Simon Sinek Q & A: How Do Cell Phones Impact Our Relationships
Summary
TLDRThe speaker discusses the addictive nature of cell phones, particularly among adolescents, drawing parallels with alcoholism. They argue that phones are rewiring young brains to seek validation from devices rather than human interaction, leading to social and emotional deficits. The speaker advocates for banning phones in schools and classrooms to foster genuine human connections and improve mental health, citing increased rates of depression, suicide, and school shootings as consequences of this digital dependence.
Takeaways
- đ± The younger generation is at risk of developing an addiction to cell phones, which can have long-term effects on their social and emotional development.
- đ§ The constant use of cell phones can create a hardwired connection in the brain, associating stress relief and self-worth with devices rather than human interaction.
- đ„ Adolescents are learning to cope with stress through their phones, which can lead to a lack of social skills and an inability to form meaningful relationships.
- đ« The speaker advocates for banning cell phones in schools and classrooms to encourage face-to-face communication and socialization among students.
- đ The presence of cell phones during social interactions can create a subconscious barrier, signaling that the people around us are not the priority.
- đ There is a correlation between the rise in mental health issues like depression and suicide, and the increasing use of cell phones, especially among younger individuals.
- đ The instant gratification provided by cell phones can lead to a sense of entitlement and impatience, affecting how individuals approach relationships and life goals.
- đ« The speaker suggests that schools should experiment with banning cell phones to improve academic performance, reduce bullying, and enhance social skills among students.
- đšâđ« Teachers and leaders should model the behavior they want to see in students by also refraining from using cell phones in classrooms and during meetings.
- đ Technology, including cell phones, is not inherently bad, but it's crucial to maintain a balance to prevent it from becoming addictive and destructive to human relationships.
Q & A
What is the main concern expressed in the script about cell phone usage among young people?
-The script expresses concern that young people are developing an addictive relationship with their cell phones, which is affecting their ability to form real-life social connections and cope with stress in healthy ways.
How does the speaker relate alcoholism to cell phone addiction?
-The speaker compares cell phone addiction to alcoholism by explaining that both provide a temporary relief from stress through the release of dopamine, which can lead to a hardwired coping mechanism that is detrimental in the long run.
What role do social media alerts play in the development of cell phone addiction according to the script?
-Social media alerts contribute to cell phone addiction by triggering dopamine releases, similar to the pleasure felt when drinking alcohol, thus reinforcing the addictive behavior of constantly checking for updates and likes.
Why does the speaker believe that cell phones should be banned in schools?
-The speaker argues that cell phones should be banned in schools because they are addictive and distract from learning. They also prevent students from developing crucial social skills and relationships that are formed through face-to-face interactions.
What is the 'systemic impatience' mentioned in the script, and how does it affect young people?
-The 'systemic impatience' refers to the expectation of instant gratification that young people have developed due to technology. This impatience makes them believe that all aspects of life, including love and friendship, should provide immediate satisfaction, which is not the case and can lead to disappointment and mental health issues.
How does the speaker suggest that cell phone usage impacts human relationships?
-The speaker suggests that constant cell phone usage leads to a decrease in meaningful human interaction, which can result in feelings of loneliness and contribute to mental health issues such as depression and even suicidal thoughts.
What evidence does the speaker provide to support the negative impact of cell phones on adolescents?
-The speaker cites the increase in suicides and school shootings, particularly among those born after 1980, as evidence of the negative impact of cell phones on adolescents' mental health and social behavior.
What is the speaker's recommendation for improving social skills and reducing cell phone addiction?
-The speaker recommends physically removing cell phones from social situations, such as in schools and during personal interactions, to force individuals to engage with each other and develop the necessary social skills.
How does the speaker describe the behavior change when cell phones are removed from meetings or workshops?
-When cell phones are removed from meetings or workshops, the speaker observes that people relax, engage in conversations with each other, and the quality of interactions improves, leading to better outcomes in the events.
What is the speaker's personal practice regarding cell phone usage during social gatherings?
-The speaker personally gives his phone to a friend or turns it over to a central place during social gatherings to ensure he is fully present and engaged in the company of others without the distraction of his phone.
What is the overall message the speaker is trying to convey about technology and balance?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of balance with technology use, stating that while technology like cell phones is beneficial, it can become addictive and destructive if not used in moderation, particularly affecting human relationships and mental health.
Outlines
đ± The Impact of Cell Phones on Adolescents
The speaker discusses how cell phones, particularly their addictive nature, are affecting adolescents' development. They compare the discovery of alcohol, which often happens during teenage years, to the early exposure to cell phones. The speaker argues that just as alcohol can create a hard-wired connection to stress relief, cell phones are doing the same through the dopamine release triggered by notifications. This is leading to a generation that relies on devices for self-worth and coping mechanisms rather than human interaction. The speaker also touches on how the constant presence of phones affects social interactions and non-verbal communication, suggesting that phones should be put away during social engagements to foster better human connections.
đ« Instant Gratification and Its Drawbacks
The speaker elaborates on the concept of instant gratification and its negative impact on young people's expectations and behaviors. They discuss how easy access to goods, entertainment, and even dating through technology has created a sense of entitlement and impatience. This instant gratification culture is contrasted with the reality that meaningful relationships and personal growth require time and effort. The speaker expresses concern over the rise in suicides and school shootings, linking these issues to a lack of social skills and human interaction due to excessive phone use. They advocate for banning phones in schools to encourage better communication and social skills, and share personal experiences where removing phones from meetings has led to more meaningful interactions.
đ« Promoting Human Connection by Limiting Technology
The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of limiting technology, especially cell phones, in educational and social settings. They suggest that by removing phones from schools, including cafeterias and classrooms, students will be encouraged to communicate and build social relationships. The speaker believes this could mitigate issues like depression, suicide, and school shootings. They also address the role of technology in adult life, suggesting that leaders and educators should model appropriate phone use. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about giving up phone use during social gatherings to improve the quality of interactions and concludes by reiterating the need for balance in technology use to preserve human relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄCell Phones
đĄAdolescence
đĄDopamine
đĄAddiction
đĄSocial Media Alerts
đĄSelf-Worth
đĄInstant Gratification
đĄSolitary Confinement
đĄDepression
đĄSchool Shootings
đĄBalance
Highlights
The speaker discusses the impact of cell phones on adolescents, comparing the addictive nature of cell phones to that of alcohol.
Adolescents are forming hard-wired connections to cell phones for stress relief instead of seeking human interaction.
Dopamine release from cell phone use is likened to that from alcohol consumption, creating a coping mechanism for stress.
The speaker argues that cell phones are creating a generation of addicts, affecting their self-worth and coping mechanisms.
The importance of human interaction during adolescence for acculturation is highlighted, contrasting with the isolating effects of cell phone use.
The speaker observes changes in behavior among young people who constantly engage with their phones, even when walking.
The subconscious effect of holding a cell phone on social interactions and the perceived lack of attention is discussed.
The speaker suggests that cell phones should be removed during human interactions to improve attention and relationships.
The impact of cell phone use on the development of social skills and the ability to form meaningful relationships is explored.
Instant gratification from cell phones is compared to the hard work required for genuine human connections.
The speaker calls for a ban on cell phones in schools to prevent addiction and foster human interaction.
Anecdotal evidence is presented suggesting a link between cell phone use and an increase in suicides and school shootings.
The speaker proposes that removing cell phones from schools could improve grades, reduce bullying, and mitigate mental health issues.
The importance of balance in technology use is emphasized, with the speaker advocating for cell phones to be treated like any other potentially addictive substance.
The speaker shares personal experiences where removing cell phones from meetings and social gatherings improved the quality of interactions.
A call to action for schools to experiment with banning cell phones to observe potential positive changes in student behavior and well-being.
The speaker concludes by emphasizing the need for leaders, including teachers and parents, to model the behavior of limiting cell phone use.
Transcripts
[Music]
let me talk about cell phones for five
minutes okay
so almost every alcoholic so I get to
talk to a lot of Gen Y kids high school
and and older but it's now the Young
generation is also is going to be
affected by this and then
some um they are suffering they they
they are starting with a deficiency that
is the responsibil that we have to share
responsibility in helping them overcome
let me explain almost every alcoholic on
the planet discovered alcohol when they
were teenagers because when we're very
young the only thing we need from our uh
the only approval we need is from our
parents that's it you know a little kid
looks to their parents the parents are
happy they're happy and then one we go
through adolescence we start to need the
approval of our peers as frustrating as
this is for parents it's actually very
important for us because it allows us to
acculturate outside of our immediate
families right it's a very stressful
time adolescence and what we're supposed
to learn is to rely on our friends
during this time of Stress and Anxiety
some people accidentally discover
alcohol and the numbing effects of
dopamine because that's what dopamine
does and unfortunately they accidentally
make a hard wired connection that when
they suffer stress you don't go to a
friend you go to the bottle and that
then plays out for the rest of their
lives all alcoholics 100% drink for a
finite number of reasons social stress
Financial stress career stress that's
pretty much it right it's a coping
mechanism so we know that you get a
dopamine release which is the same
chemical that makes you feel good when
you drink we know that you get a
dopamine release when your phone goes
Buzz or beep or Flash or you know Bing
we know that you get that when you get
social media alerts as well and so
what's starting to happen is these kids
as they're going through adolesence
nobody has recognized that the device is
actually addictive and so what we're
actually doing is creating an entire
generation of mini little addicts that
are getting hardwired to believe that
their sense of self-worth and their
sense of coping comes from the device
and not from another human being that's
why they have they suffer real stress
when they lose followers and they get
real Joy when they gain followers like
the number of responses they get or
likes that they get are real those
stresses when they when they suffer when
they're feeling a little bit down we do
the same thing when you're feeling a
little down you send out 10 texts hoping
to get one back and what's happening is
because the device is so can I borrow
someone's phone when when someone thank
you when someone when uh here's what
happens the kids are walking around with
them all the time I now see girls
walking around like this like they're
not even holding them down here it's
like this and I see boys walking around
like this this is just how they walk
it's here it's not here and they put it
on the table in front of them and here
let me show you what I
mean um there's a subconscious effect on
the on the people around us when we have
our phones and we're all guilty of
this um what if I'm holding my phone
it's not tweeting it's not buzzing it's
not beeping and I'm not checking it I'm
simply holding my phone do you feel that
you're the most important thing to me
right now no you do not and this is an
artificial environment simply by holding
the phone which means when we show up to
a meeting and we put our phones on the
table it says to the rest of the people
in the room you're not the most
important thing to me right now and by
the way putting your phone upside down
is not more
polite when we show up for dinner with
our families when we have to have a
conversation with one of our students
when we have to have a conversation with
a parent and we put a phone on the table
it says this is not the most important
thing to me right now you felt it and so
the most important thing to do is to get
rid of the device when you're engaging
with another human being so when
somebody says can I ask you a question
and you go
what's on your mind because what it says
is you have my attention remember that
those chemicals when somebody says when
when we feel that somebody actually
cares about us and if you don't have a
pocket you go to a shelf nearby you put
it down you say what's on your mind when
someone comes into your office you put
the phone in the desk you turn off the
monitor you shut the laptop you say
what's on your mind right so what's
happening is kids now they go for dinner
with each other hang out with each other
the lunch table with each other and the
phones are out constantly and not only
they just on the table they're actually
they're actually engaging with people
instead of engaging with the people that
they're with and they're not actually
learning thank you they're not actually
learning how to make friends they're not
actually learning how to talk to
people um so I've talked to many kids
about this that let's say they're using
Google Maps to get
somewhere and their phone dies they will
spend more time looking for a charger
than simply asking somebody where to go
because they're afraid to talk to people
and for slightly older ones dating is
the same you know uh you swipe right and
that's it you can get a date right like
dating has been made so easy it's
instant gratification and this is part
of the problem they're growing up in a
world of instant gratification where if
you want to buy something you go on
Amazon it shows up the next day you want
to watch a movie you just log on and
watch it you don't check movie times you
want to watch TV you don't wait week to
week to week you just binge watch over a
weekend um if you want to get a date you
just log on and you can get a date like
no problem and so what's starting to
happen is
they're accused of being entitled I
don't think they have a sense of
entitlement I think they're wonderful
smart hardworking kids I think what they
have is is a systemic impatience and the
problem is is they think that that
satisfaction in life fulfillment or even
love and friendship happen just as
immediately and they don't it takes time
and it takes unbelievable hard work and
the problem is they're not learning the
skills to make friends they're not
learning the skills to fall in love
they're not learning the skills to talk
to people they're not learning the
skills to find fulfillment because it's
slow and it's boring and it's human and
we're starting to see the results we're
starting to see suicides on the rise
nobody kills themselves because they're
hungry they kill themselves because
they're lonely we're starting to see
school shootings on the rise in the
1960s there was one in the 1980s there
were 27 in the 1990s they were 58 in the
past decade we've had over 120 70% were
perpetrated by kids born after the Year
1980 most of them were about 15 years
old and though we have no good science
on it we know anecdotally that spent a
disproportionate amount of their social
lives da da da
online Human Relationships is what makes
people happy this is why solitary
confinement is considered torture in
many places and what we're doing is
basically solitary confinement we've
taken the kids away from each other and
they're engaging with their phones more
than anything I for one do not believe
there should be a phone in a school
there should definitely not be a phone
in a classroom and I don't know why you
need the internet in a classroom either
whatever they're using they can I do not
understand because giving and it's and
the reason I'm draconian about it is the
same reason we take the alcohol out of
the alcoholic's home because you can't
trust the willpower it's too powerful it
is addiction it is addiction we aren't
even good at putting our phones away and
so now are you going to ask a
12-year-old a 10-year-old and a
nine-year-old to do it we're out of our
minds the only way to do it is to take
the phone away to to ban them in a
classroom and ban them in a school they
will hate it at the beginning and then
watch what happens I'll give you some uh
personal experiences so when I go into
do workshops with people I'll sit with a
room full EX Executives and the first
thing I do is I take a bucket or a bowl
and I walk around the room and I make
them throw their phones in the bucket or
the bowl I get very dirty looks and they
are not happy these are some senior
Executives that go like
this right and I just I take all the
phones away and I put them on the side
and then we start the workshop here's
what happens within a few minutes
everybody
relaxes people talk to each other and
the most important thing is the breaks
because usually what happens in a break
and I watch happen here too as soon as
we stand up we go like this you're all
nice and respectful when I'm on the
stage but as soon as we stop everybody's
checking in right now as an aside
there's no quicker way to undermine the
trust in your people than to feel the
need that you have to check in every
hour as opposed to saying hey guys I'm
going to be out for a day you got this I
trust you right make it green check with
Steve you know uh but that's what we do
we respond to everything um um but worse
we're not engaging with each other the
value of these events is each other and
so when I take these phones away from
these Executives in the breaks they sit
and they talk to each other nobody goes
to get their phone I made no rule that
said they can't I just put them away and
put them on the side they actually talk
to each other the quality of the
workshop is always fantastic and the
best part is when they walk out they
actually are talking to each other on
their way out in other words camaraderie
simply by forcing the phone to be taken
away it's a mechanism to get the
behavior that we want David marque's
work talks about this you don't trying
to change people's thinking to get the
behavior you change the behavior to
change their thinking and so sometimes
you have to force it there should never
ever ever be a cell phone in a
conference in a conference room I don't
care if you're with each other or or
with your parents whatever or you're
meeting with your students theirs or
yours there should never be a cell phone
out in any kind of conference room ever
because the quality of the meetings goes
up and I promise you even though people
will Grumble and even though they'll
hate it and even the parents will say
what about an emergency here's what you
do in an emergency call this number it's
the it's the
School tell us little Jimmy something
happened to his grandmother and we'll go
get little Jimmy for you old school
right like I got it there's an emergency
that doesn't mean the kid has to have a
phone on the whole time because the
negative impact is not worth the not
worth the benefit and at the end of the
day how many kids have really been
called out because of emergencies on
their phones I mean you know in my world
I would love to put chicken wire inside
the sheetrock of all the schools so the
phones just don't work and it'll be like
ah AT&T you know
anyway my point is is what'll start to
happen is simply by removing the device
including the cafeteria I'm not talking
classroom I'm talking everywhere you'll
start to see the kids talking and
learning how to communicate and learning
how to build social relationships
learning how to talk to each other
learning how to talk to their teachers
learning how to talk to their parents
they will acculturate and socialize
their skills that they're lacking that
are manifesting in things like
depression suicide and school shootings
later on in life that's those are the
worst case scenarios the best case
scenario is you just hate your life and
live live your life just going through
life thinking life sucks and not really
loving your friends colleges now are
dealing with unprecedented numbers of
people dropping out or taking leaves of
ab absences because of
depression it all starts here you know
if there's one school here that wants to
experiment and literally ban phones in
the entire building teachers included I
think phones should be treated like
smokers make as many texts as you want
send as make as many personal calls as
you want
outside right at least smokers are
social at least they go out with each
other um and the reason I say this is
not because of some high futin op I love
technology I think there's nothing wrong
with technology it's about the balance
alcohol is great drinking too much
alcohol is not good for you gambling is
fun gambling too much is not good for
you cell phones are wonderful out of
balance they're absolutely addictive and
destructive to the relationships of
human beings and I bet one school could
demonstrate not only grades will improve
relationships will improve bullying will
improve all of that go sort of is
mitigated simply because the kids are
learning to talk to each other so I
wanted to bring it up because it's it's
a very real problem with adults as well
as as well as the teachers because
remember leadership starts at the top
which means if we we can't tell the kids
not to use their phones if we use ours
teachers can't use them either they can
be a place to use them Teachers Lounge
maybe you know after
school but not in the
classroom it matters I've been doing it
myself I go out with my friends now and
I go out for dinner and I hand my phone
to my friend whoever I'm with I'll give
them my phone I have no access to it now
and I relax and I enjoy my dinner with
my friend or I make everybody make turn
their phone one to the left we all give
our phones away that you know it's the
funniest thing somebody goes to the
bathroom what's the first thing we do we
pull our phone out and you know God
forbid we should like just enjoy the
surroundings for four minutes
you know or if somebody else brings
their phone out we have to because we
feel uncomfortable just sort of like
standing there so we bring our phone out
too it's what happens it's what happens
it it has a ripple effect anyway I've
I've beaten that horse a lot
[Music]
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