want to
um not listen to and just shut out so
now I've talked a lot about ways and how
we attach ourselves to items especially
emotionally but how do we detach
ourselves from the things that we own to
for one better live a more satisfied
happy minimalistic life but also be
easier to for it to be easier to let go
of things and then also going forward
not to buy as much things and want to
expand that sense of self-worth with
buying more stuff now it is definitely
easier said than done and I don't think
it's an overnight process it there
definitely has to be a mindset shift
that happens and even though once it
happens I think you have to constantly
re-remind yourself of that I'm
personally also still really susceptible
to
expanding my sense of self to the things
that I own or the things that I do but I
do have five tips that I think can
really help to shift your mindset so the
first one is to know the concept of
hedonic adaptation now I've talked this
talked about this quite some time it
basically talks about no matter how
expensive the thing that you buy is or
how much you want it
in the long run you will get bored of it
in the long run you will get used to it
and won't be as exciting anymore there
is this high in this Rush when we buy
something when we acquire something you
when we add something
to our collection with which we identify
with and there's this feeling of
expanding our our sense of self or
self-worth in some way but this feeling
will always fade you will always want to
chase the next thing and as I said
before it's not possible to expand your
sense of self and your value and your
self-worth with collecting items it
falsely feels like it but
um in the long one you will notice that
that does not work you will always want
more and
you can never satisfy that sense of
hunger of wanting something because once
you gain that you will want the next
thing so as I said I've talked about
this already the important thing is to
shift your mindset to really understand
that
adding things into your life or adding
things to your belongings will not
change the value of who you are it will
not expand your self-worth in any way
we're all born with this inherent worth
that we can offer to others and offer to
the world and that doesn't change no
matter who we are what we do what we own
what we don't own it's nothing that
anyone can take away from us or add to
so imagine you suddenly lost all of your
belongings you wouldn't have less value
or worth as a person if you let lost all
your belongings so the same way if you
add to your belongings you're not really
adding any value or sense of Worth to
yourself picture someone wearing a three
thousand dollar dress walking down the
street and suddenly spilling coffee over
their dress just because
the dress that they they own is now of
less Financial value doesn't mean that
the person that is wearing the dress is
now of less value if that makes sense
shifting this mindset can be a really
powerful way to sever that attachment
that we have towards things and that
ultimately just feeds our ego the next
thing to consider is to view things from
a more rational perspective rather than
an emotional perspective so especially
when it comes to collecting things
wanting to expand the sense of who we
are and our self-worth and purchases
they're often very emotionally driven so
we should really try to view things from
a more rational perspective so when you
want to buy something ask yourself will
this tool help me in such and such area
or will this tool help me in some way so
see things as tools instead of asking
yourself does this represent me does
this suit me because that is so so much
more of an emotional approach that we
have towards buying things when we see
things as tools that are here to help us
then we can view it from less of an
emotional perspective and we start to
detach ourselves and our emotional
attachment to that item like a car when
you view a car as a tool to get you from
A to B you won't be so much concerned
with what brand is this car what does it
look like what is the interior what does
it feel like is it ikara that suits me
there's nothing wrong with being
specific and trying to pick the best car
for you but if a car suits you or not
should be according to the tools that
you need so if you need a car that goes
from A to B reliably then that should be
your main priority if you for some
reason need a fast car which isn't
realistic then that in that case would
be your priority but oftentimes we
choose cars as a sense of staff does
this suit me is it a cute car because I
view myself as a cute person we often
don't approach buying things in a
practical way but shifting our mindset
to view things more as tools will help
us to detach ourselves emotionally from
our items another exercise that I find
personally about very helpful is to
view your items detached from yourself
so we have this obsession with acquiring
things owning things buying things and
we have this
kind of obsession with hoarding things
also you could almost call it because we
don't really want to share it with
people we want to collect as much as
possible and we proudly show other
people what we've bought and what we've
acquired what our collection looks like
but when we detach ourselves the self
from the item we can look at it so much
more emotionally detached and more as
something that helps meet my day-to-day
so let's take a book for as an example
so imagine the book in the production
process what type of people might that
book have touched in the production in
the of the book where are the material
Source where what is it from is it from
a tree imagine that tree in nature then
when the book moves towards
being displayed in the bookstore what
hands has that book gone through who has
picked up that book to look at it who is
considered purchasing it and maybe even
if it's a second hand book imagine who
was the previous owner what Bali has
that book brought to them then also
Imagine the book in your possession so
what do you plan on doing with this book
and how do you plan on enjoying this
book and then go forward and imagine
that book down the line maybe changing
owners and going into someone else's
hand maybe It ultimately being recycled
what happens when the book is recycled
where does it go maybe some parts of it
do also return back to the Earth so to
see that book in its complete life cycle
in a sense where does this start what
does it go through where does it end up
and through this exercise you realize
that we are such a small Speck in this
lifespan of the book and we can see the
book so much more for itself the item
itself and we detach our self away from
the book we change the perspective from
this very egocentric view of me owning
this book and only Imagining the book in
the context of myself and instead
expanding and viewing the book more in a
zoomed out view when we take a step back
we can truly appreciate the book for
what it is for the tool that it is so
with the purpose of educating or
entertaining and when we realize that is
the tool or in a sense the purpose of
the book
at least for me I feel so much more of
this urge to share the purpose of the
book in a sense so wanting to maybe lend
it to friends for them to also be able
to appreciate it as much as possible
before it runs its full life cycle in a
sense the next tip is to try to
eliminate the words
mine my from our vocabulary so you don't
have to completely not use those words
but try be very conscious when you do
use the word and maybe you try to use it
less so instead of saying this is my
book say this is a book because it truly
is a book and why put so much focus on
the fact that I own this book
um or say instead of saying this is my
home this is a home because
truthfully this wasn't my home forever
the lifespan of myself is so short it is
guaranteed that someone else lived here
before me even if not in this house than
on this land and others will live here
after me so why put so much emphasis on
the fact of the ownership so this is not
my seat but a seat and the sense of
ownership is so temporary that we
shouldn't try to put too much focus on
it and and that helps us really detach
emotionally from the item because we see
it for what it is it is a tool to be
used by myself but also by others
instead of focusing so much on wanting
to own it and to with that expand this
sense of Who I Am with the book language
is a very powerful tool and I think
being mindful of that can be very
helpful so I hope these were some very
refreshing and interesting insights on
how to detach yourself emotionally from
items it is something that is very very
difficult and as I said there's nothing
in a sense wrong with wanting to express
what you're feeling or how you view
yourself through your items but with
that it is very very dangerous that we
attach ourselves emotionally to our
things because we see it as an extension
of ourselves so I hope these tips are
helpful let me know in the comments down
below which one sounded the most
intriguing to you that you want to try
give it a thumbs up if you learned
something new and share it with others
so we can spread this knowledge to other
people thank you so much for watching
this video and spending time with me I
truly appreciate it if you want more
videos and tips on minimalism living
with less and living more consciously
then be sure to subscribe for more
videos thank you so much for watching
and I'll see you in my next video
bye
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