7 Stages of a Borderline personality disorder (BPD) Relationship

Summary

Dr. Becky outlines the seven stages of a relationship with someone with BPD: 1) Attraction, a honeymoon phase marked by intense interest and mirroring behaviors. 2) Neediness, characterized by constant demands for attention and sensitivity to criticism. 3) Withdrawing, where the BPD individual pulls back to control the relationship. 4) Devaluing, where minor mistakes lead to sudden devaluation and dismissal. 5) Breakup, abrupt endings or declarations of separation. 6) Repair, where the BPD partner seeks reconciliation, often leading to a shorter honeymoon phase. 7) The cycle repeats, causing emotional turmoil unless one party exits the relationship.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The initial attraction stage in a relationship with someone with BPD is marked by intense feelings and mirroring behaviors.
• 📞 The neediness phase is characterized by frequent calls and texts, and sensitivity to criticism.
• 🏃‍♂️ Withdrawal is a tactic used by individuals with BPD to control the relationship dynamics.
• 📉 The devaluing stage sees a swift shift from idealization to devaluation, often triggered by minor mistakes.
• 💔 The breakup phase can be sudden and leave the partner feeling abandoned and heartbroken.
• 🔄 The repair phase involves the BPD individual reaching out to rekindle the relationship, often after a period of reflection.
• 🔁 The cycle of relationship stages can repeat, with each honeymoon phase becoming progressively shorter.
• 🚫 Opting out of the chaotic relationship dynamic is a choice some individuals make to seek emotional stability.
• 🤝 The responsibility for a healthy relationship lies with both parties, especially the individual with BPD who needs to seek help.
• 🔄 The emotional chaos from the cycle of breakups and makeups can persist for years if both parties are unwilling to change.

Q & A

What is the first stage of a relationship with someone who has BPD?

The first stage is the attraction stage, also known as the honeymoon phase, where there is a strong level of attraction and the person with BPD might mirror the interests and mannerisms of their partner.

How does the neediness phase manifest in a relationship with someone with BPD?

In the neediness phase, the person with BPD may exhibit constant need for attention, frequent calls and texts, and be very sensitive to criticism, which can impact their self-esteem.

What does the withdrawing stage look like in the context of BPD?

During the withdrawing stage, the person with BPD might pull back from the relationship to try and control it. This withdrawal can elicit a reaction from their partner, making them feel loved and in control.

Can you describe the devaluing stage in a relationship with someone who has BPD?

The devaluing stage follows a period of intense romance and can occur after a minor mistake. The person with BPD may suddenly see their partner as worthless, treating them very differently and causing emotional pain.

What typically happens during the breakup stage in a BPD relationship?

In the breakup stage, the person with BPD might either disappear without warning or announce a breakup. This can be very heartbreaking for their partner, especially if they were providing emotional support.

How does the repair stage differ from the previous stages in a BPD relationship?

The repair stage occurs after some time has passed, where the person with BPD reconsiders their previous actions and decides they want their partner back. They may reach out more reasonably and try to mend the relationship.

What is the outcome of the repair stage in a BPD relationship?

If the repair is successful, it might lead to another honeymoon phase, but this time it is typically shorter than the initial one, indicating the cycle may repeat but with diminishing positive periods.

What happens in the seventh stage of a BPD relationship cycle?

The seventh stage is characterized by the entire cycle starting over again if both parties allow it. This includes another honeymoon phase, idolization, devaluation, and the cycle of drama continuing.

Why does the cycle of a BPD relationship tend to repeat?

The cycle repeats due to the dynamic between the two individuals, where both may be unwilling to walk away from the relationship, leading to a continuous pattern of breakups and makeups.

How can someone with BPD take responsibility for their part in the relationship cycle?

A person with BPD can take responsibility by recognizing their role in the relationship's chaos, seeking help to understand and manage their behaviors, and working towards building a healthier relationship.

What advice would you give to someone in a relationship with a person who has BPD?

It's important for the partner of someone with BPD to understand the stages of the relationship cycle, set boundaries, communicate openly, and encourage their partner to seek professional help to manage BPD symptoms.