Untold complexities between 1st and 2nd generation immigrants | Cindy Tran | TEDxSouthlake

Summary

The speaker, a second-generation Vietnamese-American, delves into the challenges of bridging the generational gap within immigrant families in the US. She discusses the pressures of balancing assimilation with cultural preservation, the complexities of language and communication, and the evolving definition of success and the American Dream. Through personal anecdotes, she calls for empathy, acceptance, and open dialogue to navigate these struggles and redefine the immigrant experience.

Takeaways

• 🌐 The United States is projected to have 40% of its population consisting of first and second-generation immigrants by 2050, highlighting the significant impact this demographic will have on the nation's future.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The second generation immigrants often face unique struggles due to the generational gap within families, which is a topic that is not frequently discussed.
• 🗣️ Language and communication are central to the challenges faced by second-generation immigrants, as they may not be able to fully express themselves to their parents due to language barriers and differing cultural norms.
• 🏡 The expectation to uphold family values and traditions while also assimilating into American culture can lead to a sense of being caught between two worlds for second-generation immigrants.
• 💬 The cultural norms of the immigrant parents, such as not openly expressing vulnerability or affection, can lead to misunderstandings and a perceived lack of emotional support.
• 👩‍💼 Success for second-generation immigrants is often defined by educational and financial achievements, which are seen as a way to honor the sacrifices made by their immigrant parents.
• 🌱 There is a growing recognition that the traditional definition of success needs to be reevaluated to include a more balanced and fulfilling life, beyond just survival and financial prosperity.
• 🌟 The speaker's personal journey illustrates the complexity of navigating cultural identity, the pressure to succeed, and the quest for personal fulfillment while honoring one's heritage.
• 👪 The importance of empathy and understanding is emphasized as a means to bridge the generational gap and to foster healthier relationships within immigrant families.
• 🌈 The script calls for a collective effort to redefine the American dream and to create an environment where all generations can thrive, embracing diversity and shared experiences.

Q & A

What is the projected percentage of first and second generation immigrants in the US population by 2050?

According to the Pew Research Center, by the year 2050, 40% of the US population will be made up of first and second generation immigrants.

What is the main focus of the speaker's talk on second generation immigrants?

The speaker's talk focuses on acknowledging the existence of the generational gap within immigrant families, opening up a dialogue around it, and finding ways to bridge that gap together.

What are some of the expectations and pressures placed on second generation immigrants according to the speaker?

The speaker mentions expectations such as blending in, never losing one's culture, sacrificing for the family, prioritizing education, respecting elders, being humble, and being the family translator, among others.

How does the speaker describe the communication challenges between the first and second generations?

The speaker describes communication challenges due to language barriers, differing cultural norms, and traditional hierarchies within the family that do not encourage open dialogue or emotional expression.

What does the speaker suggest as a way to bridge the communication gap with parents?

The speaker suggests finding empathy and perspective to understand why parents act the way they do and recognizing that they may express love and pride differently through actions rather than words.

What is the speaker's perspective on the bicultural identity struggle experienced by second generation immigrants?

The speaker views the bicultural identity struggle as a tension that exists when living between two worlds, feeling like one is never enough for either side, and constantly negotiating loyalties.

Why did the speaker's parents react negatively to her idea of studying abroad in Vietnam?

The speaker's parents reacted negatively because they had sacrificed to provide her with an American education and wanted her to move forward, not revisit the past or the country they had escaped from.

What is the speaker's approach to preserving her cultural identity and passing it on to her children?

The speaker is concerned about preserving her cultural identity and passing it on to her children without revisiting the past in the same way her parents did, while being careful to not perpetuate negative aspects like stigmas.

How does the speaker redefine the American dream in the context of her family's immigrant experience?

The speaker redefines the American dream to include not just survival and success but also a well-lived life with impact, purpose, and balance, moving away from the constant pressure to do more and achieve more.

What is the speaker's call to action for the audience regarding the immigrant experience and the American dream?

The speaker encourages the audience to open up dialogue about the struggles and complexities of the immigrant experience, redefine what the dream means to them, and shift from stigma and silence to empathy and acceptance.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Second-Generation Immigrant Experiences

This paragraph introduces the speaker as a second-generation immigrant, emphasizing the unique challenges faced by this demographic. The speaker acknowledges the sacrifices of first-generation immigrants but highlights that the struggles of the second generation are often overlooked. The speaker's goal is to bring attention to the generational gap within immigrant families, aiming to foster dialogue and bridge this gap. The speaker shares personal experiences, such as being the first in the family to be born a US citizen and the expectations placed upon them, including blending in, preserving culture, prioritizing education, and being the family translator. The paragraph sets the stage for a deeper exploration of the themes of language, culture, and the American dream.

05:01

🗣️ Language Barriers and Communication Challenges

The speaker delves into the communication difficulties between them and their parents, attributing it to both language barriers and cultural norms. Despite being proficient in English and having basic Vietnamese, the speaker couldn't fully express themselves to their parents, which was frustrating. The cultural norms of not tolerating backtalk, expecting females to be silent, and giving precedence to the eldest further complicated matters. The speaker contrasts this with the American societal values that praised outspokenness and leadership traits, leading to a sense of resentment. However, through conversations with siblings, the speaker realized that their parents expressed love and pride in different, non-verbal ways, such as through acts of care and sacrifice. The speaker concludes by accepting the cultural differences and the need for empathy to understand the parents' actions.

10:04

🌐 Navigating Bicultural Identity and Cultural Expectations

The speaker discusses the tension of having a bicultural identity, feeling caught between two worlds, and the struggle to find a balance between the expectations of their immigrant parents and the American culture they are part of. They recount a personal experience of wanting to study in Vietnam to connect with their roots, which was met with disappointment by their parents who wanted them to move forward and not revisit the past. The speaker recognizes the challenge of preserving their culture for their children without revisiting the hardships of the past. They also touch on the stigma of mental health and abuse within immigrant communities, advocating for education and the removal of such stigmas. The paragraph ends with a call to honor the past differently, adapting it to the present and future generations.

15:07

💼 Redefining Success and the American Dream

The speaker reflects on the relentless pursuit of success as defined by their parents, which involved checking off societal milestones like education, career, and family. They describe their own life as a constant race to meet these expectations, leading to a high-stress lifestyle. A conversation with the speaker's mother prompts a reevaluation of this definition of success, questioning when 'enough is enough.' The speaker realizes that they had been so focused on their parents' dreams that they lost sight of their own. The paragraph concludes with a call to redefine success on one's own terms, embracing balance, and enjoying life's journey, rather than being trapped in a cycle of stress and guilt.

20:08

🌱 Embracing Change and Fostering Dialogue

In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of dialogue and understanding across generations to address the complexities of immigrant life. They highlight the potential benefits of collective support and the impact it could have on personal relationships and the world. The speaker encourages the audience to redefine their dreams and those of future generations, moving away from stigma and towards empathy and acceptance. The paragraph concludes with a message of unity and the potential for a brighter future if everyone works together to navigate the challenges of being an immigrant or the child of immigrants in America.

Keywords

💡Immigrants

Immigrants are individuals who move to another country to live and work there permanently. In the context of the video, the term is used to describe the first generation of individuals who came to the United States, often seeking better opportunities and escaping challenging situations in their home countries. The video emphasizes the significant impact immigrants have on the cultural and social fabric of the U.S., as well as the unique challenges they face in adapting to a new environment.

💡Second Generation

The second generation refers to individuals who are born in a country to parents who were immigrants. In the video, the speaker identifies as a second-generation immigrant, highlighting the unique struggles and experiences of this group. These struggles often include navigating the cultural gap between their parents' traditions and the mainstream culture of the country they were born in, as well as the pressure to succeed and uphold the sacrifices made by their immigrant parents.

💡Generational Gap

The generational gap refers to the differences in values, beliefs, and behaviors between different generations within a family or society. In the video, the speaker discusses the generational gap between first and second-generation immigrants, focusing on how it manifests in language, communication, and cultural identity. The gap can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, but also presents an opportunity for dialogue and mutual understanding.

💡Cultural Identity

Cultural identity is an individual's sense of belonging to a particular culture or group, which is often shaped by their values, beliefs, and traditions. The video explores the complexities of cultural identity for second-generation immigrants, who may feel caught between two cultures. The speaker grapples with the tension of honoring their parents' heritage while also embracing their American identity.

💡Language Barrier

A language barrier refers to the difficulty in communication between people who speak different languages. In the video, the language barrier is highlighted as a significant challenge for second-generation immigrants, who may not be fully fluent in their parents' native language, leading to miscommunication and a sense of distance within the family.

💡American Dream

The American Dream is a national ethos that suggests anyone can achieve success and prosperity through hard work, determination, and initiative. The video discusses how the American Dream is often understood by immigrants and their children as a pursuit of education, financial stability, and social mobility. However, the speaker also reflects on the pressures and expectations that come with this dream, and the need to redefine it to include a more balanced and fulfilling life.

💡Stigma

Stigma refers to a mark of disgrace or discredit associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. In the video, the speaker mentions stigmas related to mental health and abuse within immigrant communities, which can lead to a reluctance to seek help or discuss these issues openly. The video calls for a shift in attitudes to remove these stigmas and encourage healthier coping mechanisms.

💡Bicultural Identity

Bicultural identity refers to the experience of having two distinct cultural identities, often as a result of being part of an immigrant family. The video discusses the challenges and negotiations involved in maintaining a bicultural identity, as the speaker seeks to honor their Vietnamese heritage while also embracing their American identity.

💡Education

Education is emphasized in the video as a key pathway to success for immigrant families. It is portrayed as a means to achieve financial stability, social status, and respect within the community. The speaker reflects on the pressure to prioritize education and the high expectations placed on second-generation immigrants to excel academically.

💡Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and cope with stress, adversity, or trauma. The video touches on the emotional resilience required by both immigrant parents and their children as they navigate the challenges of a new culture and the expectations placed upon them. The speaker's journey illustrates the importance of recognizing and addressing emotional needs as part of the process of bridging the generational gap.

💡Success

Success in the video is initially defined through traditional markers such as education, financial stability, and family security. However, as the speaker reflects on her own life and her parents' expectations, she challenges this definition, suggesting that success should also encompass personal fulfillment, happiness, and a balanced life. This redefinition is part of the broader conversation about the American Dream and the aspirations of immigrant families.

Highlights

By 2050, 40% of the US population will be first and second generation immigrants.

Second generation immigrants often face unique struggles compared to their parents.

The generational gap within immigrant families is a significant but often unspoken issue.

The speaker aims to bridge the generational gap through dialogue and empathy.

The speaker is a second generation immigrant with a unique perspective on cultural struggles.

The pressure to assimilate and succeed can create a complex emotional landscape for second generation immigrants.

The speaker discusses the importance of balancing cultural heritage with American values.

Language barriers and communication styles can create misunderstandings between generations.

Cultural norms around vulnerability and emotional expression can differ significantly between generations.

The speaker reflects on the expectations placed on second generation immigrants and the impact on their identity.

The struggle with bicultural identity is a common theme among second generation immigrants.

The speaker shares her experience of feeling caught between two cultures and the impact on her sense of self.

The concept of success and the American Dream can differ between immigrant parents and their children.

The speaker discusses the pressure to achieve and the impact on mental health and family dynamics.

The importance of redefining success to include well-being and personal fulfillment is highlighted.

The speaker encourages the audience to redefine the American Dream for themselves and future generations.

The talk concludes with a call to action for open dialogue and empathy towards the immigrant experience.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

the United States of America often

referred to as the land of immigrants

due to its Rich history of immigration

and diverse

population according to the Pew Research

Center by the year

2050 40% of the US population will be

made up of first and second generation

immigrants it's evident that this

population

will have an incredible impact on this

nation's

future now we've all heard the

incredible stories of first generation

immigrants of coming to America and of

sacrifice but the stories often Untold

are those of second

generations and of course it makes sense

because our struggles pale in comparison

to those of our parents but it doesn't

mean that we shouldn't bring attention

to

it the struggle many of those struggles

are related to the generational Gap that

exists within families and often not

spoken

about today's topic is to acknowledge

that number one that it exists number

two to open up a dialogue around it and

number three to figure out a way to

bridge the gap

together I'm here today to share my

journey as a second generation

immigrant and hopefully bring some

perspective on how we can move away from

stigma and silence to empathy and

acceptance and I hope that in doing so

we can unpack our shared experiences

together pull one another through and

recognize we are not

alone I'm the first in my family to be

born a US citizen and my family escaped

the Vietnam War like so many others

did in 1979

they were sponsored to the US and that's

where my life

began and like so many other second

generation immigrants I was taught

to blend in and never lose your culture

sacrifice everything for the greater

good of the family put education as

number one because education equaled

money and money equals success and

Status respect your elders outwork

everyone in the room never complain

always be humble and

grateful oh and also be the family

translator take care of your younger

siblings and when you're older you're

the retirement plan so don't screw it

up does that sound familiar to anyone in

this

room I am sure everyone here can relate

to it on some level but from a a second

generation immigrant perspective the

fact that our parents sacrificed

everything to Pioneer A New Beginning it

was ingrained into US almost daily that

it was not just our duty but Our

obligation to make that dream come true

at all cost even if the cost was losing

ourselves in the

process and over

time those expectations and pressures

compound into a FLW of mixed

emotions so you can see how the

generational Gap will continue to grow

if we don't address it now I acknowledge

that there is a gap between all

generations Baby Boomers Gen X Gen Y

Millennials it's been like this since

the beginning of time and will continue

to do so but there are specific nuances

within the first and generation first

and second generation immigrants that I

want to bring light to today around

language and communication around

culture and identity and around the

definition of success and the American

dream now I'll start with the most

relatable one language and

communication who in this room has

communication issues with their

parents now I'm sure in the future one

day soon my kids will be on a stage

similar to this saying the exact same

thing about me but the one thing that

they won't be able to say is that it's a

language

thing and I take pride in my ability to

articulate my thoughts and break down

ambiguity and connect with others I was

a journalism major and even though

that's not my profession today for the

past 20

years engaging with people and building

relationships is what I do for a living

but I do it all in

English my Vietnamese is good enough to

get by and my parents English well it's

just a little bit better than my Venoms

so you can imagine how frustrating it

can be to not be able to fully explain

yourself to somebody that you love the

most but even if I were 100% fluent the

cultural norms were not there for the

vulnerability or the psychological

safety or even the open lines of

communication that we all learn about

today and on top of that I have three

strikes against me I'm their child I'm a

female and I'm third in line so as a

child talking back was not tolerated and

as a female well I'm not really expected

to have a voice because that's the job

of my husband or any other male in the

room and third in line even if I had a

really good

idea the oldest sibling was always right

now we were conditioned to believe that

this was just the normal way of

communicating and that it was not

supposed to be

challenged that was until we saw how

American society really viewed the

traits of a leader or

even how the American Family dynamic IC

worked the more

opinionated and outspoken I became the

more praise I got in public it did not

have the same impact at home I was

viewed as disrespectful disobedient and

needed to be reminded of my

place the more Americanized I became I

grew resentful that I felt like I

carried all of these expectations and

burdens and never heard a single I love

you or I'm proud of

you and to top it off the expectation

was also that I was just supposed to

suppress my feelings and move

along between the language barrier the

conflicting cultural norms throw in a

little teenage angst over

time I lost it I was frustrated and then

I felt guilty for feeling frustrated

ated because I was taught to always just

be grateful but I wasn't and for the

first time in a long time I was glad to

be number three my two older sisters

five and seven years older than me had

already gone through this journey and

they shared perspective with me that I

didn't have at the

time it was in this conversation that I

recognized I wanted my parents so badly

to communicate with me me like American

parents communicated to their American

children I wanted them to be somebody

that they weren't I wanted them to say I

love you and I'm proud of

you and in focusing so much on what I

wanted with complete disregard to who

they

were I realized that I missed the

opportunity of seeing that they actually

did say I love you and that they

actually did say I'm proud of you they

just said it in a different

way they showed it through food and

through putting us

first cooking around the kitchen and

saving the best pieces for us even when

there wasn't enough to go around that

was I love

you the act of skimping and saving and

never buying a single thing for

themselves and always saving it for us

that was I love you and the act of

always telling us how we could always do

better I thought it was that they were

constantly disappointed in me but I

realized that that was their way of

saying that I'm proud of you because

they realized that I could do more and

they wanted me to achieve it now I

recognize and accept that I will never

be able to communicate to my parents the

way that my children will be able to

communicate to me and I also recognize

that I'll never change

them so Bridging the Gap here has been

about finding that empathy and

perspective to really understand why

they do the things that they do but more

importantly what they're trying to

convey with their

actions and not just their words and

that has definit Ely helped with our

relationship and that leads us to the

topic of culture and

identity bicultural identity dual

identity identity crisis lots of terms

to

encapsulate the tension that exists when

you live Between Two

Worlds The

NeverEnding feeling that you're never

enough for either side of the hyen

nation Asian American what am

I there's a constant negotiation of

loyalties of which loyalty will win out

today language religion cultural

norms in college I had this great

idea I was going to honor my parents and

get more in tune with my identity by

exploring a semester abroad in Vietnam

it was going to be great I had the

brochures I had a plan I was going to

get college credit be able to practice

my Venoms and see the Homeland I was so

excited I came home and I presented it

all to my

parents the look on their

faces you would have thought I took a

dagger to their heart with complete and

utter disappointment and

sadness they said how could you do

this we sacrificed everything to get you

to have a college education in America

and you want to go

back I had no

idea that in my attempt to strengthen my

identity and get back in touch with my

culture that it would evoke such trauma

and such emotion for

them I recognized that when they came

and IM immigrated to the US one of their

goals was to not to have to revisit the

past they wanted us to move forward they

wanted us to be Americanized so that we

could fit in and have equal opportunity

and not be discriminated

against they wanted so much for us that

they wanted to put the past

behind as a parent

myself the goal or challenge I should

say now is how do I preserve that past

when my parents don't want to have to

revisit that

history how do I instill not just that

culture but also the hardworking humble

immigrant mindset to my children who

quite frankly have it

all I'm worried that the further and

further we moved we are from the

previous generation that the culture

will be

lost but I'm also aware that in doing so

I have to be extremely careful about

which aspects of the past to pull

forward because not everything deserves

to be

preserved stigmas for example exist

across all cultures and stigmas are so

intertwined with one's identity one of

the main ones across immigrant groups is

the stigma of mental health and even

abuse you see when people are just

trying to

survive their options and resources are

limited they don't have any other way

out or they don't know any better but

even when they do people tolerate it

because they don't have any other

way and when they do they perpetuate the

situ situation because they're so used

to tolerating it they don't believe they

deserve any better they don't want to

expose the

truth for us to bridge the gap here we

have to recognize that we need to

educate and

encourage we have to remove the stigma

resources are widely

available and we have to do it

differently to honor our parents we

can't just go back to the past and do

things exactly the way that they did we

have to do it differently for ourselves

and for the Next Generation to

come and that leads us to the last

topic the definition of success and the

American

dream the dream was always to do better

than my parents ever could to make every

sacrifice

worthwhile to carry the family now and

long Beyond

retirement for the past 42 years my

focus has been around just that moving

quickly through life to just check all

the boxes for the family go to

college get a degree get a job make

money buy a house get married have kids

have a side hustle or two so that you

can pay for all the

things it's been a way of life for me my

sisters my younger brother many of us in

this

room earlier this year I was burning the

candle on both ends leaving the house

before the kids got up and coming home

right before

bed and to make it worse my husband is

equally on the go my mom recently

retired came to help us out for a bit

and she observed how we were living the

constant on the-go schedule coordination

barely having time to have a proper

meal she sat me down and said

Cindy when is enough

enough I was dumbfounded and then I was

resentful what are you talking about you

raised me to be like this this is what

we've all all been working towards as a

family you and Dad always told us to try

harder and to seize every

opportunity this was the

dream wasn't

it I was so focused on what I thought my

parents' dreams were for the family that

I completely lost my ability to dream

for

myself they had checked the Box on our

success

long

ago but we were so conditioned to keep

pushing

forward we were so conditioned to keep

doing more and this self-inflicted

pressure creates a vicious cycle of

stress and guilt and

resentment now I'm fortunate that my

parents have gotten to that point it's

taken them a very long

time and they've done a lot of work on

them elves to be open-minded and to

accept us with Open

Hearts and I recognize that not

everybody's parents are

there but we are at a pivotal moment in

our lives where the dream just isn't

about Survival

anymore it's also about trying to figure

out how

to incorporate a life that is well-

lived a life that has impact and purpose

to bridge the gap here we have to define

success in a different way and we have

to do it without that added stress and

guilt and resentment and recognize that

maybe some balance is okay and maybe

enjoying the ride is part of the

dream now they say as immigrant children

you inherit your parents trauma and

their dreams but that you never truly

understand

them it's a way of

life and they have tried very very hard

to get us past this we have an

opportunity to do

more now I hope that in sharing my

experiences is

today it encourages you to open up the

dialogue no matter what generation

you're in no matter what struggles

you're going

through we have an opportunity to live

life

differently the fact that 40% of the

population by 2050 will be made up

of first and second generation

immigrants and we still not having

dialogue around the struggles and

complexities that face us around

language and

communication identity and culture and

the definition of success it's a

problem we can do more imagine what

could happen if we could pull each other

through this journey

faster how much better your

relationships could be

how much more compassion you could have

for yourself and

others and how much more of an impact

you could make on this

world now I don't know what groups are

doing at

best but we can start with our own lives

and shift

from stigma and silence to that of

empathy and

acceptance we're all in this together

and while many of you still feel like

the only the research shows you

certainly are

not so take a moment and redefine what

the dream means to you and for the next

Generations to come thank

[Applause]

you