"¿Tu hijo es una orquídea o un diente de león?". Philippa Perry, psicoterapeuta y escritora
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses the importance of nurturing children's mental health by establishing a secure bond and providing attention. It suggests engaging in play with children as a way to strengthen this bond and allow them to feel safe, which in turn promotes their imagination and independence. The speaker shares practical tips on involving children in activities and household chores, emphasizing the value of making tasks enjoyable and associating them with parental love and approval. The analogy of children being either 'orchids' or 'dandelions' is used to illustrate the need for sensitive children to receive extra care and attention to thrive, while more resilient children can survive with less. The overall message is about fostering trust and confidence in children for better mental health and growth.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Prioritize mental health in children by providing attention and security.
- 💼 Balance work and play with children, even amidst a busy schedule.
- 👫 Engage with your child by playing with them to build a strong emotional bond.
- 🧸 Allow children to feel safe by being present and participating in their imaginative play.
- 🚼 Encourage independence in toddlers by involving them in age-appropriate household tasks.
- 🧽 Let children 'help' with tasks like washing dishes, even if it's just playing in water.
- 🌼 Recognize that children are like flowers, needing different care and environments to thrive.
- 🌺 Understand that some children are 'orchids' needing detailed care, while others are 'dandelions' showing resilience.
- 🛌 Establish routines that make children feel secure, like bedtime rituals.
- 🎭 Use creative strategies to entertain children, such as storytelling or puppet plays.
- 🔧 Give children options to participate in activities, fostering a sense of control and security.
Q & A
How can parents foster their children's mental health?
-Parents can foster their children's mental health by providing a strong bond and a sense of security through quality time and engagement, even amidst their busy schedules.
What is the importance of validating the child's need for reassurance of the parent-child relationship?
-Validating the child's need for reassurance helps them feel safe and secure, which is essential for their mental health and overall well-being.
What should a parent do when their child asks to play while they are working from home?
-A parent should ideally take a break and engage in play with their child, as it strengthens the bond and provides the child with a sense of security and attention.
How can parents balance work responsibilities with their child's desire for attention?
-Parents can balance work and attention by integrating their child into their tasks when possible, such as letting the child 'help' with work or household chores, which can be both engaging and educational for the child.
What is the 'automatic pilot' mentioned in the script?
-The 'automatic pilot' refers to the state where a child becomes so absorbed in their own imagination and play that they no longer require direct interaction from the parent, allowing the parent to focus on their work.
How can allowing a young child to participate in adult activities benefit their development?
-Allowing a young child to participate in adult activities, within safe limits, can help them learn new skills, feel included, and associate tasks with positive experiences like love and approval.
What is the metaphor of the orchid and the dandelion used to illustrate in the script?
-The metaphor of the orchid and the dandelion is used to illustrate that children have different sensitivities and needs. Some may thrive with a lot of attention and care, while others can be more resilient and adapt to less optimal conditions.
How can parents provide a sense of security to their sensitive children?
-Parents can provide a sense of security to sensitive children by being physically present, engaging with them in activities, and offering comfort, such as lying down with them until they fall asleep.
Why is it beneficial for children to have a say in when they go to bed?
-Allowing children to have a say in when they go to bed can increase their sense of control and security, leading to better mental health and confidence.
How can offering choices to children help in managing bedtime routines?
-Offering choices, such as which story to listen to or whether they want a parent to lie down with them, can empower children and make them feel more in control of their routine, leading to a smoother transition to sleep.
What is the long-term benefit of fostering a secure attachment and mental health in children?
-Fostering a secure attachment and good mental health in children can lead to them growing up with more confidence and strength, as they learn to trust in themselves and the world around them.
Outlines
🧸 Fostering Mental Health in Children
This paragraph emphasizes the importance of nurturing children's mental health by establishing a strong bond and sense of security. It suggests that despite being busy with work, parents should prioritize playing with their children to make them feel safe and valued. The speaker shares personal experiences of engaging in play with their child, even amidst work, and how it leads to the child's imagination and independence, allowing the parent to gradually return to work without interruption. The paragraph also offers practical tips on involving children in household tasks and making chores enjoyable, reinforcing the idea that these activities can strengthen the parent-child relationship and contribute to the child's sense of security and confidence.
🌱 Sensitive Children and Parental Support
The second paragraph discusses the different needs of sensitive children compared to more resilient ones, using the metaphor of orchids and dandelions to illustrate their varying requirements for growth and development. It highlights the importance of providing the right support and environment for sensitive children to thrive, just as an orchid needs the right conditions to bloom beautifully. The speaker advises parents to be attentive to their child's unique needs and to offer comfort and closeness, such as bedtime rituals, to foster a sense of security. The paragraph also touches on the idea of giving children choices and involving them in decisions, which can enhance their confidence and mental well-being.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Mental Health
💡Parenting
💡Attention
💡Security
💡Imagination
💡Task Involvement
💡Child Development
💡Sensitive Children
💡Options
💡Independence
💡Trust
Highlights
Fostering children's mental health is crucial as they only have their parents for support and security.
When a child asks to play, it's a way for them to test their relationship and feel safe with their parent.
Instead of postponing playtime, engaging with your child can lead to a more secure bond and eventually allow you to work uninterrupted.
Playing with your child on the floor can help them enter their 'automatic pilot' state, where they feel secure and can use their imagination independently.
Involving your child in your activities, such as work, can be a strategy to keep them engaged and eventually lead to independent play.
Allowing a 2-year-old to participate in tasks like 'helping' with invoices can keep them occupied and eventually lead to them understanding the value of work.
Assigning age-appropriate tasks to children can create a positive association with work and your approval.
Children may want to participate in adult activities like laundry, and letting them do so in a safe manner can be beneficial for their development.
Turning chores into games, such as 'changing the sheets', can make the task enjoyable and teach children valuable skills.
Some children are like 'orchids', needing specific care to thrive, while others are like 'dandelions', able to grow in any environment.
Understanding your child's nature is key; providing the right amount of attention can lead to a more secure and confident child.
Offering choices to children, such as how they want to hear a story, can empower them and make them feel more secure.
Allowing children to make decisions, such as when to sleep or end an activity, can foster a sense of security and confidence.
Even if you can't always keep children happy, offering options and involving them in decisions can lead to better mental health in the long run.
Creating a balance between meeting a child's needs and setting boundaries is essential for their mental health and development.
The analogy of flowers illustrates that different children have different needs, and catering to their individual requirements is crucial for their growth.
By understanding and adapting to a child's nature, parents can help them grow stronger and more resilient.
Transcripts
en términos de crianza hay alguna manera
de fomentar la Salud Mental de nuestros
hijos
sí necesitan mucha
atención porque solo te tienen a ti Tú
tienes toda una vida Pero ellos solo te
tienen a ti y necesitan un vínculo yego
que sientan
seguridad
Entonces digamos que tienes mucho
trabajo facturas estás teletrabajando Y
tienes a tu hijo de TR años al lado y te
pide jugar y le dices jugaremos cuando
termine de trabajar has terminado de
trabajar has terminado has terminado así
no vas a acabar nunca porque lo que el
niño está diciendo en realidades quiero
comprobar nuestra relación para ver si
me siento a salvo contigo pero no te
dicen eso te dicen
jugamos Entonces lo más conveniente para
poder terminar con las
facturas es tirarte al suelo con tu hijo
y jugar con los coches o con las muñecas
o hacer teatro con los muñecos o lo que
sea y no hace falta que le hables muy
bonito con las marionetas Qué buen día
hace hoy no no ha dicho eso dice
esto y poco a poco el niño se mete en su
propia
imaginación de La que tú no formas
parte y entrará en lo que yo llamaba el
piloto
automático el niño se siente seguro
porque tú estás ahí en el suelo jugando
con él tiene la seguridad de que estás
ahí y podrás seguir jugando con su
propia imaginación mientras tú te vas
retirando poco a poco hacia la mesa a
tus
cosas le sigues mirando y sonriendo
hasta que se quede jugando tan absorto
que tú podrás trabajar durante 40
minutos sin interrupción esto yo lo
aprendí a las malas otro truco que va
muy bien Es cuando tu hijo de 2 años
quiere participar en todas tus
actividades Déjale que te clee las
facturas por ti hasta que se aburra y
luego ya la
repetirás otra cosa que funciona tú
quieres que tu hijo ayude en casa ocupe
de las tareas que puede
hacer y lo creas o no ellos también pero
quieren hacerlo antes de ser capaces de
hacerlo quieren vaciar en lavavajillas
con 14
meses o quieren lavar platos cuando Pues
déjales súbelos a un taburete llena el
fregadero con agua tibia Saca los
cuchillos afilados o no según Qué tipo
de Padre seas Y déjalos jugar con el
agua y
lavar O déjalo sacar los platos de
lavavajillas y que los pongan en el
suelo ahí están asociando las tareas con
tu aprobación y tu
amor por qué de adultos nos sigue
gustando jugar a las cartas porque de
Pequeños jugábamos a las cartas con
nuestros padres y las asociamos al amor
nos parece una bonita forma de
conectar y como yo dejaba a mi hija
vacía lavajillas por el suelo bastante a
menudo
ahora lo sigue haciendo No hay que ir
detrás de ella coge y lo hace y Más le
vale con 31
años pero de
adolescente no le importaba
encargarse porque si haces que cambiar
la sábana sea un juego y los incluyes en
la tarea tardarás cuatro o cinco veces
más pero te estarás ahorrando tiempo
futuro ya estarán Aprendiendo a cambiar
las sábanas
una de cada cuatro o de cada cinco
personas somos
sensibles Si fuéramos
flores uno de cada cinco sería una
orquídea y uno de cada cinco sería un
diente de león si una orquídea tiene la
tierra adecuada la Temperatura adecuada
será la flor más
hermosa Pero si la tierra y el ambiente
no le van
bien se
muere no
sobrevive un diente de león puede
florecer en prácticamente cualquier
sitio a ver si le pasas con una pison
adora por encima lo vas a matar
Claro pero puede florecer en una grieta
del suelo nada más que con un poco de
lluvia y un poco de Sol no necesita
mucho algunos niños son dientes de León
y algunos son
orquídeas Qué pasa si a un diente de
león le das todo lo que necesita va a
crecer y se va a poner
precioso Pero si le das solo un poco aú
así
sobrevivirá si la orquídea no tiene todo
lo que necesita se muere no va a salir
adelante
Entonces si tu hijo es
sensible hay que
darle lo que
necesita
a un diente de león igual le puedes dar
las buenas noches y ya está se irá a
dormir pero un niño sensible quizá
quiera que te tumbes con él Hasta que se
duerma y a ti puede parecerte un rollo
preferirías ir al piso de abajo con tus
amigos o lo que sea pero te ahorrarás
mucho tiempo si el niño de verdad te
necesita y dejas que te utilice de esa
manera alejas de un niño más inseguro se
siente hay trucos que se pueden usar
como decirles quieres que me quede
contigo pero sin cinta porque no quiero
escuchar el
cassete el cuento o lo que sea cuando mi
hija era pequeña teníamos cintas ahora
seguramente sean
audiolibros quieres escuchar el cuento
que tenemos en esta
máquina o quieres que me tumbe contigo y
que elija lo que quieres puedes darle
opciones así Si de verdad quieres irte
para abajo a tomarte
algo no pasa nada si a veces no se
quedan
contentos pero por la noche sí que creo
que es bueno que ellos decidan Cuándo te
vas y cuandoo te
quedas si te tienes que ir a trabajar no
hay elección pero si es posible que
ellos decidan porque así
seguros y si se sienten más seguros
tendrán mayor confianza y a mayor
confianza mejor Salud
Mental si ellos pueden confiar en el
mundo crecerán con más fuerza que si
sienten que no pueden
[Música]
confiar
an
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