'We can Fix it' Manoj Vasudevan, 3rd place Toastmasters 2015

Confident Presenting

27 Aug 201507:57

Summary

TLDRMano, a 24-year-old from India, humorously recounts his journey to find love. Despite initial success in marriage, he and his wife faced numerous compatibility issues. After seeking advice and reading relationship books to no avail, his mother's wisdom taught him the importance of compromise and flexibility in a relationship. By applying these lessons, Mano and his wife transformed their marriage, celebrating 17 years together with two children, proving that love requires give and take.

Takeaways

😀 Mano was 24 years old, living a comfortable life in India but lacked a romantic partner.
💘 His mother offered to help him find a wife, showcasing the cultural practice of arranged marriages.
🎉 Mano married a woman who seemed perfect on the surface, but they had many differences that led to conflicts.
📚 Despite reading numerous books on relationships, Mano found that they did not provide a solution to his marital issues.
🤔 A friend's advice to separate made Mano reconsider his approach to resolving relationship problems.
👵 His mother's wisdom emphasized the importance of compromise and flexibility in a relationship, likening it to the partnership of a bow and string.
💡 Mano learned that relationships require both partners to bend and adjust, rather than expecting perfection from each other.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 He and his wife have now been married for 17 years, with two children, illustrating the success of their adjusted approach.
🤝 Mano's story highlights the importance of continuous effort and mutual understanding in maintaining a healthy relationship.
🌟 The message encourages others to 'pull less and bend more' in their relationships for a better chance at success.

Q & A

How old was Mano when he was living in India with a nice job and car?
-Mano was 24 years old when he was living in India with a nice job and car.
What was Mano's mother's initial response when he expressed his desire to get married?
-Mano's mother responded with 'No problem, we can fix it,' indicating her willingness to help him find a wife.
What did Mano's mother do to help him find a potential bride?
-Mano's mother picked up the phone and started calling her friends to look for potential brides for him.
How did Mano describe the first woman he was arranged to meet?
-Mano described the first woman as looking like a movie star from Bollywood and that she looked at him like he was George Clooney.
On what date did Mano get married, and what is the significance of that date?
-Mano got married on July 4th, which is America's Independence Day. He humorously noted that he lost his independence on that day.
What were some of the differences between Mano and his wife that caused problems in their relationship?
-Mano and his wife had differences such as her liking the outdoors and him preferring indoors, her loving swimming while he feared drowning, and her cooking versus his preference for his mother's cooking.
What advice did Mano's friend Jay give him regarding his marriage?
-Jay advised Mano that life is short and not to suffer, suggesting that he should separate if he was unhappy in his marriage.
What was Mano's mother's advice on maintaining a successful relationship?
-Mano's mother advised that no partner is 100% perfect and that the key to a successful relationship is the willingness to bend more, adjust, adapt, and accept each other.
How did Mano change his approach to his relationship after his mother's advice?
-After his mother's advice, Mano started to bend more by joining his wife in her activities, such as going outdoors and swimming, and he noticed that she became nicer in response.
How long have Mano and his wife been married, and do they still have conflicts?
-Mano and his wife have been married for 17 years, and they still have conflicts, but they handle them by holding hands even during disagreements.
What is the main message Mano shared about relationships based on his experience?
-Mano shared that the main message about relationships is to 'pull less and bend more,' meaning to be more flexible and accommodating in a relationship to make it work.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Love and Marriage in India

Mano, a 24-year-old from India, had a good job, car, and lifestyle but was struggling to find a girlfriend. His relationships always started with high hopes but ended in disappointment. Seeking help, he turned to his mother who confidently offered to find him a bride. She quickly arranged for him to meet a beautiful woman who seemed like a Bollywood star. Mano was smitten and imagined a perfect life with her. They married on July 4th, but soon after, he realized his wife had a fiery temper, much like his own. Their differences led to conflicts, and despite trying logic, emotion, and role models, they grew apart. Mano's efforts to fix the relationship by reading books on relationships proved futile, and he eventually sought advice from a friend who had recently divorced, suggesting separation might be the answer.

05:04

💡 The Wisdom of Cupid's Bow and String

After seeking his mother's advice again, Mano learned a valuable lesson about relationships. His mother explained that no partner is perfect, and the key to maintaining love is not Cupid's arrow but the bow and string. She used the metaphor of the bow bending for the string to illustrate the importance of compromise and flexibility in a relationship. The more one partner pulls (demands), the more the other must bend (compromise). If both partners are willing to pull less and bend more, the relationship can thrive. Mano took this wisdom to heart, changed his approach, and began to enjoy outdoor activities and swimming with his wife. This led to improvements in their relationship, and they celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary with two children. Mano concluded by sharing that even with imperfections and occasional fights, holding hands through it all is the essence of a strong partnership.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Fix

In the context of the video, 'fix' refers to the process of mending or resolving issues within a relationship. The contestant Mano wasan uses this term to describe his journey to find a solution to his relationship problems. The theme of 'fixing' is central to the narrative as he initially seeks a partner and later works on the relationship itself. For example, when Mano's mother offers to find a bride for him, she uses the phrase 'we can fix it,' suggesting that she can help resolve his issue of finding a wife.

💡Relationship

A relationship in this video is depicted as the connection between two individuals, particularly in a romantic context. The video's theme revolves around the ups and downs of Mano's relationships, starting from his search for a partner to the challenges he faces in his marriage. The term is exemplified when Mano discusses the 'Great Expectations' and 'Great Depression' of his past relationships, highlighting the emotional investment and eventual disappointment.

💡Cupid

Cupid, the Roman god of love, is used metaphorically in the script to represent the idea of love at first sight or the force that brings two people together. Mano wasan humorously mentions that Cupid doesn't seem to live in India, implying that he hasn't found love yet. Later, he refers to Cupid's arrow being shot, symbolizing the moment he and his wife fell in love, which is a central moment in the narrative of finding a partner.

💡Independence

In the video, 'independence' is used to contrast Mano's single life with his married life. He humorously states that he 'lost his independence' on the day he got married, which is America's Independence Day. This term is used to highlight the trade-off between personal freedom and the commitment of being in a relationship, a common theme in discussions about marriage and partnerships.

💡Bend

The concept of 'bending' in the video is used to symbolize compromise and flexibility within a relationship. Mano's mother explains that a successful relationship requires both partners to 'pull less and bend more,' meaning they should be willing to compromise and adapt to each other's needs. This is a key takeaway from the video, as it illustrates the importance of mutual understanding and adjustment in maintaining a healthy relationship.

💡Ego

Ego is mentioned as the force that can strain a relationship if not kept in check. In the context of the video, ego is what 'pulls the string' in the metaphor of Cupid's bow and arrow, causing tension and potential conflict. Mano's mother advises that to have a successful relationship, one must be willing to suppress their ego and be more flexible, as illustrated by the advice to 'pull less and bend more.'

💡Compromise

Compromise is a recurring theme in the video, emphasized as a necessary skill for maintaining a relationship. Mano learns that he must be willing to meet his wife halfway, as seen when he joins her in outdoor activities and swimming, despite his preferences. The term is exemplified in the narrative when Mano changes his behavior, choosing to compromise in order to strengthen his relationship.

💡Adjust

Adjustment is another key concept in the video, referring to the process of adapting to changes or new circumstances in a relationship. Mano's mother's advice to 'adjust' is a call for both partners to be willing to change their habits or preferences to accommodate the other. This is demonstrated in the script when Mano starts to enjoy outdoor activities and swimming, showing his willingness to adjust for the sake of his marriage.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance in the video is about embracing the imperfections in a partner and in the relationship itself. It is part of the broader message of compromise and is highlighted when Mano's mother says that no partner is 100% perfect, implying that acceptance of flaws is crucial. The term is exemplified when Mano accepts his wife's love for activities he initially did not enjoy, leading to a stronger bond.

💡Partnership

Partnership in the video is used to describe the collaborative and supportive nature of a successful relationship. The metaphor of Cupid's bow and string is used to illustrate the dynamic between two partners, where both must contribute to the relationship's strength and resilience. The term is central to the video's message, as it is through a strong partnership that Mano and his wife are able to overcome their differences and maintain their marriage.

💡Problems

Problems in the video represent the challenges and conflicts that arise within a relationship. Mano's narrative includes various problems, such as differing interests and temperaments, which he initially tries to 'fix' through logic and emotion. The term is used to highlight the inevitable issues that couples face and the importance of addressing them constructively, as shown by Mano's eventual realization that bending and compromise are more effective than trying to change his partner.

Highlights

Mano was 24 years old, living in India with a nice job and car but no girlfriend.

Every relationship Mano had started with high hopes but ended in disappointment.

Mano's mother offered to help him find a wife, showcasing the cultural practice of arranged marriages.

The first meeting with a potential bride was described with humor and high expectations.

Mano married the first woman he met, emphasizing the quick decision-making in arranged marriages.

The marriage took place on July 4th, adding a humorous twist with America's Independence Day.

After marriage, Mano discovered his wife's hot temper, which mirrored his own.

Mano and his wife had significant differences in lifestyle and preferences.

Despite using logic and emotion, Mano struggled to resolve the couple's issues.

Mano's friend Jay suggested separation as a solution, which Mano disagreed with.

Mano's mother provided wise advice on the nature of relationships and the importance of compromise.

The metaphor of Cupid's bow and string was used to explain the dynamics of a successful partnership.

Mano realized the need to adjust, accept, and compromise in relationships.

Changes in Mano's behavior led to improvements in his marriage and a happier family life.

Mano and his wife celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary, showing the longevity of their relationship.

Mano concluded with advice to 'pull less and bend more' in relationships for a better outcome.